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It was such a small thing. It meant nothing really, and Noah knew it meant nothing. Yet somehow he can’t stop staring at it. It’s a flower with distinct petals each a strange deep red color with a much darker red at its center out of which grew a long almost stem-like protrusion with pollen at the end, as though it was being presented for the wildlife to take.
The flower was given to him by one Alejandro Burromurto who had explained it was a type of hibiscus that could be found all over Jamaica colloquially known as shoeblack plant. Though he made sure to point out that Jamaica was hardly the only place it could be found.
At the moment they were stranded in the tropical country due to Chris’ negligence and lack of financial management skills. This would never have happened if he were still Chris’ personal assistant.
It wasn’t the worst thing. They were getting to relax and it was a very nice climate. The kind of place that people went on vacation to. He and all of the other remaining contestants were probably the safest they’d been in a while, as they were not currently competing in life or death threatening challenges.
Noah would probably enjoy it more if he weren’t so emotionally confused. The fact was that Noah was not great with emotions and these had been bubbling up all season brought to the forefront by the current situation.
You see he and Alejandro have what could be charitably called a situationship. Noah doesn’t know what Alejandro’s feelings for him are, and he’s not entirely sure of his own feelings. On the one hand Alejandro is probably the most relatable person Noah’s ever met. He knows that’s a strange thing to say about a person who was so good at everything. To the point of seeming inhuman at times. That’s not what Noah means.
He means the feelings and thoughts behind all of the perfection. Alejandro had a low opinion of most people that matched Noah’s own. The main difference was that he was far better at hiding it from people. Not that Noah tried to hide his distaste for most people generally. Oftentimes Alejandro would whisper these unsavory thoughts to Noah. Such as the time in Paris where he whispered to him that everything looks different in Lindsay’s head.
On the other hand. Alejandro is a manipultive little bitch. He’s always masking, and everything he says is thought out to be exactly what was needed. Perhaps even exactly what someone wanted to hear.
Which meant of course that nothing Alejandro said or did could be taken at face value. Including the giving of this flower. It was symbol of affection that much was clear. The really questions were why he would do it, and how genuine the affection was.
Noah wants to turn his brain off. He wants to accept the flower and move on, but he can’t. He can’t help but wonder why Alejandro gave it to him? Was it a form of manipulation? Had he noticed Noah’s growing feelings and was trying to take advantage of them? Or did he also like Noah?
Noah simply can’t be sure, because in addition to being amazing at masking and saying exactly what people want to hear, Alejandro is an insaitable flirt. Were he less charming, attractive, and carismatic he would probably have been labelled a pervert. But he’s so good at flirting that it never comes across as anything untoward due to the fact that the target was usually reciptive and open to it.
Noah wants to believe the token of affection was given in earnest, but he simply can’t stop questioning it. Looking down at the flower, a thought came to mind. A little game that people sometimes do. A game to determine whether or not affection was reciprocated. Of course the game meant nothing, but perhaps it would help him put the issue to bed.
Before he could tell himself how silly he was being he began by plucking off the first petal. ‘He loves me.’ A memory comes to mind. Shortly after they first met when Alejandro had been stacking them all on the goat. Noah had been doubting, but Alejandro had smoothly replied, “Have faith Noah. Belief in us.”
He plucked the next petal. ‘He loves me not.’ Another memory. This time of Alejandro not noticing he was crushed under Owen the morning before New York. He hadn’t even noticed. How could he possibly like him, if he doesn’t even question where he was?
The next petal. ‘He loves me.’ Laughing in Paris at the rediculousness of Tyler’s outfit. It had felt so good to laugh with someone the way he does with Owen. Without worry of being judged for it.
The fourth petal. ‘He loves me not.’ Alejandro throwing the challenge in Germany. Then lying to Noah’s face about it. He lied to him about that, why wouldn’t any affection he might show be a lie?
The fifth petal. ‘He loves me.” Newfoundland. Alejandro gently taking his hand as he pulled him into the boat. It felt so right to have his hand in Alejandro’s.
He reached for the next petal only to find there wasn’t one. That had been the last. Alejandro loved him? The flower seemed to think so. But the words simply felt wrong. They didn’t make sense in his head.
It was at that moment Noah realized that deep in the core of his being he hadn’t ever believed Alejandro liked him back. There were simply too many times that Alejandro had proven himself untrustworthy. His feelings had been making him delude himself, but logically there was no way Alejandro was being upfront with him.
The flower had indeed put things to bed. By telling Noah that Alejandro loved him the game had ironically proven to him without any doubt that Alejandro didn’t cate for him. Why would he? He hadn’t cared for Leshawna, or Bridgette, or anyone else he screwed over.
No. Alejandro doesn’t love him. And no flower was going to trick Noah into thinking he did. Alejandro only care for himself.
And Noah needs to remember that.