Work Text:
Some days Izuku couldn’t tell if the voice in his head was his own, or the nine other ghosts residing within. Izuku struggled with the taunts, the constant buzzing inside his head, their memories bled into his about battles he never fought and pain he never deserved.
But why of all days did their voices have to be screaming within his mind? He couldn’t fuck up this exam. He had to pass, he was already falling behind with his training, he couldn’t afford to blow this one chance he had to prove he was capable.
Mido…
He couldn’t fail now, he saw how everyone looked at him. Worthless, not worthy of this quirk, you should never have inherited One For All.
Mido-bro?
‘Shut up. Shut up!? Why won't you-’
A hand was placed on Izuku’s shoulder snapping him out of his inner torment. “Huh?”
“Are you ok Mido? I was calling out to you but you wouldn't respond.” Kirishima looked down at Izuku, concerned crinkling in the corners of his eyes.
Stupid! You made Kirishima worry!
“Oh, uh, yeah I’m perfectly ok Kirishima-kun!” Izuku smiled, the corners not quite reaching his eyes.
Kirishima frowned, he didnt buy the smile that Izuku gave him, something was up with him. He had been off for weeks, but he couldn’t figure out what.
“You sure?” He asked softly, giving his shoulder a light squeeze, almost afraid that if he let go, Izuku’s mind would consume him again. “You looked like you were somewhere else…”
Izuku’s eyes darted away from Kirishima's stare, guilt was crawling up his throat. He knew the boy standing in front of him wouldn’t judge, and be there for Izuku. He wanted to say something, to unload, to beg someone, anyone, to make the noise stop. But the fear of seeming weak infront of someone washed over him in a heavy wave.
He smiled again, hating how his mouth moved on auto pilot. “Yeah, I’m sure! Just nerves for the exam and all.” He chuckled slightly, looking back into the taller boys eyes. “Classic Deku freakout.” He said, shaking his hands to emphasise his point.
Kirishima scanned Izuku’s face, his body language, anything that would give him an indication that he was bluffing. Yeah.. but this was different, this looked more complicated than the ‘classic freakout’...
Kirishima jumped at his name being yelled, momentarily forgetting that him and Bakugo were up next. “Kirishima! You coming or what?!” Bakugo braked.
Kirishima turned his head, Izuku’s heart clenching at the way he lit up at the sound of the blondes voice. No. That was ridiculous, he shouldn’t be thinking such things. It’s selfish, how much more dumb can you get?!?
“I’ll be right there bakubro!” Before leaving, Kirishima looked back towards the shorter boy. “Hey.. you know you can talk to me, ok?”
His green curls bounced as he nodded his head and chuckled. “Of course Kirishima-kun! Now go. I’ll be fine.”
The red head hesitated, but after a second he gave a smile and squeezed Izuku’s shoulder one last time before turning around and jogging off to Bakugo.
Izuku watched as Bakugo bumped Kirishima’s shoulder and gave him a smirk, like nothing could ever touch the two of them. Like it was only them against the world. He watched how the red head laughed in return, in a bright and playful way Izuku hadn’t seen him do for weeks.
He doesn’t need you anymore. You’re just a burden. Making him worry over nothing? Fucking pathetic. What kind of hero are you.
And for the first time, Izuku didn’t argure back.
-
-
-
The classroom was quiet in that hazy, half-lit way it always was before homeroom. Pale light filtered through the windows, dust dancing lazily in the beams, and the ticking clock was too loud in the silence.
Izuku sat in his seat, elbows on the desk, hands clasped in front of his mouth as he stared down at the page open in his notebook. His pen within his grip cracked, he hadn’t written anything.
Dark heavy lines were scratched into the paper over and over again in a neat and repetitive way, resembling the fresh cut along the inside of his wrists.
His thoughts buzzed like static, the voices were loud and overbearing in the quiet.
You’re weak.
You’re useless.
You’re falling behind.
Who would ever love you?
Everyone would be happier if you were–
The classroom door creaked open.
Izuku flinched back, his pen flew out his hand before clattering loudly with the tiles.
“Shit, I’m so sorry!” Izuku looked up making eyes contact at the cute boy who entered. Wait… did he just call Kirishima cute. Kirishimas voice was soft as he stepped further into the classroom, freezing as he recognised it was Izuku. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” His voice trailed off.
Izuku scrambled to cover the page with his hand, his pulse was hammering inside his chest drowning out the voices. For now…
“No, no it’s fine! I didn’t hear you come in, that's all! Didn’t expect someone to come in so early.”
Kirishima looked at Izuku, his brows creasing together. He saw how not normal Izuku looked. The dark eyebags covered with whatever mina used, his trembling figure, how skinny and small he looked on the other side of the classroom, and how there was something else hiding behind Izuku’s smile.
Kirishima wasn’t dumb, he could easily tell the difference between fake and real.
He walked over, sitting in the desk next to Izuku. “Hey… are you feeling ok? And I mean seriously.” His voice was soft and laced with concern, Izuku picked it up immediately. And instantly started to blaming himself.
“I’m fine, yeah?” The shorter boy said a bit too cheerfully, a huge smile sat on his face.
“Dude… you’re not fine.” Kirishima stated, sighing before leaning closer to Izuku. “You’ve been off for days if not weeks Mido-
Izuku shook his head and interrupted him; “I’m just stressed.”
“Bullshit.”
Izuku’s eyes snapped open, meeting the crimson eyes that were studying him intensely. The word hit Izuku like a slap, not because it was loud, but because Kirishima was never direct, he never sugar coated anything. Was he really that bad?
“Midoriya… you’re falling asleep in class, you dont mutter whilst taking notes anymore, you stare off into space so much more than before, and you never came down for dinner last night.”
His words were soft but cut Izuku like a sharpened dagger cutting through paper. He took a deep breath, balling the material of his pants into his clenched fists.
“I said, I’m ok.”
“But–” The red head was cut off by majority of the class bursting through the door, a loud array of voices bouncing around the room as everyone made their way to their assigned seats. Kirishima stood up, walking towards his friend group after glancing Izuku one last worrying look.
Izuku sighed, laying his head on the desk, his arms acting like pillows. Why did Kirishima care so much for me? I’m only a useless and pathetic hero anyways…
Izuku was just relieved he didn’t have to have that conversation anymore
-
-
-
-
The dorms buzzed with life around dinner, as they always did. Laughter ricocheted off the walls, the smell of warm food filled the air. Someone was already yelling at Kaminari for stealing seconds.
It was loud, chaotic, comforting.
Kirishima usually bathed in the familiarity of chaos amongst his class mates, but tonight, something felt different. Something in his gut told him something was very wrong.
He took small bites of food, glancing at the door every few seconds, waiting for Izuku to walk in. Kirishima eventually finished his plate, the conversations all around him faded into white noise. Izuku never walked in.
Kirishima turned to Mina smiling, “Hey, I’m just going to check on something and I’ll be right down.”
Mina looked at the redhead with concern, “You ok Kiri? Did you need me to come with you?” Kirishima waved his hands and shook his head, “Nah, I’ll be quick” He gave her a reassuring smile before walking out of the kitchen and towards the elevator.
Kirishima reached the second floor, it was eerie as he walked down the hallway, stopping at the second door. He knocked, “Midoriya? Hey dude its me, you ok?”
All Kirishima got was silence, it wasn't peaceful or calm, it was the wrong kind of silence. He stood outside the door for what seemed to be hours but in reality was 30 long, dreadful seconds. He was hoping that Izuku would open the door, or hear him say something, anything. But nothing came.
The silence knawed at Kirishima, his stomach doing flips telling him to move, to do something.
He reached for the handle calling out into the silence again. “Izuku,” He called softly, “I’m coming in now, okay?”
But just as he expected he got no answer. Kirishima pushed on the handle, it wasn’t locked. Kirishima pushed the door open, his heart lept into his throat.
Izuku was curled in the furthest corner of hos room, his back pressed tightly against the wall as his hands tugged on his shirt and hair. His breath was coming in ragged gasps, too fast, too shallow. And there were tears flowing down his face in a steady flow.
But that wasn’t why Kirishima was frozen.
It was the blood.
His eyes gazed upon thin red lines, some fresh, some not and some deeper than most. The sleeves of his shirt were red and laying a few meters away was a bloodied blade.
“Shit” He whispered before walking in the room slowly, making sure to shut the door behind him. Kirishima walked across the floor rushing until Izuku flinched harshly, his breath growing more desperate.
Kirishima stopped, sure, he’s had panic attacks before but he’s never actually been on the other side of one. What was he meant to do??
He crouched down with his hands spread out, he was approaching Izuku like a wounded animal, talking in a soft voice, careful not to make any movements.
Izuku looked up at him, his eyes wide, full of fear as he trembled violently. “I— I didn’t mean— I wasn’t— I can’t— I can’t breathe—” His chest heaved, hands trembling violently. “I messed everything up, I messed it up—”
Kirishima took Izukus hand and carefully placed it on his chest, purposefully away from his own internal panicking. “You’re okay,” He said softly, brushing his thumb gently over Izukus hand, “You’re okay, it’s okay. I’m here.”
Izuku was spiralling fast, his words tumbling out in broken pieces. “I-I don’t know how to make it stop— I wanted it to stop— the noise— they won’t shut up, and I— I thought if I could just— if I—”
“Hey, hey, lets work on our breathing, okay?” Kirishima said gently, his parents always did this to him when he was in a panic and it always seemed to snap him out of it. “Now follow my breathing okay?” Kirishima took a deep exaggerated breath in, holding fit or 3 seconds before releasing.
Izuku’s breaths were sharp and panicked, but he tried. He tried so hard. He matched Kirishima’s breathing, one shaky inhale at a time, but his chest kept seizing like it was rejecting the air. Not as bad as when Kirishima first walked in.
“It hurts,” he choked out. “I’m so tired. I’m so tired of trying.”
“I know,” Kirishima whispered, pulling him into a gentle, steady hug, careful of the cuts. “I know, man. But you’re not carrying this by yourself anymore. I’ve got you.”
Izuku clung to him like he was drowning, sobbing into his shoulder, every wall he’d built crumbling at once. And Kirishima just held him, strong and steady, murmuring reassurance into his hair.
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said again and again. “I’m staying right here.”
And he did.
He stayed on the floor of that dim dorm room with Izuku in his arms, until the shaking slowed, until the breathing evened out until the voices in Izuku’s head were quiet enough for him to hear Kirishima’s slow steady heartbeat.
-
Kirishima held Izuku in his arms for what seemed like hours, his hand rubbing Izuku’s back in soft but grounding circles.
Izuku’s breathing had steadied, finally evening out with the occasional shake. His face was smooshed against Kirishima’s chest as he slowly trailed his fingers within Kirishima's palm.his heartbeat was strong and steady and calming.
Kirishima hadn’t said anything, he didn’t need to, he just stayed,
Kirishima hadn’t said much since. He didn’t need to. He let Izuku play with his hand, studying the others face.
“I’m sorry.” A soft whisper broke the silence, his voice no more than a soft breath.
Kirishima blinks, taken aback by the apology, what Izuku was apologising for was unknown to him. “Don’t be” He whispered.
Izuku shook his head, small tears gathering at the corners of his eyes. “I-I didn’t want you to see me like this.”
Kirishima’s voice was quiet but steady. “I’d rather see you like this than not at all.”
Izuku’s chest tightened.
The weight of the words lingered in the air.
“I didn’t know what else to do,” he admitted, fingers tightening in the fabric of Kirishima’s shirt.. “The voices just… kept telling me I was nothing. That I didn’t deserve my quirk. That I didn’t deserve-” He paused. “Anything.”
“You do ,” Kirishima said firmly. “You deserve everything , Midoriya. You’ve given everything to everyone else. When are you allowed to break?”
Izuku didn’t respond. But his silence spoke volumes.
“You’re not weak for needing help,” Kirishima continued. “You’re not broken. You’re human.”
There was a pause. Then; “I think I need help,” Izuku whispered. It sounded like it hurt to say. But he said it.
Kirishima exhaled, relief flooding his features. “That’s okay. We’ll get you help. You don’t have to figure it all out today. But… we’ll take the first step. Together.”
Izuku finally lifted his head. His eyes were red and puffy, lashes clumped from tears, but they met Kirishima’s with a small flicker of something that hadn’t been there earlier.
Hope. Maybe.
“Okay,” he whispered. “Together.”
Kirishima smiled. Tired, soft, but warm. “Yeah. Together.”
He helped Izuku to his feet, gently, steadying him when his knees wobbled. Kirishima didn’t let go. Not once, even as he led him to sit on the bed.
“I’m gonna go grab Recovery Girl, okay?” he said. “Just for the physical stuff. Then we can talk to Aizawa-sensei about the rest. I’ll be right back.”
Izuku nodded, fingers twitching nervously at the hem of his sleeve. But for the first time in days,
his chest didn’t feel completely hollow.
He watched Kirishima head for the door.
Just before he opened it, Izuku called softly, “Kirishima?”
The redhead paused, turning.
“…Thank you.”
Kirishima gave him a soft, crooked smile, his eyes were gentle, no trace of judgment in them.
“Anytime, man.” Kirishima stood up, "When I get back how about we have some games of Mario Kart together?" He winked, a wide smile resting on his lips.
Izuku nodded, a small smile making a way onto his face.
And then Kirishima was gone.
For a moment, the room was quiet again.
But for the first time in months, Izuku didn't feel alone.