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“Again!”
That one word.
“Again!”
Just constantly repeating in his head as the voice above him repeats.
“Again!”
Everything hurts…
His head is starting to ache with the repetitive noises filling the room. His fingers hurt from playing so much. His legs hurt from not being used for the past god knows how many hours.
Yet the voice above him doesn’t seem to care. The voice above him keeps telling him to play the same part of the same song again until he gets it perfect. The voice above him will keep telling him to play until his fingers bleed and he passes out from exhaustion.
He wishes it would all end. He doesn’t want to do this anymore. He just wants it to stop.
A strong grip on his shoulder felt like a needle going through his heart.
“Toya?”
Toya’s eyes snapped open at the sound of his name. He wasn’t in his own bedroom. He was in a hotel room in America. He wasn’t with his father, who was back in Japan. Instead, he was with Akito, his singing partner, who, even in the dark, seemed concerned about him.
“Akito?” Toya rubbed one of his eyes, trying to focus in the dark, “What time is it?”
“I dunno, it’s like two in the morning.” Akito shrugged. Toya could just barely make out the fact that he was kneeling beside his bed, making it so they were almost face-to-face.
“Please go back to sleep.”
“Not when you’re practically crying in your sleep.”
Toya brought his hand from his eye down to his cheek. He couldn’t feel any dried tears on his face, but he did feel a bit flushed. He could feel a lump in his throat, but he figured he was just snoring. He didn’t think he was crying, but if it was concerning enough to wake Akito up, it was probably a problem he should solve.
“Oh, I’m sorry for waking you.” He apologized, pulling his blanket tighter over his shoulders.
“Nah, you’re good,” Akito sat down where he was previously kneeling and laid his head on the edge of the bed, “So, is something wrong?”
“Just a dream…” More like a nightmare.
“A dream? I don’t think most people cry in their sleep from just a dream. Sounds more like you were having a nightmare.”
“Mmm…” Yeah, there was no getting away with that lie. As if Toya was a decent liar in the first place.
He lay there in his bed, contemplating how best to explain what was in his dream without freaking Akito out too much. He already woke him up. He would just feel worse about worrying him more. Besides, he didn’t want to be babied. After all, if he dreamed about it, he must’ve wanted it…
Right?
“Do you want to talk about what your dream or…?” Akito asked.
Toya didn’t answer. He wanted to say it. He wanted to tell him everything, but it felt like the words were stuck, trapped by the lump in his throat. He wanted to say something, anything. He didn’t know, however, if what he wanted would give Akito some relief or make him worry even more. He didn’t want the latter, yet the redhead seemed to grow more concerned with every passing minute of silence.
“I’ll take that as a no, then.” Akito finally said after what felt like hours to both of them. He started to get off the floor but was stopped by a whine from Toya.
“W-wait…” Toya called out. It hurt his throat to talk, but it was the only thing he could think of right now.
“Hm?”
“C-can you just stay here a little bit longer…until I fall asleep again?”
“…it was that bad, huh?”
Toya simply nodded in response. Words were just…too much for him right now. He felt like the dam holding back his cries for help would burst at any given moment, especially if he kept talking.
Akito still stood up, standing in front of Toya for a few seconds before walking away. Toya couldn’t see what he was doing, given that he had his back turned to where his partner was but understood where Akito was when he felt the mattress dip behind him.
…He was sharing a bed with his singing partner.
“Akito?” Toya called out, slightly confused about what was happening.
“I need some sleep too, but I’m still worried about you. So, this is my solution. You cool if I just sleep on this side?” Akito answered, settling into position on the opposite side of Toya’s bed.
“…I-if you’re going to share the same bed as me…could we maybe cuddle? I know it sounds weird, but I feel like it would help right now.”
“Hm? Alright, but wake me up if you end up feeling uncomfortable, okay? I don’t need both of us waking up before breakfast starts downstairs.”
Toya nodded again to show he agreed with the arrangement and melted into Akito’s arms as the redhead pulled him closer into a hug. He hugged him back, feeling the warmth of the other boy.
He hadn’t shared a bed with another person before. Well, at least that he could remember. He probably slept in the same bed as his parents a couple of times as an infant and/or toddler, but he was old enough not to remember any of those times.
However, he figured most people sharing a bed with someone they love wouldn’t feel a tightness in their chest.
Toya looked up at Akito only to find that his partner had almost instantly fallen asleep in his arms. Not wanting to wake him, Toya just quietly sobbed, letting out the sounds that had been compounding in his throat since he woke up. He could suddenly feel the relief wash over him, and the tightness in his chest instantly loosened.
The tightness in his chest, though, was soon replaced by a tightness in his shoulders and back.
“So, it was that bad, huh?” Akito muttered sleepily into his partner’s shoulder. Toya only nodded his head in response.
“It’s okay…just let it all out.”
So, Toya lay there, sobbing into his pillow and his partner’s shoulder as the two continued to embrace, albeit a bit tighter than before. The extra pressure was…soothing in a strange way Toya hadn’t felt before. He could feel the weight of the nightmare being lifted quicker than he had ever experienced before, but it still came with the same tiredness afterwards.
The only thing Toya remembers feeling when he fell asleep that night was the warmth of being held by someone he loved.
The sun beamed down on his body as he relished in the warmth. A gentle breeze blew pollen onto his clothes and stopped him from overheating.
He turned to his partner beside him, knowing he was safe in this flower field.