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Atsumu sinks into the seat across from Sakusa with a sigh. The man looks at him with a raised eyebrow, sipping his drink.
“Back already?” he comments, unimpressed. Atsumu groans in dismay as he slumps onto the table, making his bad mood even more obvious.
“Bokkun and Shoyo left,” he grumbles. The former had gone back to the hotel to video call his boyfriend and tell him all about the game they'd just won, and the latter had said he had something to do and had snuck out, even though everyone knew he was going to see Kageyama in secret.
“Must be terrible having to entertain yourself without those two,” Sakusa deadpans, continuing to stare at him in boredom.
“It is!” Atsumu exclaims, throwing his arms up, “It’s no fun dancing alone!” He doesn’t ask Sakusa to join him on the dance floor instead of them, though; he knows the man hates being around all those sweaty people.
“I’m sure you'll find someone,” Sakusa says, rolling his eyes. Atsumu simply lets out a groan that he hopes conveys his frustration about the matter.
He didn't want to dance with strangers. He knew from experience that many people interpreted his friendly manners as permission to do things like touch him where they shouldn't, rub themselves against him, or even try to kiss him. No, Atsumu didn't want to dance with anyone other than his friends, thank you very much.
The other members of the team who had come with them to the club to celebrate had already left, or were busy somewhere doing things Atsumu didn't want to think about. Earlier he thought he'd glimpsed Inunaki in the corner making out with someone, but he hadn't investigated further.
Which brings him back to him and Sakusa, sitting at the table together, staring at each other in boredom, as always. Atsumu could complain about it all he wanted, just to feed his melodramatic and attention-seeking ass, but he was actually glad the other man was there. He knew full well that Sakusa could have left at any moment while Atsumu was on the dance floor having fun with the others, since the spiker wasn't exactly a fan of this kind of noisy, crowded place that almost certainly didn't pass hygiene standards, but every time Sakusa stayed to wait for him, almost as if he knew that at some point Atsumu would come looking for him. Almost as if, deep down, Sakusa didn't want to go home alone either.
“I have a better idea, Omi.” He looks at Sakusa with his usual knowing smile, as if he didn’t suggest the exact same thing every time. “Want to watch a film?”
It was a kind of tradition. After every game, whether they had won or lost, they would sink in one of their couches to watch something together. He doesn't remember exactly when this tradition was born, but he knows why, even if neither of them had ever admitted it out loud; they were both too proud.
The thing was, it was a bit frustrating, in the long run, to see most of their teammates go home to their families or partners to celebrate a victory, or to be consoled after a defeat. He and Sakusa, on the other hand, had none of this, and never would, and in order not to feel left behind, they relied on each other's company. Atsumu believes that he would have felt much more alone, without Sakusa there by his side.
They had a very strange relationship, the two of them, which was based a lot on this idea of being alone, but together. Atsumu still remembers when years prior he'd discovered he was asexual 'and maybe aromantic' precisely because Sakusa had confessed to him that he was the same. Atsumu had spent all their following encounters, at the various tournaments and training camps, asking the boy if 'he was still aromatic or if in the meantime he had fallen in love' hoping inwardly that Sakusa would not abandon him by getting together with someone, like all his friends around him were doing.
The answer was always the same: 'Still aromantic, Miya,' said in his usual annoyed tone while rolling his eyes. Sakusa feigned disinterest, but Atsumu quickly realized that he was also terrified of being left behind, because he would invariably huff and ask, 'You?'
Atsumu enjoyed not telling him anything by his own initiative, so that the boy would be forced to ask and indirectly admit that he actually cared.
'Nah, I'm still aromantic too, Omi,' he would reply each time with that smug smile of his that he knew Sakusa found irritating.
It had taken them a few more years to admit that they were in fact truly aromantic and that neither of them would ever fall in love. Sakusa had been the first person Atsumu had told, just as he'd been the first to know about his asexuality back in high school. Osamu might be his confidant for everything else, but about this topic Sakusa was the only one who truly understood how he felt. Atsumu had cried a little then, and he was sure that the other boy's eyes had also been slightly red as he'd listened to Atsumu speak and then admitted so himself.
He couldn't really say what he and Sakusa were, to this day. They weren't together; they definitely weren't together. They weren't even best friends, because Atsumu's best friend was Aran (along with Suna, but the little shit was dating his twin so he'd been momentarily demoted) and Sakusa's was his cousin Komori. The spot of 'most important person in his life' was unfortunately already taken by that pain in the ass Osamu was, even though he got on Atsumu's nerves so often he was thinking of demoting him too, and Sakusa's niece was obviously the most important person in his. All of this left the two of them... where, exactly?
They were friends, of course. Teammates, which implied a huge level of trust and familiarity, but it wasn’t just that. Sakusa was the person Atsumu turned to for help when some fans got too pushy, just as he was the first to run to the man’s aid when needed. It had been Atsumu who'd stayed by his side that time Sakusa had ended up in the infirmary after spraining his wrist, reassuring him that his volleyball career wasn't over for something so little, even though Sakusa himself hadn’t voiced his obvious concerns. It was Sakusa who he went to after one of his usual fights with Osamu, because the man knew exactly how to help him blow off some stream. If Atsumu needed someone to fix his regrowth, he’d ask Sakusa. If Sakusa found a spider on his bathroom wall, Atsumu was the one he’d call in hysterics for help. They were always there for each other.
So, Atsumu didn't know what they were, but they certainly weren't anything.
They found themselves on the bed in Sakusa's room in the hotel where they were staying with the rest of the team, because Atsumu's was so full of clothes and other things thrown on it haphazardly that it was impossible to use at the moment. When Sakusa'd seen it, he'd made such a disgusted face that Atsumu had burst out laughing and doubled over. To be honest, he had suggested going to his room just to have the chance to see the other's reaction to all that mess. He'd never expected that they would actually stay there.
'Don't worry, Omi,' he'd said between laughs, 'I'll take a shower and then we can stay in your room.'
Shower and clean clothes, because Sakusa didn't want any outside germs in his bed. He didn't have to say it, Atsumu already knew that.
'Be quick on or I'll start the movie without you,' the man had replied, turning to leave. Atsumu had smirked. Yeah, sure he would.
It was Sakusa's turn to choose the movie that night, which is why Atsumu was now frowning as a platoon of identically dressed World War I soldiers took up positions in a trench waiting for the enemy, or something like than. How anyone could like boring stories like this, Atsumu had no idea. He couldn't even remember the main character's name; probably Hans, since they all seemed to be called that anyway. He yawns loudly, not even putting his hand over his mouth; there was only Sakusa there anyway.
“Fall asleep and I’ll make you rewatch it from the start,” the man says pleasantly from the pillow next to his. Atsumu chuckles and glances at him, but quickly returns his attention to the television on the wall. He might not care about Hans and his muddy friends, but he enjoyed these quiet nights with Sakusa. For once, Atsumu might as well indulge him and try to stay awake.
The film continues; Hans the soldier gets a bullet in the shoulder while the lieutenant dies from a bomb along with half of his squad. Or maybe it was the colonel instead? What's the difference between a lieutenant and a colonel, anyway? Hans is sent home without his arm because apparently someone has decided to cut it off to avoid gangrene. Hurrah, maybe he won't die today! A tear-jerking scene follows where he sees his girlfriend again after months spent at the front and - oh, look, now they're having sex.
Atsumu snorts. Why did every movie have to have at least one sex scene? Not even the super boring war movies were safe anymore. He would have understood if it had been one of the usual trashy ones that Atsumu went looking for on purpose just to see Sakusa's reaction when he forced him to watch them together, but come on, Hans, didn't you just lose an arm??
Not that Atsumu was a particularly prudish guy or anything. He didn't really care that much, generally; sometimes he even liked scenes like that, if he was alone and they didn't catch him off guard, but it still bothered him a bit to be forced to watch them even when he didn't want to. They were boring, and the whole movie was already uninteresting.
He turns to Sakusa, who has taken the opportunity to pick up his phone and answer some messages from his cousin. The man notices Atsumu staring at him and glances at him.
“What do you want, Atsumu?” Sakusa grumbles, returning his focus to his cell phone.
“Have you ever done it?” he asks, and he’s only half trying to annoy Sakusa; he's actually genuinely curious.
“What are we talking about, exactly?” Sakusa sighs, putting his phone down and turning to him. Atsumu smirks at him, before nodding to the scene on the TV, where Hans is lying in bed and his girlfriend is on top of him, completely naked. Sakusa doesn’t even bother looking, before frowning and staring at Atsumu as if he himself were the film director who decided that a sex scene was just what was needed to make this the movie of the year. “What makes you think I might have done that?”
“I don't know, maybe you were curious.” Atsumu shrugs, “I am a little.”
“Then find yourself someone and try,” he grumbles, annoyed. “I don’t care about it. I don’t like the idea of being touched like that,” he lets Atsumu know, which made sense; Sakusa didn’t like physical contact in general. It wasn’t due to his phobia of germs, although that probably played a part; in the entire time Atsumu had known him, he had never been particularly affectionate with anyone, not even his family. It was a matter of personality, just like it was with Atsumu and his love of hugs. (The ones Bokuto and Hinata gave were great, by the way.)
“Nah,” he says, turning back to the television, now that the scene has cut to Hans talking to his father – or was it his grandfather? “I know it would be disappointing.” He feels like chatting a little, if only as a distraction from this soporific movie, so he adds, “Kissing was, anyway.”
Atsumu knows he’s got his attention, even though Sakusa pretends to be completely indifferent. Like always, Atsumu loves keeping his mouth shut until the other man loses his patience and asks the question himself. They’re small, silent victories that neither of them ever acknowledges but that are there nonetheless, evidence that despite his carefully detached attitude, Sakusa cared more than he wanted to show.
"Who?"
Atsumu chuckles. Sakusa could have asked him anything, but he wanted to know who he had kissed. He didn't strike Atsumu as the jealous type, but maybe that was because the man didn't care about romantic relationships and the like at all. Now that he thought about it, Sakusa was quite possessive and selfish about everything else; it made strange sense that he would want to know who Atsumu had experimented with, since the two of them had always faced any other doubts regarding their sexualities together.
“A random dude, my last year of high school,” Atsumu lets him know with a smirk. He’d gone to a party and pretended to be Osamu, who had already come out publicly at the time. Now that he thinks back about it, it had been worryingly easy to find someone willing to make out with his twin; ew. “It wasn’t at all what I expected. You wouldn’t have liked it.”
Not that Atsumu had found it to be anything great; it had been quite strange, with far more saliva than he thought was appropriate to consider enjoyable. He had decided then and there that kissing and sex and everything else were overrated, and had never tried again. He still wondered every now and then what it must be like for other people, and was a little sad that he would never be able to experience any of that, but to be honest he hardly ever thought about it now, unless he was reminded.
The man responds with a thoughtful hum, somehow managing to make it sound both grateful for the answer and bored by it in true Sakusa style, and turns his attention back to the movie and poor Hans who has now apparently become an alcoholic. Atsumu imitates him, an amused smile on his lips.
Despite his best efforts to stay awake, he must have fallen asleep anyway, because he is suddenly awakened by a kick to the shin. The credits are rolling on the screen and Sakusa is watching him with both eyebrows furrowed and an unimpressed look on his face. Atsumu rubs his blurry eyes and yawns loudly.
“What did I miss?” he asks thickly as the other turns off the TV. He doesn’t really care, but if he pretends he does, maybe Sakusa will take pity on him this time. “Did Hans and the girl get married in the end?”
“Who’s Hans supposed to be?” comes Sakusa's skeptical reply, and Atsumu starts giggling uncontrollably, running a hand over his face and trying to compose himself. Jesus, he didn’t even get the name right. There was no hope for him.
“Sorry, I think I got a little distracted.” Atsumu looks at him with a smile that he hopes seems convincing, and Sakusa snorts in amusement. Atsumu’s smile widens; he got away with it, at least for this one time. “I’m tired,” he says after another yawn, “Can I sleep here tonight? I don’t feel like getting up.”
It happened often that if it got too late, one of them would stay to sleep on the other's couch. But it had never happened that they had shared a bed like that. Atsumu didn't care much, but maybe for Sakusa it was a big deal. He turns to him to get a better look at his face.
“Just keep your sweaty feet away from me,” the man grumbles, before rolling over onto his other side, adjusting his pillow, and unceremoniously turning off the lamp. Suddenly in the dark, Atsumu smiles to himself; it had been a long time since he'd slept in the same room as someone else. He can’t say he really missed the lack of privacy that Osamu’s constant presence in the bunk bed below his gave him, but every now and then a slight nostalgia would creep over him and he would long for the times when, struggling to fall asleep, he could listen to his twin’s regular, reassuring breaths. That’s what Atsumu does now, letting himself be lulled by the sound of Sakusa’s breathing next to him.
"'Night, Omi."
When he wakes up the next morning, he stretches with a groan like he always does.
“Shut. Up.” hisses a very irritated voice next to him. Atsumu’s eyes widen and he turns over. Oh, right. Sakusa.
“Good morning,” he smiles at him, and the man looks at Atsumu as if he'd just killed his entire family. Contrary to what Sakusa probably hoped, Atsumu's smile widens.
He always forgot how grumpy Sakusa was in the morning. Even so, Atsumu couldn’t stop loving those rare occasions when he got to wake up on the man's couch and see firsthand his annoyed frown slowly – but never completely – disappear as the hours passed. He really enjoyed watching how long it would take Sakusa to tell him to get the hell out of his way and go back to his own apartment; lately, he’d noticed that it hasn't happened as often. Atsumu would sometimes stay for a whole day, before having to decide on his own that maybe it was time to pack up and leave.
He enjoyed company, and sometimes the silence of his shitty apartment became a little oppressive. After all, he had grown up with a twin; it was to be expected that he did not like prolonged solitude. He thought back to when, a few years ago, he, Hinata, and Bokuto had rented an apartment and lived together for a while; it had been great while it lasted. Then, his friends had both moved out with their boyfriends, leaving him alone for the umpteenth time. He was happy for them, of course, but that didn't stop him from feeling a little envious of their relationships. Atsumu also wished he could live with someone the same way they did.
Just then, Sakusa sighs and sits up, stretching his arms above his head. Atsumu has an idea.
“I’m going to take a shower,” Sakusa grumbles, starting to get out of bed. Atsumu stops him by holding onto his shirt.
“Omi?” he calls, and the man looks down at him, frowning.
“What?” Sakusa retorts annoyed, while Atsumu also sits up so he can be on his same level.
"Do you want to come live with me?"
“No.” Sakusa stares at him like he’s stupid, “Your apartment sucks, Atsumu.”
“I didn’t mean-” he snorts in amusement, “Let’s find a new apartment. Two bedrooms. Two bathrooms, too, if you want, so my germs stay away from your stuff.” Atsumu looks up at him, “And we can watch your stupid war movies whenever you want. In the morning we’ll leave the house together, and at dinner we’ll eat in front of the TV and complain about our day. And then if you want you can come sleep in my room, or I can sleep in yours.”
Atsumu didn’t need to hear the answer to know that Sakusa would accept. He'd already let him know the thousands of times he had sought Atsumu's company, even though he could have gone to anyone else; or with all the occasions in which, instead of telling him to fuck off and leave him alone like he did with everyone else, he continued to stay by Atsumu's side and listen to his bullshit, pretending to be annoyed but without really being so. Sakusa had never had a problem pushing away the people he didn’t want to be around, but he had never done so with Atsumu.
And even in that moment Atsumu finds himself thinking that maybe the two of them weren't together, maybe they weren't best friends or the most important person of each other's lives, but they certainly were something, and he had no intention of letting that slip away.
“God, I just woke up,” Sakusa says, running a hand over his face and trying to hide a light smile. “Okay. Give my brain some time to remember how to work properly and we can talk about it for real.” He glances in Atsumu's direction and his eyes, while still being half asleep, are happy, “But yes, Atsumu. I’d like that.”
Apparently, Sakusa had no intention of letting what was between them slip away, either.