Chapter Text
It wasn't necessarily rare for Alphinaud to be up before the birds were, and yet despite once again beating them to the punch, today was different. There was no pressing matter of import to attend to, the world was not, at least as of this moment, under yet another threat of cataclysmic global disaster, and there was no immediate need for aid to be provided to a nation in need. And yet, here Alphinaud sat. On his bed, in soft normal pajamas, hands clasped tightly together in his lap.
There was a tension in his stomach, nay, his whole body, eating away at his nerves with every passing moment. He knew he had no reason to be this worried, this…frightened; how many times had he faced the end of the world? How many terrifying fiends and unfathomable monstrosities had he gone up against and walked away from? Too many to number at this point, he figured, and, sure, there was always an underlying layer of anxiety, of what might go wrong, of not walking away the next time. Hells, he had flown to the very end of the known universe, spoken with the ghosts of dead civilizations, and had even himself functionally died, no, had been unwound at a fundamental level into nothingness, and still he pushed forward. Still took that next step, that next calculated risk, because every time, he had allies beside him. Allies, comrades, friends. But what are you supposed to do when the next obstacle you face, the next uncertainty in life, pits you against those very friends.
Rationally, he knew everything was going to be ok; they were good, kind people, who had stood by his side through all his mistakes before. There wasn’t a reason his mind could logically find that today would be any worse than any day before it, and yet…and yet the heart was never one for logical conclusions. In his mind, he could stride into that room and everything would be ok, but in his heart, he would sooner face death, sooner face total and complete annihilation at Meteion’s hands a hundred, a thousand times before opening the door and walking into that room while being…not Alphinaud.
His right leg begins to bounce in place, blood rushing through his veins at a breakneck pace as the fear started to take hold. He tries placing his hands upon his knee, tries to stifle the incessant bouncing, but, alas, all it does is move from one leg to the other. Instead, he takes a knee in each hand and presses his forehead against them both. The huddled position only serves to dilute the bounce into a full body shiver. Peeking up from his huddle, he spies on his desk a round, long, palm sized crystal, right where he had left it the night before. Its violet sheen sparkled at him gently; a reminder of what was to come, and what had come before.
It wasn’t hard to find her; that was the whole point. Mosaic was probably the most popular coffee spot in all of Solution Nine, and against the earthy green and brown hues of its furniture, her deep violet everything stood out like a beacon, calling out to any curious enough to approach. And approach, Alphinaud did; right to the far back couch where she always sat, with her violet hair, and her violet eyes, and her violet dress and violet staff, flanked on both sides by a posse of devoted ‘disciples’ with some piece of violet somewhere in their attire. Somehow, someway, Sphene ended up befriending the group, which ended up getting the rest of them involved, which led to the events some weeks prior, which led to right now, as Alphinaud stood at the table directly across from her. The other girls all wore either neat little smirks or gentle smiles of concern, but not her. No, the Oracle of Lightning stared directly into Alphinaud’s eyes, his very soul, with a wide, excited smile.
“Might I have a word with you?” Alphinaud asked sheepishly.
“My…oh…my…” The Oracle chuckled gently, “Look at YOU.” She leaned back into the couch and crossed her arms, “Last time I saw you, your soul was such a boring palette of dull color, but now?” Alphinaud shivered slightly as her smile widened, violet eyes scanning every inch of him.
“Look at these hues!” She continued, every word crackling with joy, “My, dear, dear boy, you are very certainly on the cusp of something quite grand, aren’t you?” Her eyes narrowed. With a gentle wave of her hand, a nearby chair slid across the ground, snapping with electricity, until it placed itself right behind him.
“Sit.” The Oracle commanded, “You and I have much to discuss.”
It was astounding how little the crystal weighed. What was it the Oracle had referred to it as? Lyracite. Sitting in the palm of his hand, it hardly felt heavier than any quill pen he’d ever used, but there was an energy within it that radiated warmth all the way up his arm. It was rather clear, despite its vibrate violet coloring, and glowed with an electric hue; the result of it having a spell imprinted upon its very essence. That's what she said lyracite was best used for; storing spells for later use. Generally for only a single use, but if done right, and the crystal properly cared for, the spell inside could be used any number of times. It could even be studied and replicated under the right circumstances, but none of that truly mattered in this moment. For Alphinaud, this spell meant being able to live life to the fullest that he could imagine. It was a key to a new kind of enlightenment, a whole new path forward that he could explore when and how he chose. Or at least, that’s how it went in theory. In truth, he’d only summoned the courage to actually use the spell within on his own but a few times since they’d left Alexandria and Tuliyollal behind; once to confirm he could remember how to use it, once more to undo its effects, and then there was that day at the market…
“Alphinaud.” Tataru giggled as she looked over the paper in her hand, “You do realize I have every Scion-er.” She cleared her throat quickly, “Former Scion’s measurements memorized, right?”
“...Yes, I’m aware.” Alphinaud nodded slowly. His hands shook silently as he stood before the devilish coincounter; he’d already lost count of the number of times he’d had to endure her wrath for his foolish decisions in the past, and, in truth, he’d rather deal with a hundred more of those tongue lashings than have to ask Tataru for her help with this, but who else did he have to turn to? Besides, it could be best to think of this as a trial run; if Tataru reacted badly to what he had to say, then at least he could easily put all of this to bed. Log the crystal away as a tool to be studied and used by others, and he would never have to speak of it again. The very notion of locking it all away, however, pierced his heart with such a force he feared he might start bleeding from his mouth.
“Then you have to know that these are Alisaie’s measurements, yes?” Tataru giggled again, shaking her head, “The two of you might be twins, but there’s still a few very small differences here and there.”
“...Yes, I know.” Twelve forefend, he must sound like such a fool. How could he possibly explain further without spilling everything? Out of the entire lexicon of words he’d learned at his days in the Studium, how could none, none, help him out of this situation? No, this was a mistake. It was a mistake to come here, it was a mistake to talk to Tataru at all, she talks to his mother all the time for the sake of the Twelve, surely she would spill immediately if given the chance and then-
“Varsarugh, Mehdjina.” Tataru turned to her employees, “Why don’t you two go get some lunch down at the Last Stand? I’ll handle things here.”
“Oh, that’s quite kind of you, Mistress Tataru.” Varsarugh smiled.
“Would you like for us to bring you anything?” Mehdjina asked.
“No, no, I’ll be alright.” Tataru shook her head. The women smiled back and took their leave, at which point Tataru slapped a closed sign on the top of her counter. She beckoned for Alphinaud to join her behind the counter, to which he obliged before immediately sinking to his knees.
“Alphinaud, what’s wrong?” Tataru asked, “You’re shaking like you’ve just seen a ghost.”
“Can you do it?”Alphinaud pressed, his voice cracking slightly as he tried to keep his volume below a whisper.
“Well, of course I can, but I don’t understand why.” Tataru whispered back.
“I’ll tell you why.” There was no point in hiding the desperation anymore, “Just please…promise you won’t tell a soul. Not one, so please…” The gentle touch of Tataru’s hand against his cheek shocked him back to reality, and to the wet sensation slowly dripping down his face.
“I promise, I promise.” Tataru sighed, her face twisted into a deep concern, “I can have it done in about a week, just please.” She tried to give him the most reassuring smile that she could, “Tell me what’s going on.” Alphinaud swallowed back his tongue for a moment, before reaching for his pocket.
A week. A full week filled with nothing but anxious nights and careful conversation. Their return from the New World saw nothing but busy work and errands and new requests for days on end. A hero’s work is never truly finished, or so Meteor had put it, and never had that felt more true than these past few weeks. In fact, Alisaie had agreed to return to Garlemald with him soon so they could pick back up on their efforts to aid in the Garlean reconstruction. How would he explain it to them? To Jullus? How would they take it? Would they suddenly reject his help after a showing of this new side? No, Alphinaud shook his head. Better not to think about that right now. Focus on the obstacle right in front of you, and then go from there. You just have to face all of your closest friends and comrades with the complete and total naked truth of your soul. By yourself. Alone. His heart began to beat in double time as the word struck him. Alone. For what felt like the truly first time since leaving home for Eorzea so long ago, the creeping weight of that word finally seemed to sink in, pulling him down, down into the mud of the void. Visions of the Scions stood before him, backs turned, pulling further and further away. Try as he might, his hands couldn’t reach them, his voice wouldn’t call out, his legs refused to move as he continued to be pulled into the inky black abyss. Alone. All alone. The word stole his very breath away; the grasping darkness choking him harder, and harder, until-
“Alphinaud?” There came a voice, followed by a knock at the door. Alphinaud found himself back in his room, lyracite still in hand, and feet firmly planted on his bedroom floor. Birds chirped their morning songs outside his window, having finally caught up to the morning schedule.
“Alphinaud, are you in there?” The voice came again.
“Yes, coming!” He responded, carefully placing the lyracite back onto his desk. Hurrying to the door, he chided himself for being so pessimistic; of course he wasn’t alone, Alisaie knew, and there was also…
“Special delivery!” Tataru’s beaming face smiled up at him, paper bag in hand, as Alphinaud opened the door.
“Were you seen?” Alphinaud whispered. Tataru’s face fell as she sighed in response.
“Ameliance spotted me on the way in, I’m afraid.” She groaned, pushing her way into the room. Alphinaud hurriedly closed the door behind her.
“What did she say?” He asked, panic rising in his chest, “What did you say?”
“All I told her was that it was a new outfit for a new adventure, at your request.” Tataru sighed, “And, well, obviously she wants to see you in it.”
“I’m not ready for that.” Alphinaud shook his head, panic now spilling out of his mouth.
“Shouldn’t you at least consider coming out to your mother first?” Tataru sighed, “You know Ameliance would accept the new you in a heartbeat.”
“I know that.” Alphinaud shook his head, “Rationally, I know that and yet…” he sank to the ground slowly, wrapping his arms around his legs, “and yet my heart is still so afraid.”
“Hey.” Tataru gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze with her hand, “It’s going to be ok. I’m with you, alright? And, I presume you told Alisaie, yes?”
“Well, not entirely.” Alphinaud sighed, “She’s already seen me that way before, and if she were to see me like that again, I’m certain she’ll be more overjoyed than anything.”
“Close enough, I suppose.” Tataru chuckled. Her eyes suddenly lit up with joy, “Oh! I just realized, have you picked out a name yet?” She put her hands on her hips and gave Alphinaud a big smile, “A new you must have a new name, yes?”
“Yes indeed.” Alphinaud smiled back.
“Hey.” Alphinaud looked up from where he was seated, curled into a ball near the door. The Oracle looked down at him with a concerned look on her face. Around the room all the girls were busy getting dressed pretty for the night out. Sphene, they called her Topaz while she was with them, for some reason that had not yet been explained to Alphinaud, was sitting on the large bed with the Shetona woman carefully doing her makeup for her. Alisaie was already all giggles with a couple of the others, including the annoyingly loud Milalla, over the new dress Oracle had spun together for her out of spare cloth; a lovely looking white dress ensemble with red highlights strewn here and there. They were all more or less ready to go, leaving the only one left was…
“Look, I am sorry about this.” The Oracle sighed, “I truly don’t like using this spell on people who don’t need it.” She tried to give him as sympathetic a smile as she could, “Got caught up in the hype and chaos of it all I suppose, and it’s not like Vilashepya’s wrong. Spending one night as the opposite sex might open up your mind to whole new perspectives on life! Even if you decide just being a boy is what’s best for you.” Alphinaud couldn’t offer any response, couldn’t bring his mind to think of any response, all it was fixated on was how off his body felt. Sensing his silence as not accepting of her apology, the Oracle simply sighed and dropped her smile.
“Tell me truthfully, how are you feeling right now?” She asked, the concern on her face seemingly genuine. Alphinaud tried to respond, but found his voice acting up. He coughed hard, tried to clear it, to sound a word he knew he could say, but the Oracle stopped him by placing her hand on his hand.
“Don’t fight your voice, honeybee.” She said gently, “Your brain’s used to speaking a certain way, but your voice box doesn’t work like that right now. Just, try to let your throat do the work, not your brain, if that makes any sense?” Alphinaud nodded, taking in a deep breath. Don’t fight your voice. Just speak.
“Everything feels weird.” he finally got out. It was odd, he figured he would just sound like Alisaie does, but he didn’t. It was still him, in a way, but softer, rounder, girlier.
“Yeah, it’ll probably feel like that all night.” The Oracle sighed. She stood up and offered Alphinaud a hand up, “But don’t you worry. You survive tonight, I’ll turn you back once we get home safe and you’ll never have to do this again, promise.” Alphinaud took the outstretched hand and let the Oracle pull him up from the ground. She gave him a look over, before smirking her lips slightly.
“Well at least your current clothes still fit.” She giggled, “Normally I have to do an entire outfit change before presentation because the differences before and after are so great.”
“But it doesn’t fit.” Alphinaud groaned. It felt like it should fit; it wasn’t as if his proportions and Alisaie’s were all that different, but something about the way he was now, it was like a glove wrapped around him that only mostly fit. The nooks and crannies that were perfectly fitted before now just felt wrong and kinked or folded in the worst way possible.
“Well, we’ll get you into something that does.” The Oracle shrugged, “And you’ll look great, and we’ll all have a fun time, you’ll be fine. Just…try not to overthink it ok?”
“No promises.” Alphinaud huffed. The Oracle started stretching a string of electric aether against Alphinaud’s body, before stopping and shrugging.
“Yeah I figured, same as your sister.” She chuckled, pulling over the box of fabric, “You think of a name yet?”
“I have not.” Alphinaud sighed.
“We could always ask Mother what she would’ve named you had you been born a girl.” Alisaie chimed in, her voice dripping with sheer glee.
“We do not have time for that.” Alphinaud snapped back, “And don’t even think about telling her about this!”
“Wow, looks like someone’s used to her voice already.” The Milalla teased.
“Karot, play nice.” The Oracle chided.
“That’s good, though.” The hhetsarro smiled, “Means she might actually be able to participate tonight.”
“Participate in what?!” Alphinaud asked worriedly, only to get a wave of giggles in response.
“It’s gonna be ok, Alphinaud.” Sphene smiled at him, “It’s only dancing. You might find you actually enjoy it.”
“I can only hope that you’re right.” Alphinaud sighed, shaking his head. He looked back to the Oracle who had started staring at him with a rather inquisitive look on her face. Before he could ask her what she was thinking, she smiled at him.
“Aubreone.”
“Huh?” Alphinaud raised an eyebrow at her.
“Aubreone.” The Oracle repeated, nodding her head, “It was the name I gave to a character in a story I wrote, like, a lifetime or so ago, but I never did anything with it or her, so I figured it’s fair game if you want it.”
“I don’t…” The name certainly sounded…pretty, but something about putting a name to this body, this voice. It felt too real, too fast. He could already feel his lungs start to kick into overdrive at the very thought.
“There’s always-” Alisaie started to tease.
“It’s fine!” Alphinaud quickly interjected, “Aubreone is…fine. It’s…nice.” Another wave of giggles rippled through the air.
“Most excellent!” The Oracle cheered. She picked up a roll of blue fabric from the pile, “Just to confirm, blue is your favorite color, yes?”
“Well I suppose.” Aubreone started.
“Good. Now, strip down.”
“What?!”
“Strip!”
Fire burned at Alphinaud’s cheeks as he stared down at the outfit Tataru had brought. It wasn’t, at least at first glance, all too dissimilar from his current gear; the blue was the right color, all the necessary accessories and accents were in more or less their proper places, but as he continued to look, the more deviations took place. The collar of the white shirt was now accompanied not by the golden crest on his original outfit, but instead by a black bow tied into a sweetheart knot. It also stopped decidedly shorter than the original, a decision intended to make it very clear that what had originally been pants were now a shapely pair of dark blue shorts the same miniscule length as Alisaie’s and long black tights. Also similar to his sister’s clothes were the boots; still holding much of their original design but also now double their length, matching the thigh height of Alisaie’s own boots, and also sporting a similarly large heel and new black ribbons on the outer sides. Not currently visible was the unsettlingly large black ribbon that accented the back tail of the blue coat.
“Wellll.” Tataru grinned madly, “What do you think? Go on, tell me!”
“T-Tataru it’s…” Alphinaud sighed, “It’s a bit much, don’t you think?” Tataru’s grin immediately deflated into a fierce pout of annoyance.
“Well I had to do something.” She groaned, “I wasn’t just gonna give you the same ol’ thing! A new you deserves a new look, don’t you think?”
“I suppose you have a point.” Alphinaud responded quietly. The outfit was so different from what he’d imagined, but how could it not be? He figured a few quick adjustments and that would be enough; an outfit he was already comfortable in adjusted for the new body, but that was never going to work. That was an outfit for Alphinaud, an outfit only for Alphinaud. This? This slightly frilly, peppered with ribbons, booty shorts and power boots set staring back at him? This was an outfit for Aubreone; this was an outfit only for Aubreone. The realization alone struck him deep to his core; this was real, this was happening, and like it or not, there was no going back now.
“You don’t like it.” Tataru sighed, “I do apologize. It’s not like we even know what you like yet, I mostly just guessed based on how your voice sounded that you might like something a bit, well, girlier than Alisaie would. But, you don’t have to keep this if you don’t want to. I can start over, we can do this again another time and-”
“Tataru.” Alphinaud finally stopped the deluge coming from the poor Lalafell, “It’s fine. It’s…it’s perfect.”
“Perfect, you say.” Tataru’s eyes lit back up with joy, before narrowing into a coy smug glint, “But you know, you might not actually think that once you put it on~.”
“You’re right. I guess I should…” Alphinaud nodded, taking a deep breath. He walked over to his desk and retrieved the lyracite, the warmth spreading through his arm the minute the smooth crystal touched his skin.
“I’ll just, uh, turn around.” Tataru chuckled nervously.
“R-right.” Alphinaud nodded at her. Clenching the crystal firm with his hand, he pulled at the aether within and felt the spell begin to ripple through his body.
The first kiss. The first kiss of her life, and it was in the dark, neon trimmed walls of a club bathroom in the extremely neon and advanced city of a whole different shard fused to her homeworld. But Aubreone couldn’t care less at the moment; the Hyune lady was beyond stunning with long orange hair and gorgeous green eyes. Her kisses tasted bitter, like ash, and alcohol and something else Aubreone couldn’t quite place.
“Sorry, I smoked a bit before coming here.”
So she had apologized, but Aubreone didn’t fully comprehend how much ‘a bit’ referred to until the woman had dragged her towards the bathrooms and stuck her tongue down her throat. Whatever it was, something in her mouth was causing Aubreone’s head to feel just a bit floaty. She almost didn’t feel present in her own body as the young woman pulled her into the stall, which didn’t make much sense to her; if she needed to go, why did she pull Aubreone in with her?
“Shouldn’t we…” Aubreone gasped breathlessly between kisses, “Shouldn’t we be in separate stalls?” The woman stared at her for a moment; she could’ve sworn she’d caught her name at some point but she couldn’t pull it up for some reason.
“Oh, babygirl, you’re so damn cute, you know that?” She laughed. She reached down with one of her hands and grabbed Aubreone by the rear, a move that sent her brain shooting into the stratosphere. She hardly had time to process the fire that started inside her before she was drowning in more kisses, each one causing it to spread further and grow hotter throughout her body, but there was also, moistness? An odd stickiness somewhere she couldn’t place, and a vaguely familiar ticklish feeling in more or less the same area.
“I…I might need to use the toilet.” Aubreone moaned as the woman started kissing her neck, another weird sensation that set more fires off, “I think.”
“You think?” The woman laughed, “What do you mean you think?” Oh. Oh goodness. How does she tell her? How do you tell someone something like this? How would she react? Did Alexandrians have technology that could do what Oracle could do? Every question pushed her further and further away from her own body. A panic started to set in; what if she couldn’t get back? What was going to happen to her? Maybe it was just best to come out with it.
“I…I don’t know.” Aubreone responded, panic audibly rising in her voice, “I, I was a guy two hours ago, I don’t know how this body works!” Breathe, she needed to breathe, she tried to breathe, but every breath in this cramped black box felt more shallow than the last.
“Oh reaaalllyyy.” The woman giggled, “Well, Miss Former Guy, let me teach you what’s really happening.” Cold. The world was suddenly cold, but also her world was still so hot? It was a paradox of existence that she just couldn’t quite fully get a grasp on. The fires that raged felt warm and exciting and hungry, but the sudden cold chills also felt icy and electrifying and exciting all at once too. Unable to find stable ground between any of this, she drifted yet further away from her body, until a sudden bolt of pure energy shot her right out of the sky.
“Ah!” She gasped. It was a noise she’d never made before, a noise she’d never actually heard any girl in her life make before.
“I’ll take it easy on you, babygirl, don’t you worry.” The woman said, kissing the side of Aubreone’s head, and suddenly she was in the ocean, rocking back and forth, the waves pushing and pulling not just around her but in her as well. Each push made her make another one of those odd noises, each pull had her sputtering for air, combined they left her drowning in a sea of coughs and tension fighting back against the waters around her.
‘Don’t fight your voice.’
Right, that’s what Oracle said. She shouldn’t fight her voice. Don’t overthink it. Just. Speak. Lifting herself with what strength she could find, she pulled her head just enough above the waves to find a good balance between push and pull, no longer having to fight for air, she let the oceans rock her gently back and forth, back and forth until the sky filled to the brim with stars, stars that moved faster and faster, swirling around her until all of her vision turned to white.
Aubreone blushed slightly as she stared at herself in the mirror, stripped down of everything. It was so strange to behold, really, for in truth she didn’t actually look like she’d changed at all. Her face was yet the same, her shoulders, her height, just about everything appeared the same, minus the most obvious subtraction. And yet, the changes were there, especially to someone who had seen their face thousands of times over sixteen years. Her cheeks were just slightly suppler, her lips just that bit poutier, eyelids that could flutter just a bit sweeter, creases and curves in just slightly different places at different angles. In a matter of moments, Alphinaud had disappeared from existence.
“N-no ma-” She tried to speak, but found her words clashing against her throat and came out only as coughs.
Don’t fight your voice, the Oracle’s words rang inside her head again. Right, there was no need to fight it. Don’t overthink it, Aubreone. Just. Speak.
“No matter how many times I see it.” She sighed, reconnecting with her voice, “It still shocks me that it just…disappears completely.”
“That’s all well and good.” Tataru sighed. The bag her new outfit came in flopped onto the floor by her feet, “But if you could hurry up and get dressed, we can finally see if your new look suits you.”
“Ah, yes!” Aubreone nodded, cheeks flushing a yet darker shade of red. Left in the bag were a new set of smallclothes, properly sized to accommodate her new shape.
“Why did you include a…what is this?” Aubreone asked, staring at what looked to be a bra-esque cloth top, “I don’t have…”
“Just put it on.” Tataru sighed, “Better safe than sorry, and it’ll help you get in the habit if you start going multiple days as Aubreone instead of Alphinaud.”
“R-right.” Aubreone nodded, doing as she was told. Smallclothes secured, she quickly donned on the rest of the outfit; tights, shorts, shirt, jacket, boots, the gloves, and finally her nodulithes. Once everything was in place, she took a moment to feel the clothes around her; they fit perfectly, every nook, every corner, every crease felt perfectly in line and in tune with one another. It felt good, it felt right. Finally ready, she turned back to the mirror and gasped. It was quite one thing to stare at the flat pieces as they lie on her bed, but to actually wear them, to see them fully bloomed and how they were meant to be. To see herself, to see Aubreone as she was meant to be. Tears welled up at the corners of her eyes as she looked herself over, again and again.
“Weelllll?” Tataru asked, devilish grin back on her face, “Still perfect?”
“It’s far more perfect than I could have ever imagined.” Aubreone nodded, wiping away the few stray tears that managed to escape their confines, “Thank you, Tataru, thank you so much.”
“Of course.” Tataru nodded back, a few tears of her own starting to well, “I’m so happy to have been able to help.” Aubreone knelt down on the ground to better give Tataru the hug she had more than earned.
“Annnd, I even saved the best part for last.” Tataru giggled, pulling back slightly.
“Oh?” Aubreone tilted her head. Tataru then reached into a small pocket on her chest and pulled out a small, golden flower clip. Snapping it open, she reached up and carefully placed it within Aubreone’s hair.
“What’s this for then?” Aubreone chuckled.
“Oh just a little bit of extra flair.” Tataru giggled, “A small enough touch that you can wear it as Aubreone or Alphinaud, if the feeling ever strikes you.” Aubreone turned back towards the mirror one last time to check out the newly added accessory; it clipped in in such a way as to appear like a series of small golden flowers had been weaved into her hair. It was subtle, meshed well with the rest of the outfit, and was, dare she even think it, even a bit cute.
“Feeling ready?” Tataru asked. Aubreone closed her eyes and took in a deep breath.
“I-”
“ALPHINAUD!!” Alisaie’s voice boomed from the other side of Aubreone’s door, followed immediately by nearly destructive banging, “What are you even doing in there?! Please tell me that you’re at least awake!” Alphinaud. It was still her name, in a sense, but hearing it said out loud, in this moment, garbed and living as Aubreone and very much NOT Alphinaud, grated against her soul. It was a pain she’d never felt before, and, feeling a dark sorrow grip her heart, she realized it was not one that would be going away any time soon. Before she could fully contemplate what responding right now would mean, she opened her mouth to tell her sister off for being so loud this early in the morning, only for Tataru to wave her finger over her mouth first.
“Let me handle this!” She hissed, as Aubreone hurriedly clapped a hand over her own mouth. As more violent pounding of the door commenced, Tataru quickly made her way to it.
“Alisaie, ssh!” Tataru whispered as she opened the door, beckoning the more irate twin to hurry in.
“Tataru?” Aubreone could hear Alisaie ask, “What are you doing here? And in Alphinaud’s room??”
“Oh she had a delivery for him this morning.” Came a voice that chilled Aubreone to her very core; the very voice of Ameliance Leveilleur, “Is he wearing it? I want to see.”
“Ah haa, please be patient, Ameliance.” Tataru said nervously, still trying to surreptitiously wave Alisaie in.
“I don’t care what he’s wearing, everyone is still-” Alisaie groaned as she more or less barged in, only to stop dead in her tracks as she made eye contact with Aubreone, who in turn tried to get her to remain quiet with by putting her finger up against her lips. Alas, it was to little avail as soon as it clicked into Alisaie’s brain who exactly it was she was staring at, her eyes burst into brilliant lights of joy and she gasped so loud with glee it nearly scared the morning birds away.
“What, what is it? Is everything ok?” Ameliance’s voice could still be heard in the hallway, almost too close as the Leveilleur matriarch was certainly attempting to follow Alisaie into the room. For her part, Alisaie immediately barricaded the entrance with her body.
“Go tell Raha and Krile not to wait up.” She said, “We’ll be right behind them.”
“Well, alright, but is everything ok in there?” Ameliance asked.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, we’re just gonna need a moment.” Alisaie insisted, “Please, Mother, thank you!” Before their mother could protest any further, Alisaie had the door closed and was already back to Aubreone.
“Alisaie, please.” Aubreone said, trying to keep her voice low enough in case their dear mother had decided to linger around outside her door.
“Well, well, well.” Alisaie teased, smiling wider than Aubreone was certain she’d ever smiled in her life, “What do we have here??”
“I-I can explain.” Aubreone stammered, taking a step back every time Alisaie took a step forward.
“Is this what you went back for?” Alisaie asked, that teasing lilt never straying far from her mouth, “Oh but it couldn’t have been. I would’ve noticed you had Aubreone’s voice much sooner if you had.”
“Alisaie please.” Aubreone continued.
“And look at this outfit!” Alisaie squeed, “My goodness, this looks so very you!” Her eyes drifted towards the bed, where the lyracite lay, still ever glowing its violet hue.
“Alisaie-”
“Is this it, then?” Alisaie asked, snatching the crystal before Aubreone could, “Ooo, that’s quite warm. So you used this, and now you’re Aubreone again?”
“Well…uh.” Aubreone sighed, “Yes.”
“So tell me.” Alisaie smiled, getting right up to Aubreone’s face.
“Tell you what?” Aubreone asked, eyes trying to look anywhere other than straight ahead.
“Are you going to be my sister all the time now?” Alisaie asked, excitement bouncing off every note, “Or only sometimes?”
“Ah, well…” Aubreone sighed again, looking down towards the ground, “Probably not all the time, I’m afraid. It’s uh…going to be on more of a day by day basis.” Alisaie sighed, shoulders slouching forward.
“Well darn.” She huffed before shrugging, “Oh well, I’ll take what I can get I guess.”
“Oh ha ha.” Aubreone huffed, finally looking her sister in the eyes, “That’s quite kind of you Alisaie. Glad to know that I’m-oof!” Her retort was cut short as Alisaie tossed the crystal back onto the bed and pushed herself forward, pulling Aubreone into a tight hug.
“I’m so proud of you.” Alisaie said, her voice finally lowered to a normal volume. After a moment spent taking in the full weight of her sister’s hug, Aubreone finally hugged Alisaie back.
“Thank you, Alisaie.” Pulling back a little, she looked Alisaie right in the eyes, “Your support will always mean the world to me.” Alisaie nodded back, smiling wide at the rebirth of her sister, before her face lit up in shock.
“Oh!” She gasped, “We have to go. The others have been waiting for us, well, for you, for quite some time now. Do you need a moment to swap back?”
“Actually.” Aubreone sighed, “I don’t.” Alisaie gasped in glee again, hands clapping together at the fingertips.
“You mean it?” She asked.
“I do.” Aubreone nodded, “It’s…it’s time I told everyone.”
“Are you ready then?” Alisaie asked, excitement swapped for concern. Aubreone took a deep breath, trying to steady her nerves before responding.
“Not in the least.” She sighed heavily.
“You know they’re going to accept you.” Alisaie sighed, hugging Aubreone once more, “They’re our friends!”
“I know that, Alisaie.” Aubreone sighed, “In my head I know that but even then…” She could feel her voice breaking slightly, the sight of the void and everyone’s backs to her returning to her mind, “I’m afraid. I’m…so very afraid.”
“I’ll be by your side every step of the way.” Alisaie pulled back, gripping Aubreone by both of her shoulders, “Now let’s hurry.” Aubreone nodded in response, following Alisaie towards the door.
“Don’t worry about Ameliance.” Tataru said confidently by the doorframe, “I’ll keep her busy.”
“Thank you, Tataru.” Aubreone smiled at her. With that, Alisaie flung open the door, only for the trio to immediately come face to face with Ameliance Leveilleur herself.
“Keep me busy with wh-Ah!” Ameliance gasped upon seeing Aubreone. Time seemed to freeze as Aubreone looked at her mother, fear paralysing every muscle in her body. She couldn’t even move as Ameliance crept toward her, took her face in one hand, looked her body up and down. Then came the small tears at the corners of her eyes and the sad, gentle smile.
“Mother, I-” Aubreone finally managed to get out, but was once again silenced with a hug.
“No, no.” Ameliance sighed happily, “Don’t keep your friends waiting now, alright?”
“We won’t.” Aubreone nodded in response.
“And Alph-no.” Ameliance took a deep breath, “It was Aubreone, yes?” She took Aubreone’s hand in both of hers, “You will be telling me everything later, alright?”
“Yes, of course Mother.” Aubreone sighed, returning the smile. Ameliance squeezed her hand as hard as she could, before immediately whipping around the two very stunned servants behind her.
“Fourchenault is not to hear a word about this, understood?” She commanded with that pleasant voice of hers, “Not. A. Word.” She then whipped immediately to Tataru, “And you!”
“Me?!” Tataru stammered, promptly taken aback.
“We are going to go talk about that outfit.” Ameliance chirped, clapping her hands together. Tataru’s entire demeanor swapped from completely afraid to absolutely smug, complete with her hands on her hips, in a matter of seconds.
“Oh absolutely!” Almost at once the two women were chattering away about Aubreone’s new outfit, to which she could only shrug in response. Her attention was stolen, however, as Alisaie took her hand.
“C’mon.” She motioned with her head, “We’ll take the aetheryte.”
It was a stroke of luck Ojika happened to be away from his desk when the twins arrived at the Annex. Whether or not a dry run of the explanation would’ve helped soothe her nerves or make them worse, Aubreone couldn’t quite say, but either way, here she was. Right before the door to the main hall where on the other side stood all her closest friends and comrades. How would they react, she wondered. Would it be with joy? With mild curiosity? Or would it be with disgust? She told herself that there was no way it could be the third option, that there was no world in which she would be so rejected by the people she’d stood by all this time, and yet, once the notion, the very word made itself known, it set her heart to the races. No world, yet to even get here she’d spoken to a self proclaimed world traveling pilgrim with stories of worlds she couldn’t even imagine. A world just like this one, but one in which she was rejected by her peers for being herself? Sure the odds were slim, but they weren’t zero. With the panic starting to set in, Aubreone froze in place. Could she really do this? Was this really the time to try and explain it all to them, when she was only just beginning to truly understand it all herself? Surely if she took some more time to try and adjust, she’d feel more ready, and then she could-
“Oh will you come on already?” Alisaie groaned in exasperation, “They can’t wait forever, you know.”
“Alisaie, wait-” But it was too late. With a frustrated scoff, Alisaie burst through the door to the main hall, giving Aubreone only but a moment to hide herself away against the wall beside.
“There you are, Alisaie.” G’raha’s voice sounded from the hall, “We were starting to get worried.”
“Alphinaud’s still not with you?” Krile’s concern touched Aubreone’s heart as her voice came forth, “I do hope that everything’s alright.”
“Wha?” Alisaie reappeared in the doorway, glowering at Aubreone. Hurry up, she mouthed.
“Everything alright there?” Meteor’s gentle laugh bounced out of the doorway. Meteor, who had stood by her from the very beginning; through Teledji’s manipulation and the Crystal Brave’s betrayal to their exile and efforts in Ishgard, and more. Surely, surely he would be ok with how she was now, right? No, that wasn’t her though. That was Alphinaud, not Aubreone. There was no telling how even Meteor would react, he could just as easily-
“I have, in fact, managed to gather my twin.” Alisaie’s keening voice cut through the air, pulling Aubreone back out of her head, “And, someone has something they want to say, but they’re rather afraid to say it.” There came a low grunt from the far back of the room.
“Whatever it is, it certainly can’t be bad enough to warrant hiding like this.” Estinien’s gruff voice called out, “Come on then, Alphinaud, out with it.” Alisaie looked back to Aubreone, motioning towards the room. Her feet felt frozen in place as she stared back at her sister, heart threatening to beat out of her chest. Even if she had wanted to stride into the hall, her body didn’t want to respond to anything right now. She tried to shake her head, but Alisaie had finally gotten fed up with waiting. Before Aubreone could even protest, her more fiery half had grabbed her by the arm and pulled. Pulled her straight into the hall where all the lights seemed to shift and point directly at her, bearing judgment down on her for daring to enter. At long last she was face to face with the rest of the Scions, all but Y’shtola, whose back was turned to the hall door, staring directly at her. All sets of eyebrows were raised in mild shock as Aubreone came into view.
“Well this is rather unexpected.” Urianger mused.
“Quite the statement piece, I must say.” Thancred chuckled, “But what’s this all about then?”
“It’s a bit frilly, don’t you think?” Estinien scoffed with a smile. Y’shtola’s ears pricked up at this, pausing the sip of tea she was about to take.
“Frilly?” She said quietly, “Wait…”
“Well I quite like it.” Krile shrugged her shoulders, “It suits you.” Meteor nodded and smiled in agreement with the statement, a reassurance that finally started to melt the fear away from her heart. She couldn’t remain silent forever; all eyes were on her now, waiting for a response. The words started to gather in her throat, tangling up on themselves and choking her airways. Deep breath, she told herself, don’t fight your voice.
Just.
Speak.
“Thank you Krile, it means a lot to hear you say that.” There it was. Clothing was only ever going to get a mild reaction, but her voice? The new voice cracked through the air like a whip, taking the whole room aback. The whole room, except Y’shtola, who firmly and vigorously put her cup of tea down onto the table.
“Alphinaud.” Her voice cracked back, cutting right through the silence and deep into Aubreone’s heart. She could only watch in horror as Y’shtola slowly turned her head around, eyes that couldn’t see but still stared directly into her soul, boring down on her with such ferocity it caused her leg to start bouncing from anxiety all over again.
“Do tell me.” She continued, “Has that…woman…somehow managed to make it all the way to Sharlyan?” For a second, Aubreone felt like that question was directed right at her, that there wasn’t a way for Aubreone to truly exist here in Sharlyan, but she was able to quickly push that feeling aside; there was really only one person Y’shtola could be referring to when speaking with that much venom.
“If you are referring to the Oracle of Lightning” Aubreone sighed, “then no, she has not.” She chuckled softly, “I’m sure if she had, we’d have heard her and her entourage cackling all the way up here.” She watched as the image of Oracle and her gaggle of followers laughing down at Sharlyan harbour sent a visible chill through Y’shtola’s body.
“You’re probably right about that.” She sighed, keeping her gaze level with Aubreone, “But that does yet beg the question: How is it you’ve managed to get turned back into a girl?” The look exchanged between Thancred, Urianger, and Estinien was quite the shocked one; of course, having not been there during the events that took place in Solution Nine, there was no way they could’ve known what had happened to her, and it would appear that no one had said anything to them. Aubreone took a quick breath.
“Before we left Solution Nine” She said, “I…approached the Oracle and…asked her to teach me the spell she’d used that night.”
“I see…” Y’shtola nodded. Her face relaxed from furious to concerned, “Might I ask why?”
“I feel I should warn you.” Oracle said, her voice surprisingly serious for once. Alphinaud stared at the crystal in his hand, feeling the warmth spread throughout his arm.
“About?” He asked.
“Once you open that door…” Oracle sighed, keeping her eyes fixed on his, “You won’t ever stop opening it.”
“How do you mean?” Alphinaud asked, unsure of exactly what door the Oracle was referring to. She folded her hands together and rested her chin upon them.
“Do you have a way to tell everyone you know at the same time about your…revelation?” Oracle asked, her face stone serious.
“Certainly not.” Alphinaud shook his head. Nor would he want to; the thought alone was overwhelming as is.
“Exactly.” Oracle nodded, “Once you start living like this, every time you come across someone you know, be it long term friend or old acquaintance or even temporary ally you had for two days, you will be asked to explain yourself.” She sighed, unfolding her hands and leaning back into the couch, “Every time Aubreone goes somewhere, she will meet someone who Alphinaud knew, and they will ask why? What’s going on? Is that really you? And no matter how tired you might be, how much you’ve been through that day, or how many times you have given the explanation, you’ll be made to give it again.” She paused briefly to sip her drink.
“I say this not to dissuade you, of course.” She sighed, “But to prepare you. No matter how accepting this world might be, you will constantly be asked to justify yourself. You shouldn’t have to; in a perfect world you wouldn’t have to.” Oracle shook her head, “But I’ve never seen a perfect world, so I warn you again.” She fixed her gaze directly into Alphinaud’s.
“Once you open that door, you can’t ever stop opening it. Are you sure you’re ready?”
“Despite how…horrid that night was” Aubreone said calmly, “After everything settled down, I came to a realization; one that…once my eyes were open to it, I found I couldn’t look away.” The others all remained fixated on her, faces still, and eyes open. There was no anger in the room, no hate, no rejection, only curiosity.
“There was a whole different side to my heart, my very soul that…had none of what transpired come to pass, I would have been oblivious to it for the rest of my life.” She continued, “And that, having finally glimpsed it, if I didn’t take the opportunity to explore it now, I might never have the chance to again…” She placed a hand over her heart, “I felt that if I didn’t get to truly see it all, to really, truly investigate this feeling, that I’d only ever come to regret it later in life, so…here I am.”
“Right then.” Thancred nodded, “And would this change happen to be a permanent one?”
“Ugh, I wish.” Alisaie scoffed.
“Alisaie.” Aubreone groaned, causing light laughter to ripple through the room, “But no, right now I mostly plan to just take it day by day, see what my heart feels is right in the moment. Some days I’ll be back to being Alphinaud and others I’ll be…well…the new me.”
“And does this new you have a new name, then?” G’raha asked gently. Aubreone nodded back to him.
“Aubreone.” She answered, though having to now say it out loud for a full room had her feeling quite self conscious, “When I’m like this, if you could please refer to me as Aubreone it would be appreciated…”
“I do wish you’d have picked a different name over the one that she gave you.” Y’shtola sighed, “But if you feel it really suits you then, I suppose there’s no harm in it.”
“It’s a lovely name.” Krile giggled, “Though you’ll have to give us some time to get used to it.”
“But of course.” Aubreone nodded in response.
“‘twould appear that thou art on quite the new journey.” Urianger smiled at her, “But, do remember that thou needst not walk it alone. Thou hast but to ask and we shall ever avail ourselves to thee.”
“Thank you, my friends.” Aubreone said, letting out a sigh of relief, “I cannot begin to describe the weight that this has taken from my shoulders.” And like that, it was over, and just how she knew it would be. The spectres of her friends’ rejection evaporated into nothingness and Aubreone felt like she could finally breathe again, even if just for a moment. This wasn’t the end, of course. Like Oracle had said, this was a conversation she would have to have for possibly the rest of her life; even now she was starting to dread the one she was going to have to have with Mother and Father when she returned home, but in her heart she knew that no matter how hard things could get, no matter how nasty some people might turn out to be, her comrades, her companions, her friends would always have her back.
“If that’s everything then.” Estinien huffed from his perch against the back wall, “We should return to the task at hand.” He looked over towards Meteor, “If you would do the honor of catching Little Lady Aubreone up on the situation.” Aubreone’s smile immediately broke into a deep and frustrated frown.
“Really?” She scoffed, “Must you?”
“I’m afraid so.” Estinien chuckled, “Especially if you’re going to burn most of the morning away trying to acquire some newly needed beauty sleep.”
“I was not sleeping, thank you very much!” Aubreone protested, “I’ve been awake since the crack of dawn trying to prepare myself for this very conversation.”
“And we’re glad you finally did.” Meteor laughed, clapping a hand on Aubreone’s back, “Welcome to the team, Aubreone. Now, where were we?” Life returned to normal once Aubreone approached the table; discussion about what to do next proceeded exactly as it always had. Whenever she spoke up to give her thoughts, no one flinched away or batted an eye, with few exceptions that were caught and corrected immediately, her new name was used as if she’d always had it. It was like she’d always been here, no, she always had been here. New face, new outfit, new name even, but she was always herself. Aubreone. Alphinaud. It didn’t matter. This was always where they were meant to be, and it was where they were always going to be. She steals a glance over at Meteor, who looks back her way and, with a twinkle in his eye, smiles back at her. Meteor, the Warrior of Light, her stalwart companion through thick and thin. Without him, she really doubted she’d have ever made it this far. What would life have been like had they never met, she wondered, what would it be like to only know him from a distance, to hear of his deeds only after they’d occurred, to kiss those lips, to…
The realization of the thought that just entered into her brain caused Aubreone’s face to immediately explode into bright crimson. She buried her face in her hands and laid them both on the table in an attempt to keep the others from seeing.
“Are you quite alright there, Aubreone?” G’raha asked with a gentle laugh.
“Pray, ignore me.” Aubreone sighed, “I…I appear to have stumbled upon a part of this journey far sooner than I could have anticipated.”
“Oh?” Alisaie teased, “And what part could that be?”
“One that is none of your business.” Aubreone retorted, “Now, can we please carry on before I roast to death?” The laughter that bounced around the room only served to further fan the flames in her cheeks, but at the very least, despite the poor timing of it, she knew she was making progress on this journey after all, and with her friends by her side, it was sure to be a truly great one.