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He had been the first one to start the courting. Well, at least that was what he thought. He had paid much more attention to the Hobbit since his life had been saved, got used to sit by him around the fire, had begun to talk about himself, and to ask questions about the Shire. That was almost non-subtle-at-all courting for anyone who knew him, like Balin.
Then came Bofur with his own way of courting. Their burglar had caught a tiny cold – that probably would not last more than a day or two –, and the toymaker had smiled at him, then put his hat over his head “to keep him warm”. Thorin Oakenshield did not care about Bombur frowning, about his nephews’ murmured gossiping, about Balin’s worried look for him. All he cared about was to try to hide his jealousy and try not to punch Bofur right in the face. He was probably breathing really loud at that point, eyes open wide.
After thanking Bofur with a kind smile, Bilbo turned towards the Dwarf King and his smile faded away, a now worried look on his face.
“Are you alright, Thorin?”
The hat made him look so adorable. To hide his embarrassment, Thorin simply mumbled incoherent things, took his coat off, put it over the Hobbit’s shoulders, tried a gentle tap on the head, which only made Bofur’s hat fall in front of the halfling’s eyes. He then rapidly turned away, mumbling this time about needing to take some air. As he sat at the opposite side of the campfire, he made his best to keep looking at a map for some time, pretending he had not noticed that all the others were staring at him in shock. Especially Bofur, who was now feeling really embarrassed. Bilbo did not really seem to have noticed anything, though. He looked happy when he bundled up in Thorin’s coat and pressed down Bofur’s hat over his ears, a large smile on his face.
A few moments later, a pair of legs prevented the king from spying behind his map. He looked up only to see Bofur, still hatless. He might have frowned at the sight, for the toymaker looked rather uneasy.
“I’d like to talk t’ye for a minute or two, if ye don’t mind.”
Thorin did not answer, slowly folded his map while still staring at the younger dwarf, then stood up and walked towards the woods. Bofur followed. When he was sure nobody would hear them, Thorin turned back to look at him, and the toymaker made his best not to bump into him.
“What do you want.”
The tone was cold. Bofur swallowed.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know ye were interested in Mister Baggins.”
Thorin breathed low and loud again.
“So you’re interested.”
“Well, y’know…”
“You’re interested”, the taller dwarf insisted, frowning.
Bofur remained silent at first, worried about the king’s reaction. Then he sighed.
“I like Mister Baggins, yes.”
Another loud breathing from Thorin. The king finally closed his eyes, resigned.
“So you’re planning on going on with the courting.”
“I can stop if ye want.”
Breathing ceased for a few seconds as Thorin opened his eyes again.
“Explain.”
“Well, y’know”, Bofur started, still uneasy, “I know that he really admires ye, and I’m probably jus’ a good friend of his.”
The toymaker tried a smile, to which the king answered, relieved. Thorin put his hand on the younger Dwarf’s shoulder.
“Thank you, Bofur. It means a lot to me.”
“I kinda got that, y’know”, Bofur smiled. “By th’ way, ye should think ‘bout telling him ‘bout yer feelings… he’s cute but does not get subtle Dwarf courtin’ at all, I’m ‘fraid.”
The king seemed confused, but nodded and offered to get back to the camp. His nephews tried to get his attention as he went past them, but he had something else in mind. And this something was a special Hobbit. Bofur patted his shoulder to wish him good luck and sat right next to Bombur, who was still frowning.
Bilbo lifted his head towards Thorin as he came closer, then smiled to him.
“Oh, thank you a lot for th-“
He was interrupted when two strong hands grabbed his shoulders. As he looked at the Dwarf, looking for an explanation, Thorin opened his mouth. His face meant serious business.
“I require permission to woo you.”
The Hobbit’s cheeks instantly coloured red as his jaw dropped. Then Thorin noticed how deadly silent everyone was. He slowly turned his head towards the others. They were all staring. Only Bofur seemed to have trouble to prevent from laughing out loud.
Then Bombur quickly cleared his throat and cried “Well dinner is served!”, to which all the other Dwarves shouted a great “Aaaah”, before trying to start normal conversation again.
“Just as Gandalf had planned”, murmured Ori while writing something in his big book.
~#~
“What’s wrong with me”, Thorin grumbled.
“Well I think y’might have been ‘bit too fast for our little burglar.”
They had gone a bit far from the campfire again, and glanced from time to time at Bilbo who was sitting next to the fire, pretending he did not see Fili and Kili making heart shapes in his back while he was talking to Balin, apparently worried. Thorin arched an eyebrow when he saw Kili blowing non-subtle kisses at Ori, but his nephew’s romances were not his main concern at the moment.
“He did not get subtle, I thought I should be more daring.”
“But ye scared him.”
Breathing loud again, Thorin frowned at the toymaker.
“What do you suggest, then.”
“Y’ might try to court him in a more cuddly way.”
A pause.
“Show me.”
Surprised at first, Bofur finally gave up and went out of sight. Thorin followed.
“Are you messing with me”, the king grumbled.
“Nah, jus’ getting out of sight.”
“Why.” Brows furrowed, Thorin looked suspicious.
“Well y’want to court Mister Baggins, not me, right? ‘t would be kinda embarassin’ for ye, I guess, if we were, err, seen cuddlin’.”
As the king did not seem to understand where the problem was, Bofur sighed.
“I’m gonna show ye.”
Bofur stepped towards Thorin, slowly left the king’s arms to put them around his shoulders, then put his own around his waist.
“That’s cuddlin’. Ye’ll have to be more tender with mister Baggins, though.”
Thorin tried to convince himself that did not mean anything at all. Especially when he softly closed his arms around the toymaker.
“That’s just what I did after we were rescued by the eagles. I don’t think I need to learn more.”
“Well what ye did back then was really friendly. If you wanna show ye’re interested, ye gotta cuddle longer. ‘bit like this.”
With this Bofur began to slowly caress his back. Thorin shivered. He did not know if finding Bofur’s touch relaxing was a good or a bad thing. Instead he chose to move one of his arms over his back too, the second one resting over his head.
“Ye doin’ good”, Bofur whispered, as if he did not want to unsettle the king.
“I want it to be perfect… you’ll have to teach me more.”
“Aye.”
It took them a while to part away, but when it was done, Bofur quickly turned around and started heading back to the camp.
“I’ve got the first watch, gotta hurry!”
As fast as Bofur had been, Thorin had still been able to see the hint of red on his cheeks. He did not know why it made him smile, but it felt warm and comforting in his chest.
~#~
The next day, Bilbo seemed to avoid him. Maybe because Fili and Kili kept giggling shamelessly at the Hobbit. Dwalin eventually grew fed up with it, grabbed each of the young Dwarves by their necks and made them walk right next to him. It was enough to calm them down, and to apparently ease the hobbit, who was then walking alone. Thorin did not know if he should slow down to try to talk to him.
“I think ye should go.”
The king glanced at Bofur, who had sped up to catch up with him. He arched an eyebrow.
“He seems mostly embarrassed by all this, wouldn’t it be wiser to leave him alone?”
“Nah. Ye were really daring yesterday and almost foreign today, he’s jus’ really lost. Ye should try to walk with him close to ye, somethin’ like that.”
Thorin seemed a bit worried.
“Are you sure?”
“Aye, go now!”
And with this, Bofur softly forced Thorin to slow down. As he arrived right next to the Hobbit, he hesitated a bit, then put an arm over his shoulders. Bilbo seemed both surprised and intimidated.
“Oh, hm. Hi.”
“Mh.”
There was silence for a while.
“I’m… I’m sorry for yesterday”, Bilbo began, “I didn’t really know how to react to this, but I’ve talked about it to master Balin, and he… he explained to me both you and Bofur had been courting me for quite a while and… oh lord this is embarrassing…”
Thorin tightened slightly his grip.
“He has been courting you for a while?”
“Well, hm, apparently, according to what I told master Balin. I… It’s not like I don’t like you, really, I’m flattered, but I wouldn’t want to hurt Bofur because I really care for him…”
“Who do you care more for?”
The king was impressed by the fact that he did not feel jealousy yet. The contact was maybe helping.
“That’s the thing, I… I really don’t know. I like you both a lot.”
There was a tense silence for a while.
“He gave up on you.”
Bilbo blinked, then shyly turned towards Thorin.
“I guess… I guess I should talk to him this evening, then. To be sure he won’t be hurt with you courting me.”
“So does this mean you’ll allow me to woo you?”
The Hobbit blushed and looked away, a shy smile on his lips.
“Yes, but please stop using that word, it feels like we’re the protagonists of a romance novel.”
He smiled, amused, while he let his lips come close to the burglar’s ears.
“Woo.”
“Stop it.”
“Woooo.”
Bilbo giggled, trying to push him away.
“And I thought you were a clever mature man!”
“But I am”, the king protested, before kissing the Hobbit’s ear.
~#~
Later this evening, as they set the camp, Thorin looked from time to time at Bilbo and Bofur. The two were quietly talking, their heads low, and both looked a bit sad. Especially the Dwarf. By now, the king had been able to tell the difference between one of the most cheerful smiles from the toymaker, and a sad one. He did not hear anything they said, but could make up bits of the conversation in his mind. Bilbo probably apologized hundreds of times and kept asking Bofur if he was okay with it. Bofur looked like he wanted nobody to worry for him. He must have had to insist on something, for he put his hands over Bilbo’s shoulders, and uttered something really slowly. In spite of the distance, Thorin could easily read a “Ye be happy, both of you” on Bofur’s lips. He did not know why he shivered, he just did. And something began to ache in his chest. Maybe it was guilt.
Bilbo had a sorry smile and put his hands over Bofur’s arms in return, before leaning close enough for their foreheads to touch.
Thorin almost jumped to his feet, utterly worried. And he was right to be so, for Bofur immediately backed off, a hurt look on his face. Then without a word he stood up and quickly walked away, leaving Bilbo completely lost. Thorin hurried towards the Hobbit first, planning on going after the toymaker once he had been sure of the meaning of the halfling’s gesture.
“Why did you do that”, he started. Maybe he was being a bit rude. It did not really matter at this point.
“He was just really sad and upset, I only wanted to try to comfort him a bit!” Bilbo suddenly frowned. “Why do neither of you explain to me what I do wrong sometimes, instead of just fleeing away!”
Thorin did not really know how to react to this.
“He probably has feelings for you that won’t be returned, and you kissed him, what were you expecting?”
The Hobbit seemed half nervous, half angry, and half upset.
“Oh, so he has feelings for me now? I thought you told me he gave up on me! And I didn’t kiss him, our foreheads merely touched!”
The king bit his lips, before adding “Dwarf kissing is what you did. I don’t know how it works with Hobbits, but now you should get why he was so hurt.”
“Oh…” Bilbo’s anger and nerve quickly faded away. “I… Do you think I should go and apologise to him?”
“I will first. You should stay here for a while.”
On those words Thorin kindly caressed the Hobbit’s bare cheeks, kissed his forehead with his lips, and went away, looking for the toymaker. Whom he found in the woods, not far at all from the camp. He was sitting on an old trump, head in his hands. He only looked up when Thorin’s large feet cracked some roots on his way.
“Ye should leave me alone.” Although Bofur was smiling, his smile was cold. Only polite. The king had never seen him smile this way, and maybe that was why his chest hurt again.
He did not say a word, and simply sat right next to Bofur, sliding an arm around his shoulders.
“I’m sorry.”
“Ye lied to him.”
He gave the toymaker a startled look, and received another cold smile in return. It really hurt.
“I never gave up on him. I still like him. I jus’ didn’t want ye t’be hurt. Now look a’me, I’m the one who’s hurt. Leave me.”
“No.”
His grip tightened. There was silence for a while, then Bofur breathed heavily, as if it had been hard for him to do so. Then he sighed.
“If ye ever get him upset ‘bout anythin’, I’ll blame you for it.”
“Understood”, the king whispered. “Are you going to be okay with it?”
“Does it really matter?”
The sad “don’t-worry-about-me” smile again. Thorin’s chest hurt once more, and breathing properly became hard. He slowly put his other arm around Bofur to get him close. To hold him. To make it matter. He sighed in relief as he felt the toymaker’s arms close around his waist in return. The touch was soft, comforting. Thorin took off Bofur’s hat carefully to slide his fingers between the other’s hair and braids. He heard him sight, and could not prevent from smiling at this.
He did not know when exactly he had shifted his position. But he opened his eyes immediately when he felt Bofur’s breathing mixed to his own. He met sad eyes before Bofur forced them to part.
Oh no.
Unfortunately, yes. He had been kissing him the same way Bilbo had done earlier. He tried to catch one of his hands to apologise, but only earned a sad smile, as Bofur was already far away from him.
“Ye should focus on Mister Baggins before ye get everyone hurt.”
And with that, he was gone. The king put a hand over his face, ashamed. What was wrong with him? He was already happy enough with the Hobbit’s company, so why was he yearning for Bofur so much?
~#~
It took him a while to get back to the camp, partly because he was so ashamed of himself…and partly because Bofur had forgotten his hat and he was not sure if handing it back to him would be proper. But he had to do something.
Everyone was nervous in his own way, around the fire. Fili and Kili talked quickly and in a low voice to Bilbo, who just kept on blushing and trying to ask help from any other Dwarf that would be kind enough to come interrupt them, but the only one noticing him was Ori, who was just smiling, and probably drawing something in his book.
Bofur was talking to Balin, apparently. Thorin sighed, then blamed himself for hoping he had been alone. He did not want the whole company to be involved in all this fuss.
“Oh well, it looks like Thorin found your hat!” he heard Balin say really loud. Which basically meant “get your royal ass over there”, in a very polite way.
Trying his best not to look embarrassed, he came closer of the two Dwarves and began to hand his hat back to Bofur. At that precise moment, Balin pretended he had to save Bilbo from the two princes and almost disappeared.
Bofur grabbed his hat without saying a word, nor turning his head towards Thorin. The king shifted from one foot to the other, uneasy, before he finally dared a question.
“Why did you tell me I was free to court Bilbo if you had feelings for him?”
At first he thought Bofur had decided to simply ignore him. Just when he planned to leave him alone, the Dwarf finally answered.
“I did not want to see ye hurt. I wanted to see you happy and smilin’”
“Why?”
Another silence. Bofur bit his lower lip, and slowly put the hat back on his head – maybe to hide his expression to the king.
“’Cause I care ‘bout ye too. But yer a king, and ye deserve Bilbo, and Bilbo deserves ye.”
Thorin did not take much time to think about it: Bilbo had already admitted to him that he liked both of them, and, well, thinking about it…
He slightly took Bofur’s chin between his fingers, and forced him to look at him, before whispering soflty “Give me permission to woo you too.”
He was prepared to almost everything but a cheerful and honest laugh.
~#~
Let’s now jump to some minutes earlier, and focus on our poor mister Baggins, who had never intended to hurt anyone, and who certainly should have never asked about Dwarf traditions when it came to courting and couples. Because Fili and Kili had asked way too many questions and were drawing way too many conclusions from the answers they received.
“Some say size doesn’t matter but I’m really sure you should mind”, Fili said. It was not the first nor the last time he would.
“So you really love them both?” Kili asked, grinning.
“Well, I –“
“You know, two male Dwarves courting is something rather common.”
“Ah, err, really?”
“Yes, but three never happens! I guess it would end in a deadly fight if you didn’t propose to be shared between the two.”
“Do you really think –“
“OR you could try to start a relationship with the two of them at the same time.”
“Things would get really interesting in bed for you.”
“What Fili means by bed is a real bed.”
“Not just some blankets around the fire of course.”
“We need our sleep too.”
“Boys, you’re embarrassing mister Baggins. Now shoosh!”
Bilbo sighed in relief as Balin sat next to him. He made sure the young Dwarves really left and did not hide behind his back before turning to his friend.
“Thank you a lot, master Balin.”
“But you’re welcome, Bilbo.” The old Dwarf smiled kindly, but it did not last long. “I need to talk to you about Bofur.”
“I know”, the Hobbit sighed. “I probably offended or worse, hurt him forever.”
Balin nodded. “You will have to make it clear to the both of them – Thorin and Bofur – tell them which one of them you want. I understand that you are all mostly young lads, but this quest is dangerous, and we need to remain focused on our goal. We have no time for a whole romance novel to be written, though it would probably please Ori.”
Bilbo was about to ask why on the Middle Eart would Ori write romance in his journey records, but his jaw dropped as he looked over Balin’s shoulder. He had just seen Bofur laugh before grabbing Thorin by the head to bring their foreheads together. The king was all smiling too, one of his hands playing with the other’s braids, while the other was caressing his chin.
If that was not a tender Dwarf kiss he was a female Orc.
Balin, startled by his look, had looked over his shoulder too, for a while, before turning back to Bilbo, clearing his throat.
“Hm, well, it is either getting more complicated, or they have found another way of finding happiness.”
Without me, Bilbo mentally finished. He was utterly jealous. Not of one of them in particular, but of both, of how happy they looked together, of the fact he was not even part of it. He tried to hide his head between his shoulders when Thorin looked his way. He was prepared for a guilty look.
What he got instead was a whistle and a sign of the head telling him to come near.
What.
Unsure of what to do, he silently questioned Balin, whose answer was a mere shrug. He breathed in deeply before standing up and walking toward the two smiling Dwarves. The Hobbit still did not know if he should find their behaviour alarming or adorable.
He yelped when two hands grabbed his to get him to sit between Thorin and Bofur. One arm – probably Bofur’s – curled around his shoulders, while a second – definitely Thorin’s – laid on his hip. The touch made him blush, but two soft breezes against his ears made him shiver. A lot.
“There is something we both thought of”, Thorin began.
“I like ye and he likes ye. And ye likes both of us.”
“I also care a lot about Bofur.”
“And me ‘bout dear Thorin. So we were wonderin’…”
“Would you accept the both of us as your companions?”
Oh lord. Bilbo was pretty sure that he was blushing so hard he could have shone in the night.
“Uh, well, that sure would prevent me from having to choose between the two of you, because I like both of you…”
“It is settled, then”, Thorin smiled, before leaning forward.
Bilbo closed his eyes by reflex, pretty sure there would be some heads bumping. There was not. In fact, the both Dwarves’ foreheads laid softly against his. It was really sweet. It made him smile stupidly while he reached for their hands, only to find them already holding each other’s. So they do really care about each other. He smiled, and laid his own hands on theirs.
They were so happy none of them noticed that they had been the centre of attention before Fili whistled at them. Almost instantly, Thorin broke the tender Dwarf kiss to throw a stone at his nephew. Bilbo and Bofur shared a look. They then laughed together, before they tried to calm the king down. He was always very upset when interrupted.