Chapter Text
You see her on her first day and she sticks out like a sore thumb, partially because there are never new students here in your small suburban town and, partially because she seems to float through the crowd in the hallways without being touched unlike everyone else who is jostled and shoved unceremoniously as they try to get to class.
She looks a little lost, unsure of where her next class is, but she seems comfortable and unworried as she turns to the person closest to her and, showing him her schedule, asks for directions. He says something, pointing in your direction, and she smiles easily and widely as thanks and you’re pretty sure the guy is about to faint. You think you might faint.
But then she’s coming your way and she stops in front of you, her eyebrows raised expectantly. You wonder what she could possibly want from you for half a second before you realize that you’re standing in the doorway for the class she probably needs to enter. You blush and apologize and practically stumble backwards until you’re out of her way. She smiles at you and then passes by and takes a seat at the back of the class. You’re frozen for a second, watching her and the way she moves so fluidly, so comfortable in her own body.
The teacher clapping everyone to attention brings you back into yourself and you make your way to your seat at the front of the class. It’s a good thing this is the first day and you’re just going over basic material because you can’t stop thinking about her sitting behind you. You turn every so often and see her twirling her pencil around her finger and staring at the ceiling. She seems to not be paying attention to anything in particular.
The class passes more quickly than you want it to and, before you know it, the bell is ringing and she is gathering up her bag. She maneuvers her way out of the room smoothly and carefully, somehow getting out before you, even though she was at the back. You follow her and start making your way to your next class. You can’t hide the disappointment you feel when she turns off before you into another class.
You don’t think you’re surprised when she shows up at the soccer fields after class, outfitted in the same training gear as you. You hadn’t been expecting it but when you think back to how steady she is on her feet and how clearly athletic her physique is, you realize that maybe you should have. Coach Ellis has you all do introductions.
“Hi, I’m Tobin Heath. Midfielder,” she says with another easy smile that makes your heart skip a beat.
You’ve built her up in your mind, and she doesn’t let you down. She’s quite possibly the most technically skilled player you’ve ever seen. She moves like she was born with a ball at her feet, like it's an extension of her body.
She plays in a way you’ve never seen anyone play before. You thought you loved soccer but it's nothing compared to how she loves it. She plays with a passion, like losing soccer would be losing her life and like she owes everything about who she is to the sport. You have fun too, when you play, but not like this. Her touches on the ball are playful, she dances with it and with the other players. You’d think she wasn’t taking it seriously if she wasn’t clearly pouring her soul into it.
When you scrimmage, she’s on your team and it feels right somehow. You’ve never played with her before, but you think you understand her and she seems to understand you because five minutes in, you make a run and she doesn’t think twice as she slots the ball through to you. So maybe you don’t score that time because Hope isn't that easy to beat. But ten minutes later she does it again, like she’s reading your mind and this time, your shot is perfect and into the corner. Hope didn’t stand a chance. You turn to find Tobin and she gives you a huge grin and a thumbs up. Suddenly, scoring is about more than just winning. You need her to smile like that again.
You think, as time passes, maybe you’ll find her less exciting and your heart won’t speed up when you see her. It doesn’t happen. Day after day, she sits at the back of your English class, never seeming to pay attention and day after day you see her at practice. She smiles at you in the halls because you are her teammate but you always hope that maybe she smiles at you, because you are you.
You aren’t friends really. You never spend time together outside of practice and during practice you’re too shy to really engage. Your teammates don’t have that issue and Alex and Kelley seem to have somewhat adopted her. You find yourself suddenly wishing that you had worked harder to be their friend because then maybe you could be hanging out with her too.
She stumbles into your first period English class with none of the grace that she usually does. It's been raining and she's soaked. She looks a mess and when she sits in her usual seat she lays her head on her desk and doesn't look back up. The teacher doesn’t call her out on it, having given up on getting Tobin’s attention about a week into classes. As long as Tobin doesn’t distract other students, she can't bring herself to care.
You glance back at the other girl often this class, but she doesn’t move at all. The bell rings and everyone starts to head out, but for the first time all semester Tobin doesn’t make it out before you. You turn to see that she hasn’t even moved. You look around to see if anyone else cares at all, but the room is empty except for you and the teacher who seems more preoccupied with getting her papers in her bag.
You cautiously make your way to the back of the room and gently place your hand on her arm. She jerks a little and sits up, eyes wide.
“Class is over,” you mutter. She nods mutely. Normally she would have smiled, but her expression is drawn and her eyes are glazed over. She doesn’t quite seem to be seeing you.
“You alright?” you ask. She nods again and tries to stand but almost immediately falls back. You catch her arm and help ease her back into her seat. Her eyes are unfocused and you’re pretty sure she almost just passed out from standing. You brush a strand of hair out of her face and your fingers brush against her skin. It’s far too warm. You place your hand more fully against her forehead. She makes a sound of protest but doesn’t seem to have the energy to actually argue.
“You have a fever.”
She shrugs, like it’s not a big deal that she feels like an open flame.
“You shouldn’t be here. You should be at home,” you continue. “Can I call your parents for you?”
She shakes her head.
“Please let me take you to the nurse’s office.”
She closes her eyes as if even that simple request might be too much, but eventually nods. You help her stand slowly and she sways slightly but keeps her feet under her. You walk next to her, as close as you feel comfortable. You worry that she'll pass out but she stays on her feet and makes it all the way to the nurse’s office on her own.
The nurse takes one look at Tobin and ushers her to a bed to lie down. She asks her a bunch of questions about how she's feeling, how long she's felt like this. You stand quietly in the corner. Normally, missing class would worry you, but right now Calculus seems entirely pointless when Tobin seems to be struggling to remember her own name.
“Can I call you parents for you?” Nurse Scott asks.
“Don't bother,” Tobin mumbles. “They won't come.”
You look at her and wonder what she means by it. Maybe they were busy or out of town, though something in the way Tobin had said it, makes you think that they never come.
“Is there anyone I can call?”
“Can I just sleep here for a bit and then I'll go home?”
Nurse Scott seems to want to argue but eventually nods and the minute she does, Tobin’s head falls to the side as she slips into sleep. Nurse Scott turns to you.
“Do you know anyone I can call?”
You shake your head. You tell her that she's just a teammate and you don't know much about her outside of soccer. The nurse nods. She says she needs your name to write you a note and you realize with a start that you can't stay with her. You'd known that, rationally, but part of you had hoped that since you brought her in you'd get to stay. You give the nurse your name and then your phone number.
“She's a teammate. I care. Can you call me if she needs something?”
The nurse seems skeptical but eventually agrees.
You hadn't really expected a call, to be honest. You were fairly certain that it would break some sort of protocol, so when your phone rings while you're on your way to practice, you don't dare hope until you pick up.
“Hello?”
Nurse Scott tells you that Tobin is still there, asleep. Her fever has gone down a little but she hasn't gone home yet. She's tried calling her parents but they hadn't picked up.
You tell her you'll be there in ten minutes. You go to practice and tell your coach what's going on. Coach Ellis is tough and demanding but she cares about her players and so she gives you permission to check up on her on the condition that you do extra work on your own time later. You agree, knowing that the trade is worth it.
When you make it to the nurse’s office, Nurse Scott has woken Tobin up and is getting her out of bed. You stand off to the side unsure of what your role is. Finally, Nurse Scott lets Tobin go and you walk out with her.
“How are you feeling?”
It's the only thing you can think to say though it's the least pressing of all of the questions you want to ask. Why didn't your parents pick up? Why didn't you go home? Why did you come to school in the first place?
Tobin shrugs and you understand that this is the only honest answer she's willing to give.
“Are you going to go home?”
She nods but only after a second of hesitation.
“Coach gave me the day off practice,” you say, “do you need a ride anywhere?”
She looks exhausted as she nods faintly. You offer her your umbrella as you walk to your car. She tries to decline but with her fever, you won't hear it. She takes it, gripping it like a lifeline until you get to your car. It's a nice car, but you always hated it a little for what it really was, an apology present from your always absent father. Tobin slides in carefully, like she's trying to touch it as little as possible. You slide in less carefully and you drip water on the seat and the floor. You don't really care.
“Where to?” you ask.
Tobin looks at her hands but doesn't respond.
“Tobin?”
“Yeah, um, can you take me to the mall?”
“The mall?” you ask. Tobin should be going home, to bed.
“Yeah.”
“You should be going home.”
Tobin looks down at her hands again.
“Can you not go home?” you ask.
She doesn't answer.
You start the car and pull out of the parking lot. Tobin is looking at you intently and you can't tell what she's thinking. You focus your attention on the road.
When you drive past the mall, Tobin tells you, and you tell her that you know. She asks you where you're taking her. You don't answer. Part of you thinks that if you tell her you're taking her to your house she will get out of the car right then and there.
When you pull up and press the button to open your garage, you catch sight of Tobin’s face. Her jaw has dropped slightly and her eyes are wide. She hasn’t said anything but you can’t stop the blush from spreading across your cheeks. You know what this reaction means. You’ve seen it before.
You park the car in the garage and close the door behind you. You try not to notice how Tobin eyes the two other cars already parked there, each even nicer than your own. She turns to you with something, somewhat akin to fear in her eyes. She’s intimidated.
Your family is wealthy. You know this. Your grandfather had started a company that your father now owns and has done incredibly well with. You don’t know the details but you’re fairly certain that the company helps manufacture parts for cell phones and computers. It’s one of those companies that no one knows about, but that virtually everyone has a piece of in their homes. You try not to think about that.
“Come on,” you say. “You can go home later. I’m not just going to drop you at the mall, if there’s no one there for you.”
You lead her into the house and up the stairs into your bedroom. It’s a much more manageable space for her to be in, you think. It’s smaller than the other rooms in the house and it doesn’t have the modern decor your father insisted on that makes you feel like you’re living in an office building rather than a home. Your room is softer, the walls a pale blue and the carpet a calming off-white. You like it because it looks like you’re living in the clouds. There are bookcases around the room filled to the brim and even more books scattered on the floor because you’re always in the middle of at least three. Your clothes have been thrown in a pile in the corner and you’d apologize except as Tobin looks around at the disorder, she seems to calm down.
You open one of your drawers and pick out a soft t-shirt and a pair of comfortable shorts. You put them in Tobin’s hands and tell her to go take a shower and put them on. She tiptoes into the bathroom and quietly shuts the door behind her. A few seconds later, the water starts to run. Once you're sure she's set, you take the opportunity to quickly shower in the guest room’s bathroom as well because your hair is frizzy and you feel sticky with rainwater. You make it back before Tobin gets out. Eventually she comes out, hair damp but looking remarkably cleaner and more put together than she had all day.
She's holding her clothes as far away from her body as possible.
"Do you want me to throw your clothes in the washing machine?" you ask as casually as you can. She looks for a second like she's going to refuse but then nods slowly.
"How about you get in bed? I'll grab you some ibuprofen to help your fever."
Once again, she looks like she's going to refuse but she also looks like she's going to fall asleep where she's standing and when you pull the sheets away she crawls in and curls up in a ball in the corner, trying to make herself as small as possible. You take her clothes and put them in the laundry machine and grab some ibuprofen from the box of medicine you keep in the closet in the hall. By the time you've returned, she's fast asleep. You put the ibuprofen and a glass of water on the nightstand and then you don't know what to do with yourself. Part of yourself wants to curl up next to her and sleep. Part of you just want to watch her and take in the way her nose scrunches a little, the way her long fingers twitch every so often, the way her breaths have settled more into little sighs. But you can tell that she's already uncomfortable and you don't want to make it worse so you decide to pull out your books and get started on your homework.
Calculus is hard enough that you're forced to put all of your focus into it and you eventually forget that the girl that you've been watching from afar is asleep in your bed. But then she starts to stir and you look over to see herself blinking herself awake. You get up and walk over to her. She eyes you and you can tell she's embarrassed and unsure of what you want from her. You place your hand on her forehead lightly. She's still a little warm but her skin doesn't burn your hand anymore. You tell her as much and hand her the ibuprofen. She takes it and gulps it down with the water.
"Thank you."
Her voice is thick with sleep and you feel your knees go weak. You almost forget to say 'you're welcome' but you do and she smiles just a little for the first time and your whole heart soars.
"I can get out of your hair now."
She gets out of the bed and grabs her clothes, changing quickly. You start to panic. You don't want her to leave. The house is big and lonely.
"Do you want dinner?"
She looks at you.
"I don't want to intrude. Your parents probably will be home soon and-"
"They won't," you stop her. "Please have dinner with me."
She nods and you feel like you've won the damn lottery.
You drag her down to the kitchen and get to work. She watches you.
"I didn't know you could cook."
You blush. You don't tell her that you learned when you eleven because you got tired of easy mac and calling in the pizza guy.
"Thank you,” she says out of the blue. You look at her and you see more gratitude in her face than you expect to. You realize that this wasn’t a big deal for you, but it might have been for her.
"It's no big deal. Anything for a teammate."
She smiles wide this time and you almost sigh. But you catch yourself because you can't let her know that this wasn't just a random act of kindness. She can't know that you've been drawn to her from day one.
Once Tobin eats, her energy seems to come back a bit and she's laughing and smiling and joking with you like you've been friends for years. You talk about soccer and she reminds you of just how smart she is when it comes to the sport. When you've finished eating, you reach across the table and press your hand against her forehead. Her fever seems mostly gone. You tell her she can stay the night of she likes but you know she'll decline before you've even finished the sentence.
"If you could just drop me off somewhere, that'd be fine."
You nod and as soon as you've put the dishes away, you both get in the car. She gives you directions to an apartment building. It's not the fanciest place, mostly housing college students but you don't judge.
"I... Thank you, again."
"You're welcome."
She reaches over and squeezes your hand and then she's gone and you're just left with a tingling hand.
Tobin is back at school the next day, looking much better. She gives you a smile, like she always does but it's warmer and more open. She doesn't sit with Alex and Kelley at lunch and instead ends up at your table, where you usually try to get homework done. You're not anti-social, you just aren't pro-social. You rarely go out of your way to make new friends and spend time with people. And along with your drive to succeed and your desire to have everything organized and under your control, people take this as a message to give you space. You're not happy about it, but you're not willing to change yourself for anyone so you've gotten used to sitting alone. But you’re overjoyed when she comes over. She talks about everything except why she had to come to your house the day before, but you are laughing more than you have in months and she's smiling at you.
And then it becomes a routine. Everyday she sits with you at lunch. During practice she still hangs out mostly with Alex and Kelley and in English she still sits alone in the back of the class but at lunch she's all yours.
It gets colder. Winter starts to bite at your skin and you notice that some days Tobin walks into English trembling like she might never stop, but by the end of class, she’s fine and her smile is warm. You don't think much of it. It's cold out and she's never wearing enough clothing when she walks in.
It's almost Christmas break. For the first time in years you have someone to buy a present for and you want it to be perfect. So you go to the mall and spend the whole afternoon there but you can't find the right thing. You realize you don't know what Tobin wants or needs. You decide, as you leave the mall, that you'll ask her. And it's like the universe hears you because there she is, sitting on the curb just outside the mall, curled up on herself, shivering violently. It's threatening to snow and she's wearing just her sweatshirt and jeans. You pull the car up to where she's sitting.
"Get in," you shout through the open window. She looks up startled and then looks over her shoulders as if there were someone else you could be talking to.
"Come on."
She does. You crank the heat in the car until you're sweating but she's still shaking. You wonder how long she'd been sitting out there. You don't say anything. You still don't know how to ask the questions you want answered. When you get home, you lead her up to your room immediately and throw her your warmest pajamas. Her hands are so cold that she struggles to take her clothes off. You look away, out the window to where snow has started to fall in little flurries, to give her privacy. As soon as she's changed you push her gently to the bed. She's still shivering so hard you are amazed that she can even stand. You get her under the covers and you pause. You know that the best next step is for you to get in with her because her body won't be able to produce enough heat to warm her quickly.
"Can I..." you blush. "You would be warmer if I got in."
She nods almost immediately and you climb in next to her and hold your arms open so that she can curl up into your side. Her hands and feet are like ice and the rest of her body doesn't seem to be faring much better. You hold her as close as you can and she burrows into the warmth of your side. Eventually, the shivering slows and eventually stops and you look at her to see that she had fallen asleep. You're unsure of what else to do, so you close your eyes and let yourself slip away as well.
You wake up again later and decide to order pizza. She looks at you every so often and you're pretty sure she thinks you're going to ask her to leave. The thought doesn't cross your mind for a second.
"Why were you outside? You were freezing. Why didn't you go home?"
You ask too suddenly and too quickly. She blushes hard and hangs her head. She's ashamed. You don't say anything, giving her a chance to answer. Or not. She doesn't say anything for so long you wonder if you offended her and you struggle to think of something to smooth over the silence.
"I can't," she finally says.
"Can't go home?"
"I...."
She looks like she might cry or throw up and you don't particularly want either to happen. But you also want to know the answers to the questions you've had since you first brought her to your home. So you wait again, hoping that your silence tells her that she's safe.
"I'm gay."
She's never been particularly loud but you don't think she's ever said anything as quietly as she says that.
"Okay."
You don't know what else to say because there's really nothing you can say. She looks at you with guarded eyes and you offer her a smile. Slowly, she smiles back but tears are forming in her eyes.
"My parents found out and they kicked me out."
Your blood boils.
"I usually... There's usually someone I can crash with for the night, but two of the people I usually stay with moved and the other was out of town. I’ve been spending too much time at the mall. They got suspicious and told me to leave. I didn't know where to go."
You don't know if you should say it, if it would be too forward, but she looks so small right now.
"You know you can always stay here."
You hope that your eagerness doesn't shine through.
"I don't want to get in the way."
"You won't. It's just me here usually. And I've got a lot of space."
She doesn't say anything.
"Please stay here tonight at least. It's cold out."
She nods. Despite sleeping for three hours she looks exhausted again.
You take her hand and lead her back up to your bed. You have two guests rooms she could stay in, but you don’t want her to be alone. (You don't want to be alone.)
She doesn't ask, and you don't offer, but somehow, after workout with the team, she ends up in your car every day for the next week.
You love her.
It's a fact that you can no longer ignore. She's brought warmth into your life in a way you didn't think was possible. You dread the day she decides that she no longer wants or needs your help and leaves.
Christmas break finally comes and you're both spending all day at home. She still lives at your house tentatively, taking up as little space as possible. Even after two weeks, the only mark that she's living there is that she had gotten the landlord at her friend's place to let her in to pick up her suitcase. You'd asked her, in a moment of thoughtlessness, if that was all she had. She'd hung her head and nodded. You'd kicked yourself mentally.
It’s two days before Christmas when she finally asks.
"When's your family coming back?"
"My mom's dead," you say. Tobin’s eyes widen and you know the expression. She wants to apologize for asking but you don’t want her to. You stopped dancing around the issue years ago.
"My dad works a lot," you continue before she can say anything. "I think he's in Milan right now. He won't be back for a while."
Tobin looks sad for a second and you don't understand why. You're lucky. You have a really nice house and clothes and your soccer team. You'll go to a good college and won't have to worry about debt. And your father never kicked you out because you liked girls. Not that he knew, but if he had, you’re sure he wouldn't kick you out.
"It's okay. I'm used to it," you say. "Plus, you're here now so I won't be lonely."
Tobin's face splits into that grin you've come to love so much.
Christmas morning you wake up comfortably in Tobin's arms. It's a feeling that you've gotten too used to in the last few weeks considering Tobin still hasn't unpacked her suitcase and looks like she's just waiting for the first opportunity to leave. You feel her shifting beside you as she wakes slowly. She looks at you and groggily says good morning. You're warm and comfortable so you just lay there for a few more minutes. You can't believe that you're not alone for Christmas for the first time in years and you can't believe that it's her here in your bed with you, nuzzled against your side.
Eventually your full bladder and your empty stomach conspire against staying in bed forever and you get up.
"Come on," you say. "It's Christmas."
You make pancakes with chocolate chips, and berries and bananas on the side. Her favorite. You eat in the living room, in front of the fireplace with hot coffee and blankets. You wait impatiently for her to finish so you can give her the present you snuck out of the house two days before to buy. You know she didn't get you anything. You're pretty sure she doesn't have any money and you've been wondering how she's been eating before she came to your house. You don't expect a present but you wanted to get her something. You hand it to her casually as you pick up the plates and put them in the sink. When you get back she hasn't moved to open it at all. She's looking at you with wide eyes. You'd expected this.
"I didn't get you anything."
"Just open it."
You sit down next to her on the couch again and look at her expectantly until she carefully undoes the ribbon and rips the paper. Inside is a thick, black winter coat with a fur lined hood. It's water, wind and snow proof and it's got lots of pockets. It suits her perfectly.
"I just don't want you to ever be cold," you say, hoping that it will make her look less like she wants to run. She looks down at the coat and back up at you and then...
Oh.
She kisses you. It's so quick that you're not quite sure it happened but your lips are tingling a little and she's blushing as she pulls away.
"I'm sorry," she says. "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have..."
You kiss her, mostly because you don't think you can stand to hear her say she didn't mean it. She melts under your touch and you let her kind of fall into you. You've kissed people before, maybe because you were supposed to or expected to. There was the boy who asked you out all blushing and awkward and who you kissed at the end of the night, though you knew you wouldn't be seeing him again. There was the senior last year who you'd gone to with the confession that you liked girls and who had asked if you wanted to kiss her. At the time, you'd thought the answer was yes. So she'd kissed you long and hard and you'd enjoyed it but not like this. This makes you feel like a fire is starting in your chest and slowly spreading to each of your extremities. It makes you feel like you can't breathe but also like breathing isn't that necessary anyway.
Tobin pulls away eventually and you think that maybe it's because she, like you, can't breathe right. She hovers just a few inches away from your face taking short panting breaths. You look at her, cheeks pink and half-closed eyes, and you wonder how you fell for her even more because your heart had already felt like it was at the bursting point.
"Want to watch a movie?" you ask.
"Yeah."
You decide to watch Elf because it's the only Christmas movie you can think of and, honestly, you don't think you'll be able to focus enough to actually watch. Tobin scoots closer so that your shoulders and thighs are touching. As the opening credits start to roll she places her hand on your thigh and starts drawing gentle patterns into your pajama pants. You turn your head to see that she is looking at you. You watch as she leans in and then stops. You can tell she's still not sure you actually want this. You promise her you do when you kiss her again.
The shift in your house in the days following Christmas is subtle but it means the world to you. Tobin moves a few of her clothes into the drawer you left open for her. She doesn’t fold the blankets that she uses when she watches movies with you in the living room. She goes into the kitchen of her own volition and eats a snack. Before she’d only eat what you gave her.
She also kisses you. A lot. You wake up to her trailing kisses along your collarbone, jaw, cheeks, and lips and you’ve never been a morning person but now you look forward to it. She stands behind you while you cook and kisses your shoulder and your neck and you’ve burned more food in the last few days than in the five years since you first started cooking. You’ve given up playing movies that you’re actually interested in because she will end up pulling you into her lap and taking your breath away.
You wonder, briefly, if this is kind of her way of repaying you. You don’t like the thought because you love her, no strings attached. But her eyes really light up when she sees you, and her hands always reach for yours subconsciously. You can’t bring yourself to believe that she’s that good an actress.
When you wake up on December 31st, you are alone in bed and for a second you panic. It wouldn't surprise you at all if she's finally left. But your heart stills immediately when you hear her voice in the kitchen. You get up slowly, brush your teeth and pad downstairs, still wrapped in a blanket. When she sees you walk in, she quickly hangs up and smiles at you sheepishly.
“Who was that?”
“No one.”
She replies too quickly. You raise your eyebrows but don't push her. She can't seem to stop smiling so it can't be bad. You aren't sure what comes next until she's stepping forward and pulling you into a hug.
“I know I already said this, but I need to say it again. Thank you. For being here for me, for the coat, for taking care of me while I was sick.”
“My motives were a little selfish.”
She laughs at that.
“Are you saying that you helped me just so you could get into my pants?”
You blush. Because that's a vulgar way of putting it, but it's also not entirely untrue. You'd always hoped that by helping her and having her around, she might notice you. You want to believe you would have helped her even if you hadn't felt this draw to her, but you'll never really know.
“Maybe.”
“Hmmm,” she hums into your shoulder. “It worked pretty well.”
And now you feel like you're going to catch fire with how much you’re blushing. She kisses where your neck meets your shoulder, your jaw, your cheek and then finally your lips and you love her so much it hurts. She pulls away before you're ready for her to.
“We're out of milk.”
You blink. Not exactly what you'd expected her to say at that moment.
“Uh, I can go get more.”
“Please, will you? I want hot chocolate tonight.”
“Do you want to come?”
“I want to shower.”
You nod slowly, disappointed. You'd hoped she'd say yes. You don't particularly want to go to the store alone but if she wants milk, you'll go and get it, especially since this is the first thing she’s asked for (other than a kiss) since you’ve met her. Unwillingly, you put on real clothes (jeans and a sweatshirt) and your winter coat and go out to the car. Tobin kisses you goodbye.
It takes about twenty minutes to get to be store and ten to get the milk so you're back at the house in a little under an hour. You almost drive past it. The front is decorated with a multitude of Christmas lights. Each tree has also been covered from top to bottom. There is a snowman in the yard and a wreath on the door. It's the most welcoming your house has ever looked. You go inside, staring in wonder.
“Hey Tobin, how did you…”
Your voice fades away when you see the living room. There are stockings by the fireplace, more lights and the coffee table has been moved to the side of the room and is filled with snacks and desserts. Sitting on the couch and the floor, with a multitude of blankets and pillows is most of your soccer team.
“Surprise!” they shout loudly and you aren't quite sure what to say.
“I, uh, I wanted to repay you for everything you’ve done,” Tobin whispers in your ear as she pulls you into a hug. “I wasn't sure what you wanted and I can't really buy you anything but I enlisted a little help. None of us want you to be alone.”
You still don't know what to say so instead you burst into tears and hug Tobin hard.
“These are happy tears right?”
You nod and you feel her relax.
“No more crying, happy or not,” Kelley says, “we're here for a party and we’re going to have one.”
By party, Kelley means that they're going to eat large amounts of junk food, play music and dance, attempt karaoke and end up in tears while watching Big Hero 6. You laugh more than you have in years and you feel a kind of warmth in your chest that has nothing to do with the fire. You actually get to know your teammates for the first time despite playing with them for the last two years. You didn't know that Ash and Ali were dating, though now that you know, you wonder how you didn’t notice that they’re literally always touching. You didn't know that Kelley enjoyed science and wanted to study environmental science in college. You didn't know that Hope was not actually intimidating but just bad at words and awkward at communicating. You have that in common.
“You're kinda cool, Chris,” Amy says. “You're so quiet most of the time, we didn't know you at all.”
For a second you take it as an accusation and are ready to apologize.
“I might have to hang out with you more,” Lauren says. “I can only take so much of Kelley and Amy before I get a headache. They just won't shut up.”
And just like that, your insecurity dies. Kelley and Amy throw pillows at Cheney inciting a pillow fight that quickly dissolves into a tickle fight that quickly dissolves into the three girls gasping on the floor, Lauren triumphant. You laugh along with everyone else.
“Guys! It's almost midnight. Turn on the TV so we can watch the ball drop.”
You've never heard Carli this excited about anything. You turn on the TV and everyone's attention goes to the thousands of people crowded into Times Square. You watch as well but as the countdown starts, you feel Tobin tugging at the back of your shirt. You look at her and she beckons you to follow her. Everyone else in the room is too engrossed in the countdown to notice that she pulls you away into a corner.
“Four! Three! Two! One!”
You know they’re not cheering for you and Tobin, but you feel like they should be because this kiss is electric and powerful and a goddamn work of art. It feels like a promise and a beginning. You never want it to end, but are also far too aware of the wolf whistling and eventually the embarrassment becomes too much and you pull away laughing and blushing. She’s laughing too. She leans in, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.
“I love you.”
Your heart nearly beats out of your chest and your mind is flying so quickly that you can barely remember you’re supposed to say it back.
“I love you too.”
Her wide smile is the first thing of the new year.