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Monday
The pranks that Peter himself planned never went wrong. Did he get caught most of the time? Well, yes, but at the very least they did not, under any circumstance, go wrong. They didn’t go wrong, however, until they did. That’s what I get for trying to do a prank on a Monday, Peter thought to himself, because it was on this fateful Monday where Peter’s own plan turned against him.
It was a simple plan that ended with one, Gilderoy Lockhart, in his pants with no trousers, showing off the moving sorting hat pants Peter knows for a fact he was wearing on Monday. Peter would absolutely never admit why he knew that, a secret he was absolutely taking to his grave.
It wasn’t as though Lockhart did something inherently wrong. He just happened to annoy Peter because he was a git. Technically, he teased Peter for being the odd one out in his friend group. He was in fact more reserved than James, Remus, and Sirius, but that was just on the outside, with people who didn’t really know him. He never actually felt like the black sheep amongst his friends. They all leaned on each other when needed and were always there for one another. Peter was used to comments like this, but coming from Lockhart annoyed him more than usual.
Peter’s plan did not work because what was supposed to be Lockhart in his pants ended with Peter in his moving snitch pants, the ones his friends gave him as a silly gift. What was worse, is that his trousers were in the hands of Lockhart.
While everyone considered Peter the more reserved of his boisterous friends, only Lockhart gave him any heat for it. He was still a Gryffindor at the end of the day, damn it. Peter held his head up high while he walked the length of the great hall—because of course this happened in the great hall at dinner time—over to Lockhart at the Ravenclaw table, who was holding the trousers in absolute shock.
“Thank you for holding onto these for me,” Peter grabbed his trousers from Lockhart and leaned close enough that he was able to catch a whiff of Lockhart. “Nice cologne, by the way.”
Tuesday
The boys were howling with laughter as Peter told the story for the second time. They were there for it the day before, but they loved it when Peter told a story. They always said it was because his comedic timing made it even better.
“Wormtail, how the bloody hell did that even backfire that badly!” James said breathlessly while still laughing.
“I have no idea! I planned it out, I did the spell, and it should have worked! The spell was aimed only at him, which should have made it easier, but I was the tosser without my trousers in the end,” replied Peter.
“Wait, what did you ask him when you went up to him? We couldn’t hear it,” asked Remus, being the first one to sober up from the laughter.
“Oh well, I thanked him for holding my trousers and then,” Peter paused because he was a bit embarrassed to admit the next part. “And I told him he smelled good?” His voice went up an octave at the last bit of his statement, making it seem more like a question.
This sprang about a new round of laughter with Sirius shouting, “You what!? Why on earth would you do that Wormtail?”
“I wasn’t thinking, obviously Padfoot! Exasperated by his own foolishness, Peter admitted, “I leaned in to grab my trousers, and he smelled so good that I blurted it out before I could stop myself. I wonder what cologne he wears; maybe I should ask?”
James quipped first, “Mate, I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sure he understood by now that the prank was for him.”
Sirius was quick to respond, “I don’t know Prongs, he might be a Ravenclaw, but he might also be that daft.”
Laughter filled their room once more at Sirius’ statement, but Peter remained silent in thoughtfulness. He really did like the smell of the cologne and he wanted to know what the smell was. What’s the harm in asking?
~
It was hard for Peter to track down Lockhart, primarily because Lockhart was two years younger, meaning they did not have a single class together. He could always use the map, but knowing the name of the cologne Lockhart uses did not seem that extreme. Yet . It’s just something he was really hoping to find out. Whether Peter also wanted to look into Lockhart’s mesmerizing blue eyes or run his hands through his ethereal looking blond hair was not something Peter will admit to himself at all, or in a million years.
Nope, Peter was just interested in the cologne, and nothing more.
So when Peter finally ran into Lockhart in the corridor, he basically flagged him down, “Hey Lockhart!”
Lockhart froze upon hearing his name. This year had been particularly hard on him with not being able to impress as many of the younger years with his antics the way he could before. Lockhart was known for being rather obnoxious in his storytelling, unlike Peter. Still, he chose to humor Peter, “Yes Pettigrew?”
“Lockhart, what cologne do you wear?” Peter asked, a bit out of breath. He was restless from staying up thinking about the cologne, definitely not thinking about Lockhart's smooth skin, because it really smelled good for Peter to be thinking about it so consistently.
“Really?” Lockhart looked incredulous, but Peter made a face to show that he wanted Lockhart to continue, so he did, “Er- I’m not sure. My mum gets it for me.”
Peter gave Lockhart a disbelieving look. He leaned in inconspicuously, just to ensure that Lockhart was still wearing the same cologne. He was. Peter was sure that if he wore it two days in a row, then he had to know the name, right? There’s no way Lockhart could be so unobservant that he wouldn’t notice the cologne that he wears. Unless he just didn’t want Peter to know which, knowing Lockhart, that was plausible.
“Well, you wore it yesterday, right? And today as well?” Peter had a small smile on his lips, which on anyone else would look smug, but on Peter it was nothing if not innocent. “So what is it?”
“Oh, I don’t know. It’s just one my mum gets for me.”
It was evident that Lockhart's patience was wearing thin already, but Peter persisted, “Please Lockhart. Listen, can I call you Gilder-”
“No,” Lockhart quickly interrupted. “And why would I tell you now, after you tried to have me in my pants in front of the entire school?” Lockhart had a smug look on his face, much to Peter’s chagrin.
Peter had the decency to look at least a little sheepish when he replied, “Yeah, sorry about that, mate. It was nothing personal, really, it was just a little prank.”
Lockhart once again looked incredulously at Peter’s response. “Not personal? You aimed the spell at me, and only me.” Lockhart couldn’t help that his voice rose a little as he spoke. He was getting frustrated, and that much was clear to Peter.
Putting his hands up in surrender, Peter took a few tentative steps back. “Okay, I get it. Well, let me know when you look at the bottle,” and with that, Peter took off before Lockhart could even get another word in edgewise, but he could hear the sigh that Lockhart let out. Whether that was a sigh of vexation or infatuation was something Peter was not yet ready to examine.
Wednesday
Back in the common room with Remus, Sirius, and James, Peter gave them all an update with his progress on the cologne. Which, there was not much progress but if there was one thing Peter knew how to do, it’s tell a story. He explained what Lockhart said about not knowing because his mum got it for him, but everyone agreed he was most likely lying. Although Peter teases that he’s daft, the boy is a Ravenclaw, and he is quite bright.
Despite not being in the same grade, Peter knew he was skilled, particularly in the classes he was most interested in and tried less in the classes he wasn’t. Peter also knew that he was spoiled. He always receives gifts from his mum. There was no explanation to Peter knowing that other than being extra observant when it came to Lockhart. Peter always was one of the more observant of his friends, and that’s how he helped so much with the planning of pranks. Why was he so observant with Lockhart? Well, Peter was once again not willing to admit that to himself, let alone anyone else.
Peter was not dense, he knew Lockhart was handsome. One may even say he has a pretty face. Or even that he’s fit. Peter wouldn’t dare, but one definitely may say.
“Merlin, he’s being so difficult!” Peter said, lying face up on his four-poster bed with a hand thrown over his face. “How hard is it to tell me the name of a bloody cologne?”
Sirius dramatically threw himself on the bed next to Peter. “So what if he doesn’t tell you? It’s not the end of the world, Pete.”
Peter let out a quiet grunt of frustration. “You don’t get it. It’s just the principle at this point.”
James—the ever persistent boy that he is—replied, “I think Peter’s right, it’s just a cologne. I think you can wear him down.”
“Thank you Prongs! At least you have my back. Moony, what do you think?”
Until this point, Remus had kept to himself, reading his book. He was always listening, but sometimes Remus preferred to take a step back. At the sound of his name, he looked up, “I mean, it doesn’t hurt to try. You aren't, you know, pining after one person and consistently asking them out.” Remus said this with a gentle tone, but everyone in the room knew it was directed at James in his current endeavor with Regulus.
Although James took no offence, he let out a loud gasp, “Moony! How dare you, first of all! And I thought you said my antics were charming.”
At this, Sirius pretended to gag, “Please stop. I’m begging. You realize you all are talking about my baby brother.”
Everyone dissolved into a fit of laughter, temporarily causing Peter to forget the cologne.
~
The next time Peter caught Lockhart was after class, and he was heading to the Ravenclaw Tower. He raced to catch up to him and swung around in front to walk backwards. He kept pace with Lockhart, and since he was standing in front, it was easier to get him to talk. Lockhart evidently planned to rest; he loosened his tie and undid his shirt's top button as he walked. Peter was absolutely not staring at the sliver of exposed skin that was there.
Pointedly looking directly into Lockhart's eyes, Peter asked in the most gentle tone he could muster, “So, do you remember the name of the cologne? Did you have time to look at it.”
Lockhart gave Peter a rather intense sneer before responding, “No, I really don’t know Pettigrew.”
Peter—as per his friend's suggestion—insisted, “well, do you know what the bottle looks like? Maybe even the shape of the bottle?”
“Are you kidding me? How desperate are you for this bloody cologne?” The annoyance was very clear in Lockhart’s voice.
Ignoring the jab, Peter replied, “Okay, what about the box it comes in? You have to at least know that? Or are you that self-admiring that you only look at yourself in the mirror when you spray the cologne?” So maybe Peter didn’t ignore the jab, but he just couldn’t help himself. He almost forgot how annoying the git can be.
“Please Gilderoy, I just want to know the name. Really, I’m just curious at this point as to why you won’t tell me.”
Peter didn’t notice the distance they covered because before he knew it, he gently bumped into the wall of Ravenclaw Tower. Placing an arm on the side of Peter’s head, Lockhart locked him in on one side. He leaned in rather close for Peter’s liking before responding, “I really don’t remember,” Lockhart paused, a wicked grin spreading on his lips, “and even if I knew, I wouldn’t tell you. Goodbye Peter.”
With that, Lockhart pushed off the wall, heading into the tower. He stopped considering briefly before turning around with that same grin, reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle. Obscuring most of the bottle with his large hand, Lockhart held it up and gave himself a spritz of the cologne, before turning and striding into the Ravenclaw common room.
Peter gaped at the scene in front of him. The smell of the cologne infiltrated his nose and now he was seething.
Who does this bloke think he is? Thought Peter to himself.
Thursday
Peter knew the boys were going to have a field day with this one, so he refrained from telling them what happened until he found out what the cologne was. He knew it would be better anyway if he relayed the story with a conclusion. His anger and bruised ego also prevented him from telling them. They would never judge him or laugh at him for this, but in this moment, he was feeling a little too prideful. A trait that did not find him all too often, and he found himself to be more of an opportunist.
An opportunity presented itself to Peter in the form of a quidditch match, and although he had yet to find out the name of the cologne, he remained undeterred.
The match was between Ravenclaw and Gryffindor, so rather than sitting in his own stands, Peter would go find Gilderoy in his respective stand. Peter did not know when he started thinking of Lockhart as Gilderoy, but it was not something he was particularly happy with, all things considered. However, one thing Peter knew was that Gilderoy could not resist a crowd that he could charm. Or at least, attempt to charm. Peter didn't know how much of Gilderoy's stories were true, but even Peter admitted they were entertaining and cleverly presented him favorably.
Peter attended the game with Remus—who was raptly watching Sirius and James—and tried his best to slide out of the stands to go bug about the cologne, but nothing could get past Remus. “Wormtail, are you going to ask Lockhart about his cologne again?”
Peter gave him a sheepish look. “No. Er- maybe?” He knew it was no use lying to Remus, “Yes, but promise not to tell Prongs and Padfoot? At least not until I find out, please?”
Giving him a light chuckle and a gentle smile, Remus replied, “Don’t worry about it. Okay, go on mate.”
Peter smiled back and gave Remus a small pat on the shoulder before scurrying away. He weaved through the people and left the Gryffindor stands heading towards the Ravenclaw ones. It took him a moment, but finally he spotted Gilderoy, who was chatting up a group of younger students.
He was not entirely sure what they were talking about, but there was a break in the conversation and Peter took the lull as his opportunity to speak up. “Anyway, Gil.”
Peter was behind Gilderoy and it was clear from the jump Gilderoy did that he was not expecting anyone, let alone Peter, behind him. “Merlin, what the bloody hell do you think you’re doing, Pettigrew?”
“Pettigrew? What happened to Peter?” said Peter with a smug smile of his own.
“Temporary lapse in judgment.” With that, Gilderoy turned from Peter and went back to conversing with his fellow Ravenclaw group.
Initially, Peter tried to keep up with the conversation, but at some point, he tuned it out. He caught pieces of it, something to do with a dragon, but Peter was sure certain aspects had to be fabricated. Peter was much more concerned with Gilderoy’s hair. Loathe as he was about to admit it, Gilderoy’s hair looked so soft. Almost soft enough for Peter to reach out and touch. He had no excuse for this line of thought and even had to physically restrain himself from doing something as stupid as running his hair through those blond locks.
Peter interjected the conversation once more after some laughter from the group. “You guys are so funny. Gilderoy, what color is the bottle?”
Gilderoy did not even grace him with an answer this time and just rolled his eyes at Peter.
“Well, where does your mom usually shop?”
Still, Peter received no response, but he tried just once more. “Gilderoy, what are the top notes? Is it like an-”
“I swear to Merlin Pettigrew, if you ask one more question, I will obliviate you so that you never think of this cologne ever again,” Gilderoy finally responded with great frustration.
There was a slight flush to his cheeks and Peter didn’t know if he was the cause or the chill in the air but it wasn’t actually all that cold. Peter did notice, though, that Gilderoy now had his wand out in a very noncommittal way. Gilderoy wasn't pointing his wand directly at Peter, but it lazily pointed in his general direction.
Peter was confident that he wouldn’t actually obliviate him, but he still put his hands up in mock surrender as he said, “Okay, I can take a h-”
“I reckon you really can not,” Gilderoy quickly subbed in.
“I’ll see you tomorrow Gil,” Peter replied and then for some reason, he gave into his compulsion to reach out and gently touch a couple strands of his hair.
Peter froze and promptly dropped his hand, but not before noticing the blossoming redness to his cheeks.
~
Sulking, Peter returned to the Gryffindor section with his head hung low. Remus had the decency to not laugh at him because it was clear he was feeling miserable. “I take it you didn’t get the name of the cologne?”
“No,” muttered Peter.
“What happened?” asked Remus.
Not knowing it was possible, Peter somehow managed to sulk even more, his head resting on top of Remus’ shoulder. “You don’t want to know.”
“Poor Petey,” Remus said as he ran his hands through Peter's hair in what should have been a comforting gesture, but because of what had just transpired, all he could do was let out a groan in slight mortification.
Friday
This is it. This is the day.
Peter was determined for today to be the day that he finally learns the name of Gilderoy’s cologne. It was a Friday, so it was destined to be a good day. Nothing was going to stop Peter from getting the name of that cologne, and he was not past borrowing James’ invisibility cloak to sneak into his dorm to find out. Peter was almost considering doing that anyway, but he felt as though he was close to breaking Gilderoy’s restraint.
He wanted to come up with a plan, but a plan was what got him into this mess in the first place. Peter thought that his best bet was confronting him in the great hall, where it all began. A full circle moment, so to speak.
Feeling only mildly confident with that, Peter conferred with his friends in the middle of the night. “I think I’m going to ask him one more time, in the great hall at dinner.”
It was Remus who spoke up first. “Maybe you should give it a rest now, Petey?”
Sirius spoke next with a snort, “Or maybe not in the great hall where, you know, you tried to do the prank on him in the first place?”
At this, James let out a bark of laughter, “I’m going to have to agree with Sirius on that one. I mean, sure, try one more time, but not in the great hall.”
“Well, I’ll do it at breakfast time instead, but I’m going to do it.” Despite his friends not being totally on board, Peter became even more determined. “Today is the day.”
~
Today is the day, is the mantra that Peter fell asleep to. If he kept thinking about it, then surely it was to come to fruition. Although he stayed up rather late, tangled up with nerves, he still was the first one to wake up among his friends.
After they all got ready, they headed down for breakfast, Peter being quiet the entire journey down. He couldn’t stop thinking of Gilderoy and his cologne. Gilderoy and his delightful smell. Gilderoy and his pretty face. Gilderoy and his plush lips. Gilderoy and his soft hair.
This cologne drama was going to be the death of Peter. If it weren’t for this cologne, Peter never would have thought of Gilderoy in this way.
All too quickly, they arrived at the entrance of the great hall and Peter finally spoke up, “Wish me luck, here I go.”
“Luck, Petey,” they replied in unison, which made Peter even more on edge over the entire ordeal.
With all the bravery Peter could muster, he sauntered over to the Ravenclaw table sitting directly next to Gilderoy, promptly cutting off any interaction he was previously engaged in.
“I’ll hex you.” Gilderoy said before Peter could even utter a word.
“Good morning to you too, Gil!” Peter said with a cheeky grin. He then sobered up to muster the courage to say the next part, “Listen, I need to know what cologne you wear.”
Gilderoy looked at Peter for a long moment before sighing, “If I tell you, will you just stop talking to me?”
Peter stared back for even longer before replying simply, “Yeah.”
The other boy reached into his robe and got out a small vial with the name Lockhart on it in script.
Peter gawked before replying, “Is this a joke?”
Gilderoy rolled his eyes before responding, “No, it’s not a joke. I thought that was more your specialty.” He held out his hand with the bottle in offering, “My mum makes it. Here you can have this bottle, she can always make more. Just don’t give it to anyone else.”
The widest grin imaginable broke out onto Peter’s face and before he could stop himself, he grabbed Gilderoy’s face and planted a kiss directly onto his lips. In the great hall. At breakfast. In front of. Everyone.
Peter pulled back, staring into those bright blue eyes, seeing Gilderoy’s cheek redden up to his ears. He looked back with the same amount of shock in Peter’s eyes. Before he could overthink it, Peter plucked the vial from Gilderoy’s hand, lifted himself up and stumbled back to the Gryffindor table. As he passed the other tables, there were students giving him sidelong glances. There went Peter’s hope of no one noticing what he just did.
After what felt like an arduous journey, Peter made it back to his friends, who were staring at him with equal shock.
“What the fuck was that?” Sirius whispered, but it came out almost more of a shout.
“I finally got the name of the cologne!” Peter replied with a smile.
“Mate, that’s not the part he was talking about,” James spoke up after a brief pause.
Peter’s actions were finally sinking in. He started to fidget before responding, “Right about that. I think I fancy Gilderoy Lockhart,” He said, looking slightly abashed.
Remus was the last to speak up and just said two words that broke the shock and made everyone but Peter dissolve into laughter, “Knew it.”
Sitting there with his head in his hands, he finally felt the weight of what his kiss met. Glancing up from his current position, he chanced a glance at Gilderoy, who gave him a shy smile, and Peter couldn’t help but smile right back at him.