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Robby had a system for when any of his staff endured their first patient death.
Take them aside, take them away, and tell them what they need to hear.
No one needed that now more than Whitaker. After he’d told the young medical student to hold compressions and the piercing ring of the flatline cut through the ER, Whitaker looked like a kicked puppy - his sad, sunken eyes managing to get just that little bit more miserable.
“Whitaker, with me.”
It took a beat, but Whitaker managed to snap out of his misery and realise that his attending had given him an instruction. The squeak of sneakers on vinyl floor sounded behind Robby as he headed towards the staff lounge.
“His EKG was fine, he was fine, he was joking around, he just had a gallstone, I don’t know what happened…” Whitaker rattled off with growing desperation.
They’d made it to the door of the staff lounge, Whitaker managing to catch up with him. Robby slung an arm around his shoulder, opened the door, and steered them in and onto one of the couches.
“It’s fine, you’re fine. You’re not in trouble, that’s not what happens. This is just what I do when one of my medical students loses their first patient.” Robby explained while rubbing comforting circles on the others’ back.
“Oh, well, that’s um, that’s good to hear. I thought I was gonna be shipped off back to Nebraska.”
Robby chuckled, genuine and warm. The kid had loosened up after hearing the good news, but was still on the edge.
“It wasn’t your fault. Sometimes it will be, and that’ll be okay too. Doctors are human and all care has its limits. But you really couldn’t have done anymore.” Robby continued, maintaining the soothing circles on the younger doctor’s back.
“I know that, like, rationally I know that. It doesn’t make it any easier though.” Whitaker huffed.
“I get it, I really do. The 100th isn’t any easier than the 1st. But that’s where I come in. You just let me know if there’s anything I can do to make you feel better. Doesn’t matter how ridiculous or silly it may seem, I want all my students and interns to be in fighting form alright?”
Whitaker fiddled with the hem of his scrubs for a bit before turning to look at Robby with his wide, pleading eyes.
“Well, there was this one thing we’d do on the farm whenever a calf would die…”
“You name it.” Robby said, eager to get Whitaker back up and running.
“Me and my brothers would all sort of cuddle, in a big heap. Sorry, that’s stupid. You probably didn’t mean it like that.” Whitaker said, getting up off the couch to leave.
Robby’s hand shot out, grabbing the cuff of the others’ scrubs, halting his escape.
“I can’t say any of the other students have asked for that, but why the hell not? Yeah, sure, it’d be good mentorship.” Robby said, thinking aloud.
Not waiting for a response from the student doctor, Robby kicked his legs out onto the couch and made his head comfortable on the arm.
“Now I’m not sure how you did it on the farm, so just let me-“
Before Robby could get it all out, Whitaker had launched himself at the attending doctor and laid himself flat on top of Robby’s larger frame.
“…sorry” Whitaker muffled, face smushed against the navy hoodie of the ER veteran.
“You’re good, make yourself comfortable I guess.”
Whittaker burrowed into the hoodie a bit further, allowing the rise and fall of Dr Robby’s chest to ease his worries.
For Whitaker, this whole thing was both the best and worst case scenario: he’d stopped thinking about his recently deceased patient, but that was because he was thinking very intently about how nice it felt to be pressed against Dr Robby’s front.
“Do you need me to do anything else or just lie here?”
Almost inaudibly, Whitaker responded.
“maybe you could touch my hair?”
Strong fingers began to stroke through his sandy locks, occasionally scratching at his scalp.
“Like this?” Robby asked, getting at the hair right near one of Whitaker’s ears.
Robby just heard a hum of content, which he took as a good sign. Whitaker’s breathing evened out and it seemed like he’d even fallen asleep. Robby kept up his ministrations, even letting his hands creep down to the younger doctor’s neck and nape.
The reverie was broken by the door to the staff lounge opening and Dana sticking her head in.
Robby put a finger to his lips in a pre-emptive shush before fixing her with a look that said he wasn’t in the mood to discuss any of this.
She held up two fingers to let him know how much longer he could be Whitaker’s personal mattress and then eased the door closed behind her.
Dr Robby looked down at the sleeping medical student who had somehow latched onto his body even tighter and smiled.
This might become a problem.