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Deadpool never envisioned a domestic life.
Sure, he had something close with Vanessa, but that didn't last long. Nothing ever did. It's the Wade Wilson curse—an eternity of unfortunate circumstances that he can never escape from.
Up until he met an arachnid in spandex.
From the first moment he laid eyes on Spider-Man, he was head over heels, entranced by the way he swings so gracefully and takes down bad guys without even having to kill them. That kind of art is more beautiful than bloodshed. It's the kind of art he has never gotten a hold of, not that he ever actually tried.
Their first meeting was something of a funny coincidence, at least in Wade's mind.
Deadpool had just returned to New York after finishing a job in some other part of the world. He had purchased himself a nice place to settle in the hopes that if he stuck around long enough, then Spider-Man would notice him. It was inconvenient as hell, but he'd be damned if he wasn't able to admire Spider-Man and all of his assets.
Deadpool had bought himself dinner, a box of six birria tacos with a nice, cold horchata to wash it down. One of the many great things about New York is the number of food options he can choose from. The downside is the lack of authenticity, but that's a whole different conversation.
The mix of munching and Wade blasting Rihanna distracted the merc from a sudden presence behind him.
"Deadpool?"
In half a second the merc had abandoned his food and had his guns ready to fire in his hands. The sudden movement surprised the other person enough to jump back a few feet. Deadpool finally took a second to adjust his eyes against the shadows and recognized the red and blue suit shining under the moonlight.
"Holy fuck balls—SPIDER-MAN!!! We are your biggest fans. I run four blogs about you, one of them primarily talking about your sweet ass. I'm sure you've seen it! It's practically got all of New York following it! 'The Amazing Spider-Man—Does Whatever He Can, Including Filling Out Those Spandex Pants!' A personal favorite written by yours truly. To what do I owe the honor?"
/Did you really say that out loud? My GOD, you sound stupid./
[Dunce, I knew you'd ruin the first interaction with him.]
The silence between them didn't last too long as he heard a small chuckle.
Holy shit. Did that make him laugh?
/You're imagining it; no way he thought that was funny. You're probably freaking him out./
[Way to go.]
"Clearly you already know who I am. I've seen you around. What's your business in New York? Don't tell me it's to cause trouble." Spidey chose to ignore the weird introduction. He had gotten a small rundown of how random Deadpool was and was ready to roll with the punches.
"Lil ol' Deadpool causing trouble?! Wouldn't dream of it, baby cakes; I came to enjoy the very fine views New York has to offer." Despite the mask, his face is very animated in showing his wiggling 'eyebrows'.
Spider-Man was obviously suspicious. A well-known mercenary appearing out of the blue just to admire some views? Surely he could go to a more open city with nicer mountains rather than the eyesore of skyscrapers. It was worth a shot to ask; Tony kept bugging him about figuring out Deadpool's intentions. 'Why him?', you may be asking. Peter assumed Mr. Stark wanted to give him an assignment he couldn't possibly mess up. All the other heroes either heavily disliked the merc or were unwilling to be civil and opted to take him down and force answers out of him. What stand-up heroes! So, The Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man was tasked with peacefully sourcing some information so as to not set him off.
So far, it was working. Spider-Man was actually really nice.
Of course, he was only being polite out of courtesy. His Spidey senses were going haywire being around the known killer. He got what he needed; he should go.
But he doesn't.
"The natural view here is pretty meek. It's all skyscrapers and cars."
The giggle Deadpool lets out confused the arachnid.
"Oh no, no, no. There are plenty of natural views here for me to admire." The joke had flown right over Spider-Man's head, but before he could question it further, Deadpool had gasped dramatically.
"My tacos! My horchata!" The devastation in his voice was amped up for dramatics, of course, but the genuine sigh from the merc didn't go unnoticed by the hero.
"Oh crap, yeah, sorry about that. I didn't realize you were eating. I can get you some new ones if you'd like?" Spidey's tone was a little nervous. On one hand, he may have possibly pissed off a deranged murderer who kills like it's the easiest thing in the world. On the other hand he isn't made of money and scrapes by, living paycheck to paycheck. Yeah both hands suck. Hes screwed. Story of his life.
"Are you asking me out? Why, aren't you forward!" Deadpool's fake eyelash fluttering caught Spidey off guard. He knew he was strange, but a flirt too? God, he knew he should've walked out of the meeting room before Tony gave him this request.
"No!—I was— okay. Hold on. Where'd you get them? I'll be back in a jiffy!" Once again, he chose to ignore the strange comments.
"Don't worry about it, Spidey; you can make it up to me next time!"
"Hold on, next time? I'm sorry I can't--"
"It's a date!"
Deadpool completely ignored the hero and jumped off the building after his last comment. This, of course, freaked Spider-Man out, but when he looked over the edge, the merc was gone.
I've been falling in bad habits
Staring into the abyss
Drowning in red wine and sniffing cinnamon
Peter knew the dangers of falling in love.
It was difficult to balance Spider-Man and Peter Parker—they're two completely different people with different lives. The chaos of mixing the two was not a thought Peter was fond of. Besides, love is hard.
If his history of girlfriends is not enough to prove that, then I don't know what to tell you.
But of course, the world likes to make a mockery of Peter Parker despite all that he does for it. He was really beginning to love the company of the mercenary. As much as he knew he should hate it, he didn't mind the idea of falling in love with him. He's immortal, seemingly devoted to Spider-Man, and has quite the body. Especially those arms—holyyy.
Hey, let the man's eyes wander a little. Admiring someone's arm muscle isn't illegal.
After their first interaction, Deadpool never let up. He'd find Spider-Man one way or another and would join him on patrols often. They began to spend a lot of time together, and Spidey was really not hating it after the first few weeks. It was nice to have someone to talk to every once in a while that wasn't MJ or Aunt May.
Tony wasn't a fan of the blooming friendship, but Peter is 28 for God's sake, not 15 anymore. He can make decisions on his own social life even if it backfires on him. Aunt May would for sure love it; she's been on him to finally settle with someone. 'I'm not getting any younger', she'd remind him as if it was easy to find a stable relationship with a life like his.
Peter considered him and Wade to be best friends. Of course, he never asked to confirm or deny on the off chance he'll get denied cause, oh god, how embarrassing that would be. Part of him knows Wade would love to be called Spider-Man's best friend, but the other part of him finds it a little childish to act like they're in middle school because what's next? Saying 'I like like you'?
Actually, Wade would probably love that.
Spidey was fond of calling Deadpool by his name. It felt more personal, the same way he calls the Avengers by their first names. He liked pretending he had close relationships with the people he worked with; it made him less lonely.
Wade was like a bad habit he couldn't give up. Peter began to get excited for when he transformed into Spider-Man so he could see Wade.
Will this come back to bite him in the ass? Most definitely. For now he didn't mind.
We've been kissing on the playground
Acting like little kids
Making dirty jokes and getting away with it
Their first kiss was shared on a random patrol day.
Not totally random, I guess. Taco Tuesday, Wade's favorite! It was their designated 'date night' as he liked to say. Spidey stopped trying to deny and defend after the fourth one.
Wade paid every time without complaint, like a true gentleman. He knew Spidey was short on cash based on his reactions to the daily lunch or dinner dates, but he didn't mind. He knows that Spidey doesn't do it for the money (lack thereof) but out of the goodness of his heart.
Wade has followed Spidey's 'no killing' rule to a T. At least when they patrolled together. If he stopped working mercenary jobs, how else will he spoil his partner in (lack of) crime? Or make sure he eats at least one meal a day? As lean as Spider-Man is, he wants to make sure he stays well fed.
Lately, Spidey had been acting strange. Wade thought a change in scenery would be enjoyable after their late-night dinner, so he led them to a nearby park. The park was always nice and peaceful after hours. It was pleasant to enjoy the swings without fighting a child for them. Just kidding. Wade has never done it, but he's thought about it.
Despite his efforts, Spidey was still dazing off. It never offended Wade if Spidey didn't catch on to everything he said. He does spew out random nonsense constantly, but it was very uncharacteristic of his buddy not to respond.
"Alright, Webs, spill the beans. What's on your mind?"
His change of tone and lack of swinging caught Spider-Man's attention. It was unlike Wade to stop his rambles so suddenly unless he was concerned. Being friends for almost two years makes him catch on fairly quickly to the fidgety antics.
"Nothing, nothing. Go on, you were talking about cereal?…" The hesitance confirmed Deadpool's suspicion that he was, in fact, not paying attention.
"That was four one-sided conversations ago. I will go back to explaining why pineapple does in fact belong on pizza later—spill. What's got your webs in a bunch?"
Spider-Man's eye roll was blatant at the lame joke, but it got a hmph of amusement out. Silent victory for Wade. Speaking of—the silence between the two started to get uncomfortable as Spider-Man was considering how to speak his mind.
"I've… I've been thinking about a lot. About us—or more like you, you know? Um. I just… We've been friends for a while, and…" He kept trailing off but piqued Wade's interest. Spider-Man was thinking about him?
/He's definitely thinking about ditching us. We knew he was too good to be true. It's all your fault for being such a freakazoid./
[Freakazoid? That's your best? He's disgusting, and Spidey finally sees it. Took him long enough.]
/Trash, ugly, feral. You can't change that about yourself./
"Hey, Wade? Ignore whatever the boxes are saying; they're assholes."
/Says the one who's going to throw you aside like yesterday's garbage./
[At least he has the balls to admit it.]
"Shut up already. Go ahead, Webs." The boxes would never stop their bickering, so it was best he tried to focus on Spidey.
Spider-Man didn't say anything as he gently lifted his mask above his nose and asked silent permission to lift Wade's. He nodded carefully as he held his breath for what he felt was about to happen. The boxes were now silent.
Ever so slowly, Spider-Man leaned closer to Wade, his breath kissing his lips before contact could be made. Spidey waited halfway for an opt-out, but Wade would kill himself a hundred times and more if he lost this opportunity, so he met him in the middle and closed the space between them.
It was gentle. It only lasted a few seconds before Spidey pulled back to see a reaction. Wade sat there with his eyes nearly popping out of his mask.
"Holy fu—this is a dream. Damn it, why'ds it have to be so realistic?" Deadpool placed his hands on the other man's face to confirm his suspicions.
"Wade, this is very much real." Hearing an actual response that didn't follow the usual wet dream dialogue shook him to his core.
"Wait. Spider-Man just kissed me? For realsies? Pinch me now, holy shit." He pinched himself purple for confirmation and burst out of the swing like it was on fire.
"Yes? I assumed we were on the same page, or was I reading into it—"
"No! No. I am just. Woah. Woahhh. Hold on. I hope you know I got an ugly mug. Seriously, it's so fucked it's not even a face a mother could love. Hell, my own mother didn't! And I know I've stopped with the whole killing thing for you and all, but I'm still dangerous—I'm still not a good guy. Us getting so involved would be a whole can of worms with C4 ready to blow! I can't put you through that, Spidey baby." As much as Wade joked, Spider-Man heard the sincerity in his voice.
"Wade, I know what I'm getting into. I am a grown-ass man."
"Spider-Man swearing?! Now I've seen it all!"
Spidey's eye roll could not be more obvious, but his little smile was hard to hide. He then surprised Wade once more by taking his mask off.
It was as if time had stood still, and God, Wade wanted it to stay frozen to admire Spidey's every freckle and mole. His eyes were a beautiful brown that held a strong but loving gaze towards Wade. Spidey's nose was a little lopsided, presumably from years of getting tossed around, but god, his eyes. Wade will never be able to move on from his them. The way the moon's light makes them shine in a way stars are unable to compare. The privilege to be able to admire them has Wade breathless and, for the first time, at a loss for words.
"My name is Peter Parker. I want to show you I am serious about this, Wade. I know about your scars and your history. You've grown past all the bad stuff and have shown extreme improvement since then! I don't care for the scars. I admire you for you. I won't be upset if you want to ignore this and stay friends. My mind is made up; is yours?"
"Peter Parker… Petey, Petey Pie, Parky, Sweetie-Park…"
His answer was given by a long and greedy kiss.
And perhaps a cheeky grab at Spidey's—Peter's goods.
So, I propose
It's long overdue
When you go to hell, I'll go there with you too
And when we're punished
For being so cruel
The silver lining's, I'll be there with you
Deadpool finally popped the question.
Well, for the 7th time this month alone. Each time at a majorly inappropriate time and done with a Ring Pop, of course. Since the start of their relationship, Peter wanted to keep it on the low, but of course Mr. I Must Know Everything Stark found a way to dig out the information as Peter was being extra secretive withholding information. To say he was not happy is an understatement.
"You—with a mercenary. Sorry, not just a mercenary. DEADPOOL of all people. Peter, what are you thinking?" His angry rant had gone on for 15 minutes too long. Peter had zoned out long ago. Tony's lectures stopped affecting Peter when he was 23, when the realization of him being able to make his own choices hit him like a missile. The only person he ever had to share anything with was his Aunt May, and sometimes MJ if he was desperate.
"Mr. Stark, with all due respect, I am a grown man now. I know just about everything about him—a lot more than you.My relationships do not concern you. I am very aware of what I'm doing!" Peter was honestly so sick of being treated like he was still 15 and learning how to use his web slingers for the first time again—crashing into walls and almost falling to his death.
With a heavy sigh, Tony sat back down in his office chair.
"Alright, Peter. I trust you and your judgment. The consequences of your actions fall on you and you alone. I hope you keep that in mind."
The judgment in his tone was not missed and definitely not appreciated. In a huff, Peter left the tower as fast as he could to swing back home to Wade. Sometimes he felt like a teenager again, stomping out of Tony's office after hearing advice he never asked for. Except this time it was to defend his boyfriend, which he'd do in a heartbeat any day.
To Wade's credit, he never once spilled about their relationship, no matter how badly he wanted to brag about tapping Spider-Man on the regular. But he kept his promise to keep it on the down-low, as New York's Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man being romantically associated with famous ex-mercenary Deadpool would only cause trouble for Spidey. Of course, the ex part was always ignored, but he knew Peter was proud of him, so that's all that matters.
They'd been going steady for 8 months. It was a lot longer than Peter thought they'd get away with, especially at the initial stage, but he was happy he got to have a private life with Wade for a while. He knew eventually people would find out and the news would spread like wildfire, but the opinions of others didn't matter as long as he could continue his job as a hero. He'd dealt with his fair share of hate before. He can do it again.
"Wade, my God, you were right about the—Honey, what are you doing?"
Wade was on one knee in the center of their living room with a ring box in hand, surrounded by balloons and an over-the-top 'Will You Marry Me' sign plastered on the wall. The act was very sweet if Wade had been any serious at all, but of course it was one of his favorite antics to have the ring pop in place of an engagement ring.
"Peter Parker, it has been such an honor--" Peter webbed the candy to the wall and gave him a quick peck on the lips as he casually made his way to their kitchen.
"No fair! You didn't even let me do my speech! I spent all last night preparing for this." His pout made Peter smile to himself, though his heart ached a little. Part of him did want a future with Wade, but the other part of him felt they were moving a bit fast. They decided to start living together 3 months in, as Peter needed a place that didn't reek of grime and sweat, and Wade offered his luxury apartment that Peter would've never been able to afford on his own. His conflict made him confused if he wanted the fake proposals to turn real down the line. Yet, he never asked. Their relationship was fine as is. Why change that?
"Let me guess, 'Cherry was sold out, but our love is never out of stock--'" In the process of pouring himself some juice, he turned around to find Wade on one knee with the same box in hand, a diamond ring replacing the sticky treat.
"Peter, I've been shot, stabbed, and exploded into a bajillion pieces, but nothing will ever hurt more than being in this shithole of a world if I'm not legally bound to your sweet, spandex-covered butt. I haven't stopped thinking about the first time I met you and knew I had to have you with me for the rest of our lives. Will you, Peter Benjamin Parker, marry me?"
Wade's voice shook slightly as he spoke, afraid of messing up by joking too much and having Peter believe he was just pulling his leg again. The stretched-out silence was really starting to make the man sweat in places he didn't know were possible until he saw the biggest smile on his lover's face.
"Yes! Yes, holy shit, yes, I'll marry you, Wade Wilson."
The tension in Wade immediately washed off the moment he slid the ring on Peter's finger, like a glove. Who knows how long they kissed and celebrated after. It was official; Spider-Man and Deadpool planned to tie the knot against the wishes of the world.
Never been calm or collected
No one ever called me sweet
What a miracle, I found a darling
Wade doesn't know who to thank, so he prays and screams out 'thank you's to whatever god or deity had decided to finally bless him with someone as amazing as Peter.
After the loss of Vanessa, he didn't believe he'd ever find someone like her. And he's glad he never did. He found Peter instead, someone who fit him just as perfectly, if not better. It was a miracle at all that Peter had never bothered to brush him off or completely shut him down at first. He definitely pushed a few buttons at the worst moments, and yet the patience he had for Wade was incredible. Unstoppable force vs. immovable object or whatever.
The first few months were a real dream. The fear of waking up alone broke Wade's heart more than he could admit to Peter seriously. He found comfort in the scientific papers scattered all over the coffee table, the library of books they've collected, and the amount of coffee mugs they shared. His space no longer felt lonely or cold—it was no longer just his. The warmth of Peter invading his apartment and quickly making it his own really uplifted the ex-merc. There is never a day when he isn't thankful to see his husband drooling all over their couch after a late-night work project and he gets to pick him up and take him to their bed for proper sleep.
Their plans for a wedding were kept hush-hush and low to a few friends. They had gotten legally married in court long before it, but as Aunt May's health had been unsteady for a while, they decided to have a small celebration for her to see her Peter married. It was a pleasant, intimate celebration with only the most trustworthy of their companions (all basically Peters).
Aunt May trusted Wade would do well to love and care for Peter. She had a weird way of being right about basically everything, so her blessing was enough for them to confirm they were doing the right thing.
Everything had really fallen into place for Deadpool, and he wouldn't have it any other way.
I met you at the worst time
Fell in love on a whim
Now we pirouette in fields of rosy sin
Despite the challenges, Peter never once regretted falling in love with Wade Wilson.
He definitely brought a lot more life into his routine and kept him healthy. Who knew proper eating, sleep, and less coffee consumption could make a man feel better in just a few days?
Peter always hated removing his wedding ring when he went out on patrols. His favorite pastime was lying down on their shared bed and staring at it like it's the last thing he'll ever see. The universe finally cut him some slack and gave him Wade Wilson as a gift, and he couldn't be happier about it.
At the time of meeting Wade, he couldn't have imagined what would come of it. He remembers the first time he met the mercenary and how scared shitless he had been to mess up their first interaction. Now they sleep in the same bed and wake each other up with kisses all over.
What's not to love about his life?
So, I propose
It's long overdue
When you go to hell, I'll go there with you too
And when we're punished
For being so cruel
The silver lining's, I'll be there with you
Peter hopes to continue to wake up to pancakes and bacon, and Wade hopes to continue to wake up to the love of his life clinging onto him as if he were all the warmth he needed. In their few years of marriage, they had successfully kept their relationship under wraps (thanks to Mr. Stark) and the world did not know of Peter and Wade Wilson Parker. The solitude of being able to come home in each other's arms was enough for the couple to not care if the world knew. Their worlds were confined in the new home Wade had purchased for them. A lot of their time consisted of rewatching Golden Girls while snuggling until they fell asleep.
Their home was filled with pictures of their little family—them and their cat, Churro Wilson Parker. Wade picked the name; Peter had no say, but he loved the fur ball anyway.
The consequence of their relationship is not something either one wants to think about, so for now they're content. There doesn't need to be a big talk. Sometimes living in the comfort of each other's arms is enough to convey what's needed.
The silver lining's, I'll be there with you.