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Jihoon tapped his thigh impatiently, trying to stop bouncing his legs out of nervousness.
“Relax hyung, Mingyu is a good friend of mine. I’m pretty sure you’ll like him! He adapts to situations well so we’ll all still have a good time,” Seokmin goes.
Jihoon gave his friend an awkward smile. He shouldn’t say anything unnecessary to avoid being teased in the future. But the name scares him the most. He once dated a Mingyu. They held pretty strong, two years before Jihoon fumbled and disappeared from the love of his life. He changed his number and moved out from their shared apartment. He left his unimportant belongings and placed a wad of money, hoping it could cover months of rent for Mingyu. Jihoon was lucky to score a position as a house-in producer in central Seoul. Hoping he could start over with a fresh start.
Seokmin noticed how dazed Jihoon was, “Hyung, I’ll pay for dinner next round okay?”
“If you say so,” he sighs.
“I’m sorry, I know you’re not comfortable with meeting new people but once in a while, you’ll let me off the hook right?” Seokmin pleaded, making cutesy faces.
“I can’t help that I’m a shy person,” Jihoon mumbled.
“Ah, speaking of the devil,” Seokmin goes and waved at the entrance, where Jihoon’s back was facing.
A tall figure walks past Jihoon’s seat, and pulled the chair next to Seokmin.
It was his ex.
“Mingyu, this is Jihoon, Jihoon, this is Mingyu-” their order buzzer rang, “I’ll go pick up our order, make yourselves comfortable.” Seokmin smiled and left the table.
“Hi,” Mingyu greets, a shy smile forming, something very uncharacteristic of him. Jihoon nods back, he couldn’t start a conversation with his ex no matter how much he wanted to.
Mingyu doesn’t probe, or says anything. His eyes avoided Jihoon’s, his lips pursed as he watches his friend carry a tray filled with coffee cups and a bowl of bingsu.
Jihoon hoped he doesn’t blurt out anything unnecessary throughout their conversation. He ran away for a reason. The said reason being the fact that his self-esteem was so low, that he couldn’t accept Mingyu’s love. He felt horrible, unable to reciprocate the feeling he had yearned so long for. Mingyu was a great lover. He could cook, clean and earn pretty well. He had fixed and set up the house interiors when they moved in and everything was perfect. However Jihoon’s mind was shrouded with negativity. He remembered one time he found Mingyu in tears but he himself couldn’t comfort his lover. That was his last straw with himself in this relationship.
“Jihoonie hyung is single right?” Seokmin asks.
“Why would I be dating anyone, you rarely see me out.” Jihoon raised a brow.
“Touche. But look, here I am bringing a friend over for you to meet. Let’s lose the ego, okay?” Seokmin then turned to Mingyu, “Do you have anything you want to do today?”
Mingyu ponders for a bit.
“How about we go clubbing later?” Mingyu watches as Jihoon frowned at him.
“You’re kidding right?” Jihoon sputtered.
“No, I really think you need to let loose.”
“Loud music and sweaty people, where’s the fun in that?”
Tension quickly rose at the table and Seokmin had to step in before his friends break out in a fight.
“Hey hey hey stop it, both of you.” Seokmin rubs his temple.
“Sorry for being a killjoy. This old man will find his peace somewhere else. Go have fun without me.” Jihoon stood up and left them.
Seokmin looked at Mingyu apologetically.
“He’s not usually like this.”
—-
Hours passed by in a blink of an eye. Jihoon had been busy distracting himself with editing a new song that he didn’t see the number of missed calls and text messages from an unknown number. He knew Seokmin would have given Mingyu his phone number even before opening the text messages.
15:56 PM
Jihoon ah, I’m sorry for acting up earlier. Call me please?
16:04 PM
Do you want to have dinner together?
18:10PM
Have you had dinner?
20:48PM
Jihoon, please can we talk?
23:44PM
Jihoon ah please, call me when you see this
02:39AM
I miss you
It had been two hours since his last text. He then checked the call log and Mingyu called every hour. Jihoon sighed, preparing to block his number but his phone buzzed and he accidentally ended up picking up the call.
“Hyuuuuuung,” Mingyu whined, he wasn’t on loudspeaker but his voice was loud enough to listen to without being on loudspeaker.
“What?”
“Jihoon ah, I miss you so so so- AH” Jihoon was startled at the sudden noise from the other end of the call.
“Jihoon hyung!!!! You fucker!!!!! Mingyu drank so much and told me everything!!!!!” Seokmin yelled.
Jesus fucking christ.
“Listen hyung, I’m gonna drive him to your place whether you like it or not!! You have to fix this stupid ex of yours along with your stupid ego!” and he hangs up the phone.
—-
“You just had to bring up the fact that I’m single, didn’t you?” Jihoon says first thing when Seokmin rolls down his window.
“Like hell I’d know your entire life history,” Seokmin felt betrayed. He thought he was close with Jihoon, enough to share his friends but apparently their friendship was only at the tip of the iceberg.
“You never asked,” Jihoon shrugged.
Seokmin got out and opened the door for Mingyu. Jihoon sighed at the sight of a drunken Mingyu.
“Why do I have to take care of him?” Jihoon says.
“Because he still loves you.” Seokmin deadpan says. No sugarcoating, no beating around the bush. Jihoon had on a poker face and unbuckled Mingyu’s seatbelt. Seokmin helped Jihoon haul Mingyu’s long limbs and brought him up to his apartment. Mingyu’s weight wasn’t an issue. Jihoon works out regularly, to an extreme actually. He could definitely lift twice of Mingyu’s weight but since Seokmin was pissed, he doesn’t say anything to ruin his night any further.
They brought him over to the sofa before Seokmin left.
“Stupid, you’re a heavyweight. Just how much did you drink,” Jihoon grunts as he sits next to Mingyu on the floor. He sat in silence, not sure of what to do next before reaching out to hold Mingyu’s hands. He loved holding his hands. They’re warm and big, so it was always comforting for Jihoon. Mingyu was always the one who initiated holding hands so it was his first time to reach out for Mingyu this time.
“Hyung?”
“Hm?”
“I’m sorry”
“What for?”
“Everything,” Mingyu repositions himself to face Jihoon. Their eyes met and Jihoon could see the sadness behind his teary eyes.
“I’m sorry that I love you,” he continues.
Jihoon closes his eyes. Mingyu deserves better. He always does. Jihoon doesn’t understand why Mingyu fell in love with him in the first place. He only agreed to get together because when else could he be in a relationship. It was a haste for him, but no one said otherwise. His family and mutual friends were very supportive of their relationship. Which only made it harder for Jihoon especially since he felt that he wasn’t a loving boyfriend for Mingyu.
“Sleep. We’ll talk when you’re sober.” His hands are still holding on to Mingyu’s.
“I won’t run away this time,” he says and it was the last thing Mingyu remembered before the alcohol in his system knocked him out.
—-
Mingyu woke up groggy to an unfamiliar ceiling. His neck ached from his sleeping position and sat up quickly when he realized that he was not at home. He looked to where Jihoon was, sleeping in fetus position on the cold hard wooden floor next to Mingyu. With a towel, a bottle of water and a plastic bag next to him. He must’ve been prepared in case anything happened to Mingyu (thankfully not). He reached out for the bottle and took a sip.
This was one of the reasons why he fell for Jihoon.
It felt like he was brought back to the past when he had come home from a night out with his college buddies, drunk as hell. Jihoon took care of him without being asked. He even woke up in a fresh set of clothes, the ones he wore out were already in the washer. Jihoon had even prepared hangover soup, one of the best ones he ever had. No one takes better care of Mingyu than Jihoon himself.
Mingyu noticed the blanket over him. He covered Jihoon with it instead now that his consciousness is slowly getting clearer. He really missed Jihoon.
He got up to use the washroom but with the house owner asleep, Mingyu wandered off on his own. He found the washroom and quickly freshen up, taking a swig of mouthwash while at it and gave his face a quick rinse. He opted to use his shirt to dry his face and hands before heading back to where Jihoon was. The house was quiet and bare. There was only a sofa, television on the wall, a floor lamp and a portable air conditioner at the corner of the living room. The curtains were drawn so the room was hidden away from the morning sun.
“Jihoon ah, go lie down on the sofa. You’ll get a cold,” Mingyu says and Jihoon stirs from his slumber.
Jihoon hummed and got up without being told twice. Mingyu sat on the end of the sofa and Jihoon rested his head on his lap subconsciously. They stayed in that position for a while and even Mingyu lulled himself back to sleep.
Mingyu wakes up to the sound of clanking noises from the mini kitchentte where Jihoon stood.
“Hyung?” Mingyu calls out.
Jihoon doesn’t answer nor looked back so he got up and walked over to the elder. He hesitated at first before wrapping his arms on Jihoon’s shoulder. Just like he used to when they were together. The scent of fresh coffee grounds wafted as Jihoon continues to stir the coffee on the counter.
“You’re heavy,” Jihoon says but there was no bite to his words.
Once Jihoon stopped stirring, Mingyu took the cue to let go.
“What are you doing in Seoul?” Jihoon asked.
“I had some filming going on for the past couple of months. Seokmin was one of the artist I worked with on set. He said he wanted to introduce me to a close friend of his, I didn’t think it would be you.” Mingyu rambled.
“Don’t you want to ask why I ran away?” Jihoon tilts his head.
Mingyu shakes his head.
“I don’t know. I’m afraid to ask.” he pouts.
“I don’t deserve you Mingyu ya.” Jihoon finally says. He’d been keeping this to himself this whole time, his words came out heavier than expected.
The latter made a confused expression, “Huh? Why do you get to decide on that?”
“Do you still love me then? Even though I disappeared from your life?”
“I’ve missed you every single day since. I cried myself to sleep thinking how I failed our relationship. We had no mutual connections, there was no way I could reach out to you. I told myself I could never be in a relationship ever again, not unless it’s with you.”
There was only so much Jihoon could take. But Mingyu was truly the gift that kept giving.
“I- I don’t have much confidence in myself. I’m sorry for being selfish but I really don’t want to see you getting hurt. But it turns out I’ve been hurting you more than I avoided.” Jihoon looks up to Mingyu, “What if I hurt you again?”
“You’ve never hurt me Jihoon ah,” Mingyu folds himself to hug the elder, “If anything happens, we’ll talk. We’ll talk and get over any complications together.”
Jihoon nods and hugs him back.