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(Cold open: Dantz is searching through couch cushions while Asriel walks up to Dantz, looking down, with a grin on his face with his hands behind his back)
Dantz: (Thinking) Come on Come on! Where is the remote!?
Asriel: Hey Dantz, I found something.
(Asriel shows Dantz an exploded stink bomb)
Dantz: Oh crap! Where did you find it?
Asriel: I found it in the garage. And I’m telling mom because someone “over salted my water” during a Passover Seder.
Dantz: That was months ago, and if you tell mom, I’m getting Susie on you.
Asriel: Mom!
(Toriel comes to the living room, her expression is worried)
Asriel: Dantz has a broken stink bomb.
Toriel: Dantz, did you use a stink bomb?
Dantz: Yeah.
(Toriel sighs, then looks at Asriel and sees his wide grin, Toriel looks at Asriel with a smile and half closed eyes)
Toriel: Asriel, you didn’t just want to tattle didn’t you.
Asriel: (Nervous, sweating) No I didn’t, I was showing Dantz the consequences of his actions.
(Toriel’s eyes narrow, and she develops a frown)
Toriel: Uh-huh, you two dust the house.
Dantz: But mom, I have “homework” to do.
Toriel: Noelle won’t be seeing you for a month if you don’t dust, and Asriel, I will freeze your income. And Dantz before you say anything, I have an HR job.
(Toriel hands Asriel and Dantz dusting supplies)
Toriel: Now dust the house.
(Intermission)
(Cut to Toriel’s car, Dantz has a nerf gun in his hand along with multiple mags for half darts, Toriel is moving at 45 miles per hour while Asriel is sweating with his eyes wide, looking in Toriel’s rear view mirror, Toriel looks at the road with eyes squinted, and talking to Dantz with her voice firm and direct)
Toriel: (Firmly) Dantz, do not go anywhere near the road. The fireworks will be there and I don’t want you anywhere near the fireworks.
Dantz: Why mom?
Toriel: (Firmly) Listen Dantz, you have a habit for “pyrotechnics” so, I trust that you won’t touch the fireworks, but.
(Toriel looks at Dantz)
Toriel: I don’t want you getting hurt.
(Toriel looks back at the road and they are turning into Dooley’s neighborhood, she breathes deeply before looking to Asriel)
Toriel: (Softly) Asriel, do not worry, just if you have any worries, go to me. And please, no… incidents.
(Asriel gives a fast nod to Toriel, his facial expression still locked in it’s sweaty position while eyes are wide)
Toriel: (Still soft) And no running off.
(Toriel pulls into Dooley’s driveway, Dantz runs out of the car and heads into the front door of Dooley’s house with his nerf gun, noise cancelling headphones, and inhaler, Asriel walks out of the car, slowly, and then goes to the backyard, Toriel looks around and looks for the group of moms, and she finds them and pulls up a lawn chair, cut to the inside of Dooley’s house)
Dantz: Howdy everyone! I hope I’m not late.
(Susie appears on the right of Dantz, she taps Dantz on the shoulder with a smirk)
Susie: You’re alright buddy, you’re not late.
(Dantz notices he’s the only one with a nerf blaster)
Susie: Dantz, you did realize in the message Dooley sent us that you didn’t have to bring your own nerf blaster, right?
(Dantz gets a little shocked, before scratching the back of his head)
Dantz: Oh yeah, I didn’t.
Susie: Welp, I guess Noelle was right you don’t exactly read the fine print sometimes.
Dantz: Yes I do!
Susie: (Chuckles) Alright, let’s get you into the nerf room.
(Susie and Dantz walk into the nerf room, Dantz waves at Dooley, Peters, and Berdly, and the three wave back)
Dantz: I brought my own nerf blaster, and it should be fun! Right? (Thinking, a singing tone) Awkward.
Dooley: (monotone) You brought your own nerf blaster.
Dantz: Come on Dooley, it’s the Nexus Pro X. What’s wrong with this?
Susie: Cool! A Rival Hades!
(She picks it up from the wall)
Berdly: (Sarcastic) Excellent choice Susie, but it’s no match for my gamer’s delight! A Nerf x Fortnite BASR-L. Modified to hit people from miles away!
Dantz: No one cares Berdly. At least I’m not savanted in gaming and chess.
Berdly: Hey, at least I don’t start fights for the heck of it, shortie.
Dantz: Who are you calling small!
Peters: Dantz take a chill pill.
Dantz: Alright Alright I get it.
(The whole room goes silent)
Dooley: (monotone) My blaster is a nitroshot+
Dantz: Hey Peters, let me guess your strategy is the spray and pray?
Peters: What is spray and pray? Does it have to do with my nerf blaster or something?
Dantz: Yeah you literally have a Rival Perses in your hands.
(Dantz tries to gain eye contact of all of the people who are going to participate in the nerf war)
Dantz: Is everyone ready? Every man for themselves.
Susie, Berdly, Dooley, and Peters: Yeah!
(Everyone fistbumps and Susie, Berdly, Dooley, and Peters leave the nerf room, Dantz reads the minds of everyone)
Dantz: Alright, I’ve mapped this place out. I know where to strike.
(Cut to Noelle, Catty, and Catti in the living room of Dooley’s house)
Catty: Oh my God you did not know what just happened at school right before winter break.
Catti: (monotone, looking at her phone) It’s the fourth time I’ve heard it. You can say it.
Catty: And say it I will! I heard Snowy had messed with the air conditioner and nearly froze himself. It was 20 degrees outside and he put the temperature to negative 20 degrees. Everyone ran out of their classrooms for their lockers to put their jackets on!
Noelle: (Muttering to herself) At least it’s not as bad as what Dantz did.
Catty: (Noticing Noelle) Noelle, sweetie, did you say anything?
Noelle: (Throws hands up, looking down, eyes half closed) Yeah, Dantz is just being Dantz.
Catty: It’s not as bad when he blew up our grill, right?
Noelle: Worse, I just figured out why he got dragged to his car by his mom. At dismissal when there was a kid who was throwing a tantrum and he threw an over inflated basketball at them as a prank to make their day worse, and it popped on the spot.
Catty: He just threw the basketball?
Noelle: Yeah, he was mad because the school took his phone for the entire winter break, and he felt like he had to make the kid even angrier. He’s just a walking despair machine.
(Catty and Catti’s both have wide eyes, looking at each other, then looking at Noelle)
Catty: (Concerned) Oh, bless his heart. If I was the kid who was madder than a wet hen, he would be wearing that basketball.
Catti: (Returning to her usual expression) Typical, he always has a thing for making people angry.
Noelle: I know, and sometimes, the things he says can be… I don’t know the word.
Catty: (concerned) Bawdy? Is that what your looking for?
Noelle: Yeah. I mean, yeah, I know Dantz loves me, but, he doesn’t have to put it in every single thing he says. Especially today, I caught him “admiring my sweater”, and when other people caught attention, my mom had to cover Susie’s eyes. You know how Susie can pick up on anything.
Catty: (Shocked) Oh my gosh sugar he actually did that!?
Catti: (monotone) Typical, Dantz is always doing things like that. You don’t have to vent about him. We know him.
(Noelle overhears Dantz laughing outside as Berdly yells at him)
Noelle: He has to make my life a sitcom, does he. And he’s always playing the villain. And guess what, he thinks Berdly of all people is the villain.
Catti: (monotone) Of course. (A little more thoughtful but still monotone) He has to use Berdly as a scapegoat.
(Catti sighs)
Noelle: (Confused) What was that for?
Catti: Irrelevant.
(Cut to Dooley’s front yard, Berdly is on the roof of a shed)
Dantz: Berdly, can you get down from there? You’re making this harder than it has to be.
(Dantz shoots his nerf gun 3 times at Berdly, which he dodges)
Berdly: Nonsense Dantz! Your plebian tactics won’t get you anywhere.
(Berdly smugly laughs, and Dantz pulls out a ladder)
Dantz: I’ll get you you… you intellectual weasel! I’ll show you who’s plebian.
(Dantz climbs a ladder, it collapses under his weight)
Dantz: Woah!
(Dantz falls off the ladder, and gets a lucky hit on Berdly)
Dantz: Got ya!
Berdly: Hey! You can’t do that!
(Dantz lands)
Dantz: Now we’re even.
(Berdly flies down)
Berdly: Is this even?
(Susie, Peters, and Dooley rush over to Dantz)
Dantz: Hey guys get him!
(Susie, Peters, and Dooley aim their blasters at Berdly, but Susie reads between the lines and shoots Dantz in the rear end)
Dantz: Ow! Susie!
Susie: Dantz, that was a bad move. Apologize to Berdly.
Dantz: Fine, I’m sorry Berdly.
Berdly: Your apology doesn’t match it!
Dantz: (Ignoring) Every man to themselves!
(Dantz his Berdly a couple more times before Berdly finds a new place, perching by Dooley’s rickety tree house)
(Cut to the moms, everyone is relaxed in their lawn chairs)
Toriel: And the snail said “Lettuce romaine where we are”
(The moms are laughing, but then Toriel moves to an expression of worry and concern)
Toriel: I know we just had a fun moment there but…
(Toriel looks down)
Toriel: I am worried about Dantz’s new behaviors.
Mrs. Cardinalis: Like what?
Toriel: (Breathes) I have recieved calls from Principal Moss lately about what Dantz is doing to other students. And the school psychologist, gave him medication that helps him with “affective empathy”
Mayor Holiday: (Stern) What is he doing.
Toriel: He is considered an “interesting psychological case” by Alphys. He is very intrusive and is very paranoid. He, also has some tendencies of “harming others if they harm him”. I have been repeatedly called by Herkabe about Dantz, I’ve almost got a heart attack by listening to one of them.
Cat mom: Did he do anything to hurt my poor Catty?
Toriel: No, he did not do anything to her. An arachnophobic decided to try to bully Dantz, and during the next class period he… trapped them in a sack filled with “wolf spiders”. Even Susie was terrified. Dantz just stayed quiet until I told him about it and he apologized and visited that student in the hospital, he hoped they made a full recovery.
(The other moms gasp in shock)
Cat mom: Oh my God! You know, Catty said to me if he tries to put a cheerleader in a headlock, she said she is this close to “smacking the human off of Dantz”.
Toriel: And I’m not even done. Asriel has been starting to be more of a tattletale lately, he’s been telling me about all sorts of crazy things Dantz is doing. Now, I fear Dantz will have legal complications for the stuff he’s doing.
Cat mom: I’ll tell you what, I’m scared for Dantz.
Mayor Holiday: Speaking about eccentricities, Noelle for all purposes really is trying to pay my electricity bills for me, and all of her stuffed animals are organized by color and snowflake papers are organized by how many lines there are. And for Susie, she got in about forty nine altercations this month. and she used graffiti on a library that has some pretty foul language.
Mrs. Cardinalis: (Clearly interrupting) Oh while you have your “colorful” children, I have the best child of all time, Berdly! I mean, he gets straight A’s, but he’s always cooped up in his room playing video games and he doesn’t even allow me in there, at all. And he says strategizing something called “Dantz’s demise”. I just hope the two boys get along.
Toriel: (Under her breath, a low growl) Strategizing.
Dooley’s mom: (monotone) My son says the darndest things.
Cat mom: (Clearly interrupting, a bundle of energy) Oh I just hope my daughters are better than yours. Catti is just like your son but is very goth like. And I know Catty is very hospitable, but, can she stay home from one cheerleading practice to help out around the house?
(The moms nod)
(Cut to the backyard, Asriel is cultivating a giant anthill, full of red clay and mini ant furniture outside, built off of twigs, he has a smile on his face)
Asriel: (Thinking) There, almost done.
(The sounds of nerf darts fling in the air, Asriel’s eyebrows go down and he develops a frown)
Asriel: Hey watch it! There are creatures there! Sensitive little bugs.
Susie: (Rolling her eyes with a smile) Don’t care.
(Susie keeps running, a cloud of blue smoke enters the backyard)
Peters: (Spraying darts) Seriously Dooley?
Dooley: (monotone) So what. It’s a tactical advantage.
Peters: You seriously have a blueberry for a smokescreen.
Dooley: (monotone) It’s convinient.
(Dooley shoots a few darts at Peters and empties his dart magazine on Susie’s back)
Susie: (Turning around, teeth grinding, fists clenched) Ow! You’re going to pay for this!
(Susie rushes into the smokescreen, Dantz sees an anthill)
Dantz: So this is why my ankle hurts, these stupid fire ants.
(Dantz looks through a box and finds a magnifying glass)
Dantz: I’ll just point it at this.
(Dantz points the magnifying glass at a fireant hill, Asriel looks in shock, leaving his own anthill behind)
Asriel: Dantz! Stop!
(The anthill starts smoking, and then lights on fire)
Asriel: (Tears start welling up) No!
(Asriel runs away)
Asriel: Mom!
Dantz: (Realizes Asriel was looking at the wrong hill) Asriel stop. That’s the wrong hill you idiot!
(Toriel walks up on the backyard, carefully dodging the nerf darts and signals the three other teens to the front yard)
Toriel: Dantz, did you really?
Dantz: No mom, it was just a random anthill. Asriel’s anthill looks a lot more complex.
Asriel: He burnt my hard work!
(Toriel looks down, putting the area between her index finger and the thumb on her chin, her eyes squint and her expression straight)
Toriel: (Thoughtful) It was the wrong hill. Was it a mistake, or an intentional lie. I wonder why Asriel was doing this, it seems out of character for him. (Speaking) Asriel, why are you creating the ant colony?
Asriel: (The tears fading) It was so I can get revenge on Dantz, and the other Buseys for ruining the fall dance. Justice will be served!
Toriel: (Thinking) Oh my goodness, Asriel’s building an army of ants for Dantz, Susie, Peters, and Dooley. Dantz just burnt some ants. (Speaking) I will talk to you both later.
(Toriel walks away)
(The sun has set)
Dantz: Wow, that was an impressive nerf war. I got hit like, 15 times.
Susie: You should have looked at me, I bet I will have to steal some scale lotion again.
(Everyone laughs with Susie, Dantz seems a little annoyed)
(Intermission)
(Dantz and Noelle are staring at each other in Dooley’s living room, Dantz and Noelle both have a plate of vegetarian lasagna)
Dantz: Seriously? No actual meat in this?
Noelle: (Softly, with a convincing tone) There isn’t, Dantz. Why don’t you try it? It has cheese on it.
Dantz: Alright, here it goes.
(Dantz takes a small bite off of his fork of the vegetarian lasagna, he likes it and he eats the food very fast, making a mess, Noelle’s eyes widen with a small blush, her nose turns red)
Noelle: (Shyly) Alright Dantz… How’d you like it?
Dantz: It was delicious!
Noelle: I’m glad you liked it.
(Both Dantz and Noelle sit in a comfortable silence, the wind wooshes near them, Susie has some loud laughter which makes Dantz and Noelle jump, then they go back to staring at each other)
Noelle: (Looking down) You know, you can be a lot sometimes, Dantz.
Dantz: How?
Noelle: You know, your impulse control. At school you do very crazy things, but other places, you don’t do that. Why?
Dantz: It’s just a response to me being overwhelmed. Also, you know I don’t like it when I feel forced to do things. If I have options, I will do them. You see me get bored then, stop caring, then I go crazy then I just chill. At home, all that stuff just hits me like a ton of bricks. Especially when dealing with Berdly or… HER.
Noelle: Dantz, what do you mean by “HER”.
Dantz: That red haired girl who I go back and forth with a lot? I mean, yes, me and Berdly have our conflicts but, that’s just a friendly/non-friendly rivalry. While #%$#* AKA *@#$% we just hate each other. I mean, it’s down right now but, I’m afraid that I could end up hurting her or getting suspended.
Noelle: Oh, right. Uh… Ytlem Carmelorem, right?
Dantz: Yeah. She’s the worst.
Noelle: Oh, I remember her. She’s the one Susie beat up over her slandering your name over something. She can be a pain to deal with. Always playing the victim to get you in trouble, and then just laughs about it.
Dantz: (Laughs) I totally agree.
Noelle: (Looks down) You know, with all of your stuff that happens when you get overwhelmed. It reminds me of what I do. With organizing.
Dantz: Wait, you get overwhelmed by your senses or your emotions?
Noelle: No, it’s just the thoughts I have. It distracts me when I organize things.
Dantz: Okay… you have your own stuff while I have my own stuff too. But, the neat thing in common is, we both get overwhelmed by things and do stuff that seems not normal to the public eye, right?
Noelle: Exactly.
Dantz: Well, you know something that we could do so we won’t get overwhelmed? Kiss right when the fireworks go off at 12:00 AM!
Noelle: That seems, nice. I guess…
(Noelle blushes)
Dantz: Wait, Noelle, did I say something wrong?
Noelle: No your fine Dantz, it’s just, I haven’t kissed anyone.
Dantz: Noelle, it’s very simple. You just push your lips out and press them on someone’s cheek or lips. Or if you’re really daring, you could use your tongue
Noelle: No. I am not putting my tongue in your mouth. It is disgusting and asking for infections.
Dantz: Fine, fine. It’s just, if you don’t want to spread diseases, well, how are we gonna make deers with invasion or humans with ice powers?
(Noelle stands up, slamming her hands on the table with force, her face turns bright red Dantz starts leaning his chair back, laughing)
Noelle: Dantz that’s just insane! You can’t just casually say that!
Dantz: It was a good one.
(Noelle rushes over and puts Dantz’s chair back upright, expression just looking like her mother)
Noelle: Keep the chair on the ground please. I don’t want your head to be injured.
Dantz: Wow I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.
(Dantz finds an apple and throws it up and it comes back down, Noelle facepalms)
Noelle: (Thinking) I know trying to be my mom wouldn’t work.
(Cut to outside, it is the last 10 seconds of 202X, fourth cycle, Dantz, Asriel, Noelle, Susie, Berdly, Dooley, Peters, Catty, and Catti along with all of their parents count down from 10)
Everyone: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,!
(The fireworks go off)
Everyone: Happy new year!
(Dantz and Noelle look at each other, the noise of everyone cheering and the fireworks is drowned out)
Dantz: Well Noelle, are you ready?
Noelle: Yeah. Let’s do it!
(Dantz pulls Noelle in for a hug, both close their eyes, and Dantz kisses Noelle on the lips, and accidentally pushes her down onto the grass, Toriel and Mayor Holiday see this)
Toriel: (Shocked) Oh my God! Dantz! Get off of Noelle!
(Toriel drags Dantz off of Noelle, Mayor Holiday arrives behind Noelle)
Mayor Holiday: (Sternly) Noelle Holiday, what do you think you were doing. Get over here.
(Noelle stands up, brushes grass off of her clothes and looks at Dantz, and waves, Dantz waves back while Toriel drags him)
Dantz: (Voiceover) And that was my first kiss. It felt good and I wanted to kiss even more.
Toriel: (To Dantz) Dantz Dreemurr. You aren’t going anywhere near that poor girl. My gosh you’re turning out worse than your father.
(Asriel runs to Toriel while Dantz is being dragged, Susie can be seen laughing as the background music runs loudly, the camera goes to the sky, which shows a firework of Dantz and Noelle holding hands)
(The end)