Work Text:
There was a giant mole on Ms. Norwood's chin.
That was about the only thing that registered in Shuuichi's mind as he sat across from her for...truthfully, he didn't know what he was doing here. He had skimmed over the email he had received about a week ago, but he hadn't picked up much more than the words registration, counselor, and Friday at ten-thirty. However, given that there was currently about a month to go before the end of the fall quarter, he could only assume that this was some sort of advisory meeting to help him pick out his winter quarter classes.
(Of course, there was also the possibility that he was being registered as a criminal, but he couldn't think of anything he had done lately that they would know of.)
"Alright, Shuuichi. Should we get started?" Ms. Norwood asked, flashing him a smile full of too-white teeth. "Now, according to your file, you're enrolled as a chemical engineering major. I see that you've completed all of your science credits already, which is good. Do you have an idea of what classes you might want to take next quarter?"
"Mole - I mean, no."
"Pardon me?"
Shuuichi winced, hoping she hadn't heard that little verbal slip-up. "Ah - no, ma'am, I haven't figured that out yet."
"Alright, then. That's no problem, then. That's what I'm here for, after all," Ms. Norwood replied, as cheerful as ever, and he breathed a sigh of relief. "Why don't we just go through a list of graduation requirements, and you can tell me which classes you want to take based on that? Does that sound alright?"
He shrugged, though privately he wondered why she was even bothering to read off his list of graduation requirements when all the information was available online anyway. Honestly, he almost envied her in a way. Getting paid to do absolutely nothing sounded like a dream.
Oh, wait, he was the heir to an old-money family. Never mind, then.
"Perfect, perfect," she chirped. "Let's start with the easy stuff first, shall we? First things first, as part of your general education requirements, you're going to need at least one course in the arts. Is there a particular field of art you might be interested in?"
"Oh. Er, I don't know." He stared at her blankly, wondering why it mattered what field of art he was interested in when his major had nothing to do with the subject anyway. "Drawing, I guess?"
"Ah, I'm sorry. I'm afraid all of the drawing classes have been filled," she informed him, giving him a sympathetic smile.
"What?" Shuuichi felt his eye twitch. "How is that even possible? Registration hasn't even opened yet!"
"Well, our visual art courses are some of the best in the city, so the spots fill up quickly. But I can give you a list of the art classes that are still open, and you can pick from there," Ms. Norwood answered.
"Okay, but that doesn't explain how the class could fill up before registration even–" Shuuichi broke off, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to fend off what was sure to be the migraine of the century. "You know what? Never mind. Just read me the list."
"Alright, alright," she chirped (Shuuichi wondered internally why she kept repeating everything she said). "Your first option would be Painting 101 with Mr. Lofquest on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
"Sure, that sounds fine."
"Wonderful. In that case, your class will meet for three hours starting at midnight. You'll have to pay a small fee for the required art kit, but don't worry, it's only about...ninety-five dollars plus tax? Oh, and you are going to be asked to sign a waiver promising not to sue the school in the event that you inhale too many paint fumes and have to go to the hospital."
Shuuichi blinked. "You're kidding about all that, right?"
"Not in the slightest, I assure you."
"You're telling me the class actually meets at midnight," he deadpanned.
"Correct," Ms. Norwood confirmed.
"And there's a ninety-five-dollar art kit fee."
"That is also correct."
"And apparently, the ventilation in the art classroom is so terrible that you think the paint fumes are going to put me in the hospital."
"We do what we must to ensure a safe and happy educational environment for our staff and students," she replied, which clarified absolutely nothing. "Now, is this the art course you want to go with for next quarter?"
Shuuichi stared at her, wondering if she was actually fucking serious right now. "Um...no. I mean, could you tell me what other art classes there are first?"
"Certainly. You also have the option of taking Graphic Design 102, which meets in the same room as Painting 101. Your class would start at six-thirty in the morning, though, so no need to worry about coming back to campus in the middle of the night."
"I think I'll pass, thanks."
"No problem. There's also History of Opera 111."
"No thanks."
"Photography 108?"
"Sure, why not?"
"Perfect - oh, no, wait. That one filled up already as well. My mistake. What about Screenwriting 121?"
"No."
"American Representation in Film and Television 131?"
"Pass."
"Vocal Jazz 245?"
"Definitely not."
"World Cuisine 115?"
"I burned my instant ramen this morning. No."
"Contemporary Dance 042?"
"No."
"Filmmaking 140?"
"That doesn't sound too bad-"
"The professor just got released from prison two weeks ago."
"Never mind."
"Ballet 050?"
"No."
"Acting Through Song 151?"
"No."
"Introduction to Clown Performance 109?"
"There's no way that's a real class."
"Root canal with Dr. Garcia at two-thirty on Saturday."
"What?!"
Ms. Norwood blinked. "Oh, wait. No, I'm sorry. That was the automated reminder for my dental appointment tomorrow."
Shuuichi felt his eye twitch. Do not throw a book at her. Do not throw a book at her. Do not throw a book at her-
"Are you feeling alright?" she asked, looking at him in concern. "Your eye looks a little funny. Do you need some drops? I have a bottle in my purse if you'd like some."
"No, that's fine, thank you," he replied through his teeth. "What was that painting class again? I'll just sign up for that one."
At that, her smile widened even further. "Unfortunately, I'm afraid all of our art classes are now full. Better luck next quarter! What do you say we move on to math instead?"
"Are you fucking kidding me right now?!"
Twenty minutes later, when all was said and done, Shuuichi walked out of his advisory meeting having registered for exactly zero classes and with a raging headache to boot.
Maybe he should have just stayed in Japan with his family after all.