Chapter Text
alyssa stepped into the night wearing a black form-fitting dress as if to attend a funeral. and maybe, in a way, she was. tonight marked the day she sacrificed her right to choose when it comes to her romantic relationship. her fate had been sealed: a family dinner with the man her father had chosen—an arranged marriage forged not out of love, but to rescue their family from the brink of bankruptcy.
anthony, alyssa's brother, inherited the majority of the company. he was the golden child, favored over alyssa in every way. he followed their father's will without question, pursuing an architecture program and preparing to take over the company. meanwhile, alyssa followed the rhythm of her own heart. she pursued music and became a pianist—a path her father disapproved of but tolerated, believing anthony was enough to carry the family's legacy.
but anthony proved to be nothing more than a polished disappointment. he signed reckless deals without thinking, eventually dragging the company through the mud. by the time their father uncovered the truth, the company was already on the verge of bankruptcy. and instead of taking responsibility, anthony ran.
he fled, abandoning the company and turning his back on their family without a word. michael, alyssa's father, was left to pick up the broken pieces. declaring bankruptcy was out of the question, but salvaging what remained meant accepting a painful truth: no one would want to keep investing in their company. not unless they had something to cling to. and so, michael figured out a way to give them that.
those inside the company knew the truth. but those outside? blissfully unaware. michael saw this as an opportunity. he manipulated the books. he forged accounting logs, inflated asset values, overstated revenues. he created a polished illusion, a facade of stability and growth. successfully on paper, the company looked flawless. desirable. ripe for a merger.
and his plan worked. now, alyssa, not of her own will, was being pulled into her father's schemes. alyssa closed her eyes in frustration, remembering the phone call that brought her back.
"alyssa, you need to come back here," michael began, skipping any form of pleasantries between them.
"hello to you too, pa," alyssa replied, voiced laced with sarcasm. "why would i? i have no business there anymore. kuya anthony should have it covered."
"why? simply because i said so. and don't you dare mention that stupid, useless boy."
alyssa let out a dry laugh. "so now, kuya anthony is a useless guy?"
"alyssa," michael said her name with that sharp tone she knew too well, "yes, he's no longer of any use. which is the only reason i'm calling you."
"oh, so now you want to use me?" of course. typical michael, treating his children like pawns to be moved or discarded as he wished.
"well, of course. it is only right that you pay back for everything you've been given. the life you live, the dreams you chase, they all existed because i allowed them. i let you waste your time and my money in that nonsense. and if you wish to keep doing that, you'll come home and do what i tell you."
"hindi na ako magiging sunud-sunuran sa 'yo," alyssa said, her voice cracking under the weight of years of frustration. just how much more did she have to sacrifice to satisfy him?
"alyssa, sino bang niloloko mo? you think you can survive living in the u.s. with what you earn? kaya mo ba ang rent, ang gastos mo, kung hindi dahil sa suporta ko? this pathetic career you are so proud of, it is a failure. you are not some world-renowned pianist you hoped to be. you play in the background, at best. akala mo mabubuhay ka kung wala ako? kung wala ang kumpanya?"
alyssa could not argue with that so she remained silent. the line went dead quickly after. michael knew he won the argument. no need for him to waste more of his time.
michael always made sure he knew exactly what matters to his children, never to provide support, but to cut them where it would hurt the most. and that was why alyssa was here now. not because she agreed. not because she had accepted defeat. but because she had no choice, at least not yet. she had already sacrificed too much just for her to give up.
and if survival meant marrying a complete stranger, at worst some lecherous old man who would be old enough to be her grandfather, then so be it. she wasn't going to let her dreams die without a fight.
alyssa walked into the restaurant with a confidence that masked the storm inside her, like this whole ordeal was her idea. michael stood up the moment he saw her; arms open in an uncharacteristically warm gesture. alyssa sighed internally but decided to play along.
it had been years since they last saw each other. she didn't bother meeting him when she landed; she simply promised to attend this dinner he so proudly arranged.
they embraced briefly, just for show. and then when the two of them pulled apart, michael gave a look before nodding in approval, like she was one his company acquisitions that finally turned up well.
alyssa could not help but roll her eyes before turning her attention to the others seated at the table. but as her gaze landed on them, they were already standing to greet her. there was an old man, exactly what she expected. but then beside him stood a woman, his wife perhaps, providing alyssa the comfort that at least the arrangement was not with him.
then her eyes landed on someone else. and that was when everything inside alyssa dropped. the younger man had a face that echoed in her memory. same arched brows. same sharp nose. the same thin lips—lips that looked like they were always one breath away from a smile. but the eyes...the eyes were different. same shape, but different light and warmth. instead of the playful and welcoming gleam she was used to, there was a calm indifference.
"are you the one...?" the question slipped out before she could stop it. alyssa needed to know if it would be him. because now she was not so sure if she could keep pretending to be okay and none of this mattered. that this person was not a ghost from her past, hauntingly familiar.
the man tilted his head slightly, catching the way alyssa stared. then he smiled, but it did not quite reach his eyes like alyssa expected it to. "no. not me." he replied coolly, understanding the possible worry behind her words. "but it is nice to finally meet you in flesh. i am kaori."
alyssa almost scoffed. kaori. just one letter off. even his name felt like a cruel joke. and as if fate wanted to drive the dagger deeper, alyssa heard a voice behind her. "hi, sorry i am late! nagkaroon lang ng urgent meeting with one of the biggest clients."
and then the voice became a figure. it became her. the figure stepped beside kaori, sliding into place like she belonged there. and maybe she did.
alyssa froze on her spot. those lips, the same ones she once kissed near the edge every time they said goodbye. those eyes, still shimmering with loving warmth. the skin that still glowed like porcelain touched by the softness of moonlight. ever so gentle and radiant.
"hi, aly," her name rolled off her tongue with no bitterness, just pure and genuine happiness. it was as if she longed and waited for her to be able to say alyssa's name again.
"sao..." the name left alyssa's lips like a whisper of a prayer. slowly. fragile.
saori, the girl alyssa left behind without goodbyes, without any clarity nor promises. because back then, the fear from her father's wrath felt bigger than the bond they shared. yet saori stood in front of her, smile unwavering, like nothing else mattered now that she finally laid her eyes on alyssa again.
alyssa never made friends, not in school, nor outside of it. and it was not like she was trying to be aloof; she just didn't see the need. she always preferred silence over chatters, music over murmurs about others, and books over talking about boys. while girls her age would be flocked on hallways to gossip about crushes, fashion trends, or even the latest issue about their favorite artists, alyssa always found herself drifting away.
sometimes, alyssa would spend her time in the library, finding shelter in between towering bookshelves and their books, but for most days, alyssa's feet always seemed to find their way toward the music room. a place where the keys of the piano provided her sense of belonging better than any conversation ever could. it was perfect since other students avoided the music room as they deemed it boring.
however, one random afternoon, with her fingers hovering on top of the keys to play the next notes, the door was slammed open.
alyssa stopped playing instantly, and her head snapped toward the door looking for the intruder. a girl about her age stood at the entrance, wide-eyed, slightly panting as she stared at alyssa in shock as if she was not expecting her inside.
"oh my god—sorry! did i interrupt you from playing?" the girl asked worriedly.
alyssa decided not to answer and just stared at the other girl blankly. the kind of stare that speaks in itself as if asking the other girl, 'seriously?' without having the need to say a word.
the girl scratched the back of her neck, awkwardly stepping inside and closing the door gently. "i am really sorry. akala ko walang tao. 'yung tungkol sa kumakalat na mga rumors? na may multo raw na tumutugtog dito."
alyssa blinked in confusion. "rumors?"
the girl nodded, looking down at her feet as if it was the most interesting thing to exist. "uh-huh, sabi ng ibang students when i transferred last week. may ghost daw na tumutugtog. tipong haunted daw 'yang piano, gan'on."
alyssa could not help but snort. of course, there would be rumors. teenagers feared silence more than anything and with someone suddenly playing the piano? definitely done by a ghost.
alyssa looked at the girl before asking. "so why are you here, then? you want to see something paranormal?" her tone was half-amused and half-cynical.
"sort of. i mean, i wanted to know if ghosts are real." the girl answered.
"what do you think?" alyssa asked again.
"uhm, i guess ghosts are not real," the girl paused, "but it made me believe in something else..." the girl was now looking at alyssa.
alyssa was used to people looking at her with judgment or even disdain. however, this girl's stare hold no malice but genuine curiosity and warmth.
alyssa tilted her head, trying to understand what the girl meant. "like what?"
"in the divine, you know. something sacred. you played wonderfully, that it sounded out of this world. and you also look like an angel," the girl rambled.
alyssa scoffed, but her cheeks betrayed her with the blood rushing to her face and giving it a light tint of pink. "do you always say things like that to a complete stranger?"
the girl laughed. "no. i don't. just the pretty ones."
alyssa rolled her eyes, but there was the faintest curl of smile forming on her lips. this girl shifted from shameful to shameless in an instant.
shifting her weight to her other foot, the girl asked. "can i come here again? i will be quiet while you play. i promise."
alyssa hesitated, but the girl sounded nothing but sincere. the request did not feel invasive despite the music room being alyssa's personal safe space.
and so, alyssa decided. "you can."
"nice!" the girl grinned, raising her fist in quiet victory. "i'm saori, by the way. just to put a name on this cute face you will be seeing often."
saori did not wait for alyssa to introduce herself, she immediately sat on where she stood, not wanting to overstep alyssa's personal space further. she pulled out her sketchpad and pencils. saori was in the middle of turning her sketchpad open when she saw that alyssa was staring.
"did you happen to change your mind?" saori carefully asked.
alyssa shook her head before introducing herself. "alyssa. just to put a name to a future world-renowned pianist." she finally smiled at saori.
saori's grin widened, her eyes turning into crescents. "you have big dreams. i love that for you. one day, you will be performing in front of thousands. pero for the meantime, ako muna ang audience mo."
the two of them shared a smile before drifting to their own worlds whilst staying in the same room. saori's imagination overflowed with inspiration as she listened to alyssa.
meanwhile, the keys never felt lighter for alyssa, now that someone believed in her desire to pursue music. someone silently sitting as she plays. a presence comforting alyssa that she was not alone.
that day was the start for alyssa and saori. things shifted one by one, they developed their own rhythm. after school, the two of them would meet in the music room. alyssa would play, while saori would sketch with her worn-out sketchpad and her army of pencils.
words were not exchanged all the time. but alyssa was always assured by saori that her lack for words were never boring or awkward. each time alyssa would look at saori, saori would be looking already, giving her a smile of encouragement. the silence between them was like a whole rest in music that made the next note sound louder.
so when the two of them did talk, they talked about everything: dreams, frustrations, their shared love for art in different forms, and the weird little things like how saori dislikes adobo or how alyssa sometimes passes out due to dysmenorrhea.
the space between them shrank. slowly, then all at once. saori found ways to sit closer to where alyssa was. which alyssa noticed and provided more reasons for saori. excuses were said, some sounded valid, others did not make sense but were still accepted nonetheless.
"i cannot hear the piano from here," was saori's first excuse. she moved closer by a foot.
the next day, it was followed with: "ang init dito. 'di ako abot ng electric fan."
to saori's surprise, the next one came from alyssa. "usog ka. maaarawan likod mo." saori could not help the grin on her face as she scooted closer.
"the floor here is uneven. hindi ako makapag-drawing nang maayos."
"hindi ko marinig sinasabi mo, sao, lapit ka nga."
"aly, parang against the light ka, 'di ko maaninag mukha mo."
"lapit ka pa, sao. may langgam ata akong nakita sa puwesto mo."
if anyone noticed, none of them mentioned. but saori now sat on the floor beside the piano stool where alyssa sat. it just turned out to be that way—by fate or maybe desire. it did not matter which one was it.
saori's head would rest on alyssa's leg. alyssa would pause after each song just to run her fingers through saori's hair. no words needed between them; just looks, smiles, and gentle touches that silently assured them that they are there for each other.
then there came saori's just because.
one afternoon, alyssa was surprised to see saori walking inside the music room wearing a hoodie, her eyes slightly puffy. saori gave her a smile, but it was not the usual. and for some reason, it bothered alyssa.
so once saori sat near alyssa, alyssa gently held saori's head to her lap. eyes looked up at alyssa in confusion, but saori was too weak to protest.
"are you okay?" alyssa asked worriedly. her hands reaching to check saori's temperature. "you have fever, why are you still here? you should have rested."
"you will be waiting for me," saori answered shortly, closing her eyes.
"you could have just told me tomorrow, sao." alyssa would have waited and would disappointed, but she would understand once she knew why saori could not come.
"nope." saori replied. her hand reaching for one of alyssa's, intertwining them.
"why are you so stubborn?" alyssa asked.
saori smiled, holding alyssa's hand closer to her face before answering, "just because..."
just because saori knew alyssa might overthink things. she might think saori would rather do something else than spend time in the music room with her. and saori could not—even for a day—let alyssa think or feel that way.
alyssa and saori were eating at their favorite street food stall just outside their school. it was a new thing they shared before parting ways. another excuse to spend more time with each other.
alyssa was still finishing her cup, when all of a sudden, saori pulled out her umbrella from her bag. "why? is it raining?"
"no. it is not." saori answered as her hands placed her umbrella on alyssa's bag side pocket.
alyssa eyed saori weirdly. "why did you put it there?"
saori shrugged. "just because..."
just because saori could tell that alyssa forgot hers and the sky was getting dark. alyssa house would be farther and it might fall before she arrives home.
alyssa was about to get her bag from saori's left shoulder when saori swiftly stepped aside and avoided her hands.
another thing saori developed was carrying alyssa's bag when they leave the school grounds to eat outside; only to give it back when they are about to part.
alyssa frowned. "please, don't tell me you want me to chase you before you give me my bag."
"i am not going to make you chase me," saori said with a smile. "i will walk you home. i can give your bag once we are in front of your house."
"mabigat 'yung bag ko. tapos may bag ka rin, sao." alyssa tried to reason.
"how about you help me carry something else?" saori asked with a playful grin.
"what is it?"
"my hand, aly, it feels so heavy. can you carry it for me?" saori exaggeratedly leaned on her left side as if her hand was really weighing her down.
alyssa rolled her eyes, yet she reached out for saori's hand. "you are annoying."
"no need to lie." saori countered back. her fingers filling the gaps of alyssa's.
"why are you doing this?" alyssa asked, as the two of them walked to her subdivision.
"just because..."
just because alyssa sounded genuinely worried when she told saori that some of the lampposts on her way home were broken. and saori would do anything to remove any worries in alyssa's way.
and then alyssa finally reciprocated the just because.
the two of them sat in silence. alyssa already perfected the new piece she was trying to learn. saori's head was on her lap while she mindlessly strokes her pencil to her sketchpad.
they were just trying to pass time before going home. unexpectedly, alyssa pulled something from her bag, and she handed it to saori.
"what is this for?" saori asked, looking at the sandwich alyssa handed her.
"you said you like ham and egg sandwiches."
saori's brows lifted in excitement. "you made this?"
alyssa nodded, her ears turning slightly red. "i tried. go ahead and eat. but please, don't die."
saori chuckled, taking a bite. "it tastes so good, aly. i like how the edges of the ham was slightly toasted. pwede ka na mag-asawa." saori even gave alyssa thumbs up.
"ang dumi mo kumain," alyssa rolled her eyes. but her thumb brushed off some of the sauce left on saori's lips.
"couldn't care less. this is so good." saori takes another bite. after a while, saori's eyes widened, then she eyed alyssa suspiciously. "teka nga, why do you know i like this?"
alyssa smirked. she could finally say it back. "just because..."
just because saori always whined about how the cafeteria only served ham or egg sandwiches—never both in one. and alyssa heard her and cared enough to give it to her.
one late afternoon, saori came to the music room later than usual as she had to practice for a group activity. alyssa was at the piano, seeming to have started practicing already. but to saori's confusion, alyssa was playing a song she had never heard before.
it was nothing complex from what saori could tell in comparison to the previous pieces she had heard alyssa played. this one felt gentle, soft, as if the notes were flowing along a stream of water. when alyssa finished, she looked at saori.
"that was new," saori commented, walking closer. "what song was that?"
"did you like it?" alyssa asked.
"i did. it was comforting."
"glad it was. i actually composed it," alyssa said quietly.
"you did? what for? are you joining a competition? that one was really good." saori said with a enthusiasm, looking nothing but proud.
alyssa shook her head. "it was for you."
saori's heart stopped. "me? why?"
alyssa could only stare at the piano keys under her fingertips. "just because..."
just because saori always supported alyssa in her dreams and always provided her comfort. and alyssa wanted saori to know that she was a part of the dream alyssa was pursuing.
saori walked alyssa home again. after that one time she did, it became a thing for her to drop alyssa home. at first, alyssa would just smile and wave her hand as a goodbye. soon enough, their goodbyes took form in hugs. but this day, it came with something more.
after hugging alyssa, saori was about to pull away when alyssa leaned in again. alyssa's lips barely touching the edge of saori's lips. it was quick, yet it did not feel rushed. it was as if to say it was intentional. that it was meant to be there.
"w-what? why?" saori stammered. her whole face burning.
alyssa smiled, teasing, "you know, just because..."
just because alyssa noticed how saori's eyes would linger on her lips each time they pulled away from their hug. and alyssa longed for the same thing.
but good things came to an end. one night, alyssa had just closed their gate, a huge smile still lingering on her lips. her heart felt light with saori walking her home again and that almost-kiss they always shared before they part. she turned and found her father standing by the door, arms crossed, a frown etched on his face.
"pa," alyssa greeted, smiling at her father. it was the first time in years that she smiled like that at him. ever since her mother died, alyssa thought she had forgotten how. yet the warmth only lasted a second in the presence of her father.
"hindi ka ba nahihiya?!" michael shouted, his voice thunderous. "hindi na nga kita pinakikialaman, pero wala ka bang hiya sa katawan mo?! ano sa tingin mo ang ginagawa mo?! wala na nga akong inaasahann sa 'yo, makukuha mo pang ipahiya ako?!"
alyssa froze, confused. "what do you mean, pa?"
"'yung babaeng 'yun na naghahatid sa 'yo gabi-gabi!" he spat. "layuan mo siya. bigyan mo naman ako ng konting kahihiyan."
her heart dropped at the mention of saori. "why? saori is the only person close to me..."
"exactly!" michael's face twisted in disgust. "kadiri ka, alyssa. babae ka, babae rin 'yon. pero 'yung kilos ninyo?! 'yung titig mo sa kanya?! nakakahiya!"
"pa..." alyssa tried.
"lalayo ka sa babaeng 'yon. sa ayaw at sa gusto mo. kung ayaw mong sirain ko ang buhay niya pati na rin ng pamilya niya."
alyssa begged. "pa, please..."
"tama na, alyssa!" he shouted again. "huwag mo akong subukan. alam mong hinayaan na kita na ituloy 'yang delusyon mong maging isang pianista. pero huwag mo akong ipahiya. ayan lang ang hiling ko. ang huwag mong dungisan ang pangalan ko."
alyssa stood there, silent, swallowing the pain that clawed at her throat. her fingers clenched into fists. saori once told her that her father was a freelance architect, struggling as they just transferred in the philippines, but trying to make a living for his family nonetheless. meanwhile, michael owned one of the most powerful architectural firms in country. he only needed to make one call to destroy saori and her family.
she wanted to scream and fight back. but alyssa knew she should not. she could not. not when her dream, the last gift from her mother, was threatened to be destroyed. not when saori's future was also at risk.
the following day, alyssa skipped school. a week later, she flew to america. she never said goodbye. not to anyone. not to saori. afraid that if she did, she wouldn't be able to leave.
"great, you still know each other. that makes this easier for both parties." saori's father, akima, was the one who finally broke the silence, successfully pulling alyssa from the whirlwind of thoughts that just raced in her head.
alyssa blinked. the statement finally hit her. "you mean?" she asked cautiously, scared of how her father might react with the implication.
akima gave a short nod. "yes, it would be you and saori in an arranged marriage." then tilting his head slightly, he added, "where you not aware of this?"
alyssa turned instinctively to her father. her eyes looking for answers. but michael did not say a word. his jaw was clenched but his eyes avoided hers, as if shame had locked them in place.
she wanted nothing but to laugh. the same man who once threatened to ruin her life and saori's family just because of something they shared now sat in silence. no protest. no shouting. it was as if he was rendered speechless.
of course. now that it would benefit him, now that is is what is convenient, he did not see the need to remind anyone that alyssa and saori are both women. suddenly, his dignity on who alyssa get involved with did not matter. his pride for the company he built outweighed everything.
still, alyssa needed to know something else. something more important than her father's opinion. she turned to look at saori. saori's expression was calm, composed, her gentle smile still lingered on her lips. it made alyssa's heart twist.
"why? is something wrong, aly?" saori asked gently.
alyssa ran her fingers through her hair, nervous. "you...are you okay with this?"
"i did. i was the one who offered it." was saori's reply.
alyssa's eyes widened. "w-what?"
instead of answering further, saori glanced down and shifted slightly in place. "do you mind sitting down first?" she asked with a sheepish grin, the same one she would give alyssa when she was about to complain. "my legs are starting to hurt from these heels."
alyssa was still trying to process things, but she nodded. "of course."
everyone eventually took their seats, following saori's request. michael continued to refuse speaking. he sat quietly, jaw tight, and hands clenched over his lap like it was meant to hold him down—maybe his guilt or perhaps his pride. alyssa turned her head slightly to saori, their eyes met briefly. she did not say anything, but her look was clear: go on.
saori shifted in her seat, straightening her back as if preparing herself to speak. "right," she began, her voice even, "about the deal...it was actually your dad who came to my dad. he offered the merger between your family's firm and ours. and as a way to ensure both companies would be protected, an arranged marriage between you and kaori was also offered."
"but i turned your dad's offer down," kaori added, his tone neither apologetic nor rude. it was careful. "you are pretty, alyssa. and based from what i heard from saori since high school, you are also a great person. but, i am in a relationship. i could not go through with it."
alyssa nodded slowly. she completely understood kaori. how could she not? kaori's refusal was fair. it was her father who needed the merger badly, not the other way around. they can decline for whatever reason they may have—regardless if it made sense or not.
"then saori without second thoughts, already knowing my decision, offered herself for arrangement instead," kaori continued, a proud grin playing at his face as he gestured to his twin sister. "and your father readily agreed."
alyssa looked at saori again. her fingers were folded neatly on top of the table, her expression unreadable, but it was still soft. still the familiar and gentle saori alyssa knew. alyssa did not bother looking at her father; she already knew that there would not be any objections coming from him.
instead, she stared at saori, the only thing that could make things made sense to her. "why?" alyssa asked deliberately.
saori's lips and eyes curled into a smile. alyssa's heart hammering in her chest as she anticipated saori's answer.
"just because."
alyssa stopped breathing for a moment.
just because...
just because...what?
as alyssa held saori's gaze, she realized something frightening. for the first time in years, alyssa could not read what came after the phrase. the smile—though familiar—gave nothing away. it used to mean everything between them. a term to describe their affection and care for each other. just because was a promise of the things they were scared to say back then.
but now, it felt like a phrase murmured in a crowd, indistinguishable. as if the meaning changed as the weather and seasons had changed. as if the years they spent apart had started reflecting the distance built through time. alyssa tried to search for the followed meaning, but she wasn't so sure anymore.