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Entering the hallway of Camille’s apartment, Alec took long measured strides, apparently focused on patrolling the place as if he was alone, but clearly walking fast enough to keep some distance from the man behind him. Magnus felt so frustrated he could kill Camille right now, if only she weren’t “the key to saving the world” at this point. Her tainted love had poisoned him with bitterness and distrust for so many years, there was no way he would let her have that power one more time. Alec made Magnus feel things he never did before, and made him hopeful for true happiness again. He would not let her damage this relationship.
“Alec, please wait. We have to talk about this.”
“Now is not the time, Magnus. We have more important things to worry about.” Alec responded, not bothering to even look at the warlock as he said it. Magnus would not be deterred, though.
“Yes, I agree Alexander, but there is no reason for you to act as if I wasn’t even here!”
The exasperation in Magnus’s voice made Alec stop, his body hunching with an exhale. He turned and looked at Magnus for the first time since they left the library, his eyes showing something Magnus still couldn’t read. It wasn’t anger definitely, but it wasn’t good.
“You’re right and I’m sorry, but right now let’s just help Clary find this damned book and get out of here, alright?”
“Not so fast buddy...”
Magnus started as he saw a pair of lightning quick arms wrap around Alec’s neck from behind and put a seraph blade to his throat. It was one of Valentine’s soldiers; they wouldn’t hesitate to hurt Alec if Magnus tried anything. There was no choice but to give in.
~~**~~
They were waiting until Luke and a few people from the Institute set up a place for Magnus to try and break Jocelyn’s spell. Alec slumped against the wall, feeling more tired than he should. He raised his eyes to see Magnus in front of him, his arms crossed, in a guarded position. He could see clearly there was something bothering the man, but he couldn’t exactly tell why. He wished at that moment he could read Magnus as easily as he could Jace or Izzy, and the thought got him wondering what he would find…
Hey, they would get there in time.
At that moment Alec remembered the way Magnus looked when they were ambushed by Valentine’s men. He sported basically the same expression now, though more subdued and less desperate. There was nothing to be scared about now, and it didn’t seem like it was anything to do with Jace.
Could he be feeling guilty about them being caught? Certainly not! But nothing else fit… Alec decided to go with his gut and talk about it.
“Look, Magnus, I’ll say this only once and I won’t take any argument about it.” Magnus started at that, and Alec realized he may have been too abrupt. He continued in a more controlled voice. “I just mean to say that it’s not your fault us getting caught at Camille’s place, in case you’re wondering.” – he saw Magnus’s body relax at that, and felt a bit thrilled to have read him right – “Those men were probably watching us for a while there and I didn’t notice… It wasn’t you who distracted me; I had my mind completely elsewhere.”
After a beat, Magnus whispered, looking annoyed. “Camille…”
“Yeah...” There was no point in lying. What she said really got to his head. He took a minute to put into words what he was thinking, but apparently he took too long, as Magnus concluded something very different.
“I know you don’t want to hear it, so I’ll just say it once. Whatever I felt for Camille, it’s ancient history. Almost literally.”
“Yeah, but what she said about you being immortal… she’s right. You watch the people you care about age and die.”
“Alexander… I may be the High Warlock of Brooklyn, but even I can’t see the future.”
Alec took a beat to think before continuing, but then Luke showed up calling for Magnus, and for a fraction of a moment Alec wanted to kill the werewolf. What a way to end a conversation absolutely nowhere…
But maybe this was not the right time anyway. Jocelyn waking up was all that mattered now. This would give him a bit more time to figure out how to put his thoughts into words.
~~**~~
Jocelyn was awake, everyone was happy - or at least a bit more hopeful – right now, and there was really no excuse for Magnus to hang around the Institute any longer. He begun the round of good-byes with the easy ones: Clary, Luke and Jocelyn – all very thankful – then Isabelle – who made sure he knew he was still in the doghouse – and then... Alec.
“Walk me out, will you?” He said, passing slowly through the shadowhunter and his sister, hoping against hope that Alec would be just as tired as him of talking about unpleasant topics, and that his not so subtle evasion from earlier on would not be noticed. Right now, all he longed for was a walk out in peaceful silence and a good-night kiss.
They did walk in silence until Alec stopped near the gates and took a deep breath, as if gearing up for something unpleasant. Silence was not meant to be tonight then. There was still hope for kisses tough…
“Magnus, what I said earlier tonight, about having something on my mind, is probably not what you think.” He paused until Magnus turned around and looked into his eyes, willing him to continue. “I wasn’t actually jealous of Camille, but what she said did get me thinking.”
Magnus took a step closer to Alec, getting into his personal space. It was amazing how breathing in the scent of the man got him so worked up. He wanted to kiss him again so much it physically hurt. He looked up into those deep, intent eyes and smiled, happy to feel Alec catch his breath.
“And what were you thinking about, Alexander?”
“Well, I thought” – Alec trudged on, breathing hard as Magnus wrapped his arms around his torso – “with you being immortal, and people like me being bound to… leave you… no matter what, wouldn’t it be easier for you to love someone like Camille? I mean, not her definitely, but someone, you know… that can stay with you?”
At that, Magnus took a step back, but kept his hands on Alec’s hips, not wanting to break contact completely. He had to stop and think about it for a minute, because he didn’t expect this question so soon in their relationship; maybe not ever.
Most of his former lovers didn’t expect to stay with him for long, and were more than happy to “keep it casual” until they would settle down with someone else, someone who could grow old with them. The ones who did stick around usually felt jealous of his never ending youth, and turned bitter. A very select few were resigned about their condition, and enjoyed their time till the last minute – those were the ones Magnus kept most fondly in his memory. But he couldn’t remember any lover who actually showed concern over how he felt to be always left behind. He figured they all assumed he was used to it. How wrong they all were…
But this was not any other lover. This was Alec. The man who always thought ahead, who never took anything lightly, and most of all, who always put first the needs of the people he cared about.
And oh! - didn’t it feel good to know that he, Magnus Bane, was one of those people! In Magnus’s eyes right then, Alexander Lightwood wasn’t just a remarkable young man, he was the one that would keep his heart for good…
Shaking himself out of his reverie, Magnus decided to take the matter head on and just get done with it. He couldn’t wait to be over this subject and start being deliriously happy.
“First of all, Alexander, there is no such thing as ‘people like you’.”
“Magnus, you know what I –” Alec tried to reply, but was cut off by Magnus’s finger in front of his lips.
“You asked me a question, let me answer it. I know what you mean, but you are wrong. A minute of your life to me is worth more than a whole lifespan of any other being in this world – mortal or not – so no, you’re not like anyone else. And before you say it’s selfish of me to think like that, I know it, but it is the truth.”
Magnus watched as Alec tried very hard to keep a straight face, and failed miserably. The joyful smile that broke out on his face lit up the empty hallway.
“And second of all Alec, do you realize that even though I’ll never die of old age, I could still be killed tomorrow, facing Valentine? Or the next day, caught unawares by a Shax demon like Ragnor? Or in a thousand other ways, really?”
Alec opened his mouth to say something, but Magnus gave him a pointed look, to show he was not done.
“What I mean to say is that, unlike this crazy, alien man I met in Wales some years ago, I am not a fixed point in time and space. I don’t have my future figured out any more than you do.”
Magnus moved forward one more time, and brought their bodies closer, sliding his right hand over Alec’s chest to feel his rapid heartbeat.
“It is probably too soon to say this, but whenever I look into my future, I can’t see the vast immensity of time I have ahead of me anymore. You’ve changed that…. now, all I see is you.”
There was no space for words after that, since Alec pressed Magnus’s body to his, and kissed him like nothing else in the world mattered. They kept at it for what felt like an eternity, and yet not nearly enough time. It could have been a minute or an hour; Magnus wouldn’t be able to tell.
But then again, who cared? Time was such a tricky thing after all…