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“Evbo,” EMF said, storming into Seawatt’s house. “Can you explain why people are still leaving our food supplies as offerings to you?”
Seawatt raised his head from the book he was reading. “Hi, EMF. Thanks for acknowledging my existence. Feel free to come inside.”
“Not in the mood,” they grumbled, shutting the door behind them. They made the jumps over to the couch Evbo and Seawatt were sitting on. Though they looked as regal as ever, golden circlet perfectly positioned over their neatly braided hair, they were panting softly.
Evbo stirred from where he had been lying against Seawatt’s shoulder. “Hey, man. You look tired. What’s up?”
“Don’t ‘what’s up’ me. I’ve been calling for you for ages. I had to run around half of Civilization to find you.”
On Seawatt’s left, Evbo unwrapped his arms from Seawatt’s waist and sat up fully. He had the decency to look sheepish, at least. “Oh, right. I heard you calling, but we were kind of in the middle of something important, and you sounded mad, so I kinda just thought it’d let you cool off a bit first?”
EMF narrowed their eyes at the two of them. It must not have been a good picture: Seawatt, book still open in his lap, and Evbo, hair mussed and cheek growing red from how long it had been pressed into Seawatt’s shoulder. “You call cuddling important?”
“We were doing research, actually.” Seawatt held up the book to show them the title, The Birth of Civilization, and Other Tales of the Parkour God. “And it sounds like it’s relevant to your problem.”
“Oh, really?” EMF said, tone perking up. “That’s… Thank you.”
Seawatt snorted. “You’ve been complaining about this for the past week, so don’t go thinking this is an entirely selfless act.”
“What he means is, we didn’t want to see you stressed out because we care about you,” Evbo chimed in with a bright smile. “Right, Seawatt?”
“Something like that,” he muttered, feeling heat rise in his cheeks.
EMF smiled, sitting down on the couch on Seawatt’s right. “I really do appreciate it.”
“So, people are still leaving offerings?” Evbo asked. “I thought you were putting guards at the temples to stop that.”
“I think I know what’s happening,” Seawatt said with a grin. “Let me guess—the guards are leaving offerings, too.”
EMF buried their head in their hands with a sigh. “I try to tell them they don’t need to, but I’m only the Champion, so what do I know? It’s not like any of this does anything. Right?”
Both EMF and Seawatt turned to look at Evbo. They knew the old scriptures better than he did—before the Evil Champion took over, most players knew the religious texts well, even if they didn’t believe in them—but they were old and, Seawatt suspected, highly dramatized. There certainly weren’t horn calls ringing out from the heavens whenever Evbo appeared. This meant that they were forced to trust Evbo’s instincts when it came to godly matters.
Evbo hummed, biting his lips in concentration. “I mean, I’m the Parkour God, not the Food God, so I don’t think they do anything. The old God was made out of cookies, so leaving food at least made sense for him.”
“Wait, the Parkour God was made out of cookies?” EMF sputtered. “Is that where the cookies and the—”
“Where the cookies and the milk come from! That’s what I was saying,” Seawatt cut in. “I was always taught it was a metaphor, ‘This cookie is my body’ and all that, but apparently it was literal.”
“Huh. Okay.” EMF stared off into the distance for a second before turning back to Seawatt and Evbo. “Did you find anything that could convince people to stop doing this, though? I’m tired of having to spawn a week’s worth of food every three days.”
“Not really. I was lowkey falling asleep though. Seawatt?”
Seawatt shook his head. “No lines we could easily reinterpret to mean ‘do not leave offerings,’ sadly. I was going to suggest just placing dedicated chests where people could put the offerings and then feeding those back into the food dispensers.”
EMF furrowed their brow in thought. “That could work. If we got a hopper feed, you could even automate it, though we would have to be careful people didn’t notice it.”
“It’d be easier than stopping players from making offerings, at the very least. Unless you’re running a dedicated propaganda machine, those sorts of behavioral changes are hard to force.”
“Even with a propaganda machine, I still beat you,” Evbo said, flicking Seawatt between the eyes. “But wait, does this mean you’re saving my offerings, but I don’t get any of them?”
“I thought you didn’t need them,” Seawatt said, flicking him right back.
“Well, yeah.” Evbo flicked Seawatt again, harder this time. “But it’s different if you’re putting it in chests. I could actually eat the food now.”
EMF grabbed hold of Seawatt’s wrist before he could get Evbo back. “How about you pull out anything you want to eat, and then we send the remainder back into the system? Best of both worlds.”
“Yes! Let’s go!” Evbo pumped his fist in the air. “Having worshippers is so great. I love free food.”
Even as their conversation moved on to other topics, Seawatt couldn’t get Evbo’s expression of joy at the idea of free food out of his mind.
Having food had never been a concern for him, besides his brief stint in the cut-off Fighter layer. But because of Seawatt, Evbo had spent years of his life starving and was still bonier than he ought to have been. If Seawatt hadn’t been running the lab, the Champion just would have gotten someone else to do it, and he’d had nothing to do with the food situation, but still. That didn’t make it any less his fault.
If he couldn’t fix Evbo’s past, he could at least try to bring joy to his present.
This was how he found himself digging through his old journals for his mother’s chicken curry recipe.
With the increased accessibility of cooking, spice shortages had become commonplace. Today was no exception. A trip to the newly opened marketplace on the Fighter level yielded no curry powder, and with no other options, Seawatt decided to go straight to the source.
He passed by the offering chests in the Temple as he made his way back up to the top layers. They were already overflowing with breads, fruits, and meats, both cooked and raw. He passed the long climb to the top of the Temple trying to imagine how much food these people seemed to think Evbo could eat—surely they’d seen him in person before.
Making the last invisible jump up to the Champion layer, Seawatt waved to EMF, who was sitting with their back against one of the command blocks. “Champion! I need something from you.”
“You’re not supposed to be up here,” EMF shouted back. “One day I’ll get around to changing the jumps and you’ll fall down to the Noob layer.”
“Yeah, right,” Seawatt said, walking over to EMF and sitting on the command block. “If you hadn’t wanted me to get up here, you wouldn’t have done the jumps in broad daylight so many times.”
“If you say so.” EMF tilted their head up to look at Seawatt, a soft smile gracing their features. “So, what is it you so desperately need from me?”
Seawatt cupped their head in his hands, tucking a loose strand of hair behind their ear. “Could you make me some curry powder? They’re all out again.”
“I’m not your personal vending machine. What do you even need curry powder for?”
“I was going to make dinner for Evbo as a surprise,” Seawatt said. “Offerings to the Parkour God are all the rage these days.”
EMF groaned, though the smile didn’t leave their face. “Not you, too.”
“Come on! It’s for Evbo. Just think of how happy he’ll be.”
They tapped their chin, as if considering their options carefully. “And what’s in it for me?”
“I’ll make enough curry for you too,“ Seawatt said, “as long as you promise to give me Evbo alone tonight.”
“Deal.” EMF leaped to their feet. “Now get off the block if you don’t want me to land on you.”
Seawatt stood up and stepped back, giving EMF room to make the jump. They’d struggled with the four-block jump at first, according to Evbo, but their time as Champion had clearly remedied that. They crossed the gap with ease, diamond boots touching down lightly on the block closer to Seawatt.
They stepped off the block and, reaching a hand into the pocket of their pants, produced a vial of golden brown powder. “Here’s your curry powder.”
“Lovely.” Seawatt took the vial and pulled EMF in for a quick kiss. “See you around, then.”
With that, he turned and sprinted towards the edge of the platform. EMF called from behind him, “Hey! Would it kill you to say thank you?”
He paused just before the edge and looked over his shoulder at EMF. “To you? Absolutely.” And then he was gone, running back to his house to prepare everything for that night.
It had been a long time since he had cooked, but it seemed like the skill never really left him. He threw on an apron over his robes and got to work cutting the chicken, making the marinade, and sauteing the onions. Soon enough, he was throwing the meat and tomatoes in with the onions to simmer and setting his rice up to cook.
This gave him time to clean the horrible mess he’d made of the counter. By the time the rice was starting to look done, the chicken was cooked tender. He poured a few drops of a fire resistance potion, his mother’s secret ingredient, into the curry for some kick, and then turned the heat down to low.
All he had to do now was call Evbo.
“Evbo,” he said to the empty room. “Hey, Evbo, can you come here? Evbo!”
Then, with a sigh, he pressed his hands together in prayer and closed his eyes. “Oh, mighty Parkour God. If you could come to my house now, I would really appreciate it. Amen.”
“I heard you the first time,” Evbo said from in front of him. When Seawatt opened his eyes, the god was lounging on Seawatt’s couch, his boots up on the armrest. The golden hour sunlight struck his hair through the window, making it shine like he had a crown of his own. “I just like to hear you sing my praises.”
Seawatt rolled his eyes. “If your ego was any bigger, I swear your head would fall off.”
“Aww, I love you too.” Evbo sat up, his eyes running up and down Seawatt’s body in a way that would have been scandalous if it weren’t for the puzzled expression on his face. “What’s with the new outfit?”
Seawatt looked down at his clothes and realized he still had his apron on, complete with splatters of curry. He quickly untied it and threw it onto the kitchen counter. “What new outfit?”
Chuckling, Evbo stood up and hopped the gap from the living area over into the kitchen. “Seriously, though, what’d you call me for?”
“Well, you seemed so distraught the other day over having the offerings from your precious worshippers recycled back into the food supply, I thought I’d personally give you an offering of my own. That is, if you would accept something from a lowly sinner such as myself,” Seawatt said, finishing with a slight bow.
Evbo looked past him at the pots on the stove, from which steam was still rising. The lack of an immediate reaction was starting to worry Seawatt. “You made dinner for me?”
“If you want it?” he replied, scanning Evbo’s face for any signs. Was it weird of him to bring up the whole worship aspect when they were literally dating? “I know you don’t really need to eat anymore, and I’m not the best cook in the world, but you were so excited about getting free food, I thought you might like it if I made you something, but maybe I should have asked first before I—”
“Seawatt, you big sap!” Evbo threw his arms around Seawatt, pressing him back against the counter. “Of course I’d like this. I mean, I don’t know what you made, but it smells good at least.”
“Good, that’s good.” Seawatt looped his arms around Evbo’s back, pulling him closer. “It’s curry. It was my favorite as a kid.”
“Thank you,” Evbo whispered in his ear, and even though he wasn’t sure what he’d done was worthy of it, for once, Seawatt didn’t argue back.
With one more squeeze for good measure, Seawatt released Evbo. “I do actually need you to taste test this, though. I wasn’t sure how spicy you wanted it.”
Casting his hand around the counter, he managed to find the spoon he was using for his own taste testing earlier. He scooped up a spoonful of the curry, making sure to get a chunk of chicken, and blew on it before holding it out to Evbo. “Careful, it’s hot.”
Evbo leaned forward and closed his mouth around the spoon. He stepped back, letting it slide out of his mouth, eyebrows rising as the flavor hit him. He smiled from ear to ear, humming something Seawatt couldn’t understand that sounded positive.
Seawatt had had the privilege of seeing many of Evbo’s expressions, and in his opinion, happiness suited him best.
With the sunset behind him, happiness looked to be radiating out of him, like he couldn’t help but try and spread it to everyone around him. To be the target of that feeling was almost too much for Seawatt, but he did his best to accept this blessing and catalog every detail he could: the way his eyes crinkled at the corners, the way he reached for Seawatt’s hand seemingly instinctively, everything.
Screw the netherite boots—if anything about Evbo was divine, it was this.
“Seawatt, this is—mmph!” Evbo tried to say, before Seawatt captured his mouth in a kiss.
Evbo pushed him off, coughing and holding up one hand. “Dude, let me swallow first.”
“Sorry,” Seawatt said. “You just looked really nice.”
Once he had finished swallowing, Evbo pressed forward against Seawatt, one hand clutching his waist and the other cupping his cheek. “You’re eager tonight, aren’t you?” Evbo teased.
“Didn’t realize that was a crime.”
“It is when you interrupt me.” Evbo’s gaze flickered to Seawatt’s lips. “What I was trying to say is, it’s perfect.”
Then Evbo’s mouth was on Seawatt’s, and he sighed into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed. He could taste the spices from the curry on Evbo’s tongue, cumin and ginger and cayenne. His arms reached around Evbo’s back and grasped at the fabric of his hoodie.
He could have stayed like that forever, but unlike Evbo, he needed to breathe. His chest heaving, he pulled back, Evbo trailing after him with a peck on the corner of his mouth.
“Who’s the eager one now?” Seawatt said between breaths. Evbo hummed, peppering kisses across Seawatt’s cheek, then drawing a gasp from him as he pressed his lips to Seawatt’s exposed collarbone and began to suck.
“I don’t hear you complaining,” Evbo said against his skin. “In fact, it sounds like you’re asking for it.”
That sent a shiver down Seawatt’s spine. He raised a hand to Evbo’s head, running his fingers through his hair. “Evbo, the food’s gonna get cold.”
To his surprise, Evbo actually looked up at that. “Oh, right, the food!” Evbo abruptly let go of Seawatt, causing him to stagger back against the counter.
Seawatt smoothed out the fabric of his robes, laughing. “I wasn’t expecting that to work, you know. To think you care more about food than your own boyfriend.”
“You’re the one who brought it up!” Evbo elbowed him lightly. Watching as Seawatt pulled out two plates, he leaned against the counter and flashed him a grin. “Besides, you aren’t planning on going anywhere after this, are you?”
And as it turned out, he wasn’t.