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Eddie found out that Bobby had died in a phone call.
Karen had dialled his number a few hours after the incident, explaining through tears what had happened, how Bobby hadn’t told anyone he got infected, and how his last wish was to speak to Athena alone.
At first, Eddie thought Karen was lying, that there was no way Bobby was gone, but the longer the conversation went, the more it started hitting him.
Bobby Nash was dead.
There’s no easy way to grieve, he realised—no certain way to express your emotions, and how to deal with the heartbreak.
He was first struck with denial. Once the call had ended, with a promise to get to L.A. as quickly as he could, he sat on his bed in silence, trying to find any possible reason as to why this was a huge misunderstanding. He couldn’t find one.
He pulled out his laptop and got to looking at the soonest flights to L.A. there were. There was one in three and a half hours. Without thinking, he booked two tickets and found two suitcases that were under his bed. Chris was due back from school any minute now, he wouldn’t even get five minutes to himself before he was rushed out of the house again.
Eddie doesn’t pack neatly, never has; he just stuffs as many things as he can into the suitcases, making sure he grabs all the electronics and clothing he can find for both of them.
When Chris walks through the door, he has the horrifying realisation that he has to explain this all to him. He’s never been good at handling these kinds of conversations, it was always Buck who dealt with the difficult talks.
Chris goes into his bedroom, seeing a frantic Eddie rushing around his room, shoving clothes into a suitcase.
“Dad? What’s wrong?” he asks, scared.
Eddie explains as best as he can, giving as many details as possible. He watches as his son's eyes well up with tears, and as they fall down his face. Eddie pulls him into a hug, comforting him, whilst telling him that they’re going back to L.A. to be with their family.
Eddie hasn’t cried yet.
The next several hours go by quickly. Eddie and Chris get into his Prius and take the dreaded drive to the airport. The flights in two hours, they get through customs and are left just sitting about before they board the plane. Chris is occupied by his phone, texting one of his friends, and Eddie is once again just sitting in silence.
He hasn’t spoken to anyone yet and hasn’t checked his phone for any messages. He doesn’t think he’d be able to stomach it just yet.
He should’ve been there. Maybe there would’ve been a different outcome, maybe everyone would’ve gone home unharmed.
Guilt flooded him, he didn’t even know why.
He just wanted to be home, with his family, where he and Chris belong.
Before he knew it, they were being called to board the plane. He moved sluggishly, little energy left in him now that he had stopped rushing. Chris stretched and put his phone away, slinging his backpack onto his shoulder and walking in front, the distant sound of his crutches clacking along the floor.
Chris had the window seat, with Eddie settling into the middle. A middle-aged man sat on the end, face wrinkled and scrunched up, making him very uncomfortable.
He tried sleeping, though there were screaming kids, too much talking, and a guy breathing heavily beside him. In the end, he gave up and decided to scroll through his phone.
Eddie wished he hadn’t. There were loads of missed calls, all from Buck, desperate to reach him. Eddie felt like the shittest person on earth. He didn’t tell anyone (apart from Karen) that he was heading back. With the panic and rush to get a flight sorted, he’d forgotten to call everyone.
Abruptly, he shut his phone off and closed his eyes. He still didn’t sleep, but he rested. Took a few deep breaths and calmed down.
Chris was distracted beside him, not in the mood for talking, but still showing comfort with the hand he had wrapped around Eddie’s arm.
_____________
Everything was going by so quickly today. They were waiting to collect their suitcases before hopping in an Uber.
The drive home was silent, as if the atmosphere of the Diaz boys was enough for the driver to keep his mouth shut.
It was a half-hour drive to their house, the traffic being cut in half due to it being nighttime, and before they knew it, they were stepping out of the vehicle and walking up the driveway.
Forgoing knocking on the door, Eddie pulled out his set of keys from his pocket and unlocked the door quietly.
Stepping inside felt surreal; nothing had changed, but everything had. The house still looked like his, but with tokens of Buck littered about. His shoes were by the front door, his car keys hanging up in the hall.
He put the suitcases by the front door, closing it with a soft click. Eddie walked further into the house, looking everywhere for Buck. He wasn’t in the kitchen or the lounge. The bathroom door was open, no activity in there. He faintly registers Chris making his way to his room, pushing the door open with his crutch.
Eddie comes face to face with his– buck’s bedroom door. It’s shut, but there’s a soft glow from underneath. He knocks gently, turning the door knob and opening the door.
“Look, I’m not in the mood for any–” Buck cuts himself off when he looks up and sees Eddie.
In all honesty, he thought it’d be Maddie. He’d given her a spare key not long after he moved in. She’s been trying to get in touch with him for hours, but he was ignoring everyone, apart from Eddie, who was the only person Buck wanted to speak to.
“Eddie?” He croaks, voice cracking at the end. Buck swings himself out of bed quicker than he ever has and throws himself into Eddie’s arms. Eddie catches him, always has and always will.
As soon as Eddie’s arms are secured around him, the dam breaks. Buck can’t hold anything in and just begins sobbing, loud and heartbreaking.
His legs give way, and they both crumble to the floor, finding themselves in what should be an uncomfortable position, but in this moment, they don’t feel it.
Eddie whispers soothing words, not too sure if Buck is registering what he’s saying. He reaches up and cups the back of Buck’s head, holding him close. Eddie lets himself cry then, in this moment when it’s just the two of them. He shakes, his body trembling as he holds on to his partner.
“H-he’s dead, Eddie. Bobby’s dead.” Buck sobs into the joint between his shoulder and neck.
“I know, baby. I know. I’m so sorry.” Eddie cries, his throat stings as more tears fall down his face.
“I want Bobby. I want my dad.” Buck whines, gripping Eddie’s shirt tightly, pushing himself further into him.
Eddie doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know if he can find the right words to say.
“I know. You’re okay, Buck, I’m here and you’re okay.” None of them is okay. None of this is okay.
“No.” Buck whimpers, “I don’t think I’ll ever be okay.”
Buck’s sobs start quieting down to small hiccups. He moves himself around so he’s in Eddie’s lap, and rests his head on Eddie’s shoulder.
“How are you here?” Buck whispers when some time goes by, neither of them aware of how long.
“Karen called me. Told me everything. We got on the first plane we could.” Eddie explains, his throat raw from crying.
“We?” he questions.
“Chris is in his room,” he feels Buck tense in his grip, and suddenly he throws himself off Eddie and stands up on wobbly legs. He’s out of the room in seconds and bursting through the kid's door. Chris is already standing in the middle of his room, as if he were contemplating going to his dad and Buck. His head shoots up, and he’s wrapped up in a death-grip hug. Buck lifts him up off the floor, and no part of him feels like complaining about it.
They settle into each other, staying there for a few minutes before Buck places him back on the ground.
“I’ve missed you so much, Chris.” Buck whispers into the boys curls.
“I’ve missed you too, Buck,” Chris replies, “I’m sorry you lost Bobby.”
Buck smiled sadly, feeling tears springing to his eyes again, “you’re gonna set me off again, kid.”
“It’s okay to cry, Buck, especially when you’ve lost your dad.”
Buck pulls back, wiping the tears from his face, “When did you become so wise, huh?” he says on a chuckle.
“Somewhere in the last two months, i think.” he sasses back.
They catch up quietly, sitting down on Chris’s bed whilst he talks about his time in Texas. It’s a nice distraction, a little bit of happiness through the heartbreak.
That’s where Eddie finds them half an hour later. He’d given them some space and went to the kitchen to make them all something quick to eat. Nothing fancy, just a sandwich each.
“Hey guys, I’ve made us something to eat.” he says gently, not wanting to break the atmosphere.
Reluctantly, they stand up, Chris taking the lead to the kitchen leaving Eddie and Buck together.
“See if you can get something down you, then we can sleep and get through tomorrow together.”
Buck barely nods, walking slowly to the kitchen, Eddie with him every step. They sit down at the table, and then it’s quiet. Chris has almost finished his sandwich, practically inhaling it like it’s his last meal. Buck is picking at the bread, not eating anything.
When Chris finishes eating, he excuses himself from the table and goes to bed, giving his dad and Buck a hug before doing so.
Eddie moves his chair closer to Buck, invading his space unapologetically.
Time moves slowly after that, neither of them aware of their motions. Eddie coaxes Buck to eat his sandwich, which he successfully does after another twenty minutes. Buck stands up and sluggishly moves around the kitchen, putting the plates in the dishwasher, and starts wiping down the countertops. He moves determinately, efficiently cleaning everything he can. He isn’t registering anything around him, his mind feeling like it’s full of water. His vision blurs, salty water dropping on the counter. Buck vigorously scrubs over the same place again and again and again to wipe away the sadness, but it doesn’t help. Nothing helps.
“Buck, hey, hey, stop.” Eddie breaks him from his cycle, placing gentle but rough hands over Buck’s. He pries the cloth from Buck’s hands, setting it in the sink. “I need you to take some deep breaths for me, okay? You think you can do that for me?”
Buck nods, holding in his breath and realising it when Eddie does. He repeats it for a few minutes until he feels better, like he’s more grounded. Eddie leads him to the sofa, pulling him down to sit next to him.
Eddie sits in the corner, making Buck sit in the middle space. He puts his legs over Bucks, now sitting sideways, pulling Buck to his side so he’s trapped in a cuddle. Buck rests his head just under Eddie's collarbone, hearing the beating of his heart. It settles him, makes him feel barely alive for the first time in twenty-four hours.
“What am I meant to do, Eddie?” Buck says, lost.
“Take it day by day, that’s all we can do.” Eddie soothes.
“I didn’t think anything could hurt like this,” Buck admits, voice breaking halfway through.
It was quiet, and Eddie tried to figure out the best way to word what he was going to say next.
“When you got struck by lightning, and I saw you hanging there, helpless– I’ve never been so afraid. Knowing there was nothing I could do, even when I got on the ladder and tried pulling you up, Buck, it was the worst moment of my life. I counted for three minutes and seventeen seconds, from when we got you down until we got to the hospital, and I got your heart beating again. I couldn’t breathe. It was like my heart was ripped in two, and the better half was gone. I was in constant fear, even when you were stable, that you’d- I don't know- just wouldn’t be? That your heart would give out again, and you’d leave me.
I prayed for the first time in twenty years, that you’d be okay, that you’d find your way back to me, and Chris. I remember being a wreck in the waiting room, and Bobby sat next to me, with his rosary beads in his hand and assured me you’d be okay. He said you were the strongest person he knows and that you wouldn’t give up so easily. He had every faith that you’d wake up and be back to being Buck. He told me how proud he was of you, how much he loved you. You had a massive impact on him, Buck. You saved him, helped heal him when he was at his worst. And he was so thankful for that. So thankful that it was you who came crashing into his life.
So, yes. It’s going to be so, so hard. Sometimes it will be hard to get out of bed, you won’t know how to function. But you can’t let it consume you, you can’t let it control your life. You have a huge support system to lean on, and we’ll all have each other, through the toughest times, and the more joyful ones. You’re strong Buck, but you don’t have to be strong all the time.” Somewhere along Eddie’s speech, Buck starts crying again, his tears soaking Eddie’s shirt. He holds on for dear life, never wanting to let go.
“Just go to sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” Eddie promises, dropping a kiss onto Buck’s curls.
Buck reciprocates and places a kiss on his chest.
Someday, in the future, they’ll talk about what they mean to each other, and how they move forward in their relationship. But right now, they’ve got each other in the way they need them most.
Tomorrow they’ll wake up in the same position, they’ll laugh at the good memories, and they’ll cry at the harder ones. Nothing is okay just yet, maybe won’t be ever again, but they’ll get through it. Together.