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Go Aeshin was a woman of steel. She’d say so herself. Built from silver and gold, and molten to make bullets. Bound to a cause, she bled passion and righteousness; often looked death in the eye and didn't blink, not even for a second. It was her destiny, her story, her firm decision. She was a spy, a sniper, a patriot, and a rebel. That was her identity. Through and through.
Most things that made ladies of her rank flinch and blush, didn't face her in the slightest. The things that bothered and drove her mad were the injustices of the world and the dishonor that had been brought to her homeland. Things women weren't really allowed to even discuss in public. She was action driven though, so she would grab a weapon before asking permission to talk. She’d be damned if she was caught resting while her country was being torn apart under the hubris of evil men…
She didn't fancy the life that was picked for her. It felt belittling. She looked disgusted at the future her grandfather proposed to her, or so it used to be…
Men weren't interesting to her before she met Eugene. He was different from anyone she'd ever met. He was in a position that would suggest treason but he carried the easy heart of someone who never did any wrong, and the sure eyes of someone that was ready to protect, defend and fight for what he believed in, as well as run far towards the direction his heart pleaded.
He was kind, and a good ally… He was strong and keen, but he was also the gentlest person she’d ever known. She was led to believe that he cared about her… And she trusted it was true. Without noticing how much she cared about him too.
He looked cold at first glance, but getting to know him was like greeting the sun, and now that he was going away… Her skies were darkening. Her own heart broke.
She didn't expect the news to upset her so much but she felt like crumbling from the inside out. So she made up a plan. He couldn't leave without listening to her, without knowing how she felt at this very moment.
The night was black and a full moon shone bright over the ceiling of the Glory Hotel. Aeshin lurked in the environs, fast, like a cat, waiting for the right moment to pounce and sneak into the building.
She waited for the main lights to turn off, everyone probably sleeping, and she jumped over the wall on the side closest to her, climbing as quickly as possible, angling herself just right once at the top, to fall on the balcony facing west. She’d done it before. She knew it was Eugene’s room and that he never went to sleep early, writing or reading instead. Her eyes were so often on him, even on nights where it wasn't her duty. She got the intel, watched him intently for some time. She didn't expect for her interest to turn into this. Into a crazy plot to see him one last time. Yet, here she was: landing on an open window, standing to see his confused face, standing up from his desk to get near her. She held out her hand so her intentions could be clear:
“Don't say anything,” she said. “I just came to tell you a piece of my mind. Then I'll be gone.” She was angry. Why was she angry? “First, I thought it was very rude of you to go without knowing what I think.” Those weren't the words she rehearsed. “Actually—” She cleared her throat a couple of times, looking down, adjusting the wave of feelings crashing over her and stilling her trembling hands. “Eugene.” She started again, breathing more put together. “I'll tell you this—I suppose it's easier to just be honest: every step I've made towards danger or towards safety I'm proud of. Every misstep, every bruise and shot wound… Because it's the path that I've chosen. But, even if the fire of the conviction I hold for my country burns bright within my heart, still… I've found that my whole world grows colder since I learned of your departure. I feel—her voice wavered and her eyes watered—It's not fair. You lied to me, then. You said we were doing love together. And I, now… I can only see it was a lie.”
“That is not true.”
“No? Then I shan't suppose you only said it to ridicule me. To toy with a noblewoman and then laugh on your way home?”
“No! Never. I would never laugh at you. I want to do love with you, I just…”
“What? Did I do something wrong?”
“No… But it's complicated, and dangerous.”
“I've never feared danger”
“I know. That is what scares me.”
“Soldiers shouldn't be scared, captain Choi”
“They often are… And I've never faced something quite so dangerous before, I don't think.” She looked puzzled at him and he held her gaze, with evident pain, his hands unrestful on his sides. “I don't want to ruin you, miss,” he finally said after that long pause. “I'm not good enough for you.”
There was still silence on her part, her face confused and angry.
“That's nonsense.” She blurted.
“All I'm good for is being an American soldier. I thought I could be of use to you, and that way, selfishly, I could remain close to you. But this isn't a game, you are on a path dangerous enough without my input. I don't wanna be the cause of your—I don't want to give you yet another dangerous path to switch upon when you're not wearing black; or, even where you are… I care about you too much to force you out of your comfort, even if caring for you makes me want to stay… I can't. I shouldn't.”
“I understand. I suppose I knew… Still, it's not easy. I wish there was something I could say or do to change your mind. Even if I don't wanna change you… I want you to stay.”
“I don't think there's much left to say…” She agreed, nodding.
“Except—” The hug was sudden. Eugene didn't expect it as much as he hadn't expected the first one she gave him that night in the pharmacy. This time though, he hugged her too. He dared to wrap his arms around her, justifying it just this time. It might be the last one. He didn't want to let it go to waste. He wanted it to be endless, fierce, loving. He loved her. He was more sure of it every day that passed. Every day that she wasn't his… He suffered. He yearned… God, he dared to hope in that fleeting embrace.
When they parted, her hands still placed around him (blurring his judgement), he dared even more: he touched her face, wanting nothing more than to show her the depth of his affections. And she, the insane rebel that she was, dared even further (more than he could ever even imagine): she got on her toes and, quickly, pressed her petal soft lips on his. He stopped breathing, his heart went away to a place of no return… He couldn't think, he wouldn't worry… He closed his eyes, eyebrows torn in desperation, a pledge in his throat and he kissed her back. The first real kiss he'd had in ages. The first kiss that ever mattered, he thought. This was it. She'd done it, that mean woman. He wouldn't be able to leave now. Not ever.
That night the most difficult decision was made. There was no going back. And as the trees shook outside, the wind rustling its branches, two forbidden lovers found each other's heart.