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William loves the crowd. Loves watching it from the stage while he performs with his friends. Loves being part of it watching people perform for them.
The crowd at X Festival is loud, rowdy. Screams and laughter fill the air, water splashing everywhere with William as collateral damage. There’s a hint of sweet stickiness stuck in the air from the alcohol probably. Some of it being in his system, giving him a pleasant buzz that loosens his body and makes him feel more like a regular person enjoying himself at Songkran, rather than an idol who can be easily spotted by fans.
His feet ache. His arms and legs are sore. He can still feel the phantom sting of high pressure water guns from his schedules on his skin, and yet he’s here, yelling lyrics up the top of his lungs, jumping and dancing with Hong and Nut. Perhaps this is what he needed after a long month of enduring endless schedules, traveling in and out of Thailand, driving for miles to another city to see fans. He’s grateful for the work, really, and for all the love, but he’s young and he can only take so much.
“Is P’Est coming?” Hong asks, slightly slurred, voice a higher decibel than normal. His arm is slung over William’s shoulder. His mouth is too close to William’s ear, making William wince at how loud his voice is. William understands though; it’s pretty loud here, and Hong’s tipsiness is clouding his judgment a little.
“I don’t know,” William leans over when Hong turns his head to hear him, and answers, shrugging. “He texted me earlier saying he’s at S2O with his friends. I don’t think he’s coming here.”
Hong accepts that with a small nod. He turns and passes on the message to Nut, leaning close into his ear. Nut flashes a smirk at William, slips away from Hong’s side and approaches William instead. “He’s definitely coming,” Nut says.
“Who? P’Est?” William asks.
Nut nods, leaning back and crossing his arms. The smirk on his face promises nothing but trouble. “Why wouldn’t he? His nong needs him.”
It takes a while to realize what he meant. William blinks and tilts his head like a confused puppy. “You mean…?”
“Ask him to come here,” Nut explains simply, nodding to the phone in William’s hand. “He won’t say no. Especially not when it comes to you.”
William—pointedly—doesn’t feel his cheeks and ears flush. He also—pointedly—doesn’t feel butterflies erupt in his stomach. Not when it comes to you, Nut had said. Maybe he’s right. A breath escapes him when he remembers Est saying, “William is my first priority,” in his mind, voice echoing through speakers, fans erupting in screams and cheers a nanosecond later.
The moment William taps his phone, Hong and Nut whisk him away from the crowd, off to a less crowded area where it’s quieter. William almost laughs at the ridiculousness of it all as he swipes his phone open and presses on Est’s contact. It rings in his ear thrice until there’s a soft click, followed by Est saying softly, “Hello? William?”
“Phi,” William answers, surprising himself with the soft whine in his tone, “can you come here? I miss you.” I need you, he doesn’t say. But he thinks Est heard it still. Or so he’d like to believe.
“Here?” Est asks, confused. He goes silent like he’s listening to all the background noise in William’s end. “Where are you? It’s so loud on your end.”
“X Festival,” William offers. “P’Hong and P’Nut invited me.”
Est sighs. A sound that settles deep in William’s chest. He gulps, suddenly feeling the alcohol kick in as his mind starts to turn into mush. The last thing William hears before the line cuts is Est saying, “I’m on my way.”
Adrenaline shoots up his veins as he slips his phone into his pocket, staring absentmindedly at the ground beneath him. A lot of things hit him at once—the alcohol, the adrenaline, the music, Est—and it makes him feel lightheaded, almost dizzy.
“What did he say?” Hong asks expectantly, pulling William’s attention. His eyes shine like he already knows the answer, like he’s asking just for the sake of asking.
The smile that forms on William’s face is almost immediate. It almost cracks his face in half. “He’s on his way,” he answers, trying (and failing) to suppress the giddiness in his tone. He switches gears instead. “Should we get some more drinks?”
Nut grins. “Now, we’re talking.”
William loves the crowd, but he loves finding familiar faces in it more. Loves finding his parents in the audience, feeling ten times stronger knowing they’re there for him. He loves finding his friends too sometimes, a reminder of his journey to get to where he is now.
But there’s nothing quite like finding Est in the crowd.
His head feels cloudier than earlier after a few rounds of drinks. It’s not his fault. Well, not entirely; Hong and Nut are equally to blame as much as him. They’d poured alcohol in his cup almost every time they saw it was empty; William only managed to end the cycle by sneaking off and throwing his cup away.
But even through his drunken haze, he spots Est among a sea of people going in and out of the festival. His heart flutters in his chest and his cheeks hurt from the smile that widens on his face. He squeals, waving a hand and yelling, “P’Est!”
His voice must pierce through all the noise, because Est’s head snaps in his direction. William’s breath hitches at the sight of Est melting upon meeting his gaze, shoulders going lax and the sweet, fond smile reserved for William stretching his lips. A quick glance at Est’s side tells William he isn’t the one who noticed either; Daou glances between the two of them, snickering.
But William could care less about that right now. His feet move before his brain can catch up, running up to Est. It’s not as smooth as he wanted it to be; his drunkenness causes him to stumble and almost trip on his own feet, but Est materializes in front of him in no time, catching him before he could fall face first on the ground. Now, that would make a great headline.
“You’re here!” William giggles, beaming. “You really came, phi.”
“You asked me to,” Est says simply, like it’s enough to explain why, how or what made him come here.
William hiccups, suddenly finding the strength in his legs to stand upright. He throws an arm over Est’s shoulders, hooking it around his neck. Est’s hands find his waist easily like they’ve been there plenty of times before. They probably have. William can’t really remember.
William’s eyes catch on Est’s black cap. He remembers his own cap, and feels a lightbulb switch on. He grins as he reaches up, pulling Est’s cap off him with a flick of his wrist, then he pulls his own cap off. He switches their caps, placing Est’s cap on his head and his cap on Est’s.
Est doesn’t protest, only watches with slight interest. They share things all the time anyway. When William finally gets his cap to fit on Est’s head, Est speaks up and asks, “What’s with the swapping?”
Still grinning, William shrugs, “It’s like… exchanging rings, phi.”
“You’re ridiculous,” Est huffs, shaking his head fondly.
“Just wait. I’ll get you a real ring one day,” says William, a wink follows after.
Soon enough, their friends catch up and crowd around them, screaming song lyrics at the top of their lungs. Daou has his phone out, waving it around as he records the moment for memory keeping. Nut and Hong are teasing them, William thinks, if their mischievous smiles are anything to go by. But he’s not really paying attention, not when his eyes seem to gravitate toward Est, like he can’t go five seconds without looking at him.
Est glances between Nut and Hong, and Daou, who’s still recording. He gets fed up with their antics and slides his face against the side of William’s, groaning loudly in William’s ear. William stumbles back with Est’s additional weight added on top of his, but he leans into it, lightly squeezing his arm around Est’s neck for a second.
Then, William feels sharp teeth on the shell of his ear. Electricity zips down his spine; a giggle tearing through his throat. It turns into chaos around them with Nut and Hong’s hollering and Daou’s screaming; William wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” Daou chants, shit-eating grin loud and proud on his face.
“Are you guys boyfriends?” Hong asks, swatting both their arms. He repeats his question, both teasing and disbelieving, pointing between the two of them, “are you guys boyfriends for real?”
“Not telling,” William singsongs, darting his tongue out.
Est changes the subject quickly, hands still on William’s waist like they belong there, and soon enough, William finds himself being whisked into the crowd once again. They’re around the area as their spot from earlier, William can tell by the cameras perched on the corners of the stage. Maybe the kiss cam would make another appearance tonight, he thinks, maybe he could kiss Est for it.
The thought sends William into a giggling fit. Beside him, hands upgraded to an arm wrapped around his middle, Est leans in, lips brushing against William’s ear and asks, “What’s so funny?”
William suppresses a shiver and presses his face against the side of Est’s face, lips hovering over Est’s ear, then answers, “I thought of kissing you for the kiss cam just now.”
Est freezes in his hold. This close, he can feel Est’s Adam apple bob, and his voice rumbles in his throat as he speaks. “Kiss cam?”
“Yes, phi,” William hums. His neck starts to ache from the strain of keeping it sideways, so he twists his body so their chests are pressed together. This feels much more intimate than their hug earlier by the side of the crowd, when Est had gone shy and bit William’s ear lightly. “There was a kiss cam that they showed on screen earlier.”
“Who kissed?” Est asks. The question seems innocent enough, if not for the way his voice lowered.
William snickered. “Some random couple. Don’t worry, phi, I’d never kiss anyone else other than you.”
Est’s free hand hits William’s shoulder lightly. William hisses at the action, peels himself away from Est’s warmth, and rubs the spot Est had hit. Est rolls his eyes at his antics and walks away, slipping through the crowd to get to Daou, who’s much closer to the stage than they were. William watches him leave and laughs, the sound being lost in the music.
William sticks to Nut and Hong for a bit after that, deciding to follow Est once he’s calmed down from feeling shy. He misses Est more now that he’s seen him, even though they were together the day before yesterday. But William misses Est all the time; the feeling akin to forgetting something at home when he leaves for work, even though he’s already triple checked his pockets.
“Where’s P’Est?” Nut asks over the music, hand on top of his head to keep his cap in place.
“With P’Ou,” William yells back.
Then, there’s someone swatting his shoulder repeatedly, distractedly. William turns and sees Hong staring at a space in the crowd a little further away from them. “Holy shit, someone’s flirting with P’Est!” Hong shouts, “He’s so popular! William, do something!”
William snaps his head to where Hong is pointing at, almost breaking his neck in the process. His eyes rake over the crowd, trying to catch a glimpse of Est, until he sees him. And a stranger, standing a little too close to Est.
There are hands on his shoulders, pushing him through the crowd to where Est and the stranger are. William entertains the thought that he’s being used as a human shield for a split second, but the scene that reappears in front of him reminds him of what he was looking at in the first place. There’s a guy, almost as tall as him, teetering on the edge of Est's space, a flirty smile playing on his lips. Est looks bored and disinterested, like he’s so close to walking away from the stranger.
William knows Est can decide for himself. But William decides to make a move anyway, especially when Est is currently wearing his cap. Wearing something that is William’s and no one else’s. He doesn’t know where the boldness is coming from—the alcohol or just the adrenaline from the festivities around him—but his voice is surprisingly smooth when he calls out, “P’Est!”
Est, amazingly so, picks it up even with the roaring crowd around him, head turning to William’s direction. Like he has a heightened sixth sense when it comes to William.
There’s a sick sense of satisfaction that trickles up William’s spine when the stranger realizes Est isn’t as single as he hoped to be, but William can’t find it in himself to feel guilty about it. Neither does he want to. Especially not when Est comes barreling straight to him, the arm that loops around his waist settling an itch he’s been feeling since Est slipped away.
William finds his mouth pressed against Est’s shoulder. He straightens his back and plops his chin on there instead, basking in Est’s presence. He raises his head a little, and sighs into Est’s ear, “I missed you, phi.”
“It hasn’t even been five minutes.” It comes out with a tilt, like Est is asking a question. An amused chuckle trails right after.
“Still, it’s been too long without you,” William snuggles into Est’s warmth, now burying his nose at the crook of Est’s neck. He’s been getting taller these days, almost surpassing Est in height. He should savor moments like these while he still has them. “Did you not miss me, phi?” William asks, despite knowing the answer.
“Of course I missed you,” Est confesses, a little breathless, like it’s been something he’s been holding in all night. “I’ve been worried about you lately. You haven’t been getting much rest, but you still decided to come here.”
“I wanted to go out tonight. To— to have fun. To see you.”
“See me?” Est makes a noise from his throat like he didn’t believe him. “I was at another festival. How did you know you were gonna see me?”
“Because I asked,” William shrugs. It’s the only explanation he has. It’s the only one that makes sense. “I asked you to come here, and here you are.”
“Aren’t I spoiling you a little too much then?”
“No,” William answers quickly, humming. He shakes his head too, purposely letting his hair rub against Est’s jaw. “It’s perfect. You’re perfect.”
Est laughs quietly, a soft, intimate sound. William’s heart skips a beat upon hearing it. His mind starts to yell, louder than any other thought in his head, to kiss him. Right here, now, surrounded by all these people. It would be a reckless affair, one that is unexpected of them both. But there are too many risks; too many cameras pointed at them, and too many people around for it to be a private moment between them.
So, William makes a decision. He musters as much courage as he can—along with all the sobriety left in his body—to say, “Phi, take me home.”
Est stares at him, eyes a little half-lidded from the alcohol. There’s a healthy, red flush from his neck that travels down to his chest. He sighs through his nose, and opens his mouth to say, “Okay, let’s go.”
William loves the crowd. But there’s something so serene about the peace in the silence that follows after leaving a loud place.
Despite William having an arm slung over Eet’s shoulders, and Est’s arm wrapped around his waist, he still stumbles on his own two feet. The rational part of him thinks the arm around him is meant to keep him steady, but the other part of him—the one that indulges—thinks Est wants to be as close to William as possible for the remaining time they have together.
They’d gotten dropped off in an area near William’s condo; Est mumbling under his breath about both of them needing the walk there to sober up. William knows it’s more for his sake than anything; waking up with a nasty hangover is the last thing he needs right now, especially when he has to be practicing tomorrow for their upcoming concert in Taipei, the last stop of the tour.
But William appreciates it nonetheless. Appreciates everything Est does for him. William is my first priority, echoes in William’s mind.
“Are you going back after you drop me off?” William asks quietly.
Est hums, hand tightening around William’s wrist for a second. “I think so. The night is still young.”
William could call him corny for speaking like that. But he latches onto the fact that Est is going to leave him all alone instead. “Won’t you stay with me tonight?”
“I can stay for a bit,” Est offers. “Just for a little bit, okay?”
William hums, and that’s that. The rest of the walk back to the condo is quiet, not the kind that suffocates, but the kind that pieces William back together slowly. It’s like the world bends and molds itself just for the two of them. Like the world was made for them.
“Phi,” William calls, knowing Est will answer. When Est hums, William continues, “I was gonna kiss you again today.”
Est pauses. “When?”
“After the guy. When I found you,” William exhales, “You laughed and it made me want to. Kiss you, I mean.”
Est is quiet. The contemplative kind. The kind that usually means William should start bracing himself for what Est says next; it might shatter him, it might break him and make him whole again. Then, Est asks him the last thing he expected Est to ask: “Why didn’t you?”
William’s mind lags. Shuts down. Blue screens. He pauses for a beat, two, three. A breath leaves him like he’s been punched in the gut. Then he asks back, dumbfounded, “What?”
“Why didn’t you kiss me?” Est repeats with a laugh in his voice. “You had no problem doing that the other night with the lip balm.”
William watches him for a bit, then shakes his head fondly when he realizes Est won’t take his words back. “It was an efficient way to save lip balm,” William huffs. “I’m an advocate for Mother Earth, didn’t you know?”
“That sounds more like an excuse than anything,” Est lets the laugh in his voice free this time. It’s William’s favorite sound in the world, did he mention that? “Besides, you’re just William. My William.”
“Your William?”
Est hums. “My William. I mean, we share clothes, you’re wearing my cap, we sleep on the same bed, we go on trips together, you kiss me to apply lip balm on yourself. All in the name of Mother Earth, of course,” Est giggles, “doesn’t that make you mine?”
“Doesn’t that mean you’re mine too?” William asks back. “My P’Est?”
“I thought the cap was proof of that,” Est answers, shrugging a little. “You said it was like exchanging rings, right? Weren’t you proposing?”
“Not yet,” William replies. “I need to get you a real ring. Then go down on one knee, and all that.”
“I’ll wait for it then,” Est hums thoughtfully.
Then abruptly, within a blink of an eye, William ends up with his chest pressed against Est’s. He meets Est’s gaze, speechless and taken aback by their sudden closeness. Est smells like sweat, beer, something fruity, and his signature cologne; the scent imprints itself in William’s mind, wanting to keep this moment locked in his memory.
“Since you don’t have a real ring yet,” Est murmurs, voice deliciously gravelly. William’s heart pounds in his chest; it’s all he can hear. “Why don’t we seal it with a kiss? For now, until you get those rings.”
“You—” William starts. Then it hits him—the move Est just pulled. A laugh bubbles from his chest upon the realization, undeniably fond and painted with love. He sees the moment Est realizes William has finally caught on, and watches blood rush to Est’s cheeks. If William were to peek, he’d see the tips of Est’s ears are sporting a matching red.
Giggling, William says quietly, “If you want to kiss me, just say so.”
“Don’t I get points for being smooth?” Est tilts his head.
“You’re so ridiculous, P’Est.” William bites his lip in an attempt to suppress the giddy smile on his face, but it’s a vain attempt anyway. “You’re lucky it’s me. You’re lucky I love you.”
William watches Est process the words he just said. Watches the moment it settles, sees it in the way the corner of Est’s eyes soften, gaze fond and so, so affectionate. It fulfills William’s greed that Est will only look at him like this. Like the world starts and ends with William.
Unable to hold back any longer, William raises his other arm up, the one that hung limp after Est had spun him. It joins his arm that’s already hooked around Est’s neck. He inches closer, brushing his lip against Est’s. It’s addictive, the way Est’s breath hitches in his throat, the way Est squeezes his waist for a fraction of a second, the way the air crackles with electricity around them. William could get drunk on anything, but nothing would ever hit as good as this.
A shaky breath escapes William, mingling in the space between them. Then he moves closer, feeling Est’s breath fan on the corner of his mouth. William’s eyes glance between Est’s lips and his eyes, taking it all in, before he closes the gap between them and finally, finally kisses Est the way he’s been meaning to since he first laid his eyes on him tonight.
Est doesn’t let him go too far when William pulls away, his hand sliding up William’s jaw to pull him back in for another kiss, fingers burying themselves in William’s hair. William hums appreciatively, and Est responds with a groan that William swallows when their lips meet again.
When they pull apart, for real this time, William giggles, slightly (very) drunk on the feeling of Est’s lips on his. Only a tingling feeling remains as proof it actually happened. He swallows thickly, panting and catching his breath, before smiling softly at Est. “Let’s go home, phi,” he sighs.
Est smiles, then leans in again, pecking William’s lips once, twice, thrice. He moves his hand from where his fingers were buried in William’s hair, and runs his hand down William’s arm then slides his fingers between William’s fingers, intertwining them together.
“Let’s go,” Est echoes.