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Escape rhythm. That's what they call it.
When Blaine's pacemaker got a new battery three years ago the EMT offered to run a simulation with him. He suppressed the impulse of the small device that kept his heart going on purpose to show him what it would feel like in case of a very, very rare emergency.
The memory is vivid, especially right now that he has to get through it again. He feels like death warmed over and the knowledge that his heart is beating at thirty beats per minute makes him feel sick. Like back when the EMT stopped his pacemaker Blaine doesn't feel lightheaded, but he expects it. The lack of feeling how horrible it really is, that's the worst part. He tries not to panic. Thirty beats per minute. His escape rhythm.
It's a bit ironic that they call it that. As if he could escape his own heart.
Blaine leans heavily against the window of the subway train. He keeps one hand pressed against his chest even when he can't feel his weak heartbeat through his shirt. There are a lot of people around him. Dozens. Nobody seems to care that his pulse is practically nonexistent. That's New York. You deal with your own stuff and if it means dying over it, then that's your problem and yours alone.
He just wanted to install the new lamp. A surprise for Kurt because they had this little fight about it and Blaine wanted to show him that the result would look good. He had turned off the electricity for the kitchen area. Or at least he thought he had. When he took the old lamp down there was a jolt that made him fall off the ladder. The lamp came crashing down next to him. It wasn't a strong shock. Enough to hurt a grown up person, for sure. Electricity had some bite, but it wouldn't have been particularly dangerous. But.
But Blaine is wearing a pacemaker.
He moans quietly when his chest feels so tight that he can barely breathe. It's this almost ghostlike sound that draws the attention of the woman next to him. She doesn't touch him, but she leans forward to get a better look. "Are you okay, young man?"
The lady is well in her fifties, her hair is dark grey and perfectly styled. Blaine likes something about her. It makes him not brush his situation off. "An accident. I need a hospital."
The woman stares at him with wide eyes and Blaine wonders if he said something wrong. "What's wrong? Why didn't you call 911?"
Two very good questions. He can only answer the first one.
"My heart," he says and frowns. "I'm wearing a pacemaker. I was stupid. Touched a cable."
Then he touches his pockets. He has his wallet because his health insurance card and his device registration card are in there and he knows he has to bring those if he wants a check-up. But no phone. He doesn't even wear a coat. He should have thought of that.
The lady looks at the man next to her who is staring too now.
"Do you know where the next hospital is?" she asks him and he nods. He says something to her in return and the tone in his voice makes Blaine believe that they know each other. When the lady turns around again she looks very determined. A little bit like Kurt when he wants something. "I think you're in shock. My husband and I will get you to a hospital, okay? It's not far so we're getting out of here the next station and take a cab. Faster than an ambulance. Do you understand?"
Blaine nods and he's so grateful that he wants to cry. He's not alone. "Thank you so much."
The woman smiles softly and touches his shoulder. "No problem. Is there anything we can do for you until we get there? What's your name? I'm Angela."
"Blaine." He nods at Angela's husband too who says that his name is Henry. "I just need a doctor."
Fast. Because his escape rhythm won't let him escape forever and if his heart stops beating then that will be a pretty huge problem. Blaine thinks about it in straight lines, weirdly detached. He knows all the medical terms, what will happen to him on his way from a functioning human to a non-functioning body.
His train of thoughts gets interrupted when the actual train he's in is getting slower and finally comes to a halt. Angela and Henry help him out. They take the elevator. It's little work, but Blaine still feels so tired that he can barely hold himself upright. When they haul a cab he feels dizzy and he says as much. Angela looks worried and tells the cab driver to go fast.
They do make it to the hospital in time, but it's not enough to get inside. There's a family a few feet in front of them and Blaine sees how the glass doors of the building open for the two little girls and what looks like their parents, but he can't reach it himself. His feet won't carry him anymore. He stops and Henry's grip around his arm tightens, but he still falls.
The world narrows.
Blaine hits the ground and there's a strange and high pitched sound in his ears. What he doesn't hear is blood rushing. Or a steady pounding in his ears. There's nothing there. He knows that his heart stopped beating. It's the last thought on his mind before his eyes fall closed and everything disappears.
***
Kurt hasn't gotten Gone, Gone, Gone out of his head all day. He will hate this song in the future. He will call it the most cruel joke of destiny and he'll curse it whenever he hears it. For now it makes his thumbs hit the shopping bags in his hands every time the rhythm makes him want to move. Today feels like a dance day in general. They have those occasionally, when either he or Blaine are so bouncy that they can't sit still. Sometimes they even put the tables aside to have more room to dance through the apartment. Kurt smiles. Blaine will love to hear that he's in the mood to dance.
He unlocks the door, ready to finally see his fiancé, only to be greeted with chaos. There's a ladder in the middle of the room and the horrible lamp Blaine had to buy is lying on the ground next to their beautiful old one that looks shattered. Kurt doesn't want to feel angry, but he can't help it. They agreed to talk about this hideous thing once more before hanging it up and that Blaine obviously abandoned the place like this makes it worse. Probably to buy some sort of fancy tool he needed to get the lamp up in the first place.
Kurt takes three deep breaths and fights his urge to call Blaine immediately to share his thoughts without being offered as much as a penny for them. He puts away the groceries, makes himself a cup of tea, sits down and waits.
When the call comes he expects it to be Blaine. He's ready to bite his tongue, but then there's an Unknown Caller and Kurt frowns. The people from the play he auditioned for aren't supposed to call him back before Monday, but it's the only reason he can think of why someone would call him with an unknown number. He's cautious when he picks up. "Hello?"
"Is this Kurt Hummel?"
Kurt confirms that it's him and then his world breaks apart. There's a woman on the phone and she explains. What hospital. That Blaine's alive. That they aren't sure what made his pacemaker stop. Something about a cable. Kurt stares at the ladder and the lamp and his own heart skips a beat because he was so angry at Blaine for leaving like this.
Blaine, whose heart stopped.
Blaine, who almost died.
He hangs up the phone and grabs his jacket, sees Blaine's in the very last moment and takes that one too. Maybe Blaine's cold. Maybe Blaine will need it. It's a ridiculous thought, but it's the only thing he can do. Storming out he forgets to lock the door so he has to run back and take care of it. Precious minutes that won't come back. He's running downstairs to make up for it. The cab can't go fast enough, but finally he's at the hospital. The glass doors open in front of him and Kurt feels heat rise behind his eyes, but he won't let himself cry. Not now. He has to be strong, or he won't get the information he needs.
Hospitals can be a maze. Kurt searches for Ariadne's thread, but there are too many paths he could follow and he gets lost twice before he finally reaches the info point of the ER. Half an hour later, after some bureaucracy and some explanations Kurt could barely follow he walks down the hallway until he finds Blaine's room.
He knocks. Of course nobody tells him to come in. When he enters the room, Blaine's asleep. He will probably wake up in a couple of hours and Kurt will be right there. Out of nowhere this stupid song pops right back into his head and it's so painful that it makes him cry. It also makes him sing.
Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating.
Kurt places his hand on Blaine's chest, right under the bandage that covers the fresh wound from his surgery. A new pacemaker. Kurt's dad has one, Kurt's fiancé has one… If they continue like this he'll soon have to get one himself because whenever something like this happens his heart lays bare and it usually remains sore for months.
The steady rhythm that beats against his palm helps a little. At some point today he wouldn't have felt a thing and that frightens Kurt more than anything else.
When Blaine told him that he was wearing a pacemaker, back in Dalton, Kurt asked a lot of questions and each answer made him worry more. Blaine just started to laugh and it's still ringing in Kurt's ears how he said, "Pacemakers don't stop working."
Kurt's done his research too and it's true. Small high tech devices with countless safety measures to make sure that everything keeps working. Battery changes, check-ups, replacements – everything always planned upfront. Blaine has always been great with schedules and that he's taking it so seriously even after all these years is the reason Kurt doesn't worry.
Only that Blaine almost died today. And Kurt worries a lot.
His hand wanders down from Blaine's heart to the hand without an injection port and Kurt's fingers curl around it. The Beatles song he sang for his dad comes to mind as well and Kurt hates that one too. He hates both songs. In the end he bites down on his lower lip and doesn't sing at all. He just looks at Blaine and how his curls slowly break free, how his lashes rest on his cheeks, how his chest falls and rises. He doesn't beg Blaine to open his eyes, doesn't want to rush the boy who hasn't quite become a man in New York just yet even when he will soon enough. Kurt doesn't doubt that for a moment.
"Take your time," he whispers, not sure if he means waking or growing up. "I'm not going anywhere."
***
When Blaine opens his eyes Kurt is there. He's mildly confused, but the memory comes back in small waves and there's a doctor present who fills the gaps. A lot of questions get asked and then there's this speech about safety measurements and electrocution. Blaine wants to roll his eyes, but he's too polite for that and if he's honest and fair then he has to admit that he deserves every sermon people will give him.
When the doctor leaves them Blaine squeezes Kurt's hand and takes a deep breath. "I wanted to surprise you with the lamp."
"You died." Kurt's voice isn't as distant as it should be carrying words like that. "Your heart stopped beating and if it wasn't for this woman you wouldn't have come back to me."
Angela. Blaine will have to ask where she went. He has to thank her. She doesn't look like the flower type, but maybe a scarf and a box of chocolates. Right now there are more important things. "Kurt?"
"Hm?"
Blaine straightens up as much as he can. He feels worn out. "What song did you ruin for me?"
And there it is. Kurt's smile. Small, but strong enough to make Blaine's heart beat faster. "Gone, Gone, Gone."
Blaine smacks his lips and shakes his head. "I hate that song."
"Me too." Kurt laughs, but a tear rolls down his cheeks. "You have no idea."
Kurt hasn't seen the new Spider Man movie, though. "Want a reason to hate it more?" There's a spark in Kurt's eyes. He's suspicious and this time it's Blaine who has to laugh. "Don't worry, no more stunts from my side. I just want to watch the last Spider Man movie with you. Because we haven't seen it together and I still hold that against you."
With a sigh Kurt stands up from the plastic chair that looks incredibly uncomfortable and curls up next to him on the tiny hospital bed. "We can watch whatever you want. Just as long as we call a professional to hang that lamp for us."
"My lamp?" Blaine places a soft kiss against Kurt's forehead? "Our lamp?"
There is a huff that's probably supposed to sound more annoyed, but turns out to be simply adorable. "Yes, Blaine. That Quasimodo among lamps. You're also forbidden to ever go to a flea market alone again. Or electrocute yourself. Or die."
It's something Blaine is more than willing to accept. They kiss properly this time. Kurt rubs his lips apart and slides their tongues together. Blaine becomes aware that he needs chapstick. Still, they both sigh softly and until they have to stop to catch their breath it's a perfect moment. Then the hospital returns and there's a sad look in Kurt's eyes.
"I'm sorry you had to go through that," Blaine whispers.
Kurt shakes his head. "I love you."
"Love you too." They kiss again. Briefly. Blaine smiles. "I think I realized something."
"What's that?"
There's a beat in his chest like a steady drum. Blaine can't help kissing Kurt once more. "You're my escape rhythm. It'll never stop beating for you."