Work Text:
February 14, 2024 2 AM
I think I realized today. I realized I might actually really like him. Before I thought he was just a good-looking guy, but today… He was talking about wanting a date for Valentine’s Day, about girls. I felt so jealous. I also want a date for Valentines, but with him…
Minghao shut the notebook as fast as he could, hurriedly placing it back where Junhui had left it. His heart was beating rapidly and his hands began to sweat. At that exact moment, Junhui just so happened to reenter the room.
“You okay?” He asked, his voice filled with concern. Junhui was always so kind. It made Minghao feel even more guilty after he just read Junhui’s private diary.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m all good. Are you ready to watch the movie?” Minghao replied.
Junhui nodded, his hair coming out from behind his ears. Minghao noticed, wanting to reach out and put it back in place. He decided against it.
As Junhui lay beside him in his bed, the movie playing softly in the background, Minghao’s mind wandered back to that journal entry. Minghao had no idea Junhui liked boys, or even who that boy he was writing about was. It made him feel strange, to know his best friend had things he couldn’t even tell him. He suddenly wanted to know who the boy was that Junhui liked so much. But these were things he couldn’t tell Junhui, so he just closed his eyes and let sleep wash over him.
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May 24, 2024 12 PM
Minghao slept over last night. We were watching a movie, but he just fell asleep. His hair was spread out against my pillow. His mouth was open a little, and I could hear him snoring. I still think he’s cute though.
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It had been a few days since Minghao read those secret words. He still had that ache in his chest, an overwhelming shame as well as curiosity taking over.
“Minghao, which one should I get?” Junhui badgered him for the twentieth time as to which blind box he should buy. Secretly, Minghao thought he was cute when he was acting indecisive.
“Whichever one feels luckiest,” he replied, shaking both and deciding the left one was the best option, handing it to Junhui. As he gave him the box, their fingers lightly brushed. Junhui rushed to pull his hand away, embarrassment creeping up his neck.
Minghao’s first thought was I’m sure you’d like to hold hands with him. The thought left a stabbing pain in his chest.
Later, as Junhui excitedly opened his blind boxes, Minghao couldn’t help but think back to that earlier thought he’d had. It was difficult for him to grasp why he thought that, why it seemed like he was jealous. Maybe it was because Junhui was his best friend and he had never thought about him in this way.
Minghao also felt horribly for how he was hiding things from Junhui. He knew he should tell Junhui at some point that he snooped in his journal, but he was scared. Scared not only of how Junhui would react, but how he himself would react to hearing Junhui’s feelings toward that guy.
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May 30, 2024 6 PM
Today we went shopping. I bought blind boxes, but Minghao helped me pick out a lucky one. Our hands touched by accident…I couldn’t take my eyes off him. He seemed distracted today, though.
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All these thoughts continued to assault Minghao’s brain. Feeling lost, he decided to ask someone he trusted on what to do.
“Mingyu, do you think I like guys?” Minghao blurted out of the blue.
“Hello. What?”
“I probably could, right? Maybe if…”
“Stop mumbling to yourself. I guess anyone could like guys if that’s how they truly felt. Do you think you like guys?”
“I don’t know. I’m so confused right now and I can’t stop thinking about Junhui,” Minghao admitted.
Mingyu snickered, “Not surprised…”
“What’d you just say?”
“Nothing, nothing. Just, maybe if you can’t stop thinking about guys, and Junhui, then that’s saying something,” Mingyu reasoned.
Minghao nodded, his ears turning red and his hands coming up to cover his face in embarrassment.
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“Junhui, come here,” Minghao said as he patted the seat next to him. It was time, he decided, to be completely open with Junhui. He had relentlessly thought over his own feelings toward Junhui and how he should go about voicing them. Minghao finally came to the conclusion that even if Junhui liked someone else, he at least wanted him to know how he felt so he could move on.
Junhui sat down unreasonably close to him, resting his hands on Minghao’s knee. He looked up at Minghao, eyes filled with adoration.
“I read your journal,” Minghao began, Junhui’s face immediately falling. “It was a few weeks ago. I knew I shouldn’t have and I felt so bad about it, so I was too scared to tell you. I’m really sorry I did it, and I’m sorry it took me so long to tell you.”
Junhui waited for him to finish to finally open his mouth, “Oh. Huh. It feels weird to have something so personal to me be read by someone else without my knowledge. I feel exposed, sort of. I really wish you hadn’t read it without asking, especially because you're someone I trust. I guess it’s not really a big deal, though. But, um, what did you see?”
Minghao could tell Junhui was hurt, but didn’t want to let Minghao know the full extent of his emotions. He felt so, so guilty.
“Um, I saw the page from Valentine’s Day…” Minghao drifted off as Junhui backed away, taking his hands off his lap.
“Oh…” was all he could say back. It seemed like he was ashamed, in a way.
Hoping to quickly clear the air, Minghao rushed to say, “But I just wanted to say that I don’t mind you liking boys. And I get that you didn’t have to tell me if you weren’t ready. I’m just sorry I found out on my own instead of you coming out on your own time,” Minghao said, glancing down at Junhui to gauge his reaction.
“Thank you for that. I was planning on telling you eventually, you know. I guess I have something else to tell you now, then. Um, actually, that boy is…”
Minghao stood up abruptly, “Before you say anything, I wanna tell you something before I change my mind. I think, actually, I might like boys, too. And I especially realized after I read your journal. I’m really sorry about what I did. I feel horrible about it. But I just wanted to tell you that you’re the boy I like,” Minghao whispered the last part, glancing down at Junhui to gauge his reaction.
“Minghao,” Junhui murmured, “the boy I like is you, too.”
Minghao wasn’t expecting this at all. He was fully prepared to be rejected and have to play it off as not a big deal. He didn’t even think it possible that his feelings were reciprocated. While he stood in utter shock, Junhui, with a newfound confidence, strode over to him.
“Minghao…I forgive you. I completely forgive you. Can I kiss you now?” Minghao nodded his head faster than he ever had.
Junhui pushed his shoulders lightly, backing him up against the wall. He grabbed his hand, brushing his thumb across the knuckles. Looking back up at Minghao, who then placed his hands around Junhui’s waist, he closed the tiny gap between them. Warmth spread between the two immediately, their lips pressed softly together. Minghao shifted his head slightly toward the side, finding a better angle. His hair tickled Junhui's cheek. He sighed contentedly, never wanting to stop kissing Minghao. Minghao seemed to feel the same way, pulling Junhui somehow even closer.
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February 14, 2025 1 PM
I’m with Junhui right now. He’s watching me write this over my shoulder. I love him.