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The Hallway Incident
A Slytherin first-year turns the corner and freezes. Right in the middle of the corridor, Ilay is lifting Taeui by the waist against the wall, snogging him senseless.
Professor Bernard tries to say something stern, but Ilay, not even glancing, raises one finger to signal “wait.”
Taeui just waves cheerfully with one arm still looped around Ilay’s neck.
Kyle appears behind Bernard, pinches the bridge of his nose, and mutters, “I need a sabbatical.”
The Library Corner
In the restricted section, hidden between towering shelves, Taeui leans over to whisper something in Ilay’s ear.
Ilay doesn’t smile, but his hand snakes behind Taeui’s back, pulling him in.
Cue scandalized gasps from a group of Ravenclaws who scatter.
Madam Pince storms over, only to find Ilay giving her a dead stare while Taeui munches on a chocolate frog mid-cuddle.
Kyle finds out.
"They’ve corrupted the restricted section," he moans to Chang-in.
"It was sacred!"
Under the Staircase
Taeui drags Ilay under the main staircase and surprises him with a kiss. Ilay raises an eyebrow, lets it happen, then turns the tables and corners Taeui there for five whole minutes.
Peeves floats by, yelling, “Get a room!”
Taeui cheerfully yells back, “This is our room!”
Professor Kyle, passing above, hears it and stops walking. He doesn't even look down.
Just mutters, “If I ignore them, maybe they’ll stop. Like garden gnomes.”
During Class Transition
Students trying to pass between classes in the courtyard find their path blocked, again. Ilay is leaning on a column, with Taeui perched on the edge of the fountain, legs draped over Ilay’s lap.
They're just... kissing.
Casually.
Repeatedly.
Unapologetically.
McGonagall walks past, pauses, sighs.
"At least they’re not hexing anyone."
Kyle from a nearby window:
“That’s a low bar, Minerva!”
The Final Straw – Great Hall
At dinner, Taeui casually plops into Ilay’s lap in front of everyone. Ilay doesn’t flinch.
He just wraps his arms around him and continues eating like this is normal.
It’s not.
Kyle slams down his goblet.
“That’s it. I’m petitioning for a PDA curfew.”
Ilay doesn’t even look up.
“Denied.”
Taeui: “I second that.”
Kyle stares at Chang-in for help.
Chang-in, sipping tea: “They’re cute. Let them be.”
In the Potions Classroom
Slughorn turns around for just five seconds to grab an ingredient. When he looks back, Ilay and Taeui are kissing behind a cauldron, Taeui half-seated on the edge of the desk.
Slughorn: “Oh, dear me, not again.”
Jaeui, without looking up from his notes: “They do this every week. Just give them a minute.”
Kyle, entering with a stack of reports: “Why are they like this in every room? Do they have a map?”
Quidditch Stands – During a Match
Ravenclaw vs. Hufflepuff is underway.
Cheers echo across the field until the attention shifts.
Ilay is in the stands, arms crossed, glaring at anyone who looks too long at Taeui (in his Quidditch gear).
When Taeui scores, Ilay stands and pulls him into a kiss mid-air using magic to tug him down from his broom.
Students go wild.
Kyle, from the announcer's booth: “This is a sporting event!”
Jaeui, in a deadpan tone: “To them, everything’s foreplay.”
Astronomy Tower – Nighttime Cuddles
Supposedly for stargazing, but Ilay and Taeui are tangled up in each other under Ilay’s cloak, whispering things that are definitely not about constellations.
Professor Sinistra walks past, sees a silhouette in motion, and backs away silently.
Professor Kyle arrives moments later and squints up at the tower.
“…Do I want to interrupt? Do I ever want to interrupt?”
He turns and walks away.
“They win.”
Hogsmeade Date – Three Broomsticks Chaos
Taeui is feeding Ilay bits of treacle tart while sitting on his lap, loudly declaring, “He doesn’t look like a cuddler, but he is.”
Ilay doesn’t deny it.
Madam Rosmerta places their butterbeer down and casually says, “You two are banned from the back booths. Again.”
Professor Kyle walks in, sees them, turns 180°, and exits.
“Not today. Not again. I just wanted a drink.”
Classroom Whispering – Charms Class
Professor Flitwick gives an assignment. Ilay and Taeui sit side-by-side.
Taeui whispers something in Ilay’s ear, giggles.
Ilay replies without even turning: “Do that again, and I’ll hex the entire row.”
Taeui beams.
Flitwick: “Mr. Riegrow, threatening classmates is not a love language.”
Taeui: “It is for him.”
Hospital Wing Recovery Snuggle
Taeui sprains his wrist in Care of Magical Creatures.
He insists on Ilay accompanying him to the Hospital Wing.
Madam Pomfrey walks in to see Taeui lying dramatically on the bed with Ilay curled protectively around him.
Pomfrey: “You’re not even injured!”
Ilay: “He was emotionally distressed.”
Kyle walks in for an unrelated check-up, sees them, sighs, “Is there any surface left in this school they haven’t used?”
Courtyard – Spring Picnic
Ilay and Taeui lay out a blanket right in the center of the courtyard. Taeui has cupcakes, and Ilay has his arm around Taeui’s waist.
They end up just lying there, Taeui tracing Ilay’s jawline while students awkwardly tiptoe around.
Kyle walks past with his clipboard, accidentally locking eyes with Ilay again mid-kiss.
Ilay, still kissing Taeui, raises a smug eyebrow.
Kyle, deadpan: “I don’t get paid enough for this.”
Great Hall – Breakfast Trouble
Taeui is feeding Ilay a croissant. Ilay, unimpressed by the stares, bites it from Taeui’s fingers and locks eyes with a Slytherin prefect who looked too long.
Taeui, cheerfully: “He’s so shy in public, right?”
Ilay: “Eat your eggs or I’ll carry you out of here.”
Gryffindors start a betting pool on whether they’ll begin to snogging by lunch.
Kyle walks in.
Kyle: “You two—front of the Hall. Now.”
Taeui: “Is this detention or couples therapy?”
Kyle, muttering: “...both.”
Charms Corridor – Caught in the Act
They’re caught mid-kiss in a shadowy alcove. Again.
This time, Kyle tries to enact a schoolwide “No PDA” rule.
They kiss right next to a suit of armor—technically, no one saw them.
A Prefect hands Kyle a student complaint letter. He opens it. It’s just a doodle of Ilay and Taeui kissing…with a 10/10 rating.
Kyle throws it into the fire.
Classroom Prank – Detention Disaster
Kyle assigns them to detention. They show up and somehow charm a broom closet into a romantic hideaway.
When Kyle opens the door, he finds them, soft lighting, music, and all.
Kyle: “This is detention.”
Taeui: “Right. We’re suffering.”
Ilay: “Agonizing.”
Kyle slams the door shut, walks away muttering, “They’ve turned punishment into a honeymoon.”
Common Room Intrusion
Ilay somehow gains access to the Hufflepuff Common Room just to surprise Taeui.
They’re caught cuddling under a blanket in front of the fireplace.
Hufflepuffs: “Aw.”
Jaeui, from the door: “He bribed a first year with galleons, didn’t he?”
Ilay doesn’t deny it.
Forbidden Forest Scandal
During a magical creature exercise, the group gets split. When found, Ilay and Taeui are holding hands and laughing like they weren’t missing for twenty minutes.
Kyle: “You can’t just disappear into the woods mid-class!”
Taeui: “It was for science.”
Ilay: “We studied the mating habits of unicorns.”
Kyle blinks. “Is that a euphemism?”
Ilay just smirks.
Owlery Shenanigans
A note gets delivered to Kyle from his own owl.
It’s from Taeui.
It reads: “Sorry in advance.”
Seconds later, an explosion of feathers and giggles echoes through the Owlery tower. Ilay and Taeui emerge, covered in owl treats and laughing.
Kyle sees them and just stares.
Kyle: “You two…what is WRONG with you?”
Ilay: “We have communication issues. That was therapy.”
Kyle: “You traumatized a barn owl!”
Library Corner PDA – Caught Again
Taeui thinks they’re alone in the Restricted Section. They are not.
Taeui kisses Ilay. Ilay lifts him onto the edge of a bookshelf.
Madam Pince screeches.
Kyle appears from nowhere: “I FELT IT. I knew something was happening.”
Ilay, calmly: “Do you just patrol the castle waiting for us?”
Kyle, breathing into a paper bag: “I DON’T GET PAID ENOUGH FOR THIS!”
Morning Announcement Mayhem
One morning, Professor McGonagall reads out:
“Due to recent events, students are reminded to refrain from inappropriate displays of affection in public spaces.”
She glares directly at Ilay and Taeui.
Taeui waves.
Yearbook Chaos – “Most Likely to Cause a Scene”
As fifth years roll around, Hogwarts yearbook superlatives are revealed.
Taeui and Ilay win by unanimous vote:
“Most Likely to Cause a Scene.”
Runner-ups include Peeves and a Hungarian Horntail.
Ilay: “Should I be offended?”
Taeui: “Nah. We earned that.”
Jaeui: “I tried to vote for ‘Most Likely to Hex Me for Interrupting a Make-Out Session,’ but that wasn't an option.”
Kyle: “Why isn’t Most Likely to Drive a Professor to Madness on this list?”
The Hogwarts PDA Betting Pool
Whispers spread like wildfire:
A student-run betting pool is taking bets on how many times Ilay and Taeui will commit PDA per day.
It’s not small money. Students are betting galleons.
Professors know. They’ve also bet.
The top reward? A rare magical book on soul magic and 20 galleons.
Kyle: “This is illegal.”
Hufflepuff Prefect: “This is Hogwarts.”
Jaeui’s Scheme
Jaeui, flipping through his Arithmancy homework:
“I’ve placed my bet on zero.”
Taeui: “Zero?”
Jaeui, calm as ever: “I want that book.”
Taeui: “You could’ve just asked Ilay.”
Jaeui: “I like winning.”
Ilay: “You think you can manipulate me?”
Taeui: “Ilay, please. For just one day?”
Ilay, after a long dramatic pause: “…Fine.”
The Day Hogwarts Froze
Ilay and Taeui are seen together. Walking side by side.
Not touching.
Not kissing.
Not even flirting.
A third-year student faints.
A ghost cries.
Madam Pince blesses herself with a wand.
Kyle: “Finally.”
Ten minutes later:
Kyle, panicking: “WHAT DID YOU TWO DO—YOU BROKE THE STATUES??”
Taeui: “We didn’t do anything.”
Ilay: “Maybe that is the problem.”
Jaeui Wins
At exactly 11:59 PM, the school breathes a collective sigh.
No PDA.
Not even a stolen glance.
Jaeui walks into the Hufflepuff standard room. Someone silently hands him a bag of galleons and the book.
Taeui: “You owe me cake.”
Jaeui: “Fine.”
Ilay: “You owe me thirty-seven kisses.”
Taeui: “Fair.”
The next day,
Ilay slams Taeui into a wall beside the Astronomy Tower and kisses him so fiercely that a tapestry falls off.
Someone screams: “BETTING IS BACK!”
Kyle, from somewhere in the castle: “NOOOOO—”
Someone installs a chalkboard in the Great Hall:
"Ilay x Taeui PDA Count – Current Total: 247"
Underneath: “Record in one day: 16”
Kyle tries to erase it.
It reappears magically.
He gives up.
Starts muttering, “This is what I get for believing in love...”
Sixth Year – Return of the Power Couple
Ilay and Taeui return for their sixth year, still the reigning chaos kings.
Hogwarts has adapted.
PDA now includes:
- Holding hands during exams (Ilay insists it helps Taeui focus)
- Cuddling during Care of Magical Creatures (a Hippogriff cried once)
- Making out under enchanted rain in the courtyard (someone composed a ballad about it)
- Ilay is giving Taeui his cloak in cold weather and glowering at the wind like it's a rival
- Taeui whispering something in Ilay's ear before Quidditch practice, and Ilay flying with a bloodthirsty grin
The PDA count board in the Great Hall is now enchanted to glow.
Current record: 412
A Ravenclaw created a live-updating version.
The house-elves take bets now.
Kyle’s Daily Routine
Kyle wakes up, drinks tea, takes a calming draught, and sees Taeui sitting on Ilay’s lap in the Library again.
Kyle: “Today I will not scream.”
Ilay kisses Taeui’s neck.
Kyle: “Today I might scream.”