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You’ve never been particularly fond of touch.
You don’t dislike it, exactly, but you also don’t desire it, crave it, the way Siffrin does, utterly starved for it. You still feel a little guilty for that, it was you who first voiced the assumption he didn’t like touch based on the way he flinched. Should have simply asked and confirmed it, gems, you of all of them should have known better than to just assume.
You’re not used to casually and so easily reaching out the way Isabeau, Bonnie or even Mirabelle do either, whether it’s a pat on the back, a hand on a shoulder or something bigger like a hug.
Maybe it’s the culture you grew up with, in Ka Bue, outside of family or lovers people tended to be reserved with physical affection and even between family members the amount of physical affection shown was often limited, words of affection being the far more preferred method. And in your case… well, you suppose it might have been almost non-existent.
To you, touch had always simply, been, you suppose.
Nothing special, something you do when needed and not really otherwise.
But after meeting first Mirabelle and Isabeau, then Siffrin and soon after that Boniface and especially after you continued to travel together after saving Vaugarde rather than going your separate ways…
Well, you’ve found yourself both on the receiving end and the one giving probably almost as much as you did in the years before them combined, if you exaggerate a bit.
It’s a lot sometimes and sometimes you do have to tell them ‘not right now’ or ‘ask me again tomorrow’, because your quota for said affection has already been reached for the week.
But at least it serves as an example for Siffrin too, Siffrin who hungers for it near constantly, but sometimes finds it too overwhelming despite wanting it.
And even if you’re still not particularly fond of it…
It’s… nice, sometimes.
Occasionally ruffling Siffrin’s hair, patting Isabeau on the back even as you laugh at him for how utterly gone he is for your little rogue, letting Boniface drag you along by the hand to come look at something cool, getting a bit more hands on when teaching Mirabelle how to fold origami or letting her do the same when she’s helping you learn at least the basics of Healing Craft, every once in a while agreeing to join a group hug for a little bit even though you still mostly avoid it because of how much it can be at once.
You much prefer it when the interactions happen one-to-one, it’s easier to be a little more open with them when it’s just one of them.
Siffrin agrees with you, on this you know that for certain, having heard it from their own mouth.
You’re both still fairly reserved people, after all.
And you know yourself enough to know that the only reason you are comfortable with this at all is because it’s them.
Because they are…
…your family.
As much as you have a complicated relationship with the word, in the end, it’s the only one that truly fits what all of you are.
If it was for them, you don’t think you have many limits on what you would be willing to do.
You will of course always prefer a less drastic alternative, but if it’s needed you aren’t afraid to cross onto the other side of the law. Maybe it makes you a worse person, but you don’t really care if it does or not.
As long as they’re safe and happy, you’re content.
And if that sometimes means allowing Siffrin to share your space at night, letting them cling to you to prove that you’re still right here and aren’t going anywhere, that they are still loved by you…
Well, you’ve come to find, you don’t mind it that much after all.