Chapter Text
The scene opens, and all you see is a box TV. The TV turns on, and it’s an ad. “Aren’t you tired of your enemies staying alive, while you rot in hell, aren’t you tired of thinking that your biggest opp is living their best life while you stay down here in hell forced to be reminded that you're the loser, THEN good news you have just the right place here! Come down too… uh” the demon looks down at his paper trying to read it, “killing gang… what kind of shitty name is that… Hey! Who wrote this? If it were you, Moxxie, I’LL BREAK YOUR KNEECAPS,” he coughs while mumbling a sorry. “We are the imps, here to show hell their newest hit! So come down to Imp.co to get your revenge, Hell, we would kill another Imp if it means you pay us!”
The TV turns off as Blitz looks at everyone with a wide grin, showing how happy and proud he is of the ad he had made poorly. “Sir.” Moxie starts. He looks around the room nervously, hoping the others will agree with him on this. “The ad is good sir, but… what happened to our budget, most of it was supposed to go to our editor anyway.” blitz blinks then shrugs, “I don’t know, one second I was trying to get him to edit then the next part was me shooting him in the face.” Moxie slaps his face and groans, very displeased and quite astonished at how this could have happened. “You don’t remember… why do I even bother?”
“Hey now! You know I have shit memory, especially when it comes to murdering one and another… what did the doctor call it.”
“He called it Dissociative Amnesia, Dad.” Luna chimed in, as she continued to screw around with her phone.
“Thank you, honeybunc,h” Blitz says while Luna groans, rolling her eyes.
“Wait, when have you ever been diagnosed with Dissociative Amnesia?” Mille added, her country echoing through the room.
“Yeah,yeahh I did, but why should I listen to a man with a fancy white coat who carries big needles?” Blitz said, waving off Millie as he sat back down at the end of the small, folded-up table. “Besides, with how amazing our Ad was, we surely will get a lot of-” the phone rings once, then twice, then a third time
“CALL! Helloooo, this blitz here with Imp. Co where we stab for cash. How can I help!”
“Blitz's… It's me,” the other line said, his voice was calm, elegant, even as if it was a mother comforting their child.
“Stolas! Stolas, hi… how has your day been?”
“Oh, cut it, blitz, I saw your ad. I'm not going to put it lightly, it was terrible.”
“Now don't say that, all the others like this, right guys!” Blitz says loudly, looking at his other coworkers, but all he gets are awkward looks away
"God damnit, all of you go fuck off.”
“Now, now, don't blame your coworkers for being realistic. It was bad.”
“Stolas… what are you calling about, cause I know very well you a high overpowered lord didn't only call me over how shitty my ad was.”
“Wow, you finally used context clues, how smart of you… But you are correct, see I need something from you, call it your… first job, I'll even throw in some extra cash if you clean up after yourself.”
“Then it’s a deal! Just tell me who, where, and why, and then me my coworkers and can do my job to your liking.” Blitz says happily, almost screaming for how excited he was for getting their first job.
“See there's this guy, in hell I think his name is rodger, and let's just say he's been snooping were he shouldn't be, and found some valuable information about me, go to his apartment and do just a simple slash on the throat, nothing less nothing more, got it?”
“Hell yeah- I mean yes sir, well get it done.” He immediately ends the call, slamming the phone down onto the table. “Did you guys hear that! We got our first job!”
“You didn't ask how much he's going to pay us, Dad,” Luna added, looking up at him emotionless.
“GOD DAMNIT, I forgot- fuck it doesn't matter let's just get the job done.”
***
After an hour of finding out where the hotel was and where to sneak in and escape out, they finally arrived at the place.
“Just to be clear we all know the plan, get in and get out, no guns not blazing in just a slit through the throat, got it.”
Everyone except for Luna says “got it” before jumping out of their white, cramped van with painted words on the side saying “killing gang.”
“Luna, do what you're doing and stay and watch for anyone, if they stare for too long, shoot them. Okay, love you byyyye!” Blitz says as he runs with the others towards the hotel. Once they are far enough, Luna looks up from her phone before shooting a random pedestrian in the leg. As they wail and scream, a small smile forms on her face.
Blitz squeezes through the small apartment window, going into the dark room, the only thing lighting up the place was the sun outside and the poorly lit kitchen.
“Okay, slow and steady, this is supposed to be a smiple kill- AH GET FUCKED!” blitz's goes lunging at a body that had approached him from the kitchen, pizza bites in hand. He jumps, trying to run, but Blitz snatches him, grabbing him by the shoulder, throwing him closer to Blitz before slicing his throat, black blood splattered on the wall and some on Blitz's hand and knife, before finally dropping down to the floor, gurgling blood.
“They're going all finish all we need to do now is clean up and get paid, see I told you this was simple-”
“TODD! YOU BASTARD, WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY TODD!”
“What in the every hating of satan- you killed the wrong guy dingus, we are so sorry… Um, your name?” Moxie added, as he tried to go back where he came from.
“It's rodger jackass, and you just killed my best friend! He was supposed to get married tomorrow! Did stolas hire you assholes?”
“Oh shit, boss do you want me to-” mille started grabbing her pistol ready to shoot.
“No, I got this mille, and put the gun away! We're not allowed to shoot him anyway.” Blitz added, grabbing his knife from the floor as he wiped blood off it. Now, if you just hold still.”
“No, I won't, I refuse to allow you to just kill me that easily, you think you could get away.” Rodger said, slapping the knife out of Blitz's hand, “breaking into MY home.”Rodgerr grabbed Blitz by the horns as Blitz struggled to get out of his grip, trying to grab his knife, “killing MY friend, before his wedding.” He pushes Blitz's face to the wall, shoving it hard.
“And you expect me to let you leave willingly? I don't think so, this time I'm done being the victim, I'm going to kill each one of you fuckers.”
Blitz continues to struggle, trying to grab his knife. “Mille forget what I said, shoot this fucker!”
“I'm already on it, boss.” She said, aiming it at his head as she was about to shoot, Rodger ducked, grabbing the knife on the floor before putting it up onto Blitz's neck.
“I wouldn't do that. Don't you want to get paid, don't you?”
“Mille shoot goddammit!”
“I can't man, if I do, then I'll both of you. I need this money blitz, you know that.”
“I know that, mille, all of us do, but we won't get paid if you don't shoot!”
“Do you know him, Mille? Are you sure he wouldn't just kill your loved ones without thinking? Look what he just did to Todd, who's to say he won't do the same to your mother?”
“You keep your city boy's mouth shut about my ma!” Mille pulls the trigger, aiming it more towards Rodger so Blitz doesn't take most of the damage. They both duck, but this time Blitz shoves himself off of Roger, grabbing the knife and slashing Roger across the chest, making Roger take a step back, as he holds his wound.
“Fuck all of you assholes, if you want me so badly, then you'll have to drag my dead body!” without a second thought, he snatches Mille's gun, putting it under his jaw, pulling the trigger before moxie or blitz could have stopped him. His head blew as his eyes grew, showing no life left in him as his body went limp, stumbling down to the ground.
Moxie held his mouth as he tried not to gag. “Oh my god, this can't be real.”
“Well, it is… I guess we finished the job, right, boss? Boss?” Mille looked at Blitz, but all she got was a blank stare, his eyes filled with nothingness, before he blinked, confused, “huh, what did you say? Oh shit did I do that?!” Blitz said loudly, looking at the body, “You sure did, boss.” Mille said softly as she patted his back.
***
Blitz was the happiest of them all, running into the van to tell Luna what he had thought happened, while Mille helped Moxie to the small, cramped van, making sure he didn't throw up.
“Luna, honey! You can not believe what I did today!” Luna rolled her eyes, continuing to scroll on her phone. “I gotta say this was a good first job,” Blitz said with a happy sigh before starting up the van and driving away from the apartment.