Chapter Text
How does it feel to go to sleep and wake up thinking that you can't change anything? To realise, that your powers are insignificant. To live in a world where the lines between good and bad are so blurred that you don't even know, if you want to change anything at all. Is there any point in making an effort just to make an effort if nothing will change around you anyway? You can't hide from it, you can't run away, and do you even need to? Perhaps we should accept everything as it is and come to terms with it...but something deep inside still screams and scrapes that it's all wrong.
If we are going to have a conversation about good and bad, what is good and what is bad for you? Is love in any of its manifestations bad? It would seem that love is a gift, a feeling that blossoms inside and gives life and happiness, but is it always so? Well, if you look at happy couples, it seems that love is the greatest thing that can happen to a person, it is happiness, which deep down everyone wants, but every medal, even of the purest gold, always has a flip side....
How many lives have been ruined by this feeling? Love... it can be unrequited... and forced... and painful...
So you have to reason: on the one hand it seems to be good, but on the other hand it is not as beautiful and romantic as it looks at first glance.
Yes, all of us often see a variety of manifestations of the good side around us: happy newlyweds, pictures on the Internet, magazine covers, films, books and much more. And when you start to cover the opposite side, people immediately look away and say, "God forbid such relationships" and yet one question remains.
What is love, after all?
This question might sometimes arise in Ushka's mind, but it usually didn't stay there for long. The reason for that, perhaps, were her few, but still existing household chores, which for a normal person would take no more than an hour and a half a day. But for Ushka, who already had problems with walking and balance, it was a real challenge. Or maybe it was the excessive amount of free time that she didn't know where to spend.
Of course, she had plenty of such time, and she didn't seem to realise whether she was happy about it or not. On the one hand she could do whatever she wanted and no one would touch her, but on the other... she was often bored and sad when she was alone for long periods of time. On such days, Masacrik usually spent the whole day in the lab downstairs, and Ushka was left to wander around the house, sometimes slipping on the smooth tiles or sitting under the door on the cold floor and waiting patiently for him.
Nothing much was required of her: to prepare a meal and then, very rarely, to wash the floors, wipe the dust, take out the rubbish. But there were some requests that bothered her a little. For example, sometimes Masacrik asked her to carry large black bags upstairs, which for some reason she was forbidden to look into. In any case, she dared not disobey him, and in any of his requests, however strange, she saw the key to his heart.
And yet, when it comes to love. Did Ushka love Masacrik? Definitely. Could it be called a normal healthy love? No.
Rather, it was not love, but affection. She couldn't do without him. She constantly wanted him to pay attention only to her, and it didn't matter what that attention was: whether he stroked her head, whether he hit her - it didn't make any difference to her. The main thing was that she was not alone, which meant that she was already happy. Of course, Ushka was afraid of Masacrik. She never knew what to expect from him, so she tried to listen to him and indulge him in everything.
Still, she had no choice in the end. The whole of her little world, outside of which she had never been and remembered nothing of what might be there, was contained within the four walls of the house. Yes, it might have been quite large, but three of its rooms were enough for Ushka, and she was not allowed to go into most of the others, but she never tried.
All that mattered to her was that Masacrik loved her and paid attention to her, whatever it was…
tbc.