Chapter Text
As a detective Elliot Stabler had carried many victims, kidnapped kids, and dying people to safety but never imagined he’d be carrying Olivia Benson. In this current instance; it feels more personal because Olivia is someone precious to him… someone he fears losing in a blinding hail of bullets. Due to the pepper spray/tear gas still affecting his vision, Elliot had no idea how bad her gunshot wound might be. Was Olivia really going to die in his arms this time? Elliot thought he left his worst nightmare scenario behind him twelve years ago. Maybe this is it finally catching up to himself. But Olivia isn’t his partner anymore, she’s now a Captain of police... she’s supposed to be safe! Perhaps Elliot became too complacent around Olivia, depending on her for support but not watching her back in return. These were the kinds of internal conflicts Elliot grappled with as he carried Olivia out of that death trap of a diner.
Olivia navigated Elliot through the diner, out the door, and straight to the state rental car. Her mind remained focused on the obstacles around them, not on the searing pain radiating from her hip. She refused to get distracted by thoughts of regret or guilt. She watched as Elliot opened the vehicle door with one hand, then carefully lowered her into the front passenger seat (IMO Olivia should never be in the back of a car while wounded again, I don't want her to relive WL situations, also it’s dangerous to lay on back seat while it’s moving, not to mention while bleeding, and it would be too tricky for El to lift her out). A shriek of pain escaped Olivia’s throat.
“Liv?! Are you okay?” Elliot asked, panic showing in his face.
He kneeled down to her level.
“Yeah, the pain is keeping me alert,” Olivia answered, wincing.
"I'm gonna floor it so hang on tight,"
"Are you still blinded from the pepper spray?"
”I can see a little bit more..."
"...That's definitely a red flag! If you hit a car or something both of us might die!" Olivia raged.
She searched around the front seat of the vehicle where she found a pile of napkins and a bottle of water.(I always have these items in my car just in case)
"El, stay put. I've got water here, I’ll wash out more of the pepper spray," she commanded.
"But we don't have time for that!" Elliot argued.
Olivia painfully turned to the side and placed her hands on Elliot's face.
"Five minutes isn’t going to kill me. It’s enough time to do this the right way," she assured him.
Olivia dumped water onto the napkins, wrung them out a little, then wiped around one of Elliot’s eyes while she talked. Some water spilled onto the ground.
"I know your emotions are at high levels, you're worried about me, and panicking... but you need to calm down. Cool minds think best," she stated. Olivia switched out the napkins for new ones, poured more water, then turned attention to Elliot's other eye. "I can't have you recklessly running full speed ahead, risking both our lives in a whirlwind of emotions. Sometimes; unexpected, bad situations happen... you have to adjust and adapt,” Olivia reasoned in a soft tone, as she continued washing out his other eye. “Don't let fear or anxiety get the best of you. Use your head, I know you're capable of thinking clearly. Think outside of boxes; you can always fix things. Never give up on what’s important to you. Remember what I’m saying; it'll help you find other ways to save people. Do you hear me, El?”
"Yeah, I hear you Liv," Elliot confirmed.
”Good,” Olivia sighed.
Olivia released Elliot's face and tiredly sat back into the seat. She became overwhelmed by exhaustion, but that too was promptly pushed aside.
"There. How’s your vision?" She asked.
Elliot blinked his eyes open several times, staring up at Olivia.
"I can see you now," he answered, relieved.
"Great. How many fingers am I holding up?" Olivia asked, waving her entire hand in front of his face.
"Funny, I figured you would've gone with flipping me the bird," Elliot responded, lightly.
"That's what YOU would’ve gone with," She pointed out.
“It doesn’t matter how many fingers you hold up, I’m just glad to see you again,” He corrected.
Olivia went to give a sassy retort but suddenly gasped, then winced in pain. Her bullet wound reminded them that they’re currently in an emergency situation. Elliot spotted blood oozing from her hip.
"Thanks for helping me but we gotta get you to a hospital!" he indicated, switching gears.
Elliot grabbed what was left of the clean (non- residue) napkins, pressed them against Olivia’s bullet wound, then moved her hand onto it.
“Hold that there. Don’t let go. Now I’m gonna floor it,” he instructed.
Olivia nodded.
“Let’s do this,” she agreed.
Elliot jumped into the driver’s seat and took off. He set up the car’s GPS to guide them to the closest Urgent Care.
“El, why didn’t you wait for a ‘bus to take me when we were at the diner?” Olivia asked him.
“We’re greenlit, Liv! We have bounties on our heads! We weren’t safe surrounded by a bunch of federal agents!” he replied, firmly.
“What about EMT’s?"
“Richard Wheatley proved that already,” he reminded her.
“Oh, right,” she grimaced.
The car bobbled as it drove over divots in the road. Olivia cried out when the car’s movements seemed to burrow into her wound. She couldn’t help but wonder if this is what it’s like to be in labor with a husband driving her to the hospital (reminiscing about Kathy in Paternity). She quickly shook the mental picture out of her head.
Meanwhile, as Elliot drove; he recalled what had happened in the diner. A certain part kept repeating itself over and over in his head; the sound of the gunshot, followed by the sound of Olivia crying out in pain. He thought they were sounds of her dying, especially later when Olivia confirmed she had been hit.
Back in the car; Elliot practically drove himself crazy until Olivia swore.
“Damn it! Sitting in this seat is killing me!” She groaned.
It broke Elliot out of his mental state.
“Sitting is? I thought you were shot in the hip,” he reminded her.
“The bullet entered towards my left hip, but some part of it exited out the lower area of my back, where I sit…” she drifted off, reflecting something similar John Munch had said a long time ago.
“…So basically your ass?” Elliot snickered.
“Hey, I’m handling this with as much dignity as I can muster!” Olivia snapped.
“Channeling Munch isn’t going to help your ass,”
“You’re the pain in my ass right now! Just shut up and drive!”
“Yes, My Captain. As you command,” Elliot responded, lightly.
He drove in silence, then out of nowhere;
“Liv? Thanks for everything. You saved me back there in the diner,” Elliot spoke up.
“Technically, we both shot him together,” Olivia corrected.
“That's not the point. Last thing I knew; I was blinded in my chair by pepper spray, but how did I end up on the floor?” Elliot asked.
“When I got shot I fell and accidentally knocked over your chair,” Olivia informed him.
“That wasn't an accident. I just know it. I keep replaying the sounds and scene over in my head. You stood up to shoot at him (intentionally drawing the gunman's attention away from me), got shot, then knocked over my chair so I’d fall to the floor and out of direct line of fire… right?” Elliot checked.
“I said I’d kill anyone who tried to kill you, I was just keeping my word. You would’ve done the same if things were reversed,” Olivia stated, firmly. (There are a lot of references to Shadowerk in this fic)
“But Liv, you could’ve been killed! You made yourself a target on purpose… you basically took a bullet for me!”
“Come on El, it wasn’t that dramatic. Everything happened so fast I didn't have time to think,”
“Did you think how Noah might feel if you died in the diner... if he saw how you are right now?! You’re currently sitting here in this car; shot and bleeding!”
“This isn’t half as painful as when my leg was broken,” Olivia commented flatly.(yes, there's also references for "And The Empire Strikes Back" episode of SVU)
"Not very comforting, Liv!" Elliot scolded.
In this moment; Elliot recalled being a Marine. He had seen soldiers with full lives ahead of themselves, sacrifice those lives in order to ensure others would survive. They had friends, families... waiting for them to come home. Yet, almost everyone in his deployment died. His team were so busy saving others, that they didn't have time to see the dangers behind their own backs. This is why Elliot makes sure to only have someone he trusts watch his back. His life depends on them. It was so easy to trust Olivia, to depend on her for mental and physical backup.
Then, Elliot remembered when he dropped in on Amanda Rollins's class where she talked about terrorists. She had asked;"...Can anybody tell me why this is an effective method of warfare?" Elliot raised his hand and answered with;"...If you can convince someone that their death has more value than their life... you create a very dangerous individual". Someone that unafraid of death becomes a devil; they taunt those with empathy. They stomp all over kind people for no other reason than to inflict pain. Kyle Wilkie is one of those people. Then there's the polar opposite; someone like Olivia. She's a kind person, a healer, who's not afraid to fight against Death, and is so determined to help innocent people that she's willing to sacrifice herself in order to save them (being both brave and selfless). Fault, Authority, Spooked... these cases showed Elliot that her way of thinking is also dangerous(to herself)... manifesting a darker, deeper fear for Elliot. The battle between good and evil leaves too much wreckage behind... casualties of war. Much like those soldiers who were willing to give up their lives; Olivia has always been oblivious to her own worth, holding others above herself. As if she's unworthy of love, comfort, and happiness. Elliot knows Olivia deserves to be happy, he's proud of her being a Captain... hell, he loves calling her that! But if Olivia's at the very top, busy looking over everyone else... just WHO is watching her back and taking care of her?
A jolt from the car and a yelp from Olivia brought Elliot's attention back to her rationalizing being shot. Olivia's flippant defiance of death only served to anger Elliot.
“You should be more careful! Your life has value, it matters to me! Your life matters to Noah, it matters to Fin, it matters to Rollins, it matters to Carisi, it matters to SVU... your life matters to everyone you've ever saved! Don't give it up so easily! You’re beloved in New York! You make this world a better place! You have more reasons to live! It’s NOT okay to sacrifice your life for someone else's… not even for mine! That's not a price worth paying! I never want to see you die like that, it would kill me, too!” Elliot stated, firmly(similar to OC 5x2 and reversing Fault).
“I'm your partner, for better or worse." that’s what you once told me. We’re partners for life, El. Protecting each other… saving each other is what partners do! I don’t care… if I’m the only one holding onto that vow,” Olivia defended, breathing heavier.
“You’re not the only one! I just can’t take any more of; Till Death Do Us Part,” Elliot insisted.
“You've already let... Death part us! Evenso... maybe just to spite that; I’d still kill for you… you’d still kill for me! That's what keeps us going! I'll always... be on your side! I’ll never ... let death win! Death doesn’t compare... to life!” Olivia proclaimed in sharp breaths.
The car hit a pothole, Olivia screeched in pain. She began feeling lightheaded, glanced down at her hand firmly planted against the bullet wound.
“Oh, shit. That’s… not good,” she indicated.
Elliot slowed down enough to carefully follow her gaze, then he gasped. Blood seeped through Olivia’s fingers, over her hand, and pooled on the side of the seat.
“Liv! Hang on! I’m almost there! Stay with me!” He shouted.
“El, I can’t go any where… I’m stuck in this seat,” She huffed in response.
“Obviously you haven’t lost your sense of humor,”
“Only lost my blood... and my ability to sit… without pain,” Olivia retorted, trying to catch her breath.
Elliot concentrated on driving but Olivia’s presence eventually became too faint for him to handle. He flicked an eye in her direction to check on her. She sat; eyes closed, motionless, quiet, and ghostly pale. Elliot didn’t want to accidentally hurt Olivia further by shaking her, so instead; he placed a comforting hand on her arm.
“Please don't die on me,” he pleaded above a whisper.
“I’d never… do that to you. You stubborn... sonofabitch. I'll still… be here,” Olivia assured(Stalked reference).
"Good. I need you in my life,"
"Why?"
"Because, Liv; you make my life better. You’re my sunshine… my reason for getting up in the morning. I feel your warmth whenever you're near me. My world would be much darker without you in it. Being your partner was my greatest honor and I cherish the moments we're together with all my heart. I love you more than you know," he explained.(I've always associated the song "You Are my Sunshine" with EO from Elliot's point of view)
Olivia drifted unconscious, Elliot tried to keep her talking until they arrived at Urgent Care.