Archive of Our Own

My love has made me selfish. I cannot exist without you. I am forgetful of everything but seeing you again — my life seems to stop there — I see no further …… Love is my religion — I could die for that. I could die for you. My creed is Love and you are its only tenet. You have ravished me away by a Power I cannot resist; and yet I could resist till I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often ‘to resist against the reasons of my Love’. I can do that no more — the pain would be too great. My love is selfish. I cannot breathe without you.

An Excerpt Of John Keats Love Letter To Franny Browne In October 1819 

_____________

Sakura Haruka, remembers the first day that he arrived in Makochi all too well. He could recall the way the air smelt of freshly baked bread from one of the local bakeries. He could recall the way that hooligans had glared at him as he walked through the street with far too much ego for a boy of fifteen.

And he would always remember the way he had felt when his fist had collided with the face of some jerk who thought it was alright to have a go at someone who had just been minding their own business. Sakura would never be able to forget what came after that, the way that someone had thanked him for what he had done, the way that they tried to repay him for what he had done.

Because that was the first time in Sakura's life that anyone had ever thanked him for doing something.

That they had thanked him, for acting like himself .

Then from that moment onward, he just kept meeting people that seemed to like him just the way he was.

A talkative blonde with a notebook, who had seemed determined to find out everything that he could about Sakura and get as close as he possibly could to him.

A boy with an eyepatch, who seemed to have made it his life goal to pester Sakura at any given opportunity.

And Sakura didn’t know it at the time, but those two people would be the people in his life who ended up being the people that he would hold in the highest regard within his heart.

There were others though, a no nonsense girl who cooked him the first meal that he had in a long time. A boy with long dark hair, horrific posture and yet would be someone who Sakura trusted and relied on.

Seniors at his school, who saw something in Sakura.

Saw something that he would have never been able to see in himself.

But they weren’t here anymore. Now it was Sakura’s job to guide the boys that seemed to act far too much like he did when he was their age. It was his job to make sure they got that safety, the trust and the care that those before had given him.

He was Sakura Haruka, third year student, captain of class 3-1 and the leader of Bofurin.

The title of the ‘leader of Bofurin’ had been something that he strived for from the moment that he had first stepped into town. It was what he wanted so badly. At the time he wanted to be the leader, because he wanted to prove that he was the strongest fighter that anyone here could ever face.

He had wanted to be viewed as the strongest person that had ever lived here, he wanted to be seen as someone not to be messed with. He had wanted the reputation of someone who could always back up what he said about himself.

But that had been a long time ago.

Two years ago, he had wanted to be the strongest to prove to everyone and himself that he didn’t need anyone but himself to get through life.

But Sakura now knew he was the strongest because he was able to rely on those around him.

His strength didn’t come from the fact that he could throw a punch, or tackle someone to the ground.

It came from the fact that he had people that he loved, people that loved him and would be there for him when he faltered. Just as he would be there for them.

“Watch where you're going.” Someone grunted from beside him.

Sakura didn’t even need to look to know who it was. “Morning, Kyotaro.”

“Whatever, Haruka.” The boy grunted out, as he messed with the pins at the back of his hair. “Did you fix that patrol schedule for the first years?”

“Akihiko’s bringing it today.” Sakura acknowledged.

That had been something that had taken a while to get used to, using everyone's first names. But a few close calls with death, spending almost everyday together and trusting one another in a way that they would never trust other people had apparently been a good enough reason for all of class 1-1 to start calling each other by their first names, which started at the beginning of second year when they had become class 2-1."

“I still can’t believe that Akihiko puts up with you.” Sugishita shook his head, after he finished fixing up his pins. “What are you going to do when he goes for orientation week?”

“Me?” Sakura points a finger towards Sugishita. “More like what are you going to do when he’s not here to mediate between you and the first years!”

“Oi! I handle them perfectly fine!” Sugishita shot back.

If this squabble had taken place in first year, it most likely would have ended with him and Sugishita wrestling one another all the way up to the classroom. Nirei would have tried to shove himself between them and Suo would have tried to encourage them to fight harder.

But they had grown a lot since then.

Sugishita was now one of the four kings and the leader of his own division. He had grown his hair out some more, but had begun to tie it back into a bun or a ponytail at the back of his head sometime in second year. The pins in his hair had been a gift from Nirei after the tall boy had complained of his fringe bothering him.

That had been a change too.

Sometime during their first year, right before summer break, Sugishita and Nirei had gotten very close.

It became very clear to everyone that Nirei was Sugishita's favourite classmate. Though in all fairness, Nirei was probably everyone's favourite classmate. And he was arguably one of the few people that Sugishita ever allowed to get close to him without throttling him.

He and Sugishita had thankfully grown past the phase of throttling one another. But that didn’t stop Sakura from bumping him with his elbow, or Sugishita cursing at him after he did so.

But there were no bruises or blood, which was what really mattered.

“Has Akihiko heard about an interview yet?” Sugishita asks, as he joins Sakura on his walk to school.

“If he hasn’t told you or me, then the answer is probably no.” Sakura adds with a shrug of his shoulder.

Now that it was their third year, some people (in all honesty just Nirei), had been making plans to apply to universities and to try and secure a place in the course that they wanted. Nirei wanted to study a history course at a very prestigious university, under some professor who apparently only took about twenty students a year into his course.

_____________

“He’s a doctor, Haruka.” Nirei had told him as he was filling out a form.

“You didn’t show us any pictures of him in the hospital.” Suo had joked from where he was sitting across from them.

“You know I meant that he has a doctorate.” Nirei rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, he doesn’t deserve to be a doctor or whatever if he doesn’t let you into the course.” Sakura had said as he waved a hand around.

“Haruka, they only take the best students.” Nirei was frowning down at the documents in front of him. “The fact that I’m even applying is a shot in the dark.”

Sakura didn’t really get it. 

Nirei was the best of anything and everything. In fact, Sakura would go as far to say that Nirei was most likely the only person applying who really even deserved a spot in the course, as far as Sakura was concerned.

He looked across the table to Suo, who gave him a knowing look and a nod.

Sakura let out a sigh and pulled the paper away from Nirei.

“Hey!” Nirei protested, making a move to take the paper back from Sakura, but before he could even make a move, Suo had reached across the table and had taken hold of Nirei’s wrists.

“Akihiko.” Suo called out gently, and that had the blonde boy turning his head to look towards their other friend.

Sakura placed the paper back onto the table, as he watched what was happening in front of him. There were some things that Sakura could do for his friends, he could fight for them, he could protect them and he could care for them.

But when it came to taking actions to comfort them, he always felt a little out of his depth.

Even when they had assured him that as long as he was honest and acted just like himself, they would always listen and understand. But that’s why he needed Suo, Suo, his other vice-captain who always seemed to find a way to take the actions needed to calm someone down.

He watched as Suo’s thumbs gently rubbed circles on Nirei’s inner wrists, and he watched as Nirei visibly relaxed under the hands holding him gently.

This went on for a few moments more, but then Sakura decided that he needed to speak up and do his part.

“Akihiko.”

Nirei turned to face him.

“You’re going to get in, okay?” 

“If you say so.” Akihiko mumbled out with a smile.

“I do say.” Sakura had quipped. “And I’m your captain so you have to listen to me.”

“You know vice captains can outvote the captain.” Nirei joked, gesturing towards Suo, who was grinning widely.

“Sorry Akihiko, but I’m with Haruka on this one.” Suo had let go of Nirei's wrists, and was resting his elbows on the table, his chin on his hands.

Sakura had snorted. “You’re outvoted.” 

Akihiko had just smiled at them fondly. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

_____________

“He’ll get in.” Sugishita firmly said as they walked through the school gates.

Nobody in class had any doubts that Nirei was going to get into the course and they were all saying as much. Kiryu had said something about if they all said it enough, that it would basically be true.

Sakura nodded in agreement. 

Along the way to the classroom, they ran into Kiryu, who happened to be sporting a brand new eyebrow piercing.

“How many of those can you fit on your face?” Sugishita gawked out, pointing towards the piercing.

“As many as I want!” Kiryu chirped out, as he poked his tongue out. “You can take up my offer for a free piercing anytime!”

He pointed towards Sakura. “That goes for you too.”

Sakura shook his head. “I’ll leave that to you and Hayato.”

“Is he looking for another piercing?” Kiryu asked with a raised eyebrow.

“You’ll have to ask Hayato.” Sakura panned out.

“Ask me what?” A voice called out from a few steps behind them.

“Well speak of the devil.” Kiryu cheered out, as Suo fell into a stride alongside them.

Sugishita snorted. “Don’t insult the devil like that.”

“I see you’re as friendly as ever Kyotaro.” Suo said through a smile. 

“How was the early morning patrol?” Sakura asked, trying to save them from some bickering this morning.

“Alright, had one pickpocket but that first year, Suzuki took him down, he ended up with a few scrapes but Akihiko’s just patching him up.” Suo had explained, pointing in the direction of the nurses office.

“Any signs of more trouble?” Sakura questioned, knowing that they had a duty to be aware of anything out of the normal within their town.

“If there was, Akihiko or I would have messaged you.” 

Sakura nodded, knowing that Suo was right.

“Akihiko will bring that new schedule to you so you can look it over before morning announcements.” 

“Mitsuki, are you still good with taking the first years for morning sparring?” Sakura turned his head to look at the slightly shorter boy.

“I’ve got it cap. Taiga’s going to be running a little late to that by the way, but I can manage by myself for a bit.” Kiryu explained, giving him a mock salute.

“Message one of us if you need a hand.” Sakura told him.

“I’m all set for the midday patrol by the way.” Sugishita told him. “I’m still taking just those two second years?”

Sakura made a humming noise. “Actually I want you to take two of the first years, Isa and Maki. It should be on the schedule that Akihiko’s bringing.”

“That’s the quiet blonde one and the short loud one?” Sugishita asked, as he held the door of their classroom open for them.

“Yeah, Akihiko and I were talking about it when we were making the schedule.” Sakura went on to explain. “We think they’d work well together, but they don’t get a lot of opportunities because Isa is a little quiet in big groups and Maki isn’t.”

“Midday patrol would be good then.” Suo noted. “Not a very big group patrolling and a bit slower so they can learn to work together.”

“Exactly.” Sakura pointed at his vice-captain. “And it gives Isa the opportunity to speak up a little more if we send him out with Sugishita and those second years.”

Kiryu made a cooing noise and tapped the tip of Sakura's nose. “Haruka, when did you become such a good upperclassman?!” 

“Shut up!” Sakura tried to swat Kiryu’s hand away and hide his face, which he knew was turning red.

“Oh, Haruka!” Suo exclaimed. “Such a reliable leader, what on earth would we do without you!”

“I said shut up!” Sakura spat out, trying to shove away his vice-captain who had made an attempt to hug him.

He and Suo had hugged before. In fact, Sakura had sometimes even been the one to initiate the action on occasion. Which he tried to not make a big deal of, and Suo had thankfully had enough grace to know that making a big deal out of something like that would only ruin the moment for both of them.

“Okay, I think that’s enough.” A soft voice said, and Sakura could feel someone's back pressing against his side as they stood in front of them.

“Good morning Akihiko!” Kiryu called out, and Sakura looked down at the boy with golden locks standing beside him.

“Good morning Mitsuki! I like your new piercing!” Akihiko told the boy.

“Was Suzuki alright?” Suo asked, taking a step to the side that he was standing beside Nirei as well.

“Perfectly fine, just needed a few bandaids.” Nirei also reached for his bag which was hanging off his shoulder and pulled out a piece of paper that was neatly tucked into a plastic sleeve. “Here.” He said passing it over to Sakura.

“Thank you.” Sakura took the document from his hand and scanned the neatly organised and colour coded schedule that Nirei had made.

“Jeez Akihiko, I have no idea how you can be that organised.” Kiryu was standing on his tiptoes to look at the document while leaning over Sakura’s shoulder.

“It’s nothing special.” Nirei mumbled out, as he was evidently avoiding eye contact with them all. 

“Well none of us would certainly be able to do it.” Sugishita grumbled out, from where he was leaning against one of the desks in the classroom. Clearly waiting for his turn to come over and look at the schedule.

“Do you have everything for morning announcements Haruka?” Nirei questioned, and they all knew that it was a way for him to try and draw attention away from himself.

But Sakura would let it slide for now.

“I’ve got everything.” He said, as he reached a hand into his pocket to pull out the folded piece of paper that had the notes for what he had to announce this morning.

He passed the piece of paper over to Nirei; he slowly unfolded it, and tilted it so that Suo could read it from where he was leaning against Nirei’s side. But Suo still leant down a little bit, so that his face was beside Nirei’s

“Anything that you guys think I need to add?”

Suo shook his head, and Sakura could see that his long earrings brushed against the side of Nirei’s face, and the boy in question scrunched his nose up. It was kind of cute, but Sakura found a lot of things that Nirei did to be cute.

But he also knew the boy beside Nirei, was someone he would consider pretty.

Sakura wasn’t exactly sure when it happened. But somewhere between first year and second year, he had reached the conclusion that his two vice-captains were physically attractive in a way.

But Sakura had long since decided that it was just him being appreciative of his friend's appearances. But deep down he knew that it was something more, but he wasn’t going to let it be anything more than that.

“I’m going to head off and make announcements then.” Sakura grumbled out after that thought.

“Okay, we’ll see you in a bit then!” Nirei chirped out, passing the piece of paper back towards Sakura.

Sakura nodded and bid the others farewell as he made his way out of the classroom to make his way to the announcement room. As he made his way there, he had to remind himself to take a few deep breaths and ease the tension in his shoulders and jaw.

When he reached the announcement room, he let out a small sigh as he shut the door behind him.

He took a few steps towards the microphone, he placed the piece of paper in front of him on the desk. He took a deep breath in, then pressed the button beside the microphone.

“Good morning Furin students, for today's morning announcements I’d like to take note that all first year students now have a new patrol schedule, one of the upperclassmen will be around shortly to share it with you.”

Sakura looked down at the paper beside him.

“The second thing for students to be aware of is that all second years will be required to have a meeting with a third year student to discuss their progress for the mid year period.”

Sakura took another breath in.

“And finally, there will be dinner hosted on the school rooftop garden on Friday night starting at five pm, so please come along and feel free to bring along any friends and family with you. This has been your captain Sakura Haruka. Have a nice day.”

Sakura took his finger off of the button and let himself sit down in the chair in the announcement room.

The day had hardly started, and he was already feeling exhausted. 

He pulled out his phone to glance at the time but found himself getting distracted by his phone wallpaper. It was a selfie that Suo had taken with his phone of he, Sakura and Nirei as they were on a walk back from somewhere.

Sakura hadn’t even realised that Suo had taken his phone off of him, let alone that the boy had changed his lockscreen till he went to look at it later.

He was going to change it.

But then he had taken a closer look at it. Suo was the one who was closest to the camera, and he was smiling. But it wasn’t one of his cheeky smirks, it was a genuine smile, one that had taken a while for them to coax out of the boy.

But when it came out, it truly was a beautiful sight.

Just a little further back he and Nirei were walking beside one another, and Nirei’s cheeks were a rosy colour and he was smiling so brightly that Sakura actually had to look away for a moment.

And Sakura himself was mid laugh. He had thrown his head back slightly, but the sun had made his eyes shine in the photo.

Sakura had never ended up changing his lockscreen.

And he probably wouldn’t ever get around to it.

But as he looked at it, a pang of sadness passed through his chest.

Graduation was getting closer and closer, and that meant that the time that he got to spend with Suo and Nirei was beginning to become less and less.

A lot of things were going to change when graduation came, some people were going to stick around and some were going to get as far away from here as they possibly could.

Sakura liked how things were now though. In fact he loved how things were. Everything here had finally seemed to make sense, he had found something to belong to. He had found people that he loved, people that he didn’t want to leave or for them to leave him.

Sakura knew that some things were going to change when graduation came around.

He also knew that people could change at any point in time, and he would really have no say in the matter.

But deep in his heart, Sakura had but one hope.

He knew that change was inevitable. But he just hoped that some things could stay the same. He hoped that he was able to keep being a part of Suo and Nirei’s lives and that he would be able to see them. Even if they weren’t at the same place anymore.

Sakura liked who he was now, it was more than he had ever dared to dream for himself.

But now, every new day brought the realisation that he didn't know what kind of life that he wanted beside this.

And that scared him in a way that he couldn’t fully understand.

Which is why the only thing that he was willing to hope for, was that he could hold onto some of the good things that had come from the life that he had built for himself.

And unlike before.

Before he had ever come here, he had been forced to let go of anything by people who dragged anything that he had ever held close to him from his hands.

 He hoped that he wouldn’t be forced to let go of what he loved .

_____________

“Why are you here?” Sugishita grumbled when Sakura began to walk alongside him and Suo for a late afternoon patrol.

“Kotoha said there had been some trouble along this strip, and I wanted to check it out for myself.” Sakura explained, as they fell into a casual stroll along the path.

There were five patrols throughout the day, and Sakura usually scheduled them with Nirei, because Nirei just happened to know what everyone was up to.

There was an early morning patrol, which was a mix of all year levels because it was usually a quieter patrol and gave first years and second years a chance to practice fighting out in the town. Then there was mid-morning patrol which was a group of second and first years, but a third year was always available if things got too much for them to handle. Then a midday patrol, which rotated between each year level, but usually had one third year. Early afternoon patrols were almost always a group of first years, who would then swap over with three third years who would take the late afternoon patrol. 

There was occasionally an evening patrol as well, but that usually only happened when there was an increase in dangerous activity.

Which is why Sakura had wanted to come along for the late afternoon patrol to see if they needed to have an evening one as well today.

Today it was meant to be Suo, Sugishita, and Anzai on patrol, but Sakura had asked Anzai to switch with him and go help the others with setting up for the dinner on the rooftop tonight instead.

“What kind of trouble?” Suo asked, already looking up and down the street keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary.

“She said there had been a few shady looking guys hanging about, but that nothing had necessarily happened.” Sakura explained, greatly appreciating the fact that Suo was already on alert.

“Okay then, just something to keep an eye on.” Sugishita noted, walking one or two steps ahead of Suo and him.

Sugishita was trusting them to keep an eye on his back, and Suo and Sakura would certainly do everything that they could to be worthy of that trust.

They walked in silence for a little bit, keeping an eye out for anything out of the ordinary or helping out with small tasks the townspeople had asked them to help out with. 

But there had been no signs of trouble thus far.

“Been a quiet day, huh?” Suo noted, after they had exited one of the shops after helping the owner lift some boxes.

“I won’t complain about it.” Sakura responded, and he watched as Suo was smiling at him fondly.

“What?” Sakura questioned, not even needing Suo to say anything to know that he was thinking of something stupid.

Suo shook his head. “It’s not anything important.”

“Well, if it’s not important it won’t hurt for you to tell me.” Sakura said, watching as Sugishita continued to walk a few steps ahead of them.

“I guess I was just thinking about how much we’ve changed since first year.” 

Sakura paused, walking, and looked towards Suo.

Suo himself had changed plenty since first year. To start with, he had grown out his hair a little bit more. It wasn’t long, but there was enough length that the boy would often tie it into a bun or small ponytail at the back of his head when he was working on things. Suo had also grown to be a little taller. He had also added a few more piercings to his ears; he had his two regular ones, and then, Sakura wasn’t sure what it was called but it was too small gems that were there right above his normal piercings.

Kiryu had been the one to pierce them.

But besides physical changes, Suo had changed his personality.

There weren't any major changes, Suo was still a bit cheeky and loved to tease his friends. But he had become more open with all them, and was more willing to share things about himself and the struggles that he was facing.

Suo had really grown up.

Nirei had grown a lot as well.

Nirei had gotten a little taller, but he was still the shortest person in the class overall (though some of the first and second years were taller than him as well). Nirei’s hair had grown some too, though it leaned to being naturally wavy so he didn’t tend to tie it back. But he did clip his fringe back with clips or pins that he had on him when he was working on things. Nirei didn’t have any piercings, but he did like to wear bracelets. The bracelets tended to be the ones that used ropes that you would pull on to tighten them.

Nirei liked to make them, and Sakura still didn’t really understand how Nirei did make them. But they always turned out nice. He and Suo were wearing the ones that Nirei had made for them a few weeks ago.

Sugishita was probably wearing his too, though Sakura couldn’t see it from here.

Nirei had also grown a lot in other ways. He wasn’t as nervous as he used to be, and he had found his confidence somewhere along the way, and wasn’t as hesitant about telling others what he thought or doing the things that he wanted to do. Though Nirei still did tend to fret sometimes, but as they had grown alongside each other, they had learnt how to handle it.

That had been something that had taken some getting used to as well.

That alongside the fact that Sakura was growing up with these people, he had also come to know them.

He knew what his friends liked, what they didn’t. What upset them, and what he could do to fix it. He had come to know all of their little quirks and habits. He had also come to know things that no one else would ever know about them.

But alongside the fact that he knew them, they also knew him.

They knew everything about him, the good and the bad.

And they still cared for him.

“I guess we have grown up quite a bit.” Sakura settles on saying.

Suo nods, and Sakura sees the way that his long tassel earrings bob up and down with the motion.

It was one that had a mix of black and gold tassels that dangled down from the piercing. Sakura had been the one to get them for Suo. 

_____________

It had been a couple months ago, and a small brawl had broken out at the small shopping district in town and he and Suo had been handling it. They had been fighting back to back when Suo shouted out:

“Sakura, you go left, I’ll go right, I know you prefer to be able to use the walls to jump off!” 

Sakura did go left, and they managed to wrap up the fight quickly. But when they had regrouped, Sakura immediately noticed that Suo’s earring wasn’t hanging off his ear like usual. Suo had noticed his staring and had shrugged him off.

“They must have fallen out during the fight, I’ll just get another pair sometime.” Suo had told him as they were beginning to head home for the day. But something about it hadn’t fully sat right with Sakura.

Maybe it was because Suo had kept his preferences for fighting in mind and had changed the style that they had been fighting with to suit Sakura. But for some reason, Sakura felt responsible for the loss of the earrings. So he had made up some sort of excuse and gone back into the shopping district, and had approached a jewelry store that he had seen earlier.

When he had walked into the store the lady behind the counter had immediately approached him.

“You can have anything that you want from here, completely on the house.” She had told him.

Sakura had attempted to stutter out a protest but the lady insisted on it, saying that she wouldn’t have a store to be running if Sakura and the others hadn’t dealt with those thugs.

So Sakura found himself in front of the shelf that all the dangly earrings were hanging from. He had stood in front of the shelf for what had felt like hours, before his eyes finally landed on a pair.

They’re perfect for him.

The earrings had a mix of gold and black tassels that hung off an elegant looking red bead. 

Gold was a good colour because it would match that of the tassels of the pair that Suo had been wearing and had seemed to be his go-to pair of earrings. It also matched the threading that decorated their school sleeves. Black was nice, because it matched the colour of the eyepatch that Suo always had on, and it would compliment the boy’s lighter skin complexion.

The red was really the cherry on top, because it was the exact same colour of Suo’s hair.

Suo had been growing his hair out, and it looked nice. Though Suo always looked nice, more than nice even.

But that thought flustered Sakura so badly that he had barely managed to pick up the pair of earrings and say to that lady that he'd be taking them. The lady wrapped them up in a brown paper and thanked him.

Sakura had rushed out of the store and then back to his apartment.

By the time the next morning had come, he had settled down enough and was able to approach Suo before class to give him the earrings.

“Here.” He would grumble out, shoving a small paper bag towards Suo before class one day. “It’s some earrings to replace the ones you lost the other day, and yes I got you a stupid dangly one because I know you hate the studs.”

Suo had just blinked at him, looking both surprised and overjoyed. But Sakura stormed off and said that he had to make morning announcements, not even giving Suo the chance to say anything on the matter. 

Though when he came back to class, Suo was wearing the earrings.

And it pleased him greatly to watch as they swung around every time that Suo moved, they just seemed to make the boy’s features shine even more than usual.

_____________

“Well look what the cat dragged in!” A voice called out, pulling Sakura from his thoughts.

And when he looked up he was met, with the top of someone's head. He tilted his head down slightly and saw who was talking to him.

“I could say the same thing to you, Choji.” Suo said, moving to stand beside Sakura's shoulder.

“You’re always the fun one, aren't you Suo?” Choji joked, with a roll of his eyes.

“Someone has to keep you entertained.” Suo teased, with a cheeky smile.

Choji giggled, then actually started to talk with them. And if Sakura looked a little ahead, he could see that Sugishita was talking to Togame as well.

“So, how was your honeymoon, Choji?” Suo slyly asked, looking between where Togame was standing and Choji.

Choji and Togame, had become major allies to Bofurin after their fight in the first year. They had guys everywhere, who kept in ear out for any trouble that could come about and stepped into fights when they didn’t have enough guys to work with.

But at the beginning of this year, all of the Bofurin third years had been surprised to have received an invitation to the wedding of Togame and Choji.

Well, Sakura guessed that Togame was now Choji as well.

Choji lifted up his hand to flash the silver ring that was on his finger. “Perfect, but of course it was because I planned it!” Then he smiled over at where Choji Jo was standing. “Afterall, I won’t let my husband have anything less than perfect.”

“Are you two coming to dinner at Furin tonight?” Sakura asked, seeing the way that Choji was eyeing his husband fondly as the taller man laughed at something Sugishita had said.

“Yeah, we were just heading there.” Choji confirmed. “Are you guys almost done with your patrol?”

“Will be done soon, one more lap and will be back for dinner.” Suo confirmed.

They chatted for a few moments longer but then the two left, leaving them to finish up their patrol. Once they had finished their lap of the area, Sugishita pointed towards one of the stores on the way back to town.

“I’m going to grab something from there, you two head back to the school and I’ll meet you there.”

Suo and Sakura then headed off without Sugishita.

Suo was being uncharacteristically quiet as they made their way back to the school. Sakura let the silence linger for a few more moments, before finally biting the bullet.

“Alright, Hayato, what’s on your mind?” 

Suo’s head perked up slightly. “It’s not anything bad.” His vice-captain was quick to reassure him.”I guess just seeing Choji and Togame, well Choji now too I guess-”

Suo glanced down at his hands. “Made me think about what we’ll be up to in the future.”

“Like you want to get married or something?” Sakura asked, thinking that maybe that was the thing on Suo’s mind.

Suo snorted. “What an amazing way to propose, Sakura, how could I ever turn you down!”

Sakura could feel his face going red, and he immediately shoved Suo.

“You know that’s not what I meant you bastard!" 

Suo laughed a little at the antics, but eventually once Sakura had calmed down a little he would go on to say.

“Maybe one day, but more I was just thinking about what I’m going to do after graduation.” 

Sakura made a noise of agreement. If this was what Suo was thinking about, then Sakura could fully understand what he meant. Seeing the Chojis had reminded Sakura of the fact that there were things to do after they all graduated.

“I mean Akihiko’s going to go to that school in Tokyo, and I know Mitsuki wants to open his own piercing shop, and the others have plans as well.” 

Sakura glanced upwards. The Furin building was now in sight, and even though the school had been a place that provided so much comfort and safety to him, for just a moment it seemed far too big to be real.

“I guess. I just haven’t fully figured out what I want.” Suo solemnly added.

Sakura took a few moments to figure out what he wanted to say. He briefly wished that Nirei was here to take the lead on this conversation, the ability to comfort people in the exact right way just seemed to come so easily to him.

But Nirei wasn’t here.

And he wasn’t going to be here much longer once he got his offer for that school.

Nirei had plans for after graduation, and those plans unfortunately meant that he was going to leave Suo and Sakura here. Which hurt Sakura in a way he wasn’t really ready to talk about, so instead he turned his attention back to the conversation at hand.

“If I’m honest, I haven’t thought much about what I’m going to do after graduation.” Sakura admitted. “I didn’t really plan for anything when I first applied to Furin, I mean I knew I wanted to fight and be the strongest but while I was here I figured out there was more to life than I thought.”

Sakura looked back towards Suo. “But that doesn’t mean I’ve figured everything out though, coming here and meeting you guys helped me realise that it’s okay to not fully know what I want, because there’s people I can talk to and help me figure it out.”

Suo had stopped walking, but Sakura kept talking.

“Look what I’m trying to say is, I don’t have everything figured out but I’m sticking around here and if you are too, maybe we can figure out what the fuck we want together or whatever.” 

He had grumbled out the last part, but he thought that he had made his point very well. But his heart dropped when he looked towards Suo, and saw that a tear was rolling down his eye.

“Fuck!” Sakura spat out. “Are you crying?”

Suo shook his head, and wiped the tear away.

“No, just some water in my eye.” Suo tried to play it off, and Sakura was willing to let it go if Suo didn’t want to talk about it.

“But Haruka, thank you.” Suo said, coming to walk side by side with Sakura as they resumed their walk back to Furin.

“For what?” He asked, utterly confused.

“For being you.” Suo told him, like that was common sense.

“Whatever.” Sakura grumbled. But then a little louder he said. “Thanks for being you or whatever as well.”

Because if Suo wasn’t who he was, then Sakura could have never become the person that he is now.

They didn’t say much as they made their way into Furin, or up to the rooftop to join the others for dinner on the rooftop garden. But they didn’t need to say anything, because they both knew each other and knew what they had said didn’t need to have anything else added to it.

When they reached the rooftop garden, Sakura could feel something like pride passing through his heart. They had asked the first year students to be responsible for setting up the area, and they had not disappointed.

Fairy lights were draped along the edges of the garden fences and the barriers around the rooftop. They had made little signs to put on each table explaining what the food was and the different kinds of ingredients that they had, and the tables had been decorated with some very nice lacey black tablecloths and electric candles that were set to the school's colours.

“There you two are!” Nirei called out, approaching them holding onto two plates.

“I was just about to call you two.”

Nirei wasn’t in his school uniform. Instead he was dressed in a black button up shirt that had short sleeves, and he was wearing a pair of dark navy slacks. He had on a silver necklace and was wearing two of the bracelets that he had made.

One had a red rope and white butterfly charm, the other had a golden rope and had a small dark blue bead in the centre. His hair was fully out and wavy as well.

He looked absolutely radiant.

Though Nirei always had a kind of natural glow about him.

“I see you’re not in your uniform, Akihiko.” Suo teased, but it was hard to miss the way that his single eye was looking at Nirei up and down.

“I spilled stuff on it while setting up, so I went for the next best thing.” 

Sakura would've thought that this was the best thing, but that was his own personal opinion.

Nirei then eyed the two plates of food in his hand, he glanced up at Suo and Sakura.

“Here, you can have this one.” Nirei said, handing him over a plate of food. “It’s spicier and I know you prefer it that way.”

Sakura took the plate into his own hands and watched as Suo did the same thing.

“Umemiya’s here by the way.” Nirei noted, pointing in the direction of the garden area. “He was talking to Kotoha but I know that he’ll be happy to see you.”

Sakura nodded, and said he’d see them around and went in the direction that Nirei had pointed in, but before he fully left, he made an impulsive decision and turned around to face Suo and Nirei again.

“You look nice tonight Akihiko.” 

He didn’t stick around to hear a response.

He had said, because while on the way back with Suo, Sakura had come to the realization that Nirei wasn’t going to be here forever. And Sakura at the very least wanted to be as honest as he could with the boy about things like that before he left to go off to Tokyo.

Though Nirei would probably meet some better guys in Tokyo, at least ones that could come up with a better compliment than ‘you look nice.’

But Sakura’s train of thought came to a stop when he caught sight of Umemiya, standing by the garden.

And just for a second, Sakura felt like that boy he had been in first year. Coming up here to meet the best fighter that allegedly had ever been, not really knowing what to expect and not knowing who he really was yet.

Umemiya had stayed in town after graduation, and had become a local gardener. But he was known for having made the community garden in the town centre that had helped people in more ways than just providing a pretty view for them to look at.

“Sakura!” Umemiya called out, when he caught sight of him. “It’s so good to see you.”

Sakura closed the distance between them, so that he was standing next to the man.

“So how have things been?” Umemiya asks, and it’s so easy to fall into a conversation with him.

Sakura tells him about the first year students, and about how well they’ve been doing. He talks about patrol schedules and keeping the town safe, then he brings up the fact that Nirei is going to go to a university in Tokyo.

“You're going to miss him alot.” Umemiya says, like it was a well known fact.

Sakura can’t hide the slight flush that paints his cheeks, but he manages to say:

“Suo’s going to miss him a lot as well.”

Umemiya laughs, but it doesn’t sound like a mocking laughter, rather it sounds fond.

Sakura waits till Umemiya’s done laughing to ask the question that had been on the tip of his tongue since he had seen Umemiya.

“How did you do it?”

“Do what?” Umemiya questions, looking genuinely confused but no less kind.

“After graduation, when Tsuabaki left and you stayed here, how did you figure out what to do?”

After graduation, Tsubaki had taken a modeling job with a fashion brand. And the job often had him travelling quite a bit for fashion shows. But Umemiya had stayed here, he had kept growing up and finding new ways to help everyone.

Umemyiya glanced sideways, and Sakura could see that the man’s eyes had landed on Suo and Nirei. 

“You know, sometimes I think that I haven’t figured it out.” 

Sakura raises his eyebrows in surprise, but doesn’t say anything more and lets the man continue to talk.

“I know what I like to do, I like to be here, I like to help people and for a long time, that’s all I wanted to do.” Umemiya looks back towards him, then places a hand on his shoulder. “But what I’ve learnt is that sometimes what you want to do isn’t the most important thing. Sometimes the most important thing is who you want to do those things with.”

“But Tsubaki isn’t here.” Sakura points out.

Umemiya just smiles at him. “I know, but just because he isn’t here that doesn’t mean that he’s any less important to me or that I’m any less important to him. What matters is that you find a way to make sure you can stay in one another's lives, even if it’s not in the way you originally intended.”

Sakura takes a moment to absorb the statements, but he does find that he ultimately understands what Umemiya is getting out.

What he wants to do is important. But who he wants to share those things with is just as important.

There was the sound of a camera clicking, and it pulled him from his thoughts. Umemiya was holding his phone with a shameless expression.

“Oh Tsubaki is going to love this photo!” Umemiya tapped at his phone. “You look so grown up.”

Sakura sputtered out an attempt at an insult, but Umemiya just laughed him off and patted him on the back.

“I’ve taken enough of your time, go spend some time with your boys while you can!”

Sakura took a few steps away, planning to head towards Suo and Nirei who were standing by one of the garden fences.

But then Umemiya called out his name. Sakura turned back around, and he could see that Umemiya was smiling at him brightly.

“You’ve grown up so much, I’m really proud of you.”

Sakura turned away, knowing that if he continued to face the man he would be laughed at for his flushed face. But as he walked towards Suo and Nirei, who were both illuminated by the fairy lights.

He had the thought:

I’m proud of who I am now.

And when he joined Suo and Nirei, he couldn’t help but think:

But I could have never gotten to this point if it hadn’t been for them.

Which is why tonight, Sakura was going to take every moment that he could to appreciate the fact that Suo and Nirei were still by his side while he could.

He was going to hold onto what he loved as long as he could.

_____________

Nirei was fretting.

And Sakura knew this wasn’t just the boy’s usual slightly anxious demeanour. Because Nirei had grown out of the anxiousness that had seemed to be present all throughout the first year, and had developed quite a bit of confidence.

But right now, as the boy was mumbling to himself and rearranging and reorganising things in the school broadcasting room, then after completing each self assigned task that he had given himself, would take out his phone to check out his emails.

Then he’d go right back to another task.

Sakura had initially thought that maybe it would be good for Nirei to do something that would help him get his mind off the lack of a response from that school that he had applied to.

Which is why he had asked Nirei to come help him tidy up the broadcasting room.

But now Nirei was rearranging the stationary drawer in the room for what was probably the fifth time this morning, when Sakura finally decided that it was enough.

He sent a text to Suo:

Sakura:

He’s Fretting, Fix it.

Vice-Captain (Annoying One):

You’re the one with him

Sakura:

Yeah, but come do the thing you do to calm him down

Vice-Captain (Annoying One):

You mean talk to him? You want me to leave patrol and come back to school to have a conversation with him?

Sakura:

Do NOT pretend that you haven’t done that before. You remember second year when he sent a cryptic text and you ran all the way back?

Vice-Captain (Annoying One):

You were the one who started running first.

Sakura:

Fuck You.

Vice-Captain (Annoying One):

Not Now.

Vice-Captain (Annoying One:

I’ll talk to him when I get back, but right now it’s up to you, our great and amazing leader.

Sakura turned his phone off after that and resisted the urge to throw it across the room, Suo could be a real brat sometimes. But he was a brat with a point.

Sakura was the one who was with Nirei right now.

“Akihiko.” Sakura called out the boy’s name, and Nirei turned to face him.

“Yeah?” Nirei responded, clearly wondering what Sakura wanted.

And what Sakura wanted to say was:

Stop, stop worrying. You’re amazing and so smart that there’s no chance that you didn’t get in. You’ll go to Tokyo and get to study all those things that you wanted to study, and all your classmates are going to love you. And they’ll think that you're the best person ever because you are, and you’ll probably meet someone who can tell you all those things to your face.

Sakura hadn’t actually said anything for about a minute, and Nirei had glanced down at his phone again.

Sakura cleared his throat to get Nirei’s attention.

“You’ll get in.” He said with a shrug. 

Watching as Nirei checks his emails for the hundredth time.

 “I know how fucking smart you are and they’re stupid if they can’t see that.” Sakura firmly stated.

Nirei was looking up at him, his eyes wide and Sakura wasn’t sure why but they seemed to be a little watery.

Sakura froze for a second, now worried that Nirei was about to start crying. And Sakura had seen Nirei cry before, but whenever it happened he always felt so out of place. Not knowing what to say or do to soothe the other boy.

And now he was really wishing that Suo was here.

Suo always knew what to do when someone was upset like this, he always seemed to know exactly what to say or do.

Suo had even found the right word for Sakura on an occasion when he had been crying. 

Sakura didn’t want to admit that he had cried, but it was in the middle of second year.

_____________

There had been a brawl, a really fucking big brawl.

And no matter how hard they all tried, it just seemed to keep going.

But like always they had fought and won, though on that day it really didn’t feel like they had won anything at all.

Their class was in taters, and from where Sakura was standing it seemed all of them were in the worst shapes imaginable.

Sakura was supposed to be the class captain, he was supposed to be the one to ensure their safety and make the calls that prevented them from getting hurt like this and he had failed.

Sugishita kneeled over on the ground and seemed to be heaving, with blood dripping down his forehead.

Anzai, was leaned up against a wall cradling his wrist and his face was covered in marks.

Kiryu was laying on the ground breathing far too quickly and his foot looked like it was bent wrong.

Tsugeura and Kakiuchi were leaning against each other, the shorter of the pair seemed to be clutching at his chest and the other one had bruises and marks lining his arms.

Takanashi and Kurita were both covered in bruises and it looked like Takanashi was trying to keep Kurita conscious.

And Suo.

Suo looked wrecked, he had a bloody nose, part of his jacket had been ripped off, half the buttons from his shirt were gone, and he was breathing heavily and was leaning against a wall.

Sakura didn’t even want to imagine what he himself looked like at that moment.

But the worst was Nirei.

Nirei, his vice-captain, his very first friend, was nowhere to be seen.

And for a brief moment Sakura felt like everything had been turned upside down, because if he couldn't see Nirei, did that mean the boy was gone?

But then in his peripheral he saw a flash of blonde moving, and to his relief at the time Nirei was moving. 

Nirei was moving and helping everyone else in the class get up and move towards help, it seemed that once again Nirei had been the one to recognise that they would need help and had called for it.

Townspeople in cars were coming, and the third years as well. All helping to get them to the local hospital, but Sakura knew it wouldn’t be happening if it wasn’t for Nirei.

Sakura didn’t get a chance to take a proper look at Nirei until it was him and Suo that Nirei was trying to shuffle into a car.

Sakura and Suo were exhausted, the brawl had taken everything that they had and more. They were banged up and bruised beyond imagination, and all Sakura could think about was how grateful that Nirei had been there.

That Nirei had been able to do what he failed to, and keep people safe.

It was once they were sitting in the car, Nirei wedged in the middle seat between him and Suo, that Sakura actually saw what damage had been inflicted to the other blonde.

Nirei had a cut on his face right below his eye, his jacket sleeves were torn and there were scratches all over his wrist. But the worst thing, the worst thing that Sakura could see was a shoe print on the back of Nirei’s neck.

Sakura wanted to say something.

He wanted to say:

I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.

But instead they just sat in silence.

Sakura drowning in his own guilt.

After he had been checked at the hospital and given the all clear, he walked out into the waiting room and was surprised to see that Suo was sitting in one of the chairs. They made eye contact, and Sakura’s unspoken question was answered.

“Nirei’s not out yet.”

Sakura sat down next to Suo without a word.

They would wait, they would stay here as long as they had to.

They didn’t say anything, but as they sat there Sakura could feel his eyes getting watery.

He had never been one for crying, but today, today had been hard. And he was hurt, everyone was hurt and he had failed, he had failed at the one thing he was meant to be good at.

And his failure had gotten one of the few people in his life that had ever cared about him hurt.

The tears just seemed to fall after that.

Suo didn’t say anything. Suo understood that for Sakura he needed this moment with no scrutiny or judgement, and instead waited for the tears to stop before offering him a bottle of water.

It was only after that, Suo spoke.

“We’ll do better next time, this is something that we will learn from and we will grow because of it.”

Sakura had been grateful that Suo had understood, that he had understood that soothing Sakura with phrases like ‘It’ll be okay' or ‘It’s not your fault.’ would not work for him. 

Sakura needed to know that they could keep going, that they would continue working to be better in order to move on from this moment.

Nirei came out shortly after that, and Sakura could tell that Nirei knew something had happened between him and Suo. But because Nirei knew them, knew who they were and knew how they were.

 He didn't say anything about it.

Instead, he had just smiled at them and tugged them by what was left of their jacket sleeves and led them home.

But as they walked, Sakura knew that home was here with the two boys walking alongside him.

_____________

“You really think so?” Nirei asked, sounding a little scared.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” Sakura questioned, confused as to why Nirei would question this.

Nirei knew him, he knew that Sakura didn’t say things that he didn’t mean.

Nirei was smiling, but his eyes still looked watery.

“You know if I go, I’m really going to miss you.” Nirei got out through a small laugh, but Sakura could tell that he was trying to cover up the sound of a choked up sob.

Sakura let out a sigh, and no matter how much he had grown over the years, this was still one of the hardest things for him to do.

He took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Nirei’s shoulders. Nirei seemed to take a second to register what was happening, but then he gently wrapped his arms around Sakura as well.

Sakura let them settle for a few moments before saying.

“I’ll miss you too.” Sakura admitted. “More than you could imagine.”

“We don’t even know if I’m going yet.” Nirei muttered into his shoulder through a laugh, one that sounded less sad now.

“You’re going.” Sakura stated, leaving no room for argument.

“Oh my what did I miss?” Suo’s voice called out from the doorway, and Sakura pulled away from Nirei.

“Oh now you decide to show up you bastard.” Sakura complained, but looked Suo up and down, seeing if there were any indicators that the patrol had been rough.

“What, you thought I wasn’t going to come back?” Suo teased, coming into the room. “Did you miss me?”

“Fuck off Hayato.” Sakura shot back, but a small part of him knew that he had missed the other boy, even if he had only been gone for a short while.

“So polite Haruka.”

But as the three of them sat there just chatting, doing the most mundane tasks in the world to keep themselves busy. Sakura looked at both of them.

Watching as they just existed alongside him, and yet in this lifetime, Sakura by some way had found the people that he wanted to exist with. The people that understood him in ways that he could never even understand himself, and he understood them.

He loved them.

He loves them.

And as Sakura watches Nirei laughing at something that Suo had said, it hits him.

Oh.

Oh.

That is what this feeling was deep in his heart and soul.

But as they stay in that room longer than they needed to, Sakura was struck once again by the fact that he had been feeling this way for a long time, longer than he wanted to admit.

He looks between Nirei and Suo, and has the fundamental understanding in that moment that this feeling of his may need to stay buried deep down inside of him.

Sakura stares at Nirei in particular.

He can’t tell Nirei.

Nirei’s going away, he’s going somewhere far from them and Sakura will not be the thing that will keep him here. He refuses to be.

He glances at Suo, and he sees the fondness in his eye as he watches Nirei.

He sees love as well.

And Sakura knows he must have the same look in his eyes when he looks at either of them.

They left the broadcasting room, and as they headed back towards class Suo and Nirei walked one step ahead of him, and Sakura was looking at their backs.

Sakura couldn’t lie to them, if they asked he knew that the truth that he had only recently realised would come pouring out. He didn’t want to lie to them, but he looked over at Nirei again…

Nirei was leaving, and if Sakura was honest about his feelings he feared that it would be something that kept Nirei from living the life that he wanted.

He looked over at Suo.

Suo was staying here.

Suo was staying and so was Sakura.

And Sakura felt a deep sense of regret forming in his heart, for not figuring things out sooner. If he had figured out this feeling earlier, he could have said something to both of them and they could have had all the time in the world to figure out what this meant for all of them.

But now they were out of the time that they used to seem to never run out of.

_____________

Two days after Sakura’s revelation, Nirei gets an email about the school he had applied to.

They want to do an online interview with him.

The class is overjoyed by the news, and unbeknownst to Nirei, his classmates are planning a celebration for when he gets the final result.

Sakura had agreed that the class could throw a little get together on the rooftop when Nirei was finally given the news that he had gotten into the school.

But as much as Sakura had agreed to the celebrations, he was a bit too distracted to come up with ideas for it, instead he found himself thinking of how to be honest with Suo.

Sugishita seemed to notice how distracted he was, because without saying a word the taller boy gestures for Sakura to follow him to the gym during class one day, and Sakura follows.

They fight, they fight.

And with each hit that passes, Sakura can tell Sugishita is asking the question:

What, what’s got you all messed up?

Everyone else seemed to have caught on to his change in demeanour, and no one had followed him and Sugishita to the gym. Understanding that this was something that they needed to give Sakura space for.

They finish fighting, and lay down on the gym mats, sweaty and puffing.

“It’s about Akihiko isn’t it?” Sugishita grunts out.

“It’s not just him.” Sakura puffs out.

“Hayato, that bastard as well I guess.” Sugishita huffs out as he sits up.

“Wow, I wouldn't be able to tell you had a favourite between the two of them.” Sakura jokes, sitting up as well.

“Fuck off, now whats the problem?” Sugishita asks him, looking towards him.

Sakura wishes that he could say that he hesitated to tell Sugishita, but he didn’t. If the Sakura of first year had been here, he would have tried to knock Sugishita’s lights out and run away, but he wasn’t that same boy anymore.

Nor was Sugishita the same boy he once was, the Sugishita that he had known in first year would never care to ask Sakura what was going on.

“I love them, and Akihiko’s leaving.”

“Okay which part is the problem?” Sugishita questions sounding annoyed.

“Uh both.” Sakura states, failing to see how both those things weren’t a problem.

Sugishita lets out a sigh. “Okay yeah Akihiko leaving sucks, but you can call him and visit and stuff.”

“Akihiko doesn’t know, neither does Hayato.” Sakura says, knowing that he doesn’t need to explain what they don’t know.

“Go fucking tell them then!” Sugishita exclaims. “Like seriously right now go and tell them.”

“I can’t.” Sakura implores.

“Why not?” Sugishita looks like he wants to hit Sakura again.

“I’ll tell Hayato, but Akihiko..” Sakura trails off.

“What, you think he doesn’t deserve to know?” Sugishita spits out, sounding furious. 

“I don’t want this to be something that holds him back.”

Sugishita sighs, but now Sakura can tell that the other boy gets it.

“I’d hate to see him stuck here.” Sugishita admits. “He’ll be happy in Tokyo."

“I know.” Sakura quietly admits. “Which is why I don’t want him to know, he deserves….”

Better.

Is the word left unsaid, but the message that Sakura is trying to convey is clear nonetheless.

“Yeah he does, but maybe rather than you deciding what he needs you should talk to him and see what he wants .”

“Since when did you get so emotionally mature?” Sakura jokes, moving to get up and offering a hand to Sugishita.

“Fuck you, I’ve always been this mature.” Sugishita barks, but he still takes the hand that Sakura offers to him.

They walk out of the gym, but on the way back to class Sakura says:

“Thanks Kyotaro, I can always trust you.”

“Whatever.” Sugishita snaps out, but more quietly he says. “I trust you too.”

Sakura smiles but doesn’t say anything more.

He doesn’t need to say anything, because Sugishita knows him and Sakura knows him as well.

They understand each other, and even if it had taken time for them to reach this point in their lives, Sakura didn’t regret a single second that it took to get them here.

__________

Nirei was wearing a short sleeve white button up shirt, and black slacks. Along with this he was wearing a necklace that had a small pearl attached to it (a gift that Suo had given him for his seventeenth birthday). 

“Do I look alright?” Nirei asked for the hundredth time using his phone camera to check himself.

“Nirei, you looked exactly the same when you asked that question to us five minutes ago.” Sakura pans out.

“I know, I just..”

Want it to go well.

Sakura and Suo understand without Nirei having to say anything.

“It will.” Suo assures. “They’re going to love you.” 

“You sure?” Nirei asks, messing with one of his buttons.

Sakura reaches out and grabs Nirei’s hand. “Akihiko.”

Nirei looks up at him.

“You’ll do great, they’re going to love you and you’ll get in. I bet this interview is just a formality and you’re already in.”

Nirei nods. “Okay, okay.”

“Now go.” Suo says, pushing Nirei’s shoulder. “Go double check the laptop and stuff, and we’ll wait down the hall.”

Nirei looks up at them, and before he goes, he quickly pulls Sakura and Suo into a hug.

“Thank you, thank you for everything.”

Nirei goes quickly after that. 

Suo and Sakura wait for the door of the library to close, then they quietly walk down the hall.

Sakura had made the executive decision to give all students a day out, that way they could go have fun and Nirei could use the school library to have his meeting and wouldn’t have to worry about any noise disruption.

Kiryu had made a joke about Nirei being his favourite when he had announced his plans. But Kiryu had been all too happy to take the second years and first years for a field trip of sorts.

Sakura and Suo take a seat in one of the empty classrooms, there were plenty of desks in the room. But Suo pulled up a chair and sat at the same table as Sakura.

“You’ve been off the last few days.” Suo bluntly states, without any lead up.

“And you’re only saying something now?” Sakura says through a sigh.

“Akihiko and I knew you just needed a little time.” Suo explains, as his hand twists around the tassel on his earring, the same earring that Sakura had gifted to him all that time ago.

“You two talked about it?” Sakura asks, just wondering how much they really pay attention.

“Of course, we know you, Sakura.” Suo says. “We can tell when something is bothering you.”

“You and Nirei are too perceptive for your own good.” Sakura mutters out, but then looks back up at Suo. “But I do want to tell you something, but you can’t tell Akihiko.”

“Why not?” Suo asks, immediately looking concerned.

“Can you listen to what it is first?” Sakura implores. “I think you’ll understand then.”

Suo nods, and gestures for Sakura to go on.

If Sakura had been the same boy he was in first year, he would’ve stuttered, blushed and beaten around the bush at just the mention of this topic. But he had changed, and although the idea of love still made him very shy, he knew that honesty was the only way to go forward.

He takes a deep breath in.

“I like you Hayato, I like you and I have for some time now and I only understood what that feeling was very recently.” He glances up towards Hayato. “But it’s not just you…”

“Akihiko.” Suo says almost reverently, understanding immediately.

“Yes, you, Akihiko. Both of you.”

Suo is quiet for a few moments, and Sakura doesn’t push for a response. He knows that Suo needs time after something like this.

“Haruka, do you really mean it?” Suo eventually asks.

Sakura smiles a little. “Have I ever lied to you and him?”

“No.” Suo smiles back at him and it’s a beautiful thing. “No you haven't.”

“What about you Hayato?” Sakura asks, after letting a few moments of silence pass them by.“And please no teasing and no joking.”

Hayato leans back in his chair and sighs. “You won’t believe me when I say this, but I’ve been feeling that way about you two for a very long time.”

“How long?” Sakura asks, watching as Suo seems to move ever so slowly.

“Since first year.”

“That long?” Sakura asks, a little in awe.

“Yeah, yeah.” Suo adds through a chuckle. “It all started with a stupid smile.”

“Was it when Akihiko smiled at you?” Sakura questions, knowing the exact feeling that a smile from Akihiko could invoke.

“Oh Akihiko was so gorgeous.” Suo complains. “And he’s kind, smart, and so so caring.”

“It was so easy to fall for him.” Sakura adds on. “You know it was during my second year for me with you.”

“What did I do?” Suo asked, looking ever so curious.

“You understood me, in a way that I couldn’t even understand myself.”

“And with Akihiko?” Suo questioned, looking at Sakura with love in his eyes. And as he sits there Sakura wonders how he ever managed to miss the way that Suo looked at him and Nirei.

“It was after a fight in second year.” Sakura admits. “I only recently realised what that feeling was though.” 

“What happened after that fight?” Suo wondered, slowly reaching his hand across the table.

“I had been knocked out, and when I came to he was holding my head in his lap and fixing me up.”

“Oh.” Suo says understanding. “He would have looked like an angel.”

“I thought I was in heaven for a second.” Sakura snorts out, noticing Suo’s hand moving closer to him.

“Why can’t we tell him?” Suo asked, finally getting his pinky to touch the back of Sakura’s knuckles.

“Hayato, he’s going to Tokyo." Sakura firmly states. “He’s going to go there, study and be happy.”

“And we don’t want to hold him back from that.” Suo’s face is filled with understanding when he realises what Sakura means.

“I couldn’t bear it if we were something that held him back.” Sakura confesses, moving his hand so that he could gently hold Suo’s.

“No, I couldn't either, but..” Suo looked down at their joined hands. “But this doesn’t feel right without him.”

“I know, I know.” Sakura’s voice is filled with regret and understanding. “It isn’t right, but we can’t tell him.”

“I don’t want to lie to him.” Suo is adamant.

“I don’t want to either.” Sakura admits. “But it’s not lying, we'll wait, we’ll wait until he comes back.”

“Haruka, what if he doesn't come back?”

Sakura didn’t even want to entertain that possibility.

But he never got a chance to reply, because the classroom door swung open. Suo and him quickly pulled their hands away from one another.

Nirei is standing in the doorway, and he says something so quietly that neither of them can hear it. It doesn’t help that Nirei is staring down at the ground.

“What was that Akihiko?” Suo asked, standing up.

There was a sniffling sound and Sakura stood up as well.

“Akihiko what’s wrong?” Sakura asks, striding over to the boy and placing a hand on his shoulder.

Nirei didn’t look up, and Suo came and stood next to them.

Suo gently reached his hand out and placed his fingers on Nirei’s chin, and ever so gently tilted the boy’s face up.

Nirei’s eyes were filled with tears.

Sakura’s heart dropped.

His mind running through worst case scenarios, but then Nirei spoke up:

“I got in.” The boy says through a sob.

“You got in?” Suo says. 

Nirei nods. “I got in.” he sniffles out.

There was a brief moment of silence, but then Sakura pulled Nirei into his arms. Suo joined the embrace as well.

Nirei’s tears were probably getting his shoulder wet, but Sakura didn’t care.

They all stayed like that for a while just holding each other, but over the top of Nirei’s head he and Suo shared a look of understanding.

They would wait for Nirei to come back, and they would wait as long as it takes to get him back here and into their arms.

_____________

The day that Nirei was to leave, came so much faster than Sakura ever wanted it to.

It seems like only hours after Nirei had told them the news about his acceptance into the academy, they were heading off to the train station to bid him farewell for orientation week. In reality three weeks had passed, and here they were at the train station an hour before the train was meant to be here.

“You have my number.” Sugishita grunts out, as he points at Nirei. “Call me if someone gives you trouble.”

Nirei smiles up at Sugishita. “Thank you.” Nirei gave the taller boy a quick hug after that, and they all saw Sugishita return it very quickly.

Most of Class 3-1 had come to see Nirei off at the station today.

“Remember to have fun, don’t study too hard.” Kiryu told Nirei, as he passed the boy something shiny. 

Sakura could see that it was a necklace.

Nirei seems to be shocked at the gift and tries to return it, but Kiryu just shoves it back towards him.

The others were quick to say their goodbyes, which just left him and Suo as the last ones to say goodbye. The others move away, clearly sensing that some privacy was needed for this moment.

Suo and him stand in front of Nirei. 

Neither of them knew what to say, but then Suo spoke up.

“Are you sure you have everything?”

Nirei grins at Suo. “I have everything, I’m ready.”

“Yeah you are.” Sakura admits, admiring the way Nirei seemed to be ready for anything in that moment.

“Promise you two will take care of yourselves and each other while I’m gone.” Nirei asks, sticking out both of his pinkies.

He and Suo giggle, but they do link pinkies with Nirei eventually.

Suo snorts a little. “We promise, but only if you’ll promise to take care of yourself as well.”

“I will.” Nirei states, squeezing their pinkies tightly with his own. “I promise.”

“Study hard, but don’t forget to have fun as well.” Sakura says. “There’s probably a lot to see in Tokyo and you and your new friends should go out.”

“I don’t have any new friends yet.” Akihiko jokes, moving his hands so that he was holding onto both Suo and Sakura’s hands gently. They both let the action happen, accepting that this was probably the last time that they would get to hold onto Akihiko for a long time.

“But you will soon.” Suo quietly says. “And they’re going to love you.”

“I hope so.” Nirei says.

“They will, everyone loves you.” Sakura chimes in.

There’s a pause, and Sakura can’t explain it but he feels something shifting in the air.

“Can you two come down to my level for a second?” Nirei requests tugging on their hands.

Sakura can see that Suo has to hold back a remark about Nirei’s height, but both of them comply leaning down so that they are face to face with Nirei.

He and Suo wait, they wait and they don’t rush Nirei to say something or do something because they both trust Nirei.

There’s a quick peck to Sakura’s lips, and before he can even process the action, he sees Nirei doing the same thing to Suo.

“I love you, both of you.” Nirei says as he pulls away. “And I thought now would be a good time to say it.”

“How long?” Sakura gasps out, looking at Nirei’s pink face.

“Since first year.” Nirei confesses. “But I didn’t want to say anything then.”

“Why now?” Suo asks, sounding a little stunned.

“I’m leaving now, and that means you two can have all the time in the world to decide what this means for you, and if you never want to see me again I won’t come back.”

Just the mere thought of Nirei not coming back was utterly devastating to Sakura, but he didn’t have the words to convey that. So instead he pulls Nirei by his wrist, and presses another kiss to his lips.

Sakura isn’t sure how long they stay like that, but when he pulls away, he says:

“We want you, we’ve wanted you for so damn long.”

Suo speaks up. “We want you more than you’ll ever know.” 

“The train's going to be here soon.” Nirei states, looking a little stunned.

“We know.” Sakura says, holding onto Nirei’s wrist. “But If you get on that train you have to promise us you’ll come back.”

“Is that what you two really want?” Nirei asks, taking one step back from then.

But Suo is the one who doesn’t let Nirei move any further away, and instead uses the hold that he has on Nirei’s other hand to pull the boy back towards him. Suo tugs Nirei, close and in a blink Suo’s lips are pressed against Nirei’s.

Suo’s hand was resting on the side of Nirei’s face, holding on gently but Sakura could see that the boy was afraid to let go. Suo pulls away, his cheeks had been dusted pink and he was breathing heavily.

“You have to come back.” Suo states, looking at Nirei. “It’ll kill us if you don’t.”

Nirei glances over at him, as if looking for an objection from Sakura.

“It will kill us Akihiko, we need you.” Sakura pleads.

“I’ll come back.” Nirei says, and they all know it’s a promise.

“But if you two get tired of waiting and change your minds, tell me.” 

“We’re not going to change our minds.” Sakura states. “We’ll wait as long as it takes for you to come back to us.”

Sakura had always been patient, even though it may not seem like it from the outside. But he could wait for the things that mattered, he would wait for Nirei.

Just like Sakura knew, if he was the one getting on that train, Suo and Nirei would wait for him.

“We’ll stay right here.” Suo confirms. “You just have to come back to find us.”

“I know.” Nirei says, and Sakura can feel his eyes getting a little watery.

“If you need us Akihiko, just call okay?” Sakura urges. “We’ll be there as quickly as we can.”

“Haruka, you can call me too. I promise to pick up if it’s you two, and if you need me I’ll be on the next train back home.”

Nirei’s words were striking Sakura deep in the heart, and it was taking everything in him to not burst into tears.

“I always feel like I need you.”  Suo was gripping onto Nirei’s hand tightly. “I don’t think there's been a day since I met you two that I thought that I didn’t need you, you two complete me.”

Suo had somehow found a way to put into words exactly what Sakura was feeling.

“You two are making it really hard to leave.” Nirei says, his smile a little wobbly. “I don’t want to hurt you two by going.”

“No Akihiko, you have to go.” Sakura says, grabbing the boy’s shoulder. “We didn’t say anything because we didn’t want to hold you back.”

“You two could never hold me back.” Nirei firmly states. “You two were the ones who made me brave enough to try anything in the first place.”

“We didn’t make you brave.” Suo was holding onto Nirei’s hand tightly. “You’ve always been brave, you just couldn’t see it.”

“You’re the one who made me brave, Akihiko.” Sakura gets out, knowing now that tears were streaming down his face.

“You took my hand on my first day in town, and you accepted me just as I was. You barely knew me then, but you were still willing to help me achieve my dream. And even when you did come to know me and all my flaws, you didn’t let go.”

Sakura wipes at his face. “You just kept holding onto me, you kept trusting me even when I made mistakes that hurt you, you never once doubted me. And you were the first person in my life who had ever done that.”

Nirei had tears streaming down his face now as well.

“I love you Akihiko.” Sakura gets out through a sob. “I love you so much.”

“Haruka.” Nirei sniffles out. “I love you.”

Sakura snorts a little, it’s to cover up another sob. Sakura glances over at Suo, who also has a tear streaming down his eye.

“Come here.” Sakura gets out, and uses his arms to pull them both in.

“I love you both so much.” Hayto whispers out, his voice thick with emotion.

“We love you too Hayato.” Nirei mutters out from where his head is resting against Sakura’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, I love you Hayato.” Sakura says, holding on as tight as he possibly can to the two boys in his arms.

The train pulls into the station, and as much as Sakura didn’t want to let go. He knew that he would have to.

Very slowly he pulled his arms away from Suo and Nirei, and tearfully watched as Nirei picked his bag up. There’s not much more that they could possibly say to each other, and so they watch as Nirei holds onto the strap of his bag tightly and walks towards the now open train doors.

When Nirei crosses the threshold, he turns around.

The train door is still open.

Nirei was standing in the train door, his face was still pink and covered in tears, but he was smiling. And Sakura remembers every little thing before that train door closes.

He remembers that Nirei was wearing a jumper that had brown and navy stripes decorating the edges. He remembers that Nirei was wearing the necklace that Suo had gifted to him for his seventeenth birthday, the one with the pearl. He remembers how Nirei’s bag looked heavy and knew that it was stacked with books.

He remembers how the train door closed, and only a few moments later that it pulled out of the station.

He remembers being the one to reach for Suo, desperately grabbing onto the other boy’s hand. As if he was afraid Suo would leave if he didn’t hold onto him as tightly as he possibly could.

And he recalls that he and Suo stood at that train station for a long time after that, just holding onto one another.

When they finally left, it was hand in hand, but a silent journey back to Sakura’s apartment.

They sat in silence for the entire night, knowing that the only thing that they could do was wait. They would wait, they said that they would wait. But that didn’t mean that it still didn't hurt.

But that night, without saying anything Suo moved closer, and leaned in to press a soft kiss to Sakura’s lips.

This kiss wasn’t like the ones that they had shared at the train station with Nirei, it wasn’t desperate or rushed. It wasn’t something that they had to fight to hold onto.

This kiss was a gentle reminder.

A soft thing for both of them to share.

Because they both knew exactly what they were going through, and although it was going to hurt. They were together.

And they would be together through everything that had been and everything that was to come.

Sakura kissed him back just as softly.

Because he knew that Suo needed that reminder too, that reminder that Sakura was still here and that he would not be going anywhere.

“I know.” Sakura says when they eventually break the kiss.

And he doesn’t need to say anything more than that.

Because just as Suo and Nirei know him, and understand him.

Sakura knows them just as well, and understands them in the same way.

_____________

Five weeks later, Sakura calls Nirei.

He doesn’t call Nirei for any particular reason, there’s nothing that he needs from Nirei. 

Life had been going good, even if he and Suo missed Nirei more than the other boy could imagine. They had been texting and calling here or there, and Sakura knew that Sugishita had even called Nirei a few times to check up on the boy.

They didn’t tease him about it though.

Because Sakura knew exactly how painful it was to miss the boy.

Sakura calls Nirei because he wants to hear the other boy’s voice, he wants to hear about all the mundane things in Nirei’s life right now.

He wants to know everything going on with him.

And Sakura has a feeling that Nirei knows that what he wants before he even picks up the phone, because the first words out of Nirei’s mouth are:

“Want to hear about my day?”

And Sakura does.

Nirei tells him about his classes, about his classmates and how they ended up dragging Nirei to a club. Nirei describes all the lights and sounds in the club, and the description is so vivid that Sakura can practically see it. 

He can picture Nirei in the colourful lights, surrounded by people who think that he’s beautiful and smart. He can see the way that Nirei’s face probably lit up while dancing to the music and laughing with others.

Nirei tells him that he saw Endo in Tokyo. Apparently the man goes to an art school down the street from Nirei’s school and had moved into an apartment with Takaishi. Nirei tells him that he’s having dinner with them next week.

Nirei built a whole life for himself in Tokyo, just like Sakura knew he would.

Nirei asks how Hayato is, even though Sakura knew the two of them spoke on the phone yesterday.

Sakura tells him that Hayato is good, the boy is currently sleeping on the couch in Sakura’s apartment.

Nirei laughs a little, and it’s a beautiful sound to Sakura.

“But how are you Haruka?” Nirei eventually asks, but Sakura knows the boy already knows the answer to that question.

“Good, I’ve been good.”

“I’m happy to hear that.” Nirei hums out, and Sakura can hear that the boy is shuffling some paperwork on the other end of the line.

“What are you reading?” Sakura asks, as he hears Nirei turning a page.

“Just a love letter for class, we're covering romance through the ages.” Nirei explains, and Sakura smiles a little.

The call goes quiet after that, but Sakura doesn’t want this to end just yet. He wants to hear Nirei’s voice for just a little longer.

 So he asks:

“Will you read it to me?”

“The letter?” 

“Yeah, the letter.” Sakura requests.

Nirei begins to read it, and as he does Sakura is filled with an overwhelming amount of love for the two boys in his life. Because Nirei knew exactly what he needed to hear, and when Suo woke up he’d know exactly what to do.

Sakura would tease him about his bed head, and offer Suo a cup of black tea. He would give the boy a few moments to pull himself together after he’d been asleep. Then they would talk, Sakura would tell him about his phone call with Nirei. Suo will smile and nod, but his eyes will shine with love and adoration.

Suo’s eyes will shine like that, not only because he was thinking of Nirei, but because Sakura was there right in front of him as well.

Sakura wouldn’t be able to see it for himself, but he knew that his own eyes would be shining in the exact same way.

 Sakura would know exactly why .

He would know exactly who Suo and Nirei were, and he would love them for it.

He would also understand that they knew him.

They knew him, they knew everything about him.

And in spite of that.

They loved him .

_____________

‘O love!—‘A thousand torments dwell about me! Yet who would live to live without thee? Methinks I could write a volume to you; But all the languages on earth would fail in saying how much and with what disinterested passion that I am ever yours.

An Excerpt Of Sir Richard Steele’s Letter To Mary Scurlock. September 1st, 1707

_____________

Fanart by ouhkami.