Archive of Our Own ^beta

12 april — 5 days until d-day.

xiao is aware he’s not the best with other people.

it’s why the in-game genshin impact version of himself holds the same prickly tendencies like remaining reserved to everyone including the people he cares about, just like he used to when he was growing out of his child actor tendencies. though, xiao staunchly believes he no longer acts in such a way and goes out of his way to be more open with his feelings.

in spite of his best efforts, there are times when xiao reverts back to a state where he feels like the heavily guarded adeptus he plays, social battery drained to the point he refuses to talk to anyone who isn’t someone who knows him from the inside out. someone like his boyfriend, who is evidently not in bed with him, and is a million miles away from their shared apartment.

“darling, please, i’m not a million miles away. you’re making it sound so far when i’m just a four hour flight from home.” the smooth, airy voice filters out of the video call on his phone as he glares a hole into the ceiling. “you’ll be alright, okay?”

kazuha, his beloved boyfriend, the best person in his universe, is in japan for an extended pr tour for his newest movie. they’ve been able to see each other in between months of filming while xiao worked on other projects in shanghai, but recently, it’s been awfully difficult with how busy they both are. their work-swamped days leave little room for long video calls, barely enough for a short checkup every single night since kazuha left three months ago. the withdrawals from their short 5 minute conversations about the groceries or feeding the cat are starting to kick in, and it’s leaving him feeling more pathetic than ever when they have to say goodbye.

“i know, but i’d rather you handle all the talking during the meetings with the others. my social battery’s been drained, i’m tired from work— if i meet them now, i’m going to seem like an ass, kazuha.”

ever since the natlan archon quests  ended its filming, the game studio executives are encouraging the rest of the cast to meet with the natlan cast and bond as they prepare for the numerous game events ahead of them. they’ve especially been on xiao’s ass after filming the lantern rite event last december, and subsequently spent the first months of 2025 absent from any genshin related work. xiao is sure the natlan cast is a nice bunch— zhongli has mentioned mauvika in passing and heizou constantly begs him to hang out with the newest member of the anemo team— but he isn’t exactly in the best mood to meet with anyone outside of work purposes.

regardless, xiao doesn’t want to give terrible first impressions either. he really does want to try meeting with them when he isn’t masking every bit of his emotions in an attempt to hide his irritation.

“while i’d do anything to help alleviate the stress, you know you don’t have to be going on those variety shows or group photoshoots, right?” kazuha pointedly says. as xiao rolls his eyes, kazuha is already huffing, “i can hear you rolling your eyes from here. i miss you, too, love, but you shouldn’t be actively taking in every job you can to distract yourself from missing me.”

they are far enough into their years-long relationship where kazuha catches on his moods shutting down through the smallest of implications, from a change in xiao’s tone or a slight shift in his demeanor. xiao loves how his boyfriend is so attuned to his behaviour, it helps during moments of helplessness when he can’t explain his feelings, yet it’s also really embarrassing that xiao has become god awful at hiding his fall backs onto terrible coping mechanisms.

“i know. i just miss you,” xiao murmurs, uselessly. a white fluff curls its tail over on his pillow, the fur tickling his face as purrs rumble out near his head. “tofu misses you, too.”

“i bet. has he been well? i haven’t seen my son in a while, because his papa has been moping on his calls with me.” kazuha coos. tofu meows in response and it makes kazuha chuckle, because of course their smart little son (who kazuha insists has both their genes) recognizes his dad’s voice through a phone. 

“maybe his otou-san should come back home soon, then.” xiao feels around the bed for his phone while kazuha continues to giggle. upon looking at his phone screen, kazuha’s laughing subsides, a soft smile etched into his lips as xiao pouts at the screen. he’s in a black knitted turtleneck, an awfully good fit that makes him look devastatingly handsome. sigh.

“there you are, darling.” kazuha whispers, the sound of shuffling sheets reverberating from the phone as kazuha leans towards the camera. xiao still flushes at the attention like a lovesick fool who never went past the early honeymoon stage. “you shouldn’t be tirelessly working all-day to ignore your problems. if it were up to me, i would do all your work for you, so your pretty little head wouldn't have to think about a single thing.”

“i like my job, and you would never let me do that because you love working with me.” xiao says with a grumble. “besides, rather than rotting away at home and spending every second waiting for your return, it’s a better way to pass the time while you’re away, no?”

“still! it isn’t good if you work yourself down to the bone. i admire your tenacity and your endless passion, but god, you can be so stubborn when it comes to taking a break.”

“i’m saving it for when you’re back home.” he’s already told his manager that he’ll take a month long break no matter what after his boyfriend comes home, to which his manager happily agreed immediately, much to his surprise.

“don’t worry, i’ll spoil you when i return. all i want you to do now is to sleep in with tofu. okay?” the smile kazuha gives him is so warm, so soft, xiao wants to jump right through the screen and fall asleep in his arms.

xiao shares his smile, relishing in it because he knows kazuha will throw a fit once he says, “i’ll do that right after the stream.”

“you still have a stream? tonight?” kazuha’s crimson red eyes burn a little brighter when he’s miffed, and while xiao would admire how hot he looks any other time, he just bites his bottom lip and shrugs. “didn’t you just go on a variety show today? you must be drained; you should reschedule the stream for another day.”

“i cancelled it yesterday. i promised the fans, i shouldn’t disappoint them again.”

“surely, they’d understand if you are tired?”

if he’s exhausted enough, he’ll crash into bed right after. he won’t have to stay up all night thinking about how the other side of it feels cold. “it’ll be fine, kazuha.”

“rest tomorrow, then?”

“i’m pretty sure there’s a schedule tomorrow. for this entire week, actually.” xiao admits with a sheepish smile. “i’m sorry.”

 by the deep furrow in his eyebrows and disappointment in his gaze, kazuha looks like he’s about to fume. then, he pinches the bridge of his nose, an exhausted exhale escaping from his lips. “my darling, it’ll kill me one day, how much i worry over you. it hurts to know you won’t have a moment’s rest.”

all xiao can do, a million miles between them, is stare at his hands and wring his fingers tight. “i’ll try to get some naps in between schedules. i’d hate to worry you while you’re at work.”

“i’ll worry regardless, it’s inevitable.” kazuha sighs. “but… it gives me respite knowing you’ll try. i’ll admit it’s lightyears better than how we used to be.”

kazuha isn’t wrong. in the beginning of their relationship, they were both hit with the reality that xiao rarely ever took such breaks and kazuha was insistent on reprimanding him each time it happened. kazuha’s worry wasn’t unfounded, he never bothered resting despite being susceptible to passing out from stress. it took a few good tearful arguments, discussions with a therapist, patience and two years for xiao to unlearn this habit.

“you put up with a lot.”

kazuha frowns. “it’s not me putting up with it. i accept it because it’s you. because i love you.”

“love you, too.” xiao replies, as easy as breathing. he desperately wishes he could just book the next flight to tokyo, instead of having to spend the next hour wallowing while he entertains his fans. “i’ve got to go.”

“already?” kazuha mutters with a wrinkle of his nose. “i’ll watch a bit before going to bed, then. i need to be there to remind you to sleep right after!”

“i expect nothing less from self-proclaimed number one nyaksha fan.” xiao grins. “good night. i love you.”

kazuha makes an exaggerated kissing face at his phone screen and does a heart finger pose. “good night! i love you, too!”

the call ends after a little more back and forth on ‘don’t forget what you said’ and ‘i’ll rest, i promise’. xiao leans back and pets tofu, his heart significantly lighter than when kazuha first called him. tofu headbutts his hand, still purring, his fluffy fur still stark white as the day kazuha got him.

“i’m glad i have you here, tofu.” tofu answers with a meow, as if he understood xiao. kazuha loves talking to tofu like he was another little human, albeit a furry one, and seeing tofu meowing at him while kazuha rambled was always a cute sight. at the memory, xiao’s heart does another painful lurch, and he gets up before it could ache any longer.

in the home office, he fixes his microphone’s position while waiting for people to join the stream. it fills up to ten-thousands in just a minute, and xiao musters a small smile as greetings trickle into the chat.

“good evening, everyone. as i wrote in my tweet, we’ll be resuming with our metaphor: refantazio gameplay today! i believe we’ll continue dungeon crawling in the virga islands, so i’m hoping to get this part of the arc done by today.”

excited flurry bursts forth from the chats, and bits ring through his headphones. through the chat’s rambunctious enthusiasm, xiao searches for the striking red username meant just for his favorite person, top of the leaderboard for most gifted subs. ‘10thousandwinds’ shines through the crowd, parting through it like the red sea, with his message, ‘you can do it! love you my darling~’.

the following teasing onslaught from his fans once xiao’s dopily smiling face graces the camera makes his cheeks burn scarlet, but he doesn’t think kazuha’s love will ever be embarrassing to him.

perhaps through the encouragement from the love of his life, xiao breezes through the dungeon and kills its boss without a single death from any party members.

13 april — 4 days until d-day.

as expected, xiao didn't sleep all that well last night. he finished the stream a little earlier than he predicted, which led to him tossing and turning in bed for a good two hours before he was able to fall asleep.

he begrudgingly stands in the middle of the set, script in his hands for the advertisement he’s meant to do for one of the sponsors— a sneakers brand— he’s only thankful it isn’t a group shoot. on the other hand, they’re outside with the sweltering sun high above in the sky, and the way xiao has been profusely sweating for the last 15 minutes will only serve to beat down on his already irritated mood.

he tries not to snap at the director when the production crew finally finish setting up the recording equipment, simply twisting his mouth in a smile he hopes isn’t actually an annoyed frown, and gets into position.

xiao, despite how tired or irritable he is, never does anything half-assed. when it comes down to his job, xiao never lowballs his abilities no matter his exhaustion or physical state (unless he’s very sick), even if it’s a ridiculous gig like the kids show he went on once after losing a bet to the other anemo members. 

(heizou and venti tease him about it to this day, but kazuha never made fun of him for it. instead, he looked xiao dead in the eye and asked if he ever wanted to have kids. xiao’s answer was a resounding no, they had tofu. kazuha snapped out of it and agreed.

while they’d most likely never have kids, to this day, seeing kazuha praise and fuss over the few child actors they work with does something to him, and he understands why kazuha asked him such a question.)

so, xiao gives it his all. every toss of his hair and smirk at the camera is deliberately crafted and purposeful, erasing every bit of his currently exhausted self as he stretches his legs to show off the branded sneakers. the neat seams catch the sunlight and glimmer, matching well with the sportswear he’s been dressedin. xiao is sure it’ll be a hit, his own pair he’s been gifted sits at home in the shoe rack after a few short runs with it.

the shoes are a pretty navy and teal, synonymous to xiao’s own personal tastes in colors, and he mindlessly wonders if he could get kazuha a matching cream and red design.

a make up assistant touches up his face as a break is called. his stomach churns and he makes a slight face. he hasn’t eaten anything in his rush to leave the house, but if he toughs out the last few scenes… maybe—

the gurgling in his stomach is unbearable. it’s how he finds himself standing in front of a food truck, with pictures from the latest ad campaign plastered onto the banner, all decorated with anime-esque stickers of flowers and sparkles, topped off with a ‘work hard, xiao!~’ written in bright, gaudy hanzi pasted right below it.

the real shock comes when it’s hu tao of all people popping up from behind the cash register.

xiao blinks at the truck, then back down at her. “what are you doing here?”

“got a little bit of free time from my job.” hu tao sings.

“you’re a director, you’re rarely ever free. even if you were, it’s because you’ve got a project on genshin.” xiao says pointedly with a cross of his arms. “and what are you even selling here?”

someone chimes in from the back, sounding awfully familiar, like another co-star from the game, “we’re selling doughnuts and some drinks!”

“is that gaming?” xiao tries to peek over the truck’s elevated windows, and spectacularly fails. “who else do you have here with you?”

“xingqiu and chongyun couldn’t make it, so it’s just me, gaming and xiangling.” hu tao says as she looks down at her nails. “i don't know how to make anything, so they’re doing all the cooking.”

“i’m not surprised. but really, what are you doing?” it’s normal for friends or fans to send support through food or coffee trucks, but for his friends to be working in one instead is practically unheard of.

“special request.” hu tao winks. “and plus, we just want to show our appreciation for you! you always work so hard, xiao, it’s only fair your friends want to do something nice for you.”

xiao flushes and shakes his head, “you didn’t have to work in a food truck, though. delivery would have fared better.”

“we wanted to see you in person!” gaming pipes up. he’s by the register now, a paper cup in his hands. “i’ve got your favorite drink!”

“my favorite drink?” standing on his tiptoes, xiao gingerly takes the cup from his hands. the same silly design is pasted onto the cup sleeve. he sniffs at the steam wafting out from the lid, the fresh smell of black tea instantly wakes him up. “i haven’t even ordered yet, but i’m surprised you got it right.”

“uhh,” gaming twiddles with his thumbs and stares between hu tao’s glare and xiao’s confusion, “lucky guess?”

“thank you, anyway.” xiao musters a small smile. “can i have a doughnut with this?”

“of course! xiangling’s already on it.”

noticeably, xiao feels less drained once he takes a sip of his drink. it should be criminal to drink something so hot in this weather, but he can’t complain with the way his shoulders relax when the tension seeps out of his body. stupidly, perhaps out of his own sentiments, xiao misses the morning cups of tea he and kazuha would have before they’d leave for work. such a break in his routine has left him with multiple sealed boxes of tea in the cupboard and dust collecting in the top shelves of their kitchen cabinet.

“hey. how are you holding up, so far?” hu tao’s voice pulls him away from his thoughts. the concern on her face surprises him a bit; he’s more used to the sillier, smiley faces she wears. “i know i was joking about it earlier, but it’s true that you’re an extremely hard worker. i never forgot how you nearly passed out on set a few years ago.”

xiao chews his lip as he fights a scowl. filming ‘we’re already’ in the cold while working through multiple projects in his backlog wasn’t xiao’s proudest moment. “i’m not overworking myself. kazuha would kill me before i’m able to die from exhaustion.”

“he did almost kill you, that boy had a heart attack when you collapsed out of nowhere.” hu tao retorts with a smirk. “and you guys weren’t even dating yet. incredible.”

xiao will never forget the look of anger flashing through kazuha’s face when he woke up at his trailer. by then, xiao’s feelings for him had already hit at full force, and strangely, they hit even harder when kazuha angrily chided him for being so stubborn. he nonetheless ended his scolding by fussing over xiao and opting to stay with him until he felt good enough to resume filming. 

xiao briefly smiles at the memory. “i know. i didn't know he cared so much.”

“everyone with eyes on set knew he had a massive crush on you!”

“that was pretty early on into filming the movie, so i didn’t think it’d be a big deal to him!”

“it was a big deal then, it’s still a big deal now.” hu tao giggles. “but you know, you have changed since. rather than using this time to read through your script or dealing with another project, you’re taking an actual break. i don’t think the you from back then would even think of doing such a thing.”

“having a lot of friends who scold you for overworking yourself helps.” xiao mutters. the genshin cast has led him to gaining a lot more friends than he expected. while he isn’t exactly familiar with the entire roster of actors, the ones he’s met never fail to bring him along to dinner events or lunches in between breaks. there’s not one person who’d leave him completely alone and stewing in his own anxieties— hell, even someone like al haitham, who’s almost as aloof as xiao, sits with him in comfortable silence. it’s a nice change of pace, however, to be part of a large cast and still feel cared for.

“hehe, i’m glad. a lot of them look up to you, you know? you’ve been in the industry longer than most, they want you to be happy and healthy.” xiao has heard countless cast members excitedly talk about seeing xiao on tv when they were younger, leading up to them working together on genshin. it’s always nice, and blood rushes into his cheeks at the sentiment each time at the thought of being seen as a ‘senior’ even if he was younger than some co-stars.

“if i never was a child actor, do you think they’d feel the same way?”

“you have a certain look about you that screams ‘i need to be taken care of, or else i’ll shatter into a million pieces!’. they’d spoil you no matter what.”

xiao huffs. “i’m not so frail, you know. but it’s… nice to know that.”

“and like i said, kazuha would never allow you to overwork yourself again, even if he isn’t here! like, that’s why he— i mean, that’s why we’re here to tell you that you can always rely on us.” there’s poorly disguised nervousness on her face that makes xiao tilt his head, but he brushes it off. he’s never been good at reading her.

“xiao! here you go!” xiangling pops up in gaming’s place, a steaming donut wrapped in paper appearing in her hands. “fresh from the fryer!”

“thank you, xiangling.” xiao grins as he accepts the doughnut. “for the doughnut and tea. and the food truck, of course. you didn’t have to do all this for me…”

gaming clicks his tongue. “we wanted to! even if it wasn’t so close—” xiao blinks when he makes a pained yelp. “—so close to our busy schedules! so don’t worry about it.”

“i hope we were able to help ease things for you,” xiangling cheerfully beams, while she has a tight grip on his shoulders. “take care of yourself, okay?”

“yeah. thanks.” xiao bids them goodbye after taking a picture together to post to his instagram, and filming a short silly clip of xiangling interviewing him on the rating of their food truck. when he’s on set once again, reciting his lines for the advert, it doesn’t feel as mentally taxing. reviewing the footage, he looks less tired than he was earlier, even if he did sacrifice some of his break to talk to his friends.

as the swirls of midnight blue meld into the sky, when he’s at home and talking to kazuha, his boyfriend seems a lot more pleased at the surprise visit.

“hu tao isn’t wrong!” 

“i knew you’d say that.” xiao grumbles, face half muffled by the pillows.

“you tried to ignore how hungry you were.” kazuha tuts. “at least this time, you actually went and got something to eat.”

“i appreciate their support, but it’s not everyday you see a famous lion dancer, big-shot movie director and a nation-wide restaurant franchise owner working together in some food truck.”

“if it wasn’t them, i don’t think you’d spend the entirety of your break actually resting! it’s a good thing they were there.”

xiao lets out a small exhale and props back up onto the pillows. on the call, kazuha is grinning, and he can’t help but smile back. “i guess i did feel better. it was a good pick me up.”

“if i was there, i would’ve picked you up from work. i’d bring you home, feed you whatever you wanted and massage you until you fell asleep.” kazuha murmurs softly, his smile warming xiao’s insides more than any tea ever could. 

xiao reaches out and brushes his fingers over the screen, slowly blinking at kazuha. “i wish you were here. come home soon?”

“soon.” kazuha hums. “have tofu keep you company for a little longer, yeah?”

“okay. i’ll wait till then. i’m patient enough. i’ve made you wait longer.” 

this time apart has not been the longest they’ve been without each other. once, when xiao had flown to new zealand for filming, he’d been gone for almost half a year. while such time apart barely put a strain on their relationship, there were some terrible days when xiao could do nothing but cry or remain silent during their calls. they could never compare to the real comfort of having kazuha actually there with him.

but it was worth it, to see kazuha’s face first amongst the crowds in the airport, his heart jumping as kazuha lit up the entire airport with his smile. it was worth their restful days together after, not once did they spend it apart until they returned to working on their schedules.

it’s worth it now, as xiao spends his nights alone, waiting for kazuha to come home to him.

“my love, i’d wait for you for my whole entire life if i had to.” kazuha snickers as xiao whines and tosses the phone away.

“why do you always have to out-romance me?” xiao grumbles. he was trying to be sweet, and here kazuha is, effortlessly waxing poetic over him. “even with the pet name and everything…”

“sorry, i can’t help it.” kazuha doesn’t sound the slightest bit apologetic. “it’s just how i feel, but for what it’s worth, it won’t stop me from getting excited to see you again.”

xiao reaches to his side to find tofu lounging by the comforter, and he exhales as he stares at the ceiling. “me too. do you know when you’ll be back?”

“mmm… soon. shall i surprise you? it’s kind of obvious, though.”

“i would’ve known by now if it was.”

“then, i’ll let you figure it out yourself. your only hint is that it’s … soon!”

“hmph, that could mean a month from now or tomorrow.” xiao mutters. “fine. i’ll play along. do i get a prize?”

“of course, darling.” kazuha’s croons, slow and sweet. “now, would you like to hear about today’s interview? i’ve got a funny story, ayaka almost knocked the interviewer out from the ridiculous question he asked!”

“‘kay. tell me.” xiao sighs and sinks further into the sheets. the nickname melts him all the same, in spite of the phone speaker dampening the airy lilt he loves so much in kazuha’s voice. he listens to it the rest of the night, falling into a dreamless sleep better than the day before.

14 april — 3 days until d-day.

the next day, much to his dismay, starts off as less than bearable. one of the variety shows he’s a recurring cast member on has made him go on a gimmick trip for the show, which involved… shopping for a hotpot dinner?

xiao doesn’t really know much, regardless of the short briefing he was given. the producer handed him a microphone and gopro, then got dropped off at a local supermarket. some of the cameramen will be around, following him from a short distance. xiao gathered he’ll be mostly alone for this shoot, but he truly loathes the thought of shopping alone while having to record. he’s gotten too used to his grocery runs with kazuha— mulling over the thought of what food to make alone is anything but fun when you’re lugging an entire cardboard box worth of groceries all on your own (and when you’re avoiding the sad reality that you’ll go home to eat a dinner for one).

it’ll be awkward, but xiao tries to reason with himself. it’ll be like streaming, just that he'd be talking to an invisible audience— there’s not much of a difference.

“okay! we’ll be gathering ingredients for a hot pot dinner, so i hope i can get everything within the given budget!” xiao makes a small fist pump at the gopro, adding in a smile for the fans. small bouts of dread already creeping up on him, xiao walks into the supermarket with bated breath.

“don’t worry, ‘cause we’re here to help, xiao ge!”

ganyu and zhongli are on the other side of the automatic doors, and xiao nearly drops the gopro from the surprise.

xiao takes a tentative step towards them, looking around. “ganyu? zhongli gege? are you both guests on the show?” 

“something of the sort.” zhongli muses, his familiar soft grin making its way to his lips. “it’s good to see you, xiao. we have not seen you since we filmed for the lantern rite event. have you met with the natlan cast yet?”

xiao is about to make a face before remembering the gopro in his hands. “no, i’ve been busy. sorry. i’ll try to make time for that soon, though.”

“zhongli gege stop talking about work! we’re here to help xiao ge with his shopping! go find the noodles while we go look at the vegetables.” with a shopping basket in hand, ganyu puffs her cheeks and pulls xiao by the arm, dragging him along down the fresh produce aisle. “so, gege, what veggies are you looking for?”

“how did you both know i was going to be here?” xiao lets ganyu pull him till they reach the vegetable section, smiling at the thought of how it was reminiscent of their younger years. with them both starting their careers as child actors, he met ganyu more often than not on multiple other projects. she’s always been the little sister he’s never had, and the only person who xiao would ever be a pushover for.

“just a small tip from a little bird!” ganyu says with a determined smile. as she begins to scan over the various vegetables presented in the aisle, xiao picks up a packet of bok choy. if they were guests, then it would be natural for the producer to have informed them of his whereabouts. “ooh, i think this kailan would go well as a side dish!”

xiao films her adding the pack of kailan into the shopping basket. “we’ve got one ingredient down! we’ll still have to find more to add into the actual hotpot, so, let’s think of some popular hotpot dishes to add.”

“you like enoki, don’t you?” ganyu picks up the mushroom, and shows it to the camera. “xiao gege isn’t actually a huge fan of mushrooms, so it was shocking to know he liked enoki!”

“i simply don’t like the texture of cooked mushrooms.” xiao insists. xiao only liked them after eating hotpot together with kazuha once, earlier on when they first dated. it wasn’t cooked all the way through, a little crunchy when he bit into it, but xiao quickly grew to love it. kazuha, being kazuha, was ecstatic, and gets multiple plates of enoki now whenever they get hotpot. it’s another reminder that they haven’t had time for it in a while, and xiao tries not to look so somber when ganyu adds it into the basket. “… thanks.”

as they continue walking down the aisle, ganyu’s hands become full of various other vegetables. “what do you usually get for hotpot?”

“anything kazuha gets. we pick stuff out together, just so we’re on the same page on things and don’t accidentally add in an ingredient one of us dislikes.”

“mmm, you are picky with some food, so that’s understandable. i, on the other hand, just add in loads of vegetables and noodles! oh and tofu, don’t forget about that!” ganyu quickly runs ahead of him, snickering when he almost trips over his own feet.

ganyu shovels in multiple dried tofu skins into a plastic bag before dumping it in his basket, along with 3 packs of silken tofu. “could you add in one more pack of silky tofu?”

“typical gege.” says ganyu, with a shake of her head. nonetheless, she adds one in, and loops their arms together when they start heading towards the next row of produce. “hm, with how often you post tofu onto instagram, i can’t help but think of him now, rather than the dish. naming your cat after one of your favorite foods is a choice.”

“i’m aware i'm terrible when it comes to naming things, but i knew in my heart that tofu was meant to be tofu. and plus, at least i didn’t name him something stereotypical like xiaomao.” xiao retorts back. 

“you could’ve named him after tama! she was kazuha gege’s co-star, for awhile, too!”

when kazuha presented tofu in that basket 3 years ago, his fur as white as fallen snow and big blue eyes so reminiscent of tama, xiao instantly felt like ‘tofu’ was a better suited name. while he did adore both cats, tama was trained and diligent, while tofu was more of a… fluffy tornado, if you will.

“kazuha liked the name tofu, and he said i got to name him since he was technically my birthday present.” a childish little ‘so take that!’ he left unsaid, yet ganyu knows him well enough to roll her eyes and stroll past him.

“pft, that, and also because kazuha gege loves you so much, he’d go with whatever you want in general.” she picks up a carrot and looks it over, all the while xiao tries his hardest to fight off a blush. “you could say you want the moon and he’d pull it down for you, hell, he could probably do it!” 

xiao motions at the gopro in his hand. “i’m still recording, mei. kazuha’s going to see this and tease me for it…” there’s no doubt kazuha would take the opportunity to tease about how obvious their love is, no matter if it’s been more than 5 years since he accidentally revealed their relationship live on stream. “he’s going to get a kick out of this.”

“he’s dating one of the most sought out actors, ranked in the top 5 of the most beautiful in the world! he gets an ego boost every single day.” ganyu points the carrot at him, glaring unimpressively. “i’m pretty sure he mentioned you in his latest interview, too. he talks about you whenever he gets the chance to, your boyfriend is such a sap, gege.”

xiao picks the carrot out of her hand and puts it into a plastic bag. “i know that firsthand. anyway, get a couple more carrots and spinach, then we’ll go meet up with zhongli gege.”

time seems to have flown by, because by the time they find zhongli still lingering around the noodle aisle, the shopping basket is chock full of vegetables and some meat xiao picked up along the way there. he’s not going to complain, it’s easier to bounce off another person while recording a vlog type video, especially if it’s ganyu.

ganyu sidles up to zhongli’s side and crosses her arms. “zhongli gege, have you seriously not found anything yet? i assigned you to the noodle task because you know your noodles!” 

zhongli has a hand over his chin, gaze locked onto the rows and rows of noodles in front of him, looking much like the confused middle-aged man the fans tease him to be. “i wasn’t so sure if i should go with udon or lamian…”

“or you could go with the budget choice, which is instant noodles!” xiao points the gopro towards the instant noodle section. “we have tons of options here, like samyang noodles, ufo, or indomie, even.”

ganyu, a lover of all things spicy, obviously says: “let’s go with samyang noodles! i’ll bring home the sauce packets if you don’t want them, gege.”

“kazuha likes them, so, no.” xiao grabs random samyang flavors from the shelves, tossing them into the already-half full basket.

zhongli helps him lift the basket, frowning, “i apologize for not being much help. i wasn’t aware i had been here for more than half an hour… there are just simply too many viable options to choose from.”

“it’s okay, gege,” xiao shakes his head and smiles at him. knowing zhongli, he’d most likely been struggling with differentiating through the different brands. it’s endearing to think of a talented genius like zhongli stumbling around to find a suitable noodle for a hotpot. “i’m glad you took time to come here with ganyu, that in itself is enough for me.”

“and we’re happy to spend time with you, too!” ganyu hops and latches onto his arm, almost knocking the gopro out of his hands. “you need to relax more, gege! take things slow and all.”

“why has everyone been telling me that?” xiao huffs.

“it’s an agreed consensus that you could get a little carried away in your duties.” zhongli stifles a laugh behind his hand. “it’s a good thing you have someone like kazuha keeping you in check.”

“i can perfectly take care of myself,” xiao takes a pause as he thinks of all the times kazuha has pulled him away from the home office or tossed a script he was reading well into the night out of his hands. “but, at certain times, i suppose kazuha does help stop me from spiraling into some of my worst habits.”

ganyu tilts her head. “have you been okay?”

xiao lets out a soft exhale, his grip on the gopro tightening. it’s not like kazuha died. “i’ve been fine. i try to not let it distract me too much since i still have work to do.”

“ugh, you and zhongli gege are so similar in that way.” ganyu then nudges xiao’s shoulder with a knowing grin. “remember when that idiot tartaglia returned to russia to see his family, and zhongli gege looked so sad when he was directing the other actors? he looked so lifeless then, i can’t believe none of us knew it was over him of all people.”

zhongli sends them both a disapproving frown. “i cannot believe that both of you still think of ajax in such a way, despite how we’ve been dating for almost 4 years now.”

“admittedly, as of late, he’s been…” xiao shrugs, “alright.”

“what does that even mean? ‘alright’?”

“xiao ge means he’s the bare minimum!”

they continue to bicker in between picking out other hot pot ingredients. when they reach the self-checkout aisle, his basket is full to the brim; not only are there various greens and tofu, but a heaping pile of instant noodles, the best store bought hotpot broth (courtesy of zhongli) and meat. xiao feels several weights lighter from when he first stepped foot into the store, no signs of dread lingering on him. it was actually fun, mostly thanks to ganyu and zhongli keeping him company, plus their recommendations for the hotpot’s needed ingredients.

“will you both be eating this hotpot with me?” xiao asks as he scans the vegetables. “there’s no way i could eat this entire thing alone. it’s like a hotpot enough for almost eight people…”

“mm you’ll just have to ask the producer about it.” ganyu answers, cheekily placing one finger on her cheek. “even if we don’t, i still enjoyed this outing! we should do it more often if we have the time.”

“zhongli gege lives further east, and you barely have time outside your modelling.” today is a rare occasion, almost rarer than seeing hu tao, gaming and xiangling together. a supermodel and world renowned director grocery shopping with an a-list actor every other weekend? he doubts it could happen so often, just seeing them once every two months is nothing short of a miracle.

“hey, who knows! i could make it work, because you’re my favorite non-blood related older brother.” before zhongli could pout, ganyu quickly says, “other than zhongli gege, of course!”

“naturally, because you obviously have no other ‘non-blood related older brothers’.” it’s a whole mouthful of a phrase, but xiao understands the sentiment. growing up as an only child, ganyu and zhongli are the closest to what he considers as siblings.

“well, kazuha gege is certainly up there, too, but i love you guys more.” ganyu whispers to the gopro and puts a finger to her lips, winking. she’s grown up well, xiao thinks, as he mimics a locking motion on his own mouth and throws away the invisible key.

zhongli, surprisingly, pays for the whole shopping trip despite the initial budget xiao was given by the production crew. after getting roped into one long hug, he parts ways with ganyu and zhongli, and finds out that he’ll be bringing everything home with him instead of leaving it with the staff. they dance around spilling who the actual guests of the show are, and out of annoyance, xiao drops the subject. the actual hotpot filming won’t be till the end of the week, supposedly, so xiao drives back home once filming ends. 

it’s tough to carry two huge tote bags full of produce on his own— xiao regularly works out and has no trouble with strenuous action scenes— his shoulders are nevertheless straining once he reaches home, and he ponders over what ganyu and zhongli said.

“you could say you want the moon and he’d pull it down for you, hell, he could probably do it!” 

“it’s a good thing you have someone like kazuha keeping you in check.”

kazuha has always said he was lucky to have xiao, but sometimes, xiao feels as though it’s the other way round. right now, as he toes his shoes off, he imagines how kazuha would be quick to scold him for carrying everything on his own, of how it’s been too long since he’s heard kazuha say ‘welcome home, love!’. it’s too quiet in their home; xiao never gets used to the silence after being graced with the sounds and presence of someone else around.

his heart aches more than the sharp stinging in his arms, it’s unbelievable how much being in the presence of other loved ones in his life only makes him miss kazuha even more.

to make matters worse, xiao ends up tripping over his own feet— in spite of the relatively good day he just had, he’s close to bursting into tears after two of the silken tofu packets fall with a slap on the floor. whatever repressed emotion he held to himself in kazuha’s absence has his throat tightening, biting his lips to keep the sobs at bay while he assesses the damage on the tofu.

with unshed tears pricking at his eyes and two somewhat salvageable silken tofu, kneeling on the floor for far too long, he wonders if he’s ever been this useless without kazuha around.

15 april — 2 days until d-day.

truthfully, xiao would have preferred to spend today at home, moping in his bed while he recovers from his moment of weakness last night, but his schedule has other plans.

with his connections from genshin comes the exchange of favours between friends for exposure. xianyun asks him to come onto theh cooking show series she’s been running on her youtube channel, a schedule change added at the last minute, just a few hours before kazuha called him three days ago. xiao only agrees because he owes her after she briefly went on his stream to help promote the 2025 lantern rite event, and also because it overrides a group photoshoot for one of the newer brands he’s been sponsored by, so he’s at least a little thankful. 

the cooking studio is surprisingly homey for xianyun’s standards, and certainly more comfortable than the kitchen setting of most variety shows he goes on, if any. there’s no telling what they’ll be making, as per the show’s tradition, most of the time it’s almost always a dish she wants to make from her cookbook. the guest is only there for the ride and aiding her as they cook the dishes from scratch, but thanks to xianyun’s cooking prowess, they are constantly blown away by the food.

knowing how picky xiao can be, it’s certainly a challenge she’s willing to take on if she has him on as a guest. at least compared to all the other shows he visits for promotions, he’s allowed to wear comfortable clothes for a change. so there he stands on standby at the sidelines, listening to her unnecessarily long lead up to the food they’ll be making today.

“— while i don’t often make desserts due to how … complicated they may be at times, we’re making an exception today. it’s not easy by any means due to its intensive process when done from scratch, but one can dream of the brilliant results we might achieve!” she flaunts the ingredients in front of her, swooping her arm from one side to the other with a prideful smirk.

the polite applause xiao gives is all he can muster. kazuha’s absence last night only made him a little more miserable, and he’s really feeling the brunt of staying up late staring at the ceiling. he should’ve cancelled, xianyun only deserves to have him on when he’s performing at best, however, xiao is not one to cancel on promised plans.

(and at this point, anything is better than wallowing in his own pity at home.)

 a dull pain felt in the front of his head makes itself known and he almost doesn’t catch onto the end of xianyun’s opening speech. “— of our guest here! please welcome: xiao!”

with his cue, xiao tries not to drag his feet when he steps into the bright studio lighting. the camera tracks his movement as he walks right up to the kitchen island, and he gives a small smile just for the fan service of it all— makes sure he masks his exhaustion to place the 

‘pretty and proper’ version of himself at the forefront of the cameras.

“thank you. and thank you to xianyun jie for having me on her show.” xiao inclines his head in a short bow. the professional talk comes easily, albeit it’s at the cost of his words sounding a little more robotic than he likes at such a laid back show. “i’ve been told countless times to come on here by fans and co-stars alike, so it’s an honor to finally be here. i’m excited to find out what we’ll be making.” 

“it won’t be too difficult to guess. we have all the ingredients placed out in front of us today: south and north almonds, agar-agar, almond milk and sugar to taste.” xiao’s eyes scan across all the items they need, and in all honesty, he’s so exhausted to the point his brain is scrambling to come up with a good idea of what exactly they’re making. listening to xianyun’s briefing could’ve helped, but his current state is proving to be a little worse for wear.

regardless, xiao nods. he needs to get through this. “i’ve been cooking a lot nowadays, so i hope to learn more from today’s activity, especially from a renowned chef like you.”

“why, flattery is not needed, but thank you. we shall get started soon. let’s use our aprons first!” 

the show’s logo is pasted onto the apron he’s tied around his waist, leaving xiao a bit silly since he never uses things of the such while cooking. it’s got a silly design, reminding him of kazuha’s own stupid apron with the words ‘i don’t burn my food they’re just crispy’ blaring in bright red colors, even though he’s undoubtedly xiao’s favorite cook. the home cooked meals he’d make for the two of them sits longingly in the forefront of his mind, alongside every other little thing xiao misses about him.

his mind begins to stray a little too far, and xiao has to snap himself right back to his current present. hell, to be distracted from those thoughts was why he accepted this last-minute job in the first place.

“as long time viewers may know, there’s a little thing we do on the show while we’re cooking.” xianyun clasps her hands together and regards xiao with a small smile. xiao’s heard of the gimmick before. it involves questions from fans, mostly food related and a bit about the person themselves, but the real kicker is how xianyun could go on and on when talking to her guests. the longest episode had been with zhongli, and ganyu has mentioned using the video as sleep aid from just how long they were blabbering together.

the media training from a young age has prepared him to talk about himself in a nice, clean slate kind of way, but it doesn’t mean xiao loves prattling on about whatever in front of a camera for hours. 

“questions will be coming in from fans, and myself included, and you may answer them as we progress with the food. in the meantime, feel free to keep a guess of what food we’re making in mind!”

“marvelous. let us begin with peeling the almonds. today we’re using a mix of north and south almonds, all bought fresh from the market!” a basket of almonds are unceremoniously placed right in front of him, unpeeled, and xiao tries not to slam his head onto the marble counter. xianyun smirks at his quiet shock, fixing her glasses as she shakes the basket, and it sounds like there are at least two hundred of them in there. “which of course, begins with blanching them! that way, the skin will easily peel off right after. let’s hope it won’t take too long.”

xiao bites back the sigh he has in the back of his throat. he does owe xianyun this favor and he does like her, still, to be talking with her for possibly three hours non-stop might actually kill him. then again, it’s infinitely better than spending hours in a photoshoot with unfamiliar people.

the almonds take a minute to blanch, and soon enough, they’re meticulously peeling each and every almond in the huge bowl sitting in the middle. xianyun has pulled them both chairs, and xiao can’t imagine the total time it’ll take to entirely peel the entire batch clean.

surprisingly, it takes xianyun fifteen minutes before beginning with a question. they peel the almonds in silence, and xiao feels his tense posture easing up by the minute as his fingers familiarize themselves with pushing the almonds out of their skin. the strong almond scent is present, and xiao wonders if it's more of a garnish than the main dish. it makes sense why they’re doing the toughest part first.

by the time xianyun finally begins talking, xiao doesn’t feel like running away as much anymore. “so, xiao, have you been working on any new projects lately?”

“i have. it’s been awhile since i’ve acted in a big movie, so i’m pretty excited for it.” the teasers aren’t out and nothing past the behind-the-scenes images leaked by passersby from the vicinity of their set have been published, so xiao bites down on his bottom lip as he steers it past that. “i’ve also been going on a few shows as a recurring member, but i can’t say i’ve been doing anything strenuous as of late.”

“i hope not. straining yourself too hard is a liability not only to one’s health but a possible detriment to your performance.” she really sounds like a mother hen here, much like how she is in the game, too. xianyun never fails to fuss over ganyu or shenhe when they’re working together, always making sure they eat and drink well after scenes. by proxy, xiao is also included when he’s present on set. it easily reminds xiao of zhongli’s own fussiness, not to mention kazuha stressing over his work as of late…

xiao picks at his almond with a sigh. “i know. i’m doing my best to balance everything out, but even seasoned veterans still find certain things to be difficult to manage.”

“naturally, i do understand. the entertainment industry can be a ruthless battlefield, so it’s important to have a good support system around. they’re crucial in aiding you with your worries, call you out when you’re heading down the wrong path, and assuring you of your strengths.”

“all my friends call me the worrywart, but i believe they turn into the very same thing when i work a little too hard.” xiao says, briefly smiling at how he’s been seeing his friends a little more in the last week.

depending on people is something xiao of the past would have never done. he hasn’t isolated himself in a long while, the urge comes up nonetheless. though, it hasn’t been felt so strongly despite how he feels as of late, with his friends showing up at his work; like a gentle reminder that it’s not too lonely up on this stage, unlike how it once used to feel as a child star growing up in the spotlight.

even right now, peeling almonds in comfortable silence with xianyun helps him to find some solace. it’s more therapeutic than he expected it to be, the repeated process of ripping one almond out of its skin after the other. xiao can easily see himself doing this again in the near future if any of his or kazuha’s recipes call for any almonds. the tiny dependent fragment of himself thinks he can convince kazuha to stay at home and peel almonds with him forever.

xianyun asks a few more questions in between all the almond peeling, some from her and others from fans. they’re simple ones that don’t require him to rack his brain, things like his latest movie recommendations and his top ranked street food in the city. it’s not a surprise most of them are food related.

“my go to meal when i’m too lazy to cook?” he’s close to finishing his pile of almonds, albeit he had to pause a few times to stretch his arms and legs out. “one pot instant ramen! all you have to do is add in the noodles, broth packets and toppings of your choice! i like to add vegetables, but sometimes i’d get some spam in because my boyfriend is a huge fan of them. somehow, he’s able to turn a simple meal into a five star dish.”

sometimes, xiao also gets that same giddy feeling when he gets to brag about kazuha. no matter how red he gets while speaking about his favorite person, it’s nice to address him as his significant other instead of just ‘kazuha’, and the fact that the rest of the world knows who he means by now. 

“one more question from a fan while we finish up on these almonds. they ask ‘dear xiao, what’s your favorite street food?”

the answer is already on the tip of xiao’s tongue when he hears the question. he’s eaten a lot of street food in his travels to different countries, but none of them could ever compare to this one delicacy— and the memory attached with it. “mm, if i had to pick one… i’m pretty biased towards dangos.”

naturally, xianyun’s follow up question is: “why? i’m surprised it’s not one of the local street foods that we have here.”

“don’t get me wrong, i do love them, but i did say i was biased.” xiao is prompted to continue, so he takes a deep breath and prepares for the incoming onslaught of embarrassment. “when i first went to japan for holiday purposes a few years ago, i felt a little homesick. kazuha took me to a festival near the hotel we were staying at, and while we were looking at the street food, he saw a stall selling dango. the san-iro dangos really reminded me of the glutinous rice balls from home, and like the chivalrous guy he is, kazuha bought one for me. it really cheered me up, and i ended up getting five more— i nearly threw up from how sweet some of them were, but from that day on, it became my favorite.”

in all honesty, with xiao’s finesse in explaining his feelings, it’s a watered down version of the actual memory. it was their first trip together as a couple, and the argument that broke out between them over xiao’s insistence on working while on holiday. xiao almost blew up on kazuha’s worried tangents, his silent frustration and stubborn anger bleeding into his carefully crafted composure— and he regretted it almost instantly.

nevertheless, it spurred kazuha to bring him to the nearby festival. it was tense at first, xiao remembers the rare frown on kazuha’s lips remained for a good portion of their time there, the way his eyes wandered to xiao’s with something akin to disappointment and worry— xiao had his fists clenched tight, worry plaguing his mind whether or not it was truly the end of their then 6 month relationship.

until they got to the food section.

kazuha immediately lit up like a firecracker and went around buying food for them, happily explaining the food’s trivia, even if xiao was quiet and wordlessly accepting each and every item he had to offer. it did a little to quell xiao’s doubts, but with how new their relationship was, xiao kept his walls up high.

the sight of the dangos drew xiao’s attention first. he still doesn’t know when kazuha sneaked off to purchase it, but it was already in his hand when xiao stopped browsing at the nearby trinket shop.

and xiao, a fan of the glutinous rice ball soup back home (still is), felt his eyes widen with surprise.

xiao remembers the whole sequence that occurred next.

kazuha returned to him with a soft smile, his fingers gently pushing back the bangs falling over xiao’s eyes and he said, “san-ira dangos. i know you like tangyuan , and they’re a bit similar, so eat up while it’s warm.”

guilt crashed over him. while he never raised his voice, out of an attempt to push kazuha away from his problems, he’d said a little less than tasteful things. and still, kazuha was by his side.

“just now… i didn’t mean any of the words i said.” xiao said for the first time since their argument, tongue heavy with guilt. the tears in his eyes were barely kept at bay, and he recalls how he fought with all of his life to keep them in. “i’m sorry for being so stubborn. i want to spend time with you, too. please… please don’t…”

the words were clogged in his throat. he couldn’t fathom saying ‘please don’t leave me’. he couldn’t fathom it ever happening, and he’d rather jump into the freezing cold river by the park than say such words out loud for them both to hear.

“oh, darling,” kazuha murmured before pressing a kiss to his hair, voice so unapologetically fond even after the stunt xiao pulled, it already had a few tears escaping his eyes. he turned into such a crybaby around kazuha. “i only want you to take care of yourself. it hurts me to see you work so hard when we’re supposed to be having fun. even then, there would never be a day where i’d find anything of worth to make me leave you. i’d sooner buy up the stall’s entire stock of dango before ever thinking of such a thing.”

at that moment in time, xiao’s heart felt like bursting into a flurry of cherry blossom petals in the peak of japan's spring.

to prove his point, kazuha bought 5 more dangos after xiao (to his chagrin) ended up bursting into a fit of sobs, until xiao almost threw up from how sick it made him— they laughed about it later that night in their hotel room, and since then, dangos continue to be xiao’s favorite.

his eyes feel a little misty as the memory subsides, and all he’s left with is the huge pile of peeled almonds sitting atop the counter and a gaping hole in his heart. 

xiao does his best to smile for the rest of the questions. when they reach the last one, xianyun is whisking the boiling blend of almond milk and almonds in with the agar in the pan, while xiao mixes up an osmanthus syrup based on the instructions he was given.

“last question! from the genshin cast, whose cooking do you want to try next?”

xiao strains the osmanthus, the amber liquid trickling down into the jar below. “well, i’ve tried xianyun jie’s cooking and xiangling’s. zhongli gege’s bamboo shoot stew was also pretty good… hm, i’m not sure, actually.”

“fine, who among the cast members would you want to try food from again?” the sound of the metal whisk hits the pan as xianyun finishes up with the almond mixture.

his answer is resolute. and so, so obvious. “kazuha’s.”

“of course.” xianyun says with a roll of her eyes. “not to worry, he’ll be back soon, no?”

xiao’s heart speeds up, and he smiles. “in a while, yes.”

“then, while waiting, you should take care of yourself. no overworking yourself whatsoever!” this trend between all his friends telling him to take a break has really been in his face, xiao is starting to think it may be a sign from the universe.

like an obedient little brother, xiao puffs his cheeks and nods. 

when the dessert is finally done, the chilled almond mixture cleanly popping right from the mould and the various glutinous rice balls topped on the final plate, he thinks he really should’ve seen it coming. the almond tofu is absolutely stunning, smells irresistibly delicious and every little almond he peeled feels so worth it.

“i thought you don’t usually make a guest’s favorite dish…?” xiao’s question trails off as he marvels at the tofu. it’s so beautiful, his hands shake in hesitance at the thought of eating it. “it’s always something from your cookbook.”

“how do you know that? it’s not supposed to be that obvious.”

“zhongli gege told me.”

xianyun crosses her arms and gives him a small smile. “well, i’m making an exception today. think of it as a present, hm?” before he can retort with what that meant, xianyun shoves a spoon in his hand and demands that he eat it.

as expected, it’s delicious. the texture of the silky tofu paired with the rice balls doesn’t leave him gagging, and it’s not too sweet, just enough for xiao’s tastebuds to sing with content. he’s thankful to xianyun, and no longer does he feel bad about missing out on that photoshoot he was supposed to go on.

nevertheless, maybe it’s leagues ahead of the dango kazuha bought for him at that food stall all those years ago in terms of taste or design, to xiao, almond tofu sits side by side with the san-iro dango he once had. he’ll never admit it to xianyun, not when they painstakingly peeled every single little almond.

“do you mind buying some dango to bring home for me?” is the first thing xiao says when kazuha calls him that evening.

“anything for you, my love.” is kazuha’s resounding answer, his voice is awfully gentle, and xiao thinks it’s sweeter than any dessert he’ll ever have.

16 april — a few hours until d-day.

it’s hotpot filming day. he’s not sure if thursday really counts as ‘the end of the week’, but in a way it also makes sense. he’s looking forward to spending his whole weekend free from work, simply catching up on kazuha’s latest interviews and continuing his playthrough of metaphor: refantazio.

the late afternoon sun spills through the trees in the backyard of his and kazuha’s shared home, cracks of sunlight beaming onto tables and chairs. xiao mills about the places and makes sure the whole place is clean and appropriate for filming. as he admires his handiwork, the fairy lights he’d hung blink back at him from where they’re strung up, the silverware and plates and the large heaping pile of ingredients neatly placed on the tables.

there are already cameras set up in numerous different angles, and a couple of production staff who came in earlier. the guests are yet to come, and he’s frankly a little nervous about who they may be, but if they’re coming over to his house it must be someone he knows on a personal level. he’s been prepared to film at home since the producer gave him the rundown, and they’re only in his backyard, but xiao still can’t help but feel slightly uncomfortable with it.

all in all, xiao thinks he’ll be able to handle it a little better today. bringing him the whole plate of almond tofu home and video calling with kazuha last night has raised his social battery back to an adequate level, enough for him to host a possible group of more than four people. all the talk of dango had kazuha reminiscing about their first trip to japan, which led him to propose another holiday in the near future, and the prospect of it has left xiao stupidly happy since last night.

“while the soup boils, i’m going to be cutting some vegetables for our guests,” xiao says to the gopro propped up on the table as he pats the vegetables dry, the barely there sounds of water simmering filtering out from the pot sitting on a portable stove. “and ganyu gave me a wide selection of veggies, so i hope everything will be used by the end of the evening.”

xiao gets as far as chopping down at least 2 carrots, the entire bag of kailan and a sizable heaping of bok choy before the sound of the doorbell makes him jump out of surprise. xiao brushes his hands down on the front of his apron— he reluctantly wore it after realizing the white shirt he decided to use today was kazuha’s— and he runs to the door after the doorbell incessantly chimes throughout the house.

xiao opens the door, a scowl already etched into his lips at knowing the only other person who dared to do such a thing that isn’t ganyu, and heizou smiles right at him without an ounce of shame. “finally! i almost broke the doorbell with how long you took.” 

“if kazuha knew you broke the doorbell, you’d never hear the end of it.” 

“i’d never! though, it’s a shame he won’t be here today. after all, we’re here to film with you.”

a laugh from behind heizou makes him lift his gaze, and he realizes there are four other pairs of eyes in varying colors on him. “oh. you’re the guests?”

the genshin anemo men team, including the likes of heizou, venti, kunikuzushi, aether and the addition of ifa as their newest member, now go about his backyard. heizou and venti are preparing the alcohol, aether is helping him with the remaining vegetables, while kunikuzushi and ifa begin cooking the prepared ingredients.

out of the entire anemo team, xiao has never met ifa. he’s already met lan yan back when they filmed the lantern rite event, and he was briefly introduced to yumemizuki while visiting heizou on set of the mikawa festival, so to say he’s a little guarded on how to act someone so unfamiliar is an understatement. his eyes stray to ifa and kunikuzushi talking while they’re placing the cuts of beef into the pot— ifa is the tallest of the bunch, much to xiao’s annoyance, easily as tall as al haitham or zhongli. but with the teal strands woven into his silver hair and relaxed disposition, he fits right into their little group even if he’s built like a beanstalk.

“was everyone in town for this occasion?” xiao asks, looking back down at his cutting board. he still has a few carrots and garlic cloves to go.

“yup, it’s been planned for awhile.” aether says. he already has the piles of vegetables xiao was chopping placed neatly into plates and bowls. “heizou never misses a chance to see you, and venti came with me, obviously, but they wanted kuni and ifa to come, too.”

maybe they called kazuha as well, only for kazuha to decline. xiao has been adamant that kazuha thoroughly finishes his promotions before returning home, it would be no good for either of them if he had to leave so soon after.

“have you been well, xiao? are you doing okay?” aether asks him, as meaningful and kind as the traveler is in-game. the game executives really lucked themselves out with casting him and lumine to be the twin traveler protagonists. “haven’t seen you around in a bit.”

xiao purses his lips as he finishes chopping the last carrot. “been busy. but i’m okay.”

“you’re fine with ifa joining us, right?” aether helps him place the carrots onto the plate, and hands him a few bulbs of garlic.

“he’s about to be the newest anemo character. of course i’m fine with it. plus, he’ll be the first natlan cast member i meet.” xiao glances in kunikuzushi and ifa’s direction. they’re animatedly talking to the camera, mostly with ifa carrying the conversation, radiating the same charm he’s seen in heizou and venti. “i’ll warm up to him, don’t worry.”

“heizou and venti have been insistent on bringing him along to group events, so when they heard we were going to be recording something at your house, they begged the producers to let him join.”

“i’m not at all surprised. it sounds like them.” the aforementioned pair got along like a house on fire upon heizou’s arrival as the newest to join the small anemo guys team. kazuha and xiao were already dating by then, so venti was ecstatic to have someone there with him when aether was away, and they’ve always been the first ones to meet the subsequent cast of anemo characters.

“i’m sure they would have invited the girls, but none of them were available on short notice. they said they could probably do it next time.” aether says with an apologetic smile.

back in 2020, it had only been venti, him, aether and his twin, and jean. the twins barely counted when the liyue region and its geo powers for the traveler had existed, but to this day, venti insists they’re an honorary member of the anemo team. in the present, their element holds the third largest group. while xiao remains reserved in large group settings, he doesn’t think he’d mind all that much if they are to meet up another time.

“your sister has been pestering me to meet up with her and yumemizuki, so that works well.”

“mizuki was a lot of fun during the mikawa festival. it’s a shame kazuha wasn’t able to join, he has quite a lot to catch up on.” aether abruptly stops cutting his own bulb of garlic. “after he catches up with you, of course.”

“it’s okay. we call almost every day, and i try to update him to the best of my abilities.”

heizou and venti come by then, the both of them already holding a bottle of soju. venti bounds up to xiao’s side and clings to his arm, a light slur to his words. “we’re all excited to see him! he hasn’t been around in so long. you must miss him a lot, right? if aether was gone for that long, i know i would.”

xiao stills. surprisingly, it’s the first time any of his friends has asked him that. then again, since kazuha left for filming and promotion work, he hasn’t had much time to see any of them.

it’s easier now to answer, “yeah. i really miss him.”

there’s no tightness in his chest when he says it, just a dull ache pain he’s almost numb to by now. it may hurt, and there isn’t a day where xiao doesn’t go without the ever yearning need to see him at home again, but kazuha is thriving out there.

he’ll be home soon.

xiao rubs at his eyes, and it immediately starts stinging with tears. he scowls at the tears that fall, cursing himself for forgetting he was cutting garlic of all things— and venti immediately scrambles to apologize. great!

“are you— oh no! i mean, it’s alright if you cry, but i didn’t mean to bring up such a topic—!” venti wraps his arms around xiao, frantically rocking him back and forth.

“it’s not you. it’s the garlic.” xiao squints his eyes to ease the burning, and both aether and heizou collapse into a fit of laughter. through the narrow gaps, xiao could make out venti’s relieved face, before he’s smothered into another hug.

“okay! but really! if you cry over missing him, it’s okay, too. remember when we sent you off to new zealand? kazuha bawled like a baby when you went through the gates.”

despite the burning sensation in his eyes, xiao’s lips quirk up into a small smile as he recalls kazuha’s tear stained face, his arms frantically waving at xiao as he disappeared from their view. “i remember. i was the same when he left, except i cried my eyes out at home…”

“sigh, truly a match made in heaven.” heizou tuts, dramatically nodding his head.

“are you guys going to keep yapping over there? the noodles are going to get overcooked!” kunikuzushi yells from the table, waving them down. “if not, ifa and i are going to start eating everything!”

“over my dead body! i’m not letting you eat all the meat!” heizou shouts back, his drink almost sloshing as he runs to the table. venti follows after sending a wink, and it leaves just aether and xiao to finish up on the last few garlic cloves.

“kazuha’s absence… it really is felt.” aether whispers to him. “but i’m sure he’ll be back soon, too. who knows, it might be tomorrow.”

xiao’s gaze drops down to the spread of cut vegetables in front of them. kazuha would devour them in a heartbeat once they’re cooked properly in the hotpot. he parrots aether’s words with a somber grin, “yeah. who knows.”

like every gathering they hold, dinner is chaotic, loud and unabashedly shameless when you’ve got six men drinking soju at five in the evening. he feels as though they’ve eaten a good chunk of food from the pot, and yet it doesn’t really look like they’ve even made a dent through all the various plates of meat and vegetables.

xiao still doesn't really understand what they need to be filming for. so far, they’ve been playing uno in between reminiscing over past memories of recording for genshin and discussion over the strangest prompts like ‘do you think we would’ve been baseball players in another life?’ or ‘what if we reincarnate into our game characters after we die?’. although it’s a ridiculous, unorthodox scene, xiao finds himself having fun and actually relaxing while doing something work related. 

the current scene looks like this: they’re roughly five bottles of sojus in, venti is reciting his latest song (that xiao is sure hasn’t even released yet) with his fork as a makeshift microphone, all the while heizou and aether sway from side to side like leaves in the wind. they’ve somehow roped kunikuzushi into it too, his pale face entirely flushed red as he struggles to lift his head up. even tofu peeked out from behind the curtains covering the inside of their home, tail swishing when xiao spotted him silently watching them.

“high tolerance?” ifa asks him, cocking his head with a smile. 

“something like that.” xiao says, twirling around his empty shot glass. he feels a little lighter than before, and it’s easier to talk to ifa without overthinking it. “i developed it when i got together with my boyfriend. but between the both of us, kazuha’s the better drinker. you’ll understand when you meet him, eventually.”

“ah, i hope so, too.” ifa wonders aloud. he shakes the bottle and offers xiao another shot. “more?”

xiao pushes his glass forward on the table. it wouldn’t hurt if he got a little tipsy. they are at his house, after all. 

“thank you for having us, really,” the clear liquid trickles into the shot glass, and xiao reaches over to the hotpot to take a few more pieces of enoki. “i’ve been told how busy you can be, so it truly is an honor to be having this dinner with you.”

“there’s no need to be so formal about it. i’ve been trying to take it easy… with work and all. so this is a nice change of pace. i’m having fun.”

“i’m glad. some of the extras say you’re a little intimidating, but i feel as though it’s different…” ifa pulls back and raises his arms up, “in a good way! i’m happy i’ve been invited to your home, even if this is our first time meeting.”

xiao hums, chewing at the enoki before answering. “it’s alright, you’re a part of our little group now. anyway, we’ll be meeting more often, and i think you’re cool. i’ll be looking forward to playing through the new patch.”

ifa does exude fan favorite material from what xiao’s learned so far. tall and objectively good looking, truly does love taking care of animals like his in-game counterpart, volunteers at a bird rescue— an all around kind and empathetic guy that xiao is glad to be a part of their team. 

kazuha would like him, too, he thinks.

“thanks, i’ll toast to that!” their glasses clink against each other when they toast, and the liquid burns bitterly on his tongue the moment he tosses his drink back.

“xiao! xiao, you should come sing with me!” venti says loopily, his legs stumbling over to xiao as he swings the fork around.

 xiao barely dodges it, and adamantly shakes his head. “you know i don’t…”

“but you sing with kazuha! for that anime too— ugh, what was its name? the one you voice act together as that one couple…” venti pouts, scratching his head like he's deeply in thought. xiao’s entire face flushes redder than kunikuzushi’s at the mention of the couple duet. they were both brought on after kazuha debuted on genshin, so the timing of it all spurred a surge in the shipping of their in-game characters together. besides the ship of their anime characters, #kazuxiao trended for a good few days, and kazuha constantly reposted fanart on his burner account, which he showed to xiao with childlike wonder. the fan content is nice, xiao appreciates the thousands of fans who support them and their relationship, but it does get embarrassing when brought up by someone who isn’t kazuha or xiao.

xiao stares at venti, apprehensively. “what exactly do you want to sing?”

venti cackles and sends him the most bone-chilling smile ever. “‘'让风告诉你’^[1], obviously.”

it’s the song celebrating genshin’s first anniversary, one xiao easily finished singing in one session. kazuha played it non-stop in their home when it released. it’s probably still one of his most played songs of all time on spotify. “i haven’t sung that in four years.”

“it’s time to break out those vocal chords, baby!” heizou cheers, pumping his first in the air. kunikuzushi does the same, albeit a little weak. he looks completely drunk, and xiao slightly feels for him. 

“no. i’m too sober for this.”

“then, it’s only natural we should have a drinking contest!” as he says this, venti is wobbling from one side to the other, barely hanging onto the back of xiao’s chair as he stands like a newborn fawn. “if you outdrink me, you win! if not, we’re singing the song like true idols— the cuteness factor and everything!”

“you’re going to die from alcohol poisoning.”

“okay, a hotpot eating contest! look at how much we still have!”

everyone’s eyes jump to the half full pot, and the several other plates of uncooked meat and veggies sitting on the table.

xiao chews on his bottom lip in thought. he’ll get bloated for sure, but it’s nothing some medicine and water won’t fix. it’s surely better than nursing a headache that’ll ruin his gaming plans and sour his mood. “fine.”

“aether and i can cook the remainder of the food. once we decide on a winner, we’ll help eat the rest!” heizou places his hands on aether and ifa, nodding with a fiery determination in his eyes. “um, except kuni, maybe. he looks like he’s about to throw up.”

“i am.” kunikuzushi deadpans, his head dangerously lolling back and forth. “can i use your bathroom, xiao?”

xiao pats him on the back in sympathy. “down the hall, to your right.”

as kunikuzushi stumbles out of the way, aether and heizou quickly get to work with serving the portions of food. xiao is already starting to regret it, his stomach uncomfortably churning as they pile on more and more vegetables and tofu into his bowl, but at least venti looks just as sick as he does. the amount they put into their bowls doesn’t even take out much from the contents of the pot, but with the amount of tofu they put it looks… mangeable.

he can’t sing when this is potentially going up on national television. scratch that, he won’t.

without further ceremony, they commence. honestly, the hotpot has been really good. the chewy texture of the samyang noodles pairs well with most of the vegetables, and it’s soaked up enough of the broth to keep urging xiao to eat more. the meat has been tenderly cooked to perfection, and xiao’s had several servings of them before this ‘contest’, yet it’s starting to feel a little sickly in his stomach.

“come on guys, you can do this!” heizou cheers, like a blaring alarm in comparison to aether and ifa’s concerned smiles.

meanwhile, xiao feels close to winning because he sees venti stare up at the sky with a dead-eyed look, his mouth shiny with broth and crumbs of meat. then, heizou is dropping three more stalks of enoki into xiao’s bowl, xiao just ate through 3 of them for god’s sake, the thought of chewing through them makes his jaw hurt, and he thinks he can’t stomach any more—

yeah, no, he’s singing.

xiao drops his chopsticks and his head slams onto the wooden surface of the table. “i can’t. no more. free me from this contest…”

it sounds like venti is choking on something, and when xiao lifts his head to check on him, there’s a triumphant grin on his red face as he fights a coughing fit. “oh yeah, we’re singing!”

after they both return to a state where they don’t feel like throwing up, they’re standing in the middle of his backyard underneath the glittering fairy lights, a dopily smiling venti and red in the face xiao both holding forks in their hands as the first notes of 让风告诉你^[1] starts streaming from a speaker.

venti, with how his melodic voice is practically made for it, effortlessly sings through the refrain. despite how drunk he is, he doesn’t stutter and even does the little ‘ha!’ klee does. the four audience members (including kunikuzushi, who returned looking much more sober when he began to record this whole mortifying ordeal) are clapping along, and it only grows into an embarrassing ruckus when xiao joins in to harmonize with him.

copying the likeness of klee again, venti goes above and beyond for the first verse, making gestures and throwing all sorts of heart signs at their little audience— he’s absolutely revelling in it, much like how he is on an actual stage. he nudges xiao to do the same when it nears the end of the verse, his teal eyes brimming with anticipation. despite how much he finds it mortifying, as xiao says his iconic ‘这东西... 能吃吗?’,^[2] he puts a hand to his chin and makes a pouty face.

heizou screams much like a dying fox, kunikuzushi’s phone almost falls out of his hand from how hard he’s shaking with laughter, and not even aether or ifa’s encouraging smiles or thumbs up are enough to dissuade xiao from praying the floor swallows him up whole.

but he has no time to dig his grave and lie in it, because they’re doing the pre-chorus already— ironically, they’re singing the words ‘尴尬都走开，尴尬都走开!’,^[3] all while the awkwardness is almost too much to bear as xiao forces himself to shoot a finger heart in one of the camera’s direction and tries not to die.

it leads into the refrain once again, and truthfully, xiao does adore this song. he loves the lyrics he was given, he enjoyed the one time he sang it live with venti, klee and qiqi— the chorus is heartfelt and pairs so well with in-game xiao, he’ll never find it in himself to be downright humiliated for being a part of it. it’s a song kazuha also cherishes, and the thought of kazuha possibly watching this performance in the future makes his heart flutter— he might as well make this a damn good one.

“哦，轮到我了 ^[4]...” xiao says, as per qiqi’s lines, and his face burns impossibly redder when he speaks through the rest of the verse in the likeness of qiqi’s soft, monotonic voice. his voice is softer and slower, almost unheard beneath the squealing heizou and aether are doing. 

venti giggles in between the harmonization, especially more so when xiao adds the quiet ‘hehe’ to the end of qiqi’s verse. he picks up his pace when his actual lines begin, warbling louder than earlier, and the wind wraps around him in its gentle breeze like it can hear their song.

by the time they’re singing the second chorus together, with venti making little hops and his melodic trill of klee’s part and xiao following along, swaying to the song, a lighthearted feeling settling in his heart. he’s so lost in it, he’s automatically closed his eyes and really feels it when he’s saying: “虽然我讨厌热热乎乎的东西， 我却想要拥抱你... 可以吗？” ^[5]

it’s in xiao’s nature to think of kazuha, of how xiao would hug him even in the hottest weather on earth, possibly till the end of time if they are given the chance. he wishes so bad he was here, he makes a little prayer to the wind to bring this song to kazuha, somehow. it’s fantasy at best, but kazuha’s always been associated with the wind, thus xiao is allowed to hope.

the song has gone quiet as xiao and venti’s voices meld together in a nice ‘lalala’, and he’s realized the screaming and laughing has stopped— huh, when did it stop?

“如果你迷恋岁月舍不得向前，” ^[6] when he begins to sing his half of the bridge, xiao’s eyes flutter open, and it’s now he sees all the lights in the backyard have turned off. the song still continues, the violins in the instrumental quivering in each note pulled, the growing anticipation of something there. the glow of a fire gleams from inside the house, and it grows bigger, until the flames flicker about and kazuha stands there, holding a cake and one of the biggest smiles xiao’s ever seen on his face as xiao is softly singing, “我就默默记录这诗篇。” ^[7]

17 april — 0 hours until d-day.

the music swells, and he can faintly hear venti singing his half over his thundering heartbeat when kazuha approaches him. he’s blinking back tears by the time kazuha is standing in front of him, the fork in his hands gripped tightly till his knuckles turn white, shaking like a dried leaf in the wind as kazuha watches him with a look so fond, he almost melts straight into the ground.

xiao tries to sing the last chorus, his eyebrows furrowed and scrunching his nose in a futile attempt to prevent himself from blubbering through the song in a mess of tears and snot. the song is still his punishment and the only thing tethering him from being one second away from bursting into tears. “当你的发丝微乱有阵风吹过...”^[8]

his voice trails off, throat clogging up, wondering if he’s hallucinating kazuha in an alcohol induced coma— then, the hand that comes up to brush his tears away in practiced motions is so real, and so is kazuha’s voice when he quickly takes over to sing the last lines to him “那是我在远处想念你。”^[9]

it’s awfully poetic, horribly corny, and xiao can’t make sense of the cake but he doesn’t care. it’s kazuha and he’s really here.

as if the wind truly heard his calls, he’s finally returned.

so, no one can really blame xiao the second the real waterworks begin, even as all their friends sing to the final ‘lalala’s of the song and with multiple cameras still trained on them. kazuha pulls him into his embrace with one hand as xiao uncontrollably sobs into his chest, all the way until the last notes fade out from the speaker. god, he really is a crybaby.

xiao reluctantly pulls away once the chaotic applause begins, and he scrubs at his tear-stained cheeks 

“surprise, xiao.” kazuha says, thick with emotion and a watery grin that threatens to almost make xiao tear up again.

“surprise?” xiao sniffles. he tries sending a glare at the small crowd around them, and although he probably has the ferocity of a kitten right now, all five spectators are pointedly looking away from him. “so all of you knew kazuha was coming?”

“its not only them…” kazuha rubs a soothing hand down his back.

xiao really ponders on what that means. not only them? ganyu and zhongli were there at the supermarket so it must mean they were a part of it, too.

“then, i’ll let you figure it out yourself. your only hint is that it’s … soon!”

xiao’s eyes boggle out of his eyes as he stares incredulously back at kazuha. “that food truck? that was your doing, too?”

“edited the pictures myself!” kazuha triumphantly declares.

“xianyun jie’s show?”

“why do you think it was so abrupt?”

xiao’s jaw drops. “today?”

“yup, we were all in on it!” kunikuzushi quips.

“since it’s the week leading up to such a special occasion, i wanted you to take it easy. and you mentioned being too busy to meet anyone, so i asked everyone who was available if they could go see you and help you have an easier time at work.” kazuha sheepishly scratches the back of his head, though he keeps his gaze steadfast on xiao’s. with each point kazuha gives, it’s another deadly strike to his heart and he feels the beginnings of another weeping fit brewing inside of him. “of course, i replaced some of your actual work with schedules where you did less so you could just spend more time resting. then, it would lead up to today when i returned, which is perfect since it’s basically a little party for you!”

“special occasion?” xiao weakly croaks out. he can’t remember anything of worth happening this week. it was just work after work, and tomorrow was meant to be his first real rest day in a good while.

kazuha laughs, airy and light and music to xiao’s ears, so different from the phone’s filter over it, “as of ten minutes ago, it’s your birthday, darling.”

“what?” xiao was so busy he forgot his birthday… again.

“happy birthday, xiao!” in unison, his friends and kazuha all yell together. confetti and streamers burst in the sky, raining down upon them in a rain of color. it’s going to be a real pain to take each and every confetting out from the grass, nevertheless xiao huffs a quiet laugh as he clasps his hands together to make a wish.

the last week of seeing his friends makes more sense.

hu tao, gaming and xiangling showing up with the coffee truck, providing him with a moment of respite during his work day. ganyu and zhongli grocery shopping with him, bickering like siblings while shopping for food. xianyun’s almond tofu, the hours they spent peeling almonds and reminiscing on wonderful memories. today, goofing off with the anemo guys, a tipsy hotpot dinner, singing his heart out and the makings of a new friend.

xiao isn’t the best with people, but he’s well and truly loved.

upon blowing the candles out, kazuha and xiao sit at the hotpot table while the others shoot off to continue their karaoke night. the last remaining bits of whatever xiao and venti didn’t eat are currently being devoured by kazuha, all the while xiao rests his head on kazuha’s shoulder, clinging to his arm like a koala.

“you know, i did like this surprise.” xiao mumbles, slightly muffled by the fabric of kazuha’s shirt. “it was nice. i really liked seeing everyone on my ‘work’ days.”

“i suppose i did well by orchestrating this little plan.” kazuha says a little too gleefully, enough for xiao to smack his arm in jest. “i wanted to show you that you have people to turn to in your corner, even if you think you’re not the best at dealing with them, and that you could talk to them instead of pushing yourself to the limit.”

“old habits die hard.” xiao’s face slightly crunches into an amused smile at kazuha’s disapproving pout. “but your little plan worked. it was definitely ambitious.”

“everyone was on board immediately. i’m surprised you didn’t catch onto it, knowing how much of a loose cannon some of them can be. ahem, ganyu-chan, for example.”

“mmm, i didn’t really think much about it. mostly thought about work. when it wasn’t work, it was about you.” xiao squeezes his arm, and yes, kazuha is still here.

“i thought about you every single hour. it was impossible not to.” kazuha rests his head on xiao’s, his warmth comforting in the chilly breeze of the night. “i missed you so much, it took everything in me not to fly back home each time i thought about it.”

“it only made our meeting now that much better. i didn’t expect to see you for at least another two weeks or so.”

“i promised myself i would finish all my promotions before your birthday. i don’t think i could survive having to spend one of our birthdays apart again!” kazuha grumbles, his eyebrows furrowing as he grabs a piece of enoki. he offers one to xiao, and xiao immediately shakes his head. “anyway, i’m happy you had the others to keep you company while i was gone.”

xiao’s eyes trail to the small group, watching as heizou and kunikuzushi sing a terrible rendition of a korean girl group song. “they’re fun, even if i did lose an eating contest to venti.”

kazuha huffs, and wraps an arm around xiao’s waist. “you know you get bloated easily… are you feeling okay now?”

“not as full anymore, so i’m good.” xiao hums, pleased, and presses himself closer to kazuha. “just a little tipsy.”

“good.” kazuha pushes his bangs aside and kisses him on the cheek. xiao’s face warms, yet he giggles and smiles in content at the sweet gesture. he can’t find it in himself to care whether or not the cameras are rolling, he’s allowed to be this giddy over his boyfriend’s return, thank you very much.

“did it take a lot of convincing to the producers to help with all this?”

“no, i’m owed a lot of favors, you know.” even if he did have to convince some people, xiao knows from firsthand experience it takes a few minutes before they’re cracking under the pressure of kazuha’s surefire stare on them.

“so if everyone was in on the plan, then is this variety show bit still going on tv?”

“no. unless you want it to?”

flashbacks of xiao’s poor attempt at a finger heart floods his head, and he adamantly shakes his head. “absolutely not.”

“okay, it’ll just be for our eyes to see.” kazuha replies with a wicked grin, his eyes flickering with a hint of heat behind them as he leans close to murmur in xiao’s ear. “you know, i do love hearing you sing, but i don’t think i want anyone else to watch the cute little performance you did.”

“on a possessive streak now, are we?” xiao exhales a breathy laugh, and loops his arms around kazuha’s neck so they can press their foreheads together. mirth dances in kazuha’s eyes as they crinkle into crescents with his grin; it takes everything in xiao not to pull him closer and capture his lips in a kiss.

“to watch everyone spend time with your beloved while being thousands of miles away from him does that to you.” kazuha muses in a light trill. his hands settle on the dip of xiao’s waist, fingers slightly digging into his shirt in a way that ignites a simmering deep in his gut. “i suppose i have grown to be quite possessive. after all, my talented boyfriend is one of the top five prettiest faces in the entire world.”

“it’s quite hot.” xiao whispers, his hand playing with the hairs on kazuha’s neck. when he lightly pulls on them, the soft groan elicited from kazuha’s throat makes him smirk. “you don’t have to worry, though. i always make sure to tell everyone i’m yours.”

“yeah?” kazuha’s gaze darkens, and anticipation brews in xiao’s stomach as he tilts his head with a coy smile. “i can tell. you look so pretty in my shirt, darling.”

xiao’s breath hitches as kazuha’s fingers slip under his shirt, and his teeth sink into the bottom of his lips. “it’s one of my favorites.”

“shall i figure out other ways to show people you’re mine?”

before xiao can beg him to, a cough nearby cuts through the tension, and they both whip their head to look at the intruder with confusion.

“can you guys stop eyefucking each other? we have a newcomer here, and isn’t this show going to air on national television?” kunikuzushi snaps, and gestures wildly at ifa, who doesn’t seem phased by it in the least. “have some decorum!”

“sorry.” xiao tries, and slinks back into his own chair— but kazuha is having none of it. in retaliation, he’s pulling xiao half onto his lap, his back hitting kazuha’s sturdy chest with a yelp.

“maybe a bit of it is airing on tv, but the editor can easily cut all these parts out, kuni-kun.” kazuha teases, putting a finger to his lips. “plus, ifa will see this more often in the future when we hang out together. in the beginning, you weren’t used to how clingy i can be when i miss my darling boyfriend either, remember?” he punctuates his sentence by wrapping his arms around xiao’s waist, hands splayed over xiao’s stomach and his chin hooked over his shoulder.

oh. something stirs inside xiao and he has the sudden, urgent need to lock kazuha and himself in the nearest room. preferably for two hours minimum.

kunikuzushi grimaces, snatches a soju bottle right off the table and mutters something under his breath about having to ‘probably call sethos’.

“he’s just looking out for us in his own way, kazuha.” xiao says with a frown once kunikuzushi is out of earshot. “he’s a good friend.”

“it’s fun teasing him every once in a blue moon. and he can’t blame me for this! you look too perfect, my love.” kazuha whines, much like a kicked puppy.

“this is exactly why he said that. i wouldn’t want to scar any of them with… your antics.” xiao says after a breath, mortified from the mere thought of it. they’d come to close to it  one too many times while visiting each other on set, and he’s not about to have either of their reputations tainted because one of them can’t keep it in his pants.

“can’t help it. i simply missed you an awful lot. i… i don’t ever want to make you wait this long ever again.” it’s softly mumbled and no longer teasing, kazuha’s breath tickling the shell of his ear. xiao’s heart breaks a little. there’s no chivalrous bravado there, just plain old kazuha’s vulnerable heart splayed open for only xiao, and he really, really wants to kick everyone out of their home now.

“i’d miss you no matter what, silly.” xiao places his own hands over kazuha’s, and their fingers weave together into place. it brings about a surge of butterflies in his stomach, a warmth so familiar and longing. “when we’re apart, i won’t ever stop missing you, whether you're just down the street or a thousand miles away. i’d count down the seconds until we could see each other once more.”

“and you call me the sap?” kazuha’s voice sounds wet and heavy, and xiao tilts his head back to look at him properly. there’s a shine glazing over his eyes, xiao can’t help but giggle fondly at the sight.

“i learned only from the best.” kazuha sniffles a bit, teardrops sliding own his cheek as he smiles; xiao melts from the inside out and wipes them away with his own watery grin. “i do mean everything i said.”

“i do mean it, too, i just…” kazuha takes an uncharacteristic pause in his words, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing xiao’s hand.

xiao blinks up at him, expectant and endeared, “just?”

with all the gentleness xiao has not witnessed in person since he left, kazuha lifts a hand, thumb brushing the apple of xiao’s cheek. the wanting fire burning in his stare, lips parted as they breathe in the same air. it's reminiscent of a lot of things; hurried goodbye hugs in the morning before work, kiss-swollen lips under the covers during a rainy evening, and a stupidly tearful goodbye at the airport three months ago that left his eyes swollen till the day after. “i love you, xiao.”

their noses bump, and xiao’s eyes flutter shut, his breath completely stolen away. “i love you, too, kazuha.”

a loud yelp nearby shocks them out of their moment, and they see venti face down on the grass and a drunk kunikuzushi raving about with the speaker in his hand, while heizou, ifa and aether are locked into an intense game of uno. they’re all kicked out (lovingly sent away with leftovers from the hotpot, in kazuha’s words) in less than ten minutes.

he’s not sure if it’s because the cameras are still recording their backyard or the nearby presence of their friends, but kazuha doesn’t kiss him until they’re alone in their room at night.

they don’t waste any time taking what they’ve both craved for so long, kazuha languidly kissing xiao into the mattress, their intertwined hands pinned above xiao’s head and the several praises of ‘so good, darling’ whispered upon his lips in between staccato breaths. it could be mere minutes or hours later when they part, panting in between lingering kisses, they lie on their sides with equally giddy, lovestruck faces. xiao is perfectly content with the hickeys running down his throat and the bite he left on kazuha’s shoulder.

“i kind of wish we could’ve sang together.” kazuha says after a moment of peace. his hair is down, and the sight of it mussed up from his hands running through it several times as they kissed makes his heart pound.

xiao makes a non-committal sound, playing with the ends of kazuha’s platinum locks.

“but i liked it. it’s a fitting song, too. i’m curious, did you ask the wind to bring me home?”

xiao’s hand halts its movements, and his gaze snaps back up to kazuha. “no.”

kazuha laughs and pulls him into a hug. “you’re so bad at lying.”

“in the end it worked, didn’t it?” xiao huffs. “you’re here now.”

“the winds of fate are truly a wondrous thing. they definitely told me to buy a ticket home a day before your birthday.”

xiao weakly slaps his chest. “you can stop teasing me.”

“why? i think it’s cute knowing you send your prayers to the wind… unironically, like the song, i’ll think of it as your sentiments and love for when we’re apart.” kazuha lifts xiao’s chin to slot their lips together in a delicate kiss, as if any rushed movements would crumble xiao from a single touch. they briefly separate for air, the beginnings of a grin stretched on kazuha’s lips from where their mouths brush against each other, “and i’ll be the same for you, yeah?”

“okay.” xiao murmurs before stealing another chaste kiss, humming in content at the slip of kazuha’s tongue venturing past his lips. there’s no other person in the world xiao is willing to follow to the ends of the earth for, to brave the treacherous storms and withstand the strongest of billowing winds. they’re getting older, and still, they’ve withstood the test of time and always return to each other. there’s no house that truly feels like home, unless kazuha is there with him.

as if he sensed xiao’s sentiments, kazuha simply holds him closer, their chests pressed together. he can faintly feel the steady thump from kazuha’s heart, and their heartbeats sync up like how it’s always meant to be. “i’m home, darling.”

xiao’s eyes trace over the curve and dip of kazuha’s smile, and he draws in a shaky breath as he says, just as soft, “welcome home.”

(like every other birthday they have, a scratching noise by the door interrupts them. 

“hey, why was tofu outside? i was sure i brought him into our room just now.”

“do you really want to decimate our son’s eyes? our little tofu-chan? i had no choice but to put him outside because i'm about to give you the best birthday se—”

“it can wait until tomorrow, on my actual birthday. for now, we’re sleeping with our son.”

“but—”

“another word and you’re sleeping on the couch.”

kazuha shuts up then, and xiao kisses him in apology. of course, tofu stomps over to the bed and demands cuddles with insistent meows before he’s curling up between their bodies. clearly hogging all of kazuha’s space and xiao’s attention, but to kazuha, this is home.)