Chapter Text
[Server] Can I play?
“I’ll bet you a million dollars that it's Greer.”
“Greer, if that’s you-- you can-- obviously, you can come in here and play with us on our server world.”
I was voiceless.
It was kind of my thing. A no-mic, no-name Andy with OP and world-edit. Trade-offs, you know? Keeping things balanced. I used the in-game chat when I wanted to say something. I didn’t even have a name at first-- just [Server], where a person should be. I didn’t really mind. At least I got to play, right?
My first body was born into a little forest, where the wind didn’t blow and the dirt didn’t turn. No bugs. No birds. No sound. The silence was thick and sharp. It stuck to me, the way it stuck to those trees, sealing me off from the world.
I could’ve taken flight immediately, but I walked. I wanted to feel where the ground changed, where it went soft and malleable. There was no line in the dirt, no ring of mushrooms, no wall of fire-- the silence just ended, from place to the next.
Out here, you could hear it. All of it.
There was a river, singing to itself. Birdsong cut through the gentle wind. Grass and leaves and weeds and wild wheat tousled and sifted into powdered sound, light enough to float. It was beautiful and strange and new, even though I had just been here a moment ago, before my body.
Where was everyone?
That’s something that most religions get wrong. People come first, then gods. Not the other way around. I spun around trying to see through the trees or hear through the gargling of the creek.
I looked up to a tree-- I might be able to find them if we could see from up there . I climbed up the large spruce, dodging pricks from its needles and splinters from its branches. It was high-- must’ve been 12 blocks, at least, not to mention the long drop on the other side of the hill the tree overlooked.
I only got about halfway before I slipped and fell. I wish I could say time slowed-- that I saw my life flash before my eyes-- the two minute life it had been. I wish I could say I tried to catch myself, to do anything. But it happened in an instant. I was just gone. No scream. No pain. No nothing.
And then I was back.
“That’s weird,” I didn’t say.
“Ouch!” I didn’t wince.
“Will that happen every time?” I didn’t even dare to wonder.
Why would I? Of course I would come back. When you die, you come back. That’s the way the world works! A life for a death-- balance-- man, this god shit was easy!
I had seen the lake from my vantage point in the tree, before I fell. I wasn’t exactly sure which was to go, but I knew what I was looking for, so I wasn’t afraid to wander. I didn’t have to wait long. Rocks and trees gave way to a lake, where people were busy scrambling on plank scaffolds, trying to survive. There was a foundation-- the lacquered shine of different woods-- and little silhouettes I couldn’t make out against the glare off the lake under the midday sun. Sprinting, jumping, and sprint-jumping-- they were playing .
I sprinted down to the bank and onto the platform, not caring as it hurt my ankles where I landed. I was playing, too.
“GREER!” One of them shouted, across the water. I could see him wave wildly, jumping up and down trying to get my attention like I wasn’t already watching.
A voice was a marvelous, magical thing.
“Greer,” he said again, out of breath from shouting and jumping. He grinned, presumably making eye contact from behind his white goggles. “I need you to slash-kill Sapnap.”
“THAT’S CHEATING!” Another voice rang out from the water’s edge. Another man came out, holding a sword, chasing him away. They ran over the platforms, across the shoreline, and into the grove of young oaks that stretched off into infinity. Another man was on the same side, too busy chopping wood to pay attention to the commotion around him.
I jumped up to follow, without even a goal. I was happy to jump and run and play-- practically frollicking through the forest as the two men screamed at each other with murderous intent.
Somehow, it turned on me. That was a little less fun.
“OH, GREEE-ER!” He cackled, hands now filled with strange, sharp tools.
I could feel my heart-- my blood-- my breath-- I was running, tripping over roots and rocks as I tried to scramble away from both of them and I wasn’t even sure why. If they caught me, I would die. If I died, I would come back.
But I was still afraid.
I stumbled into the water and dove, too afraid to come up for air. They were in the water with me-- both of them. They had somehow, wordlessly, put aside their quarrel, just to hunt me down and kill me. Sapnap didn’t look me in the eyes as he ran his sword through my shoulder. He was too focussed on the action itself. On the blood, on the twist, on the silent gargling scream that bubbled out of me. Water poured into my lungs, burning all the way. I could not cough. I could not breathe. I could not scream, through the bloody water.
And then I died.
When I came back, I was still breathing hard. My wheezing was silent, but I could feel the friction in my throat, each movement making my chest ache. For a moment, I could still feel the sword in my shoulder. Tearing through me, turning everything red. It didn’t hurt, but I could remember.
“Why did they do that?” I didn’t ask, but I sure thought it.
[Server] :’(
“Don’t be a baby,” George said. I could hear him, despite the tree and water between us.
This is not the last time someone would say this to me. But it is the last time I would cry.