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“I wish you were gay.”
Those 5 words were something Yamaguchi thought he'd never dared to say.
Specifically, to his best friend.
His best friend he has a crush on, to be even more specific.
He thought that maybe one day these silly feelings would just fade away and never come back to terrorize him. He wished this had happened, he wished the feelings would cower away just like he usually did. Maybe then he’d be in a far better situation. But it didn't.
Of course, it didn't!
Nothing ever worked out in Yamaguchi's favor, it was like he pissed off some kind of god before birth and was just completely nerfed.
So, of course, this was bound to happen.
He didn't know why he didn't see this coming. The moment he realized he had feelings for him was a total train wreck. Yamaguchi spent days in his rooms after school, curled up in his bed. Afraid to come out. He completely ignored everything he could without making it suspicious.
Of course, that failed as well.
Why didn't Yamaguchi know any better? He and Tsukishima are close, and the tall blonde is surprisingly observant of Yamaguchi's actions.
To put it in shorter words, Tsukishima caught on. It sorta makes it obvious that is what happened considering the situation he is in right now.
The situation in specifics?
He is currently standing right in front of Tsukishima, staring deep into his soul with frustration after being pushed for far too long. Tsukishima did this every now and then to get Tadashi to show how he felt. Though it's not necessarily healthy, it helps with their dynamic, sorta. Tadashi builds all his emotion and frustration up, it being an instinct instead of wearing his heart on his sleeve. He builds up his emotions as if he's a balloon. Till he's full co2.
And then Tsukishima comes in with a small needle and pokes at him.
Pokes at him till he just goes…pop.
Then, the floodgates open. Yamaguchi is frustrated and he lets it all out. It helps with communication in some way, the both of them didnt know themselves.
But now they have a issue.. Which is the fact that Yamaguchi can't let this out, well..
He wasn't supposed to considering that he had just said what he wasnt supposed too…
Tsukishima's face was priceless, it always was in Yamaguchi's eyes. Though, now that he thought about it more, maybe that was because of the tiny ( not so tiny ) crush he has on him.
Tsuki’s eyes were wide, he looked surprised and maybe a little offended? That part itself was slightly confusing in all honesty. Is it offensive to assume your best friend you've known for years is straight? If so, Yamaguchi fully apologizes. Maybe he will later, after he's not so frustrated anymore atleast.
“What did you say?”
Oh, right, they are in a conversation, and life wasn't paused the moment Yamaguchi regretted his words.
“Nothing. It's. I..I didn't mean it. I was just spouting out the most randomes -”
“Cut it out, Tadashi. What did you say?” The tall blonde stepped a little closer to Tadashi, his gaze sharp on the one on the opposing side.
Yamaguchi could feel his nerves catch up with him in reality. His hands fidgety with his own clothing and his eyes dashing from left to right just to avoid laying his own gaze on the sharp, mountain cutting look he was getting from his best friend.
All of the previous anger, sadness, and regret slowly seeped out of his body until he felt that familiar prick at his skin again.
“Or are you too nervous to say it again? I thought you already fixed all your anxiety issues.” Tsukishima teased, the needle poking at his skin over and over again.
“Oh, stop with that! I just don't feel good. This is something you'd never understand no matter how braniacy you are!!” Yamaguchi quickly shouted back, his words filled with desperation for the other to not continue with this familiar dance.
“Braniacy isn't even a word, Tada-”
“ That’s what I mean! You just poke and poke. Sure, it helps maybe a few times now and then, but you need to understand that this is something I can't tell you .” His voice rang in his head, he didn't often shout at Tsuki, or, rather, shout in general. But this was something. This was something that he fully felt like he couldn't say. He couldn't tell Tsukishima just how much he didn't want to say it again; the reason was definitely because he was a coward.
That was always his only reason.
Time and time again, that was his only excuse; He was a coward .
He knew he was a coward, it was a fact, not a statement. He had a deep understanding of his own emotions, he hated the way he worked and he was the first to admit that he was a coward at any point in time.
But this time, it feels justified. If all Tsukishima does is walk away from this whole situation he’d find out how Tadashi truly feels about him…
It'd hurt; everything would hurt . He’d do anything but spare his pride for this tall, lanky man. The issue is that Yamaguchi didn't know why either.
He didn't know why he was in love.
That sentence was something he hated admitting, it was like a band-aid being ripped off.
Not only that, but the other issue is probably the most straight-to-the-point thing.
LITERALLY.
To Yamaguchi's knowledge, Tsukishima is STRAIGHT.
Tsukishima doesn't like boys. He doesn't like taller-than-average, green-olive-toned-haired, freckled BOYS.
That's the issue.
That's all the issue was, currently, at least.
The silence between the two of them felt so long and so painful at the same time.
“Tadashi. Tell me.”
“Oh.. my god . Don't you get it, Kei???” Yamaguchi grabbed at his hair for a moment, tugging at it to calm himself down as he stared at the floor. He could feel all of his waterworks slowly spill out the more nervous he grew.
“This is something we need to talk about, you need to own up to it. Don't be a coward.”
“That's all I am.” He said in defeat.
It was the truth, it's what he felt, it's something he needed to talk about. Therefore, he practically accomplished whatever Tsukishima wanted him to say. Maybe it was his turn to walk away and ignore it, or maybe deal with it on his own instead of spilling it to his best friend pathetically.
Tsukishima just stood there, staring at the one ahead of him. It creeped Yamaguchi out as he teared up, wiping away the previous tears. He's cried in front of Tsukishima before, multiple times in fact. But this was so much different.
No matter how much or how hard he cried, his glass was still full. Not half empty, or half full. It was full.
He had to keep it in, he had to just say nothing the whole time. He had to hope that maybe the other didn't hear him and was just curious. He hoped, prayed to a god that maybe wasn't even there.
He quickly paused, being sent back into reality as he felt someone tug at his wrist.
He looked at Tsukishima with caution. Tsukishima had the same look as him, but this time. It was almost gentle.
“Tadashi.. What do you mean you wish I was gay?”
He muttered quickly, Yamaguchi's eyes growing wide as he realized that the other had heard what he said. The way he said it to was interesting, it was curious and blunt. Sure, the bluntness was normal.. But the curiosity in his eyes sparked something deep within Yamaguchi.
He wanted to die at that moment. What exactly possessed him to even say that in the first place is his question.
“Well, I..” He cried.
“Don't make me say it,” Yamaguchi muttered, covering his face as he sunk into his frame.
Tsukishima just stood there, standing over the olive-haired one.
Yamaguchi wanted to grab him by the shirt again, shake him a round, and yell at him. But he couldn't. He was too weak to stand up straight, too tired. He slowly sank into his frame once again making himself small as Tsukishima looked down at him still, his gaze never faltering.
“I just kinda wish you were gay.”
Yamaguchi muttered quietly, his voice soft, weak.
Yamaguchi missed the way Tsukishima's breath faltered. The way his eyes went wide and how he almost had to take a step back. Yamaguchi was just staring at the floor.
Is there a reason they aren't something else? Surely they would stop being friends after this, so how come Tsukishima.. The blunt, Tsukishima.. Hasn't said anything?
Yamaguchi slowly looked up, in fear almost as he matched his gaze. He was a little caught by surprise seeing that Tsukishima was looking at him softly. He bit his lip gently.
This is all so selfish, isn't it? But this long, lanky, man makes him feel so helpless. He didn't know if he could spend another day without spilling these stupid emotions.. Especially if his life had been going the way it was.
“Just say it. Just say you like girls.”
He begged, pathetically. In his eyes at least. In the others, it was a plea practically. A plea that flourished something new.
“I don't. I didn't know you were this clueless, Tadashi.”
Keis's voice rang in Tadashi's ears.
“What?”
He quickly looked up at the blonde, his eyes wide and confused.
“I like boys. Is it that big of a shocker?”
Tsukishima tilted his head, smiling in a smug manner down at the other. Behind the gaze and smile, the look was soft. It had a different meaning behind it. He knew what Tadashi was experiencing.
He also knew that he could prevent it by saying a few things to the other, to stop the jumble in his mind from going into even more chaos.
“I didn't want to tell you, but.. It's not new news honestly.” He looked to the side, his hands being tucked into his pockets as his blood rushed to his cheeks. “But.. Yeah. I like guys. There's a big reason why I didn't tell you. I hope you're not too clueless to figure it out on your own. We both know I'm not the type to say sappy crap like that.”
Yamaguchi's mind went blank, his eyes growing even wider as he slowly stepped forward. He noticed the way Tsukishima grew nervous, his brows furrowing slightly.
Yamaguchi only stepped closer, his hands slowly leaving his own body and going over to
Tsukishimas. His arms wrapped around his waist in a hug. He quickly slammed himself against the blonde, squeezing him tightly.
Tsukishima let a noise of surprise leave his lips, gasping quietly only to look down at the messy olive-green hair. His hand slowly went to the top of his head, the other to his back. That was of course after he stood there for a few minutes. Now, he was a lot less conflicted. Yet at the same time he was confused on what to do, this was different. Different is weird.
“How..am I supposed to make you feel okay?”
Tsukishima muttered.
“Just..stay quiet for a moment.”
He muttered back, his voice muffled because his face was completely absorbed in the other's chest. He sniffled quietly, and Tsukishima could feel his shirt slowly grow wet. His spine shivered as he made a face of disgust, he hated the feeling of wet clothes. His mind quickly flipped once he saw Yamaguchi looking up at him. His face morphed into something more pleasant than the one before.
“Sorry, I got your clothes wet. I just…I don't know.”
His lip trembled as he lost his voice, going back to being weak and soft. Tsukishima's eyes softened, him slowly sighing and rubbing his back gently.
“You don't have to know, Tadashi. Just know that I indeed am gay.”
He joked around, smiling softly before leaning down a little.
“and that I like my best friend.”
“You just had to add that. Didn't you?!”
Yamaguchi squeaked quietly, squeezing him tightly and sighing after calming down his emotions.
“I hate you.”
“You wound me, Tadashi.”
Tsukishima smiled softly, his hand slowly trailing up to Yamaguchi's cheek and caressing it. Yamaguchi's mouth was left agape, he was almost shocked.
It was only now where he realized where they fully had been this whole conversation. Well, it was more like he was becoming more aware of everything now that he was avoiding the fact that his best friend he likes is definitely going to kiss him..
They were in the middle of the locker room after practice, people could be spying.. Maybe even walk in at any time since Tsukishima and him are always the first ones to have already finished their small clean up chores.
His mind went blank once he felt not so familiar lips press against his cheek, only for them to pull away and for him to look at the suspect who indeed was the blonde that was caressing him.
“Are you okay now? Or do you need another one?”
Tadashi’s face went red, him shaking his head and slowly stepping back only to bump into the lockers. He looked at Tsukishima nervously, his dignity all gone at this point. He only gave him a dorky, awkward smile. Tsukishima only smiled softly, closing his eyes and shaking his head before grabbing his bag and walking off. Yamaguchi quickly followed.
The remainder of the team noticed that the latest practices had been so tense for the two. Once they both stepped out, or rather.. Tsukishima stepped out only for a clumsy Yamaguchi to chase after him, they all sighed in relief.
“Well, now that's over with! NOYA! MY MAN! GIVE ME THOSE 20 BUCKS.”
“OH COME ON!! YOU HAVE NOT EVIDENCE THEY KISSED.”
“UHMM.. I THINK IT OBVIOUS WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE!!”
“Both of you shut it.”
“Yes daichi…”
“Yes daichi…”
The tears that were left on the locker room floor were nowhere to be seen after the two stars did their small tango. A tango of flying colors, blue, red, pink, and finally, yellow.
The two’s dance left a trail behind, a trail love hearts with pink and yellow dancing together, it tickling the others with a warm sensastion.
There is someone in a corner, staring at the familiar dance between the green and yellow. The way they chased after each other only to collide in glee. A part of their soul flourished, looking at their partner, their “friend” and only felt to flourish with red. Jealousy.
“Why are you looking at me like that, Boke?”
“No reason, set to me!!”
“Uh..okay, you better not miss this time.”
“It was a one time thing! Now come on! Ill hit anything you want!
“HOW are you two not tired.”