Work Text:
Beep. beep. beep.
The test chamber is sterile. Empty. All but one
The sounds of machinery surround Cyan. The incessant hissing and beeping has been driving her mad for days.
Day in Day out
again and again againagainagain
she runs.
Runs for herself, her pride her needs. The people she thought she remembered had left long ago.
Jovial. Bulletin. Yellow. Door Knob.
Superstitional Realism.
Realism.realism. r e a l i s m
R e a l i s m
What is real, fake, a test
The ground falls apart for Cyan. Her world crumbling. Cyan knew it was only a matter of time before she crumbled, her world lost.
She falls to her knees in the test chamber the shadows encroaching. She cries
A shadow reaches out… “what… w i s h ”
The wind swirls
Another “ again ”
A Larger one speaks a voice within her skull “keep going….the end is near”
R e a l i s m rests a hand on her headheartfacelungs “Can you return? All you have to do is….”
Through the fog. Nightmaresdreams. Races Tests
Cyan preserves
Cyan runs
Cyan Tests
Cyan is alone
Cyan perseveres
Cyan cries
Cyan is alone
Throughout these tests despite the wish.
The pain. The loneliness. The r a c e s.
She was never alone before the test.
Cyan cries for the absence of what she had lost. She cries for what she wants. She cries for kinship. In this sterile testing chamber, lying on the floor, she laughs. She laughs because through all her years she can see a light.
Another race.
Maybe this time she’ll win.
Beep.
The beeping fades to the background as she begins again.
This race didn’t turn out any differently.
Anything that Cyan had loved was gone.
Run. Again .
Lose. Again.
Race. Again.
Lose. Again.
What does life mean at its center? A never ending trample of what you work towards.
Cyan thinks Jovial finds it easy to win. To run.
But what does all that talent get you but upon a pedestal. A pedestal of dreams and names that leaves you so alone. But being on a pedestal isn’t the only was to be alone.
These races have been run again and againandagain. But. Where has it gotten her. Cyan knows that nothing will change. She dreams of winning, but those dreams turn into nightmares.
Relapsed. Returned. R e a l i s m.
She wins again. Always Realism. Her streaks through the track. The simulation. But yet Cyan is stuck here living an everlasting nightmare. Never winning.
Realism being the light at the end of the track. Winning.
No longer does Cyan think she’s that shining light.
She had earned a n a m e
Namenamenamename Realism NaME.
What is a name but another number, a color amongst the stars. The beeps of computers. The binary that follows someone’s very being.
Cyan knew that this dream would never end. Knew that she would forever be trapped.
To lose . Loseloseloselose
Maybe that’s what she’s for. To be beneath the others. A stepping stool. Something be thrown away even as she cheers them on.
Nothingnothingnothingnothing
You are Nothing.
Maybe Cyan will be nothing more than a garbage bin.
She sits there alone with her thoughts, not letting herself get more warped than she was.
But.
Cyan knew she was lost when she lost Realism.
Cyan knew she was gone the moment she stepped foot into her thoughts.
What truly makes a person a person? What gives someone life?
Her nightmares talk to her about that quite often. They tell her many things, but mostly she’s lost everything and everyone.
Alonelostalonelostforgotten
Maybe she’s better off here, in the endless cycle of repeat and reset. The never ending cycle that her mind created. Maybe her friends will come to help her. Maybe there’s hope.
It’s too late for maybes.
Too late for hope.
Cyan has thought about all the races she’s competed in, but it’s all for naught. Maybe she’ll be allowed to be free from her mind somewhere else.
It just seems like she’s at the end of her rope
Cyan feels like she’s burned out.
Realism was done with her.
Left her to rot.
R E A L I S M. LefT hEr tO dIE.
Merry won’t miss her.
Everyone else didn’t truly know her.
She knows that’s she’d be better off gone.
The voicesthoughtsfeelings are telling her to leave.
So she lets them consume her.
She won’t be missed anyway.