Chapter Text
Tsukaba University, 05.01.2014 - Athlete's Dining Hall
"Kuroo-kun? Do you have a second?"
A girl Kuroo vaguely recognizes appears out of thin air next to his chair. He jumps, dropping his chopsticks with a barely audible clank.
He hears Bokuto and Oikawa laugh but keeps his attention on the girl instead of shooting them a glare like he wants to. After all, he's a mature adult, unlike some other people he knows.
"Sorry, yeah. What's up?"
He thinks this girl is in his Organic Chemistry class. Maybe.
"Umm", she tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. She's cute, he thinks, in a girl next door type of way. "I was just wondering whether you'd like to get a coffee with me sometime? Or something! It doesn't have to be a coffee. Just…", she sighs in frustration, "I think you're very cool. And smart! So, um, yeah."
Kuroo internally cringes a little at the girl's awkwardness. In the periphery of his vision, he can see Oikawa and Bokuto nudging each other like school boys.
Speaking of Oikawa, Kuroo is surprised he is the one getting the confession. It's not like he doesn't know he's a catch — duh — but being friends with Oikawa Tooru, resident pretty boy, usually delegates you to second fiddle whether you like it or not. So far, Kuroo hasn't found that he minds. It's not like he can't find people to make out with at parties if he wants to and he's too busy with school and volleyball to even think about a relationship.
But back to…Chiyo? Chihiro? Who is still standing in front of him nervously wringing her hands as Kuroo goes on a mental tangent. He clears his throat.
"I'm honored but I'm not really looking for a relationship right now, sorry."
Short and simple, but not cruel. He smiles, satisfied with himself, and waits for Chiaki(?) to leave.
She doesn't.
He blinks at her, smile frozen unnaturally on his face as he considers the potential rudeness of going back to his curry. It's getting cold.
"Just…are you sure?", she asks and Kuroo hears Bokuto cough, poorly masking a snort. Oikawa is glued to his phone, texting someone what is presumably a play-by-play of this conversation.
"Yeah", he rubs the back of his head, "I'm sorry."
"But-", she blinks quickly and Kuroo feels panic tightening his chest. What if she cries? "Maybe we could try anyway, you know? No commitments! Just a coffee. Or something."
She smiles at him but it's lopsided and anxious. He feels bad, he really does, but he kind of just wants her to leave.
"Hey, hi. Yamada-chan, right? Chizuru?", Oikawa comes to his rescue. Man, had Kuroo gotten her name wrong. "You're friends with Yamazaki-chan, no?"
Chizuru blushes a little and nods. She seems a little miffed at being interrupted but her voice is level and polite when she answers.
"Yes, we're roommates."
Kuroo has no idea who Yamazaki is, but the distraction works like a charm. Oikawa asks Chizuru a few questions about her roommate, who is apparently dating someone from Oikawa's study group, and sends her on her merry way, the failed proposal wiped clean from her mind.
Relieved, Kuroo points a chopstick at Oikawa before finally shoveling some rice into his mouth. It's cold. Dammit.
"Can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks man."
Unfortunately, this is not the last Kuroo sees of Yamada Chizuru.
Only a day later, she ambushes him in class to ask him out. Two days after that, he somehow runs into her in a coffee shop, where she once again attempts to wrangle a date out of him.
It's flattering, sure, and Chizuru isn't a bad person or anything. She seems nice enough, albeit a bit nervous. Most above all though, she sure is persistent. He doesn't know how he gave her the impression that he's simply playing hard to get, but he is tiring of this rather quickly. Surely she can't keep this up for much longer? This many rejections have got to sting at some point, so Kuroo tells himself that this must have been the last he'll see of her.
Color Kuroo surprised when not only does Chizuru approach him after his final seminar on Friday, she also brings a friend.
"Kuroo-kun!"
He seriously considers bashing his head into the wall. He turns around instead.
"Yamada-san", he smiles tightly, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
He eyes the girl tagging along. She's about Chizuru's height with a brown bob and nondescript clothing. She's looking at him with a twinkle in her eyes.
"This is my friend", she nudges her friend, who introduces herself as Sato Miyuki. Kuroo has never heard of her before. He nods in greeting.
"Miyuki has this boy she likes, you see, and they're going out on a date. Great, right? But Miyuki here is really nervous about it so she asked me to tag along! But of course it would be terribly awkward if I was the third wheel so a double date is the logical solution, right?"
Kuroo dreads where this is going.
"So I thought perhaps you'd like to help us out with that?"
"Look", he sighs, "I can't, sorry. Good luck with your date."
He nods at Sato and begins to walk away but God seems to be testing him.
"Why can't you? You're single, right? Just give me a chance, I swear I'll make it worth your while."
In a way, Kuroo has to appreciate the guts this girl has. They're not alone in the corridor, and inviting this many people into your conversation, especially one where you come across as very desperate and are going to be rejected, takes courage. Unless she really thinks she's got him this time.
"I -", he tries to come up with something to say that will stick. A simple no won't do the trick, it seems, and neither does the very real excuse of a busy schedule filled with demanding classes and more demanding volleyball practices. Speaking of, glancing at his watch informs him that he's going to be late for said practice if he doesn't weasel his way out of this situation soon.
"I'm already dating someone", he blurts out.
Chizuru's eyes grow wide as saucers.
"Oh", she says. Disappointment rolls off her in waves.
"Really?"
No. Not at all. Kuroo hasn't had a girlfriend since his second year of high school. He has no idea where that even came from, but he senses that this might work to get her off his back. So he nods.
"Really."
"Since when? You couldn't have said that earlier?"
Fair point. He glances around anxiously. Chizuru's friend is drilling holes into his head with her glare.
"Um, well", he cringes at the uncertainty in his voice. Why must his acting skills fail him now?
"We're not public about it", is what he comes up with.
"And you've been dating this whole time?"
Kuroo visualizes a hole getting deeper and deeper, and himself holding a shovel.
"Yup. Since high school, actually."
Why did he say that? It doesn't make any of this more credible. The little Kuroo inside his brain keeps digging.
"High school? Wow. What's her name?"
He has a vague suspicion that whatever name he gives her, she's going to plug into every search engine and social media to check for consistency. He can tell she doesn't believe him.
"It's…"
There's like three girls total that Kuroo knew in high school and still has any kind of relationship with. He doubts any of them would be helpful, as Alisa has a boyfriend and their old manager lives on the other side of the country now.
"Kenma."
The little Kuroo inside his brain is flipping him off as the hole breaches the Earth's crust. Yeah, he deserves that. Why the fuck would he say that?
"Kenma…", Chizuru frowns, "That's a boy's name."
Biting his lip, Kuroo signs his death warrant with a nod. He doesn't mind if people think he's gay or whatever, he's an ally after all, but if Kenma ever finds out about this…Well, it won't be pretty. But Kuroo's desperate, okay! He just wants to return to his regular university life of classes, homework, volleyball and talking shit with his friends.
And it's not like it doesn't make sense! He's known Kenma for most of his life, longer than anybody else except for his family, which means he knows pretty much everything about him and there's a billion pictures of them together. It even explains his reluctance to tell her about him, as they're both guys. All in all, it's a foolproof plan!
This is how he defends himself to his friends later, as they sit on Kuroo's floor staring up at him half in amusement, and half in judgment.
"And then what?", Oikawa asks. He's on his phone again, typing without even looking at the screen. No doubt Iwaizumi is privy to every single one of Kuroo's fuck ups.
Kuroo shrugs.
"I just walked away, stammering something about volleyball practice. Which wasn't a lie!"
"So by tomorrow the whole campus will think you're gay?"
Falling backwards on his bed, Kuroo hums. "Guess so."
"Are you?", Bokuto asks.
Kuroo shoots back up again, tilting his head.
"Huh?"
Oikawa strokes his imaginary beard. "You know, it is interesting that Ken-chan is the first person that came to mind, isn't it? Anything you'd like to share with the class?"
As if Oikawa is one to talk. If he ever felt the need to lie about being in a relationship, he would most definitely pick Iwaizumi to be his pretend boyfriend.
"I don't have a crush on Kenma, or whatever you're implying."
Oikawa doesn't look convinced but lets it go, allowing Bokuto to change the topic to their next practice match against Keio as Kuroo drowns in self-pity.
Kuroo mostly forgets about his little lie in the weeks to come. His classes are as stressful as ever, volleyball practice unusually intense, and no one seems to be intent on hate criming him, which might be due to his height and overall "intimidating demeanor", according to Oikawa, but a win's a win.
The only thing is that occasionally, classmates and strangers alike will come up to Kuroo between classes and ask him about his boyfriend. They're usually polite about it, albeit sometimes a bit awkward or overzealous, which makes him feel like a zoo animal. At the same time, it's an excuse to talk about Kenma and show people pictures of him, so he doesn't really mind.
After all, his lock screen is already a selfie of the two of them on Kuroo's graduation day and his photo album affectionately titled "Koneko <3" (Yes, Kenma hates it.) boasts over 1000 pictures.
It's nice, if he's honest with himself. He misses Kenma. They haven't been apart for this long since they met, as even when they were in different schools because of their age difference, they still lived down the street from one another. The months he's now spent at university are the first time they're even this far apart geographically and Kuroo would be lying if he said it isn't hard on him.
They talk frequently. At least once a day, Kuroo sends Kenma a stupid meme or just asks how he's doing and Kenma always replies. They try to face time once a week too but they're both so busy that it's difficult to find a time that works.
In person, they've only been able to see each other a few times. Kuroo visited his family over break and Kenma came up to visit the university once, mostly to see him and Bokuto but also to check it out as an option for himself. Kuroo finds himself hoping that Kenma will join him at Tsukuba more and more every day.
"Hey, Kuroo-san!", a girl approaches him as he walks out of the lecture hall. She looks cool, with her piercings and leather jacket.
"I don't think you know me", she smiles at him, "I'm Iida Naomi. I've been hearing people talk about your boyfriend."
"Oh yeah", he chuckles, "You wanna see pictures of him too or something? It's like everyone wants proof."
She shakes her head, still smiling.
"I mean I'm not opposed, but mostly I just wanted to say thank you. It's pretty brave of you to come out all casual like that, especially since so many people think you're cool."
"Oh", he scratches his elbow in contemplation. He doesn't know what to say to that. Maybe he really is an idiot but he hadn't thought that this might happen. That someone might look at this whole situation and start to — what? — see him as some sort of queer idol? A brave comrade in the fight against heteronormativity? He feels like an asshole. This girl obviously admires him now, or something like it, and he's not even dating a boy. He's not even queer!
"Um", he can't find the words to say. He's in too deep to come out with the truth now.
Thankfully, Naomi just laughs quietly and fist bumps his biceps.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I gotta get going anyway", she hikes her backpack up higher on her shoulder and Kuroo spots a rainbow heart pinned to it, "But if your boyfriend ever comes to visit, let me know. Maybe you guys could come on a double date with my girlfriend and I."
Speechless with guilt, Kuroo nods and smiles at her as she walks away.
"So like, am I homophobic? Am I stealing the spotlight from real queer people and their struggles?"
Bokuto laughs from where he's bouncing a volleyball off the wall. The neighbors are going to complain any second now.
"Dude, calm down."
"I can't! What am I supposed to do? I can't come out as straight now."
A door creaks down the hall as Oikawa emerges from the bathroom, his hair styled perfectly after the half hour he just spent in there. Kuroo is eternally grateful they aren't roommates. At least his hair is natural.
"Who's coming out as straight?", he asks as he flops down on Kuroo's old bean bag chair that he brought from home. It's red, Nekoma red, and he fondly remembers many hours spent on the floor of his bedroom, watching Kenma curled up in this very chair with his PSP.
"No one. Well, maybe me."
He explains the whole debacle to Oikawa as well, who shrugs in response, though his eyes are sharp.
"Mhm", he inspects his nails as he thinks, "I understand what you mean, but Tetsu -"
Oikawa sighs as he obviously tries to find the right words to say. It causes a shudder to run down Kuroo's spine, Oikawa being considerate is a red flag if there ever was one.
"Don't take this the wrong way", he holds up his hands placatingly, "But I'd suggest doing some soul searching. Maybe you're not as straight as you think."
Kuroo doesn't think that convincing himself that he's gay is going to fix any of this. He says as much.
"You're an idiot, Tetsu-chan", Oikawa tuts, "Just think about it."
With a perfectly executed eye roll, Kuroo leans back in his desk chair and grumbles: "Whatever. Not like you guys know shit about gay people anyway."
Oikawa stares at him. Even Bokuto drops his volleyball to tune back into the conversation. The sudden silence sets off alarm bells in Kuroo's head.
"Guys?"
They both abruptly burst out laughing, leaving Kuroo in dazed confusion. What joke is he missing? He knows he can be a bit oblivious, despite his social and academic prowess, but he generally never feels like the dumbest person in the room.
"Guys?", he tries again.
Oikawa catches his breath first, cheeks tinted pink, and raises an elegant eyebrow at Kuroo.
"Oh, Tetsu-chan, you're such a himbo."
"Yeah", Bokuto chimes in. God, Kuroo thinks, if Bokuto of all people calls you a himbo, you've really done it. "I thought you knew I was bisexual, bro. And Oikawa never shuts up about his Iwa-chan. Come on, dude!"
Holy shit. He's a fucking idiot.
"Oh my god. You're dating Akaashi, aren't you?"
Pityingly, Oikawa pats his knee as Bokuto excitedly begins rambling about his boyfriend. Jesus Christ.
The lie continues. Obviously.
Kuroo does feel a little bad about lying to the entire student body about his sexuality (and his relationship status), but if his two newly discovered queer friends think it's fine then it must be alright.
The weeks pass as they are wont to do and before Kuroo knows it, he's on the train to Tokyo to watch Nekoma play at Nationals. Bokuto is next to him, chatting his ear off about how Fukurodani are going to win, especially now that they've got Akaashi running the show. Kuroo privately thinks that they don't stand a chance against Kenma but keeps quiet.
The gymnasium is packed and loud and even though he still plays volleyball, it incites a strong burst of nostalgia inside of him.
They missed the first two days of the tournament, so there's only a limited number of teams left. Quickly, they find seats and cheer for Karasuno, who are currently playing. Kuroo is happy to see the team holding their own despite their third years' absence.
After a few more matches that are less exciting, as Kuroo has no personal stake in them, it's time for the showdown he's been waiting for. Nekoma vs. Fukurodani in the quarter finals.
Their old teams are friendly rivals at most, no bad blood between them, but Kuroo still feels a slight sting when he thinks about how they never managed to beat them when he was in high school. He hopes against hope that they manage it today.
Nekoma steps onto the court and Kuroo hones in on Kenma like a bloodhound. He's tiny from where Kuroo's sitting, even tinier than usual, but his heart threatens to burst in his chest at the reunion anyway. It's not even a reunion, not yet, and it's not like he hasn't seen Kenma's face during their weekly video chats, but it's entirely different in person, even like this.
Kenma seems more at ease, he's standing up straighter and seems to be talking to the team — his team — more confidently than Kuroo ever remembers seeing. His hair is tied back, grown out from last year, almost halfway back to it's natural black now. The number 1 looks good on him.
Kuroo yells his name until Kenma looks up. He finds him quickly in the crowd, eyes like a cat's, and flips him off. Laughing, Kuroo leans back in his seat to wait for the game to start.
Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Bokuto looking at him.
"What?", he asks.
Shrugging, Bokuto looks back at the court, no doubt to make eyes at Akaashi.
The game begins.
Nekoma wins by a hair. Kuroo screams himself hoarse.
Even Bokuto, more subdued than usual, cheers as the teams shake hands. He briefly hopes Fukurodani isn't too disappointed, it was a very close game, but his focus is entirely on Nekoma. On Kenma, who's now talking to Coach Nekomata and barely seems to be standing upright.
There's no more matches for Nekoma today, and Kuroo's taking off down the corridor before they even leave the court. He can't enter the athletes' areas anymore, so he leans against the wall opposite the door he knows leads to the various locker rooms and waits.
Kenma was never the fastest when it came to getting changed and Kuroo doubts a year has made much of a difference, so he's unperturbed when Tora is the first one through the door.
"Yo!", they greet each other with an elaborate handshake and chat for a bit, more members joining them as time passes. They want to hear all about his classes, his new friends and, most importantly, university-level volleyball.
"Hey, Kuroo, you got a girlfriend yet?", Inouka asks, cheeky grin broad on his face.
Reality comes crashing down again as the words register. He laughs awkwardly and waves the question off but the gears in his head are turning at record speeds.
Should he tell Kenma about his lie? No. It doesn't affect him so it's fine, right? He never has to know. Though, the thought of hiding something from his best friend makes him queasy. It feels wrong, like putting the milk in before the cereal, only worse.
Before he can make a proper decision, the door opens once again and Kenma finally steps out. He looks tired and small, hunched in on himself like Kuroo is used to seeing, but it seems to be purely from exertion, not anxiety or listlessness.
With a start, Kuroo recognized the large black hoodie he's wearing as his.
"Where'd you get that fashionable piece, Kozume?", he teases his friend as he pushes himself off the wall.
Kenma only rolls his eyes at him before they collide, and Kuroo immediately throws his arms around his friend. He squeezes him tightly, lifting Kenma off the ground by a few inches, and ignores his grumbling. It can't be that serious, considering Kenma's arms are curled around his waist like a vice.
"Missed you", Kuroo mumbles into his damp hair, breathing him in. He smells like strawberries.
Kenma hums, face attempting to dig a hole into Kuroo's chest.
Tens of seconds pass like this before they reluctantly separate. Kenma's round face is adorably pink, betraying his emotions despite the nonchalant attitude he's masterfully adopted. Kuroo throws an arm around him and steers him towards the exit, only now noticing that the corridor is empty. The rest of the team must have left them to their reunion and gone ahead.
"So, how are you?", Kuroo asks him as they weave through the crowd, "Have you eaten yet?"
Kenma throws him a dry look but lets Kuroo drag him towards a concession stand anyway. He replies while they wait.
"I'm fine", he mutters, "You know this. We talked five days ago."
"So what?", Kuroo drags Kenma along as the line moves, "Sorry I care about my best friend. You excited for tomorrow's matches?"
They make easy conversation, Kenma admitting that he's looking forward to playing Karasuno and Kuroo sharing funny anecdotes about university.
"Oh, by the way", Kenma says when they're finally second in line, "I have news."
"News?", Kuroo wonders what it could be. He's bringing it up while they're queuing for pretzels, so it can't be anything life-changing.
"Mhm", Kenma orders quietly and waits for his food before continuing, "I got accepted into Tsukuba."
Kuroo's world comes to a screeching halt.