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Bucky was standing in the living room, watching Steve put his shoes on, crying. “Stevie, please-”
“Don't call me that. Just stop.” Steve said as he reached for his other shoe. “You should have
known this was coming. How could anyone love someone like you?”
Bucky's heart shattered with those words. He knows he's a mess. He was in a war for fuck's sake.
He has nightmares and PTSD. He can't handle large crowds for long and loud noises make him jump. He's
had flashbacks so intense he found himself huddled at the back of the closet crying and holding a kitchen
knife for protection.
This, though, this is awful. He never thought he would hear anyone say that to him. Even at his
darkest points he thought he was still worthy of love. He met Steve shortly after he got back and they
quickly became inseparable. Steve helped Bucky through some really tough moments. They held each
other and cried when Steve's dog died. Bucky's nightmares weren't as bad when Steve was holding him.
“Steve,” he whispered, “please, tell me what I did. I can change. Please.” Bucky wasn't sure what
he would do without Steve.
The sound of Bucky's alarm woke him up. His heart is beating rapidly and there are tears on his
face. He can still feel the pain in his chest from hearing Dream Steve say those things. Bucky knows it's
only a matter of time before Steve realizes Bucky's just not worth his time. He texts his boss that he's not
feeling good and decides he's not getting out of bed today. He's not even hungry so he's not gonna bother
with food. He's just gonna stay under the covers and hopefully go back to sleep.
He doesn't manage to get to sleep. Steve arrives to check on him. “Buck?” Bucky gave Steve a key
awhile ago and now sorta wishes he hadn't. He just wants to be left alone.
“Go away, Steve.” He knows Steve heard him but then Steve is in the room anyways.
“Bucky? What's wrong?” Steve crouches down next to the bed and tries to look at Bucky. Bucky
pulls the covers over his face. Seeing Steve reminds him of his dream and now he's crying. Perfect way to
start the day. Suddenly Steve is laying right on top of him. Over the covers.
“Steve! What the hell?” Bucky tries to wiggle to get Steve off of him but Steve won't budge.
“Will you talk to me if I get off?”
“Fine.” Bucky grunts. Steve gets off and sits beside Bucky cross legged. Bucky turns to face him
and uncovers his face. He watches Steve's look of concern get deeper when Steve sees Bucky has been
crying.
“Buck, what's wrong?” Steve reaches a hand out but doesn't touch Bucky, remembers to respect
Bucky's personal space just in case Bucky's had a flashback. “Baby, what do you need?”
More tears fall from Bucky's eyes at the endearment and the gentle concern in Steve's voice. “I'm
fine, Stevie. Just not feelin' so great. You should go.”
Steve shakes his head. “Not goin' nowhere. I missed you.” Steve pauses, cocks his head to the
side, like he's thinking. After a moment he looks down at his hands. “I had a nightmare.” He whispers.
Bucky looks up at that and gives Steve a sad look. “I dreamed that you died.” Steve's voice sounds like
he's gonna start crying again. “That you thought I didn't love you anymore and you-” Steve starts crying
suddenly.
Bucky is sitting up and reaching for Steve before he thinks about it. “No. No, honey, come here.”
Steve crawls closer and Bucky wraps his arms around Steve's shoulders. “Oh, baby. Please don't cry.”
Bucky can't forget his own dream but seeing how broken Steve is makes him wonder. “You know, I had a
nightmare as well.” He whispers into Steve's hair. Steve tries to pull away, but Bucky won't let go. “You
didn't love me anymore.” He is still whispering, and Steve manages to just turn around in Bucky's arms.
Bucky pulls Steve with him and lays back down. They shift a little to get comfortable and lay in each
other's arms for a while.
“Buck? You know I'll never stop loving you, right?”
“I know that in my heart, Stevie. It's my head that keeps telling me I'm not worth it. My PTSD, my
anxiety, all my issues. I don't understand why you stay with me when I'm such a mess.”
“I love-” Steve stops, shakes his head, starts again. “I love your heart. I love your compassion. You
are funny and thoughtful. You stop whatever you're doing to help anyone who you think might need it.
You remember everyone's birthdays. You always-”
“Steve.” Bucky turns his head and buries his face in Steve's hair. “I love you so much. I love you
more than I can say.”
“I know, baby. I know.” Steve rubs Bucky's back. “You don't gotta tell me. You just need to let me
tell you how much you mean to me.” Steve squeezes Bucky a little tighter and whispers. “I can't lose you.
I can't. I don't know what I would do without you.”
It's the best thing Bucky has heard in a while.