Chapter Text
The Enterprise was drifting near a gas cloud, somewhere in the proximity of a far-off star. Their current task was a simple one, for once, namely cartography of the cloud. They had sent out probes, and it would still be a day until they would return to the ship.
As Kirk was not needed on the bridge, he spent his time filling-out and approving long-abandoned paper work. His uniform tunic hung over the soft plush chair near his bed, and he had Tchaikovsky playing in the background. The music had a certain beat to it, something akin to a drum.
The music stopped as the symphony ended, but the pounding sound remained. Kirk became curious and got up from his chair to investigate. The sound was definitely coming from his neighbor to the left side. Kirk stepped out of his quarters and rung the bell of his neighbor. He was let inside immediately.
"You are aware that you do not have to press the button.", Spock told him. The Vulcan was kneeling on the floor. He had a hammer, a box of small nails and a big pack of golden, silver and black circles made from foil.
"What are you doing?", Kirk wondered aloud. Spock looked at the hammer as if he had just encountered it.
"I am decorating my quarters.", he stated blankly. Kirk could see that Spock was using the nails to pin the foil circles to the wall in front of him. That was unusual, but not necessarily alarming.
"Are you doing a pattern?", Kirk wondered.
"The IDIC.", Spock said. Kirk stared at the current state of the project, three rows at the bottom of the wall.
"You've got a long way to go.", Kirk laughed.
"Indeed.", Spock sighed. He sighed a bit too loudly, for Kirk's taste. The Captain kneeled down next to him.
"Everything alright? You've holed yourself up in your quarters all week. I've only seen you outside when you were on duty. And you've barely eaten. You're not sick or something?", he inquired softly. Spock shook his head.
"I am indeed not feeling well.", he stated.
"You should go and see Bones, then.", Kirk proposed. He put a hand on Spock's shoulder. Spock breathed hard once and then shook his head again.
"The Doctor will not be able to help me, Jim.", he said with a shaky voice.
"What is it, then? What's the matter?", Kirk pushed again. Spock closed his eyes.
"Do you know the multiples of seven?", he asked.
"Of course. What are you trying to... Oh. Oh, dear.", Kirk realized. He had had the thought earlier that day, but had not taken it seriously. Spock nodded, looking at Kirk with pain in his eyes.
"Indeed.", he agreed.
"Spock, I realize that this must be horrible for you. But please do something to make it better. I wouldn't be able to stand it if I lost you. You just came back to me. Please.", Kirk begged.
"I should call my father, take the necessary shore leave.", Spock agreed.
"Do you have somebody back home, a nice lady?", Kirk asked. Spock raised both eyebrows.
"Jim, you know how it is. There is one betrothed to me, a replacement for T'Pring, but I barely know her."
There was some silence. Kirk tried to soothe his poor friend, running circles on his shoulder.
"I wish...", the Human murmured. Spock blew air out of his nose.
"I yearn for you only, Jim. If I go to Vulcan, to be with her... I would surely die. The thought of leaving the Enterprise causes me pain.", Spock said firmly. Kirk sat there for a few moments, deciding what to do.
"We will need to hide it somehow. How long do you think it will take for the solutions of the... predicament?", Kirk tried to inform himself.
"I do not know. Perhaps merely an hour or two. If I remember correctly, my first time was solved rather quickly.", Spock replied factually.
"Perhaps, a night will be enough. I have an appointment with Scotty at 1800, but afterwards I am free. Where do you want to do it?", Kirk pondered.
"Your room will be more comfortable. Mine is full of nails.", Spock decided. Kirk smiled.
"Alright. It's a date.", he said lightly and got up. He was almost at the door when Spock held him back.
"Jim, thank you.", he said.
"Don't thank me just yet. We'll see how it goes.", Kirk chuckled.
@@@
Kirk had just come back from his weekly tour of the engine room and was about to hop into the sonic shower. He wanted to smell good for Spock. His door bell sounded. Was Spock early? Kirk called for the door to open. McCoy walked in.
"Jim, I'll need your help.", he immediately begun.
"With what?", Kirk wondered. McCoy groaned.
"It's Spock, of course. He's been acting odd. He avoids all my questions. All I get to hear is 'I am well, Doctor McCoy.' and 'Stop your incessant prodding, Doctor McCoy.' Can you try to talk with him?", McCoy explained. Kirk nodded.
"Certainly. We have an appointment tonight, anyway.", Kirk replied easily. McCoy seemed amused.
"What for?", he wanted to know. Kirk scratched his head. He could not tell McCoy what was going on.
"For chess. I am going to beat him, I believe.", he replied. McCoy laughed.
"You're such nerds, both of you. A chess date, huh?", he asked.
"Yeah.", Kirk shrugged, "Speaking of which, I need to clean up this place before he arrives."
"No need to shoo me away, I'll leave on my own. Have fun. And speak to him, alright?", McCoy insisted. Kirk nodded and watched his friend leave.
@@@
Kirk wished he could tell McCoy what was going on. But he simply could not, for his life would be in shambles. It was the fault of Starfleet law, paragraph 175, which clearly prohibited romantic relationships between the Captain and members of their crew. And Kirk was usually big on following rules.
But as it was, he had already been dating Spock before the Enterprise. Met him at a speed dating event at Starbase 15, all those years ago. He remembered that both had been coerced to participate by their respective friends and bonded over trying to flee the event. They had been posted on different vessels, had written each other lots of letters. Almost all shore leaves were spent together, exploring some planet or simply whatever space station they happened to be on.
Kirk had been offered captaincy under the condition that Spock be his First Officer, as the Vulcan was due for a promotion. The admiralty had no idea of their connection. Kirk and Spock had talked it over, and mutually decided to break-off their relationship, for the benefit of their careers.
It had held up for all of two months. After that, they had simply had it in silence. To keep it a secret from their friends had been hard work, straining whatever they had in the process. After the five-year mission, Spock had decided that he could no longer take it and had left for Vulcan. He had initially told Kirk that he would be gone for a month, but it had turned out to be three very long years.
They had reunited eventually, both more mature and a little wiser than before. But still, their union had to stay hidden. They had promised each other to tell their friends upon their retirement from Starfleet. That was still hopefully many years off. Until then, they would be together, secretly, but not less fulfilling.
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Kirk had indeed showered and cleaned up his quarters. He had turned up the temperature as well, for Spock's comfort. As a security measure, he covered a part of his floor in blankets and laid his mattress on top of it. They had once managed to fall out of bed during the act. It had not been fun to try to explain that one to McCoy.
Spock came through the bathroom door. Their quarters were connected by the facilities, which they shared. They were technically not allowed to use these doors as a connection, but nobody was there to comment on it.
Spock was wearing nothing but a meditation robe. He stopped in front of Kirk, who was sitting on the mattress.
"You are shaking.", Kirk remarked, "Please sit down."
Spock placed himself on the mattress, very carefully and gingerly.
"It's not as bad as last time.", Kirk smiled. Spock nodded.
"It is still early. But the state I was in last time... is not considered the norm.", Spock sighed.
"So... How do we do that, now?", Kirk wondered, looking at his lover. Spock returned the glance with amused puppy eyes.
"The normal way, I would gather.", he said.
"Ah, I forgot that you are as new to this as me. What does it feel like?", Kirk asked and started to undress.
"It is somewhat painful. Perhaps a strong hunger is most similar to it, but my thoughts constantly return to your person. Right now, it is almost irresistible.", Spock explained, breathing hard at Kirk's naked presence.
"Well, then. I am all lubed up and ready to go.", Kirk informed him with a wink. Spock grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him onto the mattress. Kirk laughed and let it happen. He enjoyed making his Vulcan slightly crazy.
"Spock, maybe you should undress yourself too.", Kirk pointed out to the busy man above him. Spock blinked and then pulled the robe over his head in one smooth motion. It ended up in a heap on the floor.
@@@
Kirk was tired. He knew the importance of what he was doing and enjoyed it as well, but two hours of hot sex were two hours of uninterrupted emotional and physical effort. McCoy had once told Kirk that the average person would require about 4 kcal per minute during this activity. 4 times 120 was 480, Kirk calculated. Almost a whole meal, he figured.
"You are preoccupied.", Spock said after he crashed down next to Kirk, as he had done quite a few times by now.
"I was just saving energy.", Kirk explained tiredly, "How do you feel?"
"Improved. But now I am experiencing a burning sensation.", he replied weakly.
"Where?", Kirk wondered. Spock bowed his head to indicate a downwards direction.
"Should have used more lube. Sorry about that.", Kirk sighed.
"It is of little consequence. You are likely not better off.", Spock remarked with a raised eyebrow. Kirk snorted.
"No. By the way, you are usually not that big on being the bottom. What was that about tonight?", Kirk asked. Spock shrugged and snuggled up to him.
"I do not know. It was not a conscious decision on my part. But I am glad that you indulged me.", he replied.
"My pleasure. Do we need to do another round? You seem much calmer than before.", Kirk inquired.
"I do not believe so. I am feeling tired. May I sleep here, with you?", Spock asked softly.
"Of course. Wait, I'll get us a blanket and turn the lights down.", Kirk offered. When he did and returned to the mattress, Spock turned on his stomach and draped himself over his Human lover. He smelled of sweat, but Kirk did not mind, as he did as well. The Vulcan was hot and rather heavy on his chest. However, Kirk would have never considered to ask him to move. While not entirely unheard of, this behavior was remarkable for the usually rather aloof Spock. They barely ever cuddled like that, as their relationship was usually more mentally than physically. However, Spock clearly needed what Kirk was giving him now. Kirk held him the entire night, while Spock was sleeping soundly, barely shifting throughout. The Captain hardly managed to close his eyes, somehow too agitated by the day's events.
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The morning was brutal. Kirk had not known that he could be so stiff. He had not slept and his nether region had some chafing. When the alarm went off, Spock slowly awoke, appearing utterly dreary. His face was slightly puffy and he struggled to sit up.
"How are you?", Kirk asked lowly.
"Very tired.", Spock replied in uncharacteristic honesty.
"Do you want to stay in here today?", Kirk asked, a bit concerned about his friend's welfare. Spock stood up slowly.
"That will not be necessary. I would have to explain my illness to Doctor McCoy.", Spock pointed out.
"Yeah, you're right. But don't overdo it, please. I can't have officers asleep on the bridge.", Kirk reminded him.
"Certainly, Admiral.", Spock replied and helped Kirk to his feet. The mention of the rank appeared out of place, since they were both still naked.
@@@
Freshly showered, clad in their uniforms and drinking coffee, they both appeared on the bridge. Their mission was still to cartograph the gas cloud, but it would be finished by tonight. Spock checked on the sensory data, while Kirk saw to the rest of the ship.
Everything was as they had hoped: Boring. All systems were operative and the measurements were of high quality. Kirk watched as Spock very carefully sat down in front of the science station to help the Lieutenant on duty with some minor detail. Nobody commented on it.
Seeing that everything was in order, they again left the bridge. Both were usually more involved in the work aboard, but it was technically not required from them. Today was one of those days when they barely listened to duty's call.
"We need to stop by my quarters.", Spock said as soon as they had entered the turbolift.
"Deck five.", Kirk ordered the computer and asked, "What do you need?"
"You.", Spock said, feeling a bit self-conscious.
"Can I be the bottom this time around? I won't be able to take it otherwise.", Kirk replied.
"I would be content to agree to these terms.", Spock groaned.
It was only a minute until Kirk found himself on Spock's bed, pinned down by the arms. He could feel the Vulcan trembling above him.
"Come on.", he beckoned him coyly. Spock was upon him in seconds.
@@@
The comm system sounded.
"McCoy to Spock.", it said. As Spock was sleeping in his bed, covered by two blankets, Kirk got up laboriously and flicked the switch.
"Kirk here. What's the matter, Bones?", he asked.
"There you are. I called your quarters and then the bridge. What are you doing at Spock's?", McCoy replied.
"Ship's business.", Kirk stated tiredly.
"Whatever. You missed your weekly inspection at my sickbay. I need your little signature on my form.", McCoy complained. Kirk glanced at Spock, who was out cold.
"I'll be there in a few minutes. Kirk out.", he decided and redressed quickly.
@@@
McCoy was already expecting him in sickbay. He was doing maintenance on a biobed when Kirk entered.
"There you are. Do we do the usual tour?", McCoy asked.
"Sure. Lead the way.", Kirk replied rather unenthusiastically. McCoy did aim towards the first room on their inspection, but still found time to eye his friend.
"Jim, are you alright? You look like you haven't slept at all.", he stated. Kirk shrugged.
"I didn't, I guess. But I am confident it will work tonight.", Kirk replied.
"Call me if it doesn't. Can't have you walking around like the living dead.", McCoy decided. He stopped in his tracks when Kirk's stomach grumbled lowly.
"And eat something, for gods' sake. What have you been doing?", he added.
"Some top-secret business has come up. Took me a while to sort it out.", Kirk shrugged. He was not technically lying to his friend. It still hurt. The inspection was without incident or reason for complaint.
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Kirk found himself back inside Spock's quarters. The poor Vulcan had awoken while he was gone, but was still lying in bed. Kirk gave him a pat on the shoulder.
"What do you say to us getting something to eat?", Kirk proposed. Spock flipped onto his back and smiled at Kirk openly.
"That would be gratifying.", he said. Kirk could not keep from smiling himself.
"You seem awfully happy.", he pointed out.
"Indeed. I am experiencing an increase of oxytocin and dopamine. That is a normal reaction to the resolution of my predicament.", Spock explained. Kirk sat onto the bed.
"Does it feel good?", he wondered.
"Feel, Sir?", Spock replied, pretending not to understand. Kirk sighed.
"It also eases the pain.", Spock added.
"Still the same thing?", Kirk inquired. Spock nodded.
"Me too. I think I have some cream to help it heal faster in my quarters. And I suggest we stay celibate for a while.", Kirk said.
"Indeed.", Spock agreed, schooling his smile into a less identifiable expression.
@@@
They would have honestly preferred to sit alone in a corner of the mess hall today, but McCoy and Scott were already sitting at a table. Not joining them would have been suspicious. So, they did.
Even though Kirk had felt quite hungry, his need subsided quickly. Spock, on the other hand, dug into his meal. It was the colorful food cubes that were always served on Tuesdays. McCoy studied the hungry Vulcan.
"Spock, are you alright?", he asked. Spock took only a few seconds to look up from his plate.
"I am.", he stated. The extreme bliss he was in likely kept him from making any scathing replies. McCoy blinked.
"That's good to hear.", he said.
"Ah, Admiral, but ye are looking not so well.", Scott remarked. Kirk groaned.
"No, Scotty, I'm a bit tired. I am going to bed soon, after giving the last orders of the day.", Kirk replied.
"Keep them short, alright?", McCoy instructed him.
"Yes, Sir.", Kirk returned mockingly. McCoy decided not to reply.
@@@
Kirk recovered easily from the ordeal, as did Spock. Just a few days later, it was like nothing unusual had ever occurred. Kirk was glad that they had managed to keep it under wraps. But he also had to admit that he felt even more in love than before. He wanted to tell everybody of the wonderful fortune he had in the form of Spock, but he was not allowed to. He did however glance more often over his shoulder, where his First Officer was busy being a scientist.
Life went on as usual. They explored new life and new civilizations and went boldly where no Federation member had gone before. They slowly forgot about the little episode and Kirk could regularly hear Spock put more nails into his wall.
@@@
Kirk walked around the bridge, checking up on everyone. They were underway to the planet Regulus V, to pick up supplies. It had been a long but uneventful journey.
Kirk stopped at the science station. Spock looked uncomfortable. A casual observer would perhaps be unaware, but Kirk had spent enough time with him to notice.
"Something wrong?", he asked him lowly. Spock shook his head softly.
"The temperature is merely not to my liking. It is hardly an issue.", Spock explained.
"We can turn up the temperature on the bridge, if you like.", Kirk proposed.
"Hardly necessary, Admiral.", Spock assured him with a soft smile.
"Alright.", Kirk surrendered and continued on his walk.
@@@
When he entered Spock's quarters a few days later, he was immediately hit by a wave of hot air.
"Are you missing the desert?", Kirk joked as he opened his uniform's zippers under the arms.
"I was experiencing a remarkable coldness.", Spock explained from between his blankets. Kirk frowned and crossed his arms.
"You've been cold a lot lately.", he remembered. Spock shrugged.
"I don't think Scotty has turned down the thermostats. I'll talk to him about it.", Kirk decided.
"No need, as I have already done so. The ship's environment system is in order. I have instead requisitioned clothing articles from the cold climate equipment.", he replied and pointed to his table, where they were laid out. He had heated socks, a heated undershirt and a round handwarmer.
"You think that will be enough?", Kirk laughed.
"It will have to suffice, as the regulation does not allow for me to wear a hat or even gloves.", Spock stated flatly.
"Well, your Captain can allow that to you, if you fill out the paperwork.", Kirk remembered. Spock raised an eyebrow.
"And explain my appearance to every single member of the crew?", Spock asked.
"I understand what you mean.", Kirk agreed. He sat down on the bed.
"Have you considered seeing Bones? This is not normal for you.", he asked softly. Spock did not answer.
"Think about it. In the meantime, are you up to join me in the gym? Warm up a little? We could go to the steam sauna afterwards.", Kirk proposed. Spock's eyes lit up for just an instant.
"Certainly.", he replied.
@@@
Spock kept feeling cold and could sometimes be seen with the hand warmer between his fingers. On some days, it would be better than on others. Kirk kept worrying about it, but Spock refused to bother McCoy about it. His personality had changed a little. He spent more time alone in his quarters or in the laboratory. He seemed at times reluctant to join his colleagues in their off-duty pursuits. When he did join, he was often the first to leave the event.
There was also the issue with food. Kirk remarked on it during dinner one night.
"Is something wrong with your food?", Kirk wondered. The Vulcan could barely hide his disgust.
"There must be a problem with the food synthesizers, Mister Scott.", Spock told the engineer at their table.
"Aye?", he asked, "My food is just fine."
"Mine too.", McCoy agreed, glancing critically at Spock.
"Is it the taste?", Kirk inquired. Spock nodded.
"The food tastes like burned plastic. It is rather unpleasant.", he explained.
"Really? Let me try some.", Kirk decided and stole a green strip of dinner number 15 off Spock's plate.
"Tastes just like mine.", he certified with a full mouth.
"Do you have any other sensory issues?", McCoy wondered.
"The lights are a bit bright today.", Spock admitted. McCoy looked at his pupils.
"You might have a form of migraine. With your physiology its hard to tell.", McCoy diagnosed.
"Indeed. What do you suggest?", Spock asked, visibly tired.
"Go to bed early and turn off the lights. Take some painkillers if you have a headache. Call me in the morning if it doesn't help.", McCoy said. Spock stood from the table, abandoning his meal.
"Gentlemen.", he nodded at them and left for his quarters.
"I'm a bit worried about him.", Kirk said as soon as he was gone.
"He's been a wee bit strange lately. Always looks like he's ready to fall asleep.", Scott commented. McCoy was silent for a moment.
"Well, you know, it should be time for his next reproduction cycle. Maybe that's what's bothering him. Hell, I would be acting strange too and feeling tired all the time if I was drowning in hormones. Do you two remember what puberty was like?", McCoy told them.
"Ach, I completely forgot about that. Poor Mister Spock! I hope he has a wee lass waiting for him at home. I couldna imagine...", Scott thought loudly.
"He mentioned to me that he did have one." Kirk interjected.
"And shore leave's coming up anyways, so he doesn't need to ask for time off specifically. I think we'll just to put up with him until then.", McCoy added.
Kirk smiled, but his thoughts were with Spock, who was no longer suffering from the pon farr. Or was he? If McCoy could explain his behavior away so easily... He should talk to Spock.
@@@
"Spock? Can I come in? We need to talk.", Kirk called through the bathroom door. There was no reply. Kirk pushed the button to open the door. The room behind was dark, only the blue night light was on. He could barely see Spock, who was curled up in bed, sleeping. For an instant, Kirk considered waking him. But what for? That would just be cruel. He closed the door again.
He returned to his own quarters and began to pace. Should he tell McCoy the truth? That Spock had the reproductive phase of his cycle behind him? But he would have to explain how that could have happened, in the middle of space. And if he told McCoy, who could not be fooled with such matters, the doctor would have to report their forbidden relationship to Starfleet. His and Spock's careers would suffer. But even worse, McCoy would certainly search the fault in himself for reporting them. He was their best friend, and Kirk did not want to put him in an impossible situation.
He therefore could not tell McCoy the truth. However, shore leave was indeed only three weeks off. If Spock kept acting strangely afterwards, he could finally seek medical attention, without having to destroy everything he had. Kirk just hoped that he would be okay until then.
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They were standing in line at the port master's office. The Enterprise was docked inside Starbase 15 and the Captain and First Officer had to report on their cargo and hand over the crew complement declaration. Only then could the rest of the crew leave the ship, the cargo be unloaded and the ship restocked.
It was boring work, standing in the hallway by the port master's office. In front of them was the Captain of an Andorian defense vessel and behind them stood a Vulcan trader. Quite many ships had arrived that day and the port authorities were working as fast as they could.
"I wish Starfleet would change the uniforms again.", Kirk grumbled.
"Indeed?", Spock asked.
"Yes. They're so grey. I barely register it on the Enterprise, since everything around there is grey. But out here, it is really accentuated.", Kirk explained.
"My uniform is blue, while yours is white.", Spock pointed out.
"Yes, nominally. But you must agree that it is a very grey blue and that Operations is wearing a very grey beige. And Medical is wearing white, which is a very light grey if you're honest.", Kirk insisted. Spock blinked.
"You are not entirely wrong.", Spock agreed.
"The dark blue suited you better.", Kirk remembered. Spock put on an amused expression.
"Perhaps you should complain to HQ that the new uniforms don't match your First Officer's complexion.", he suggested.
"Perhaps I will, Mister Spock.", Kirk laughed, not intending to go through with it.
"If you do so, you might mention the belts. They are rather uncomfortable, if one should fall asleep in his uniform.", Spock added. Kirk stopped laughing and gave him a critical look.
"You've been really tired lately.", he remarked.
"Indeed. Perhaps our holiday will allow me to replenish my energy.", Spock replied.
"I sure hope so. Two weeks on Wrigley's pleasure planet should do the trick. Are you all packed?", Kirk asked.
"I am almost ready to leave.", Spock said.
"Good. We'll take the shuttle this afternoon, in case we'll ever get out of this line. Should only be a two-hour ride.", Kirk stated. The documents in his hands kept him from rubbing them in excitement.
It was finally their turn to enter the office. Spock stepped towards the door next to Kirk and was suddenly leaning hard onto him. Kirk caught him instinctively. Before he could realize what was going on, Spock straightened up and steadied himself at the door frame.
"Next.", the port master urged them onwards. Kirk entered the office, closely followed by his First Officer. They could sit down in front of the big desk.
Their forms and documents were all in order, which was no surprise. They left the office only a few minutes later, having attained all permits for their ship's stay at the Starbase.
"Are we going to talk about it?", Kirk asked on their way back to the Enterprise.
"I was merely momentarily impaired.", Spock admitted, albeit a bit snippy.
"You mean you almost passed out in front of the port master's office.", Kirk accused him.
"Hardly. I was only slightly unsteady for an instant. I am tired. Rest and relaxation will surely aid my physical condition.", Spock decided.
"I think you should see a physician. But I can't force you to.", Kirk sighed.
"Very wise, Sir.", Spock said and nodded once.
"Oh, to be as stubborn as a Vulcan.", he murmured to himself.