Chapter Text
"And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye
Say something, I'm giving up on you."
━━━ 𝑐𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑑 ━━━
24th December, 2007
"Are you the strongest for being Gojo Satoru?" Suguru turned around to face him. "Or are you Gojo Satoru for being the strongest?" Satoru knew that his face was giving away everything, and he didn't want to meet his eyes. But he forced himself to look at Suguru, scanning his face.
He was looking for something. Something that would give him the slightest bit of hope. Guilt, remorse, shame, doubt, anything that would make him come back. Maybe Suguru would grin now, then break into a laugh. Haha, fooled ya! Or maybe, just maybe, Suguru's face would start to swirl, then his body, then everything surrounding him, until Satoru would find himself waking up in his bed in Jujutsu High, and walk out to see Suguru waving at him, telling him to hurry up for class.
The swirl never came.
"What are you trying to say?" He breathed.
"If I could become you," Suguru stated, raising his chin a little, "Don't you think such an absurd ideal might come true?"
Satoru gulped. His legs, ironically for the strongest, felt immensely weak, and he clenched his teeth like they were the only thing holding his feet to the ground. His electric six eyes were dulled now. Pale grey. Barely visible. As if they refused to see this unfold.
He wanted to say something that would convince Suguru to rethink his decision. But he had no answer to give him.
"I have decided on my way of life." No. He resisted. "From now on," No. No. GOD, please no. "I will strive to achieve what I am capable of."
He wanted to say so much. He wanted to stop Suguru. Beg him if needed.
Later, Satoru would wonder if the only thing Suguru needed was his friend. If yelling at him for being an idiot would've made him stop in his tracks and return to his life as a high school student. As if all Suguru needed was a reminder that he did not need to be an adult just yet.
Oi, baka! He could've said. Stop fooling around, we have an exam coming up. Don't you wanna come back to class and study until you top, you nerd!
Would that have worked? Maybe. Maybe not. Jujutsu sorcerers were starved of their youth ever since they stepped into this world. He knew that feeling all too well. The weight of being the strongest had lingered upon his shoulders since his earliest memories. How could he expect Suguru to step out of the mountain that had crumbled upon him that day like an epiphany, then?
Still, in that very moment, Satoru found himself wanting to say something to stop him. He didn't want to lose his best friend. His one and only.
He said nothing.
Suguru turned and walked away, triggering a fueling rage inside of Satoru. Do something. Now. If you can't speak up, at least DO something. Anything.
He raised his hands, fingers coming together. To do what, exactly, he didn't know. To stop him? To fight him? To kill him?
He hoped it would make Suguru turn around again. A little more time, if not forever. Turn around. Come back. One more minute. One more second, Suguru.
He was sweating now. He was stiff on the outside, but deep down, his heart was trembling. Thump. He could hear it beating against his chest. Thump. Thump. Thump. He held his breath. Thump. Thump. Thump.
"If you want to kill me, go ahead." He heard his voice somewhere in the crowd, and his dull eyes searched for Suguru's phantom. He gulped, his breath still caught between his lungs. "It would also be meaningful."
He clenched his fist, surrendering. And just like that, Suguru was gone.
Satoru lowered his arms and breathed in. When he looked down at the floor beneath him, he saw a drop of tear fall, darkening the pavement around it. Was it his?
He raised a hand to feel his face and gasped as his fingertip turned wet. He would never tell anybody. Nobody could know. He was Gojo Satoru, the strongest. He had to keep up with that lie, every damned second of his life.
He walked away, never looking back.