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For someone who was usually energetic and always curious about something, Sieglinde Sullivan’s demeanour since she settled at Phantomhive Manor had somehow changed. Everyone understood why – finding out she had always been essentially creating weapons since she was born had been traumatic, to say the least, for the poor girl.
Ciel had decided she could stay in the manor for the time being – him, every Phantomhive servant and of course Wolfram were by her side, but that didn’t seem to help improving her mood. Whenever he tried to say anything in hopes she would smile a little more or at least laugh, it rarely worked. And it usually ended up with Ciel’s mood worsening as well.
Ciel Phantomhive wasn’t good at feelings or expressing himself, let alone dealing with other people’s emotions. Sometimes he simply didn’t care enough to get involved, but there were moments in which he wanted to help but simply didn’t know how. It was the latter in the case of Sieglinde – it didn’t feel right to Ciel to leave her feeling down like that.
“Lady Sullivan’s mood does not seem to be improving.” Sebastian commented a week after they came back from Germany.
“I know.” Ciel huffed. He wasn’t annoyed by Sieglinde’s mood – his frustration was due to being unsure of what to do about it. “Have you done something to cheer her up?”
“You have not ordered me to.” Sebastian replied, his tone calm. “I thought you were the one trying to do so.”
“I do not know what to do about her.” Ciel joined his hand and positioned them covering his mouth, his elbows on the table. “You are the one who’s good with women, do something about it.”
“It is not my intention to disobey, young Master, but lady Sullivan is a girl.” Sebastian remarked. She wasn’t even close to maturing enough to be considered a woman yet. “I’m sure she would appreciate having someone closer to her age by her side and she seems to feel comfortable around you. Besides, she helped all of us a lot when were in Germany.”
Despite Ciel’s unwillingness to reveal his soft, emotional side, he knew Sebastian was right. Taking a deep breath, Ciel decided he didn’t lose anything by trying. “How do you even cheer someone up? What should I say?”
“My lord, you should try to come up with something on your own.” Sebastian explained, not surprised of Ciel’s inability for the task but still amused by it. “If the words you tell lady Sullivan are mine, then the gesture would not be authentic, do you not agree?”
Ciel made a small sound of protest. “Fine.” He gave up on trying to make Sebastian do the work. “Where is she?”
“Reading in her room, I believe.” Sebastian retired a teacup from Ciel’s desk. “It is her most frequent activity since we came back from Germany.”
“Tell her that I would like her company for today’s afternoon tea.” Ciel ordered, indicating Sebastian to leave the room with a hand. “Go now. I need to think.”
Sebastian couldn’t help a chuckle. “Of course, young master.”
Ciel spent a lot more time than he could care to admit thinking of ways to comfort Sieglinde. He realized then that he hadn’t even said a very simple I’m sorry – which made him feel a little bad about himself. He barely knew the girl and they hadn’t started on the best terms, but she was pleasant to be around, cute and so incredibly smart. Ciel really admired that.
When the time for afternoon tea came, Sebastian came looking for Ciel. He was a little nervous, Sebastian could tell but made no comment, serving the tea and leaving a few refreshments on the table as he used to do. Ciel had ordered Sebastian to place the chair Sieglinde would be sitting on as near to him as possible yet keeping some distance.
Once all the food was on the table, Sebastian and Wolfram were told to leave the room – though Sebastian almost had to drag Wolfram out, his concern for Sieglinde being too much to leave her alone with someone who wasn’t him. The man had barely left her side since they were in England, Sebastian even saw him crying by her side more than once.
“Uhm.” Ciel awkwardly cleared his throat once they were left alone. “Lady Sullivan.”
“Sieglinde.”
He blinked, a little confused. “Uh?”
“I call you Ciel all the time.” Sieglinde explained, her English being quite fluid by then. “It is fair that you call me by my first name too. If you want, of course.”
“S–sure.” He stuttered. “Well, Sieglinde. There is something I wanted to tell you.”
“Oh?” Her expression turned from neutral to curious.
“Well.” Ciel swallowed. “I noticed you have been feeling quite down since you live here and–”
“You think I seem ungrateful?” She interrupted him.
“That is not–”
“Because I really appreciate that you are letting Wolfram and I stay here.” She went on.
“Listen, I really do not–” Ciel began getting overwhelmed.
“Wait, do you want us to leave? Is that why you made Sebastian and Wolf leave, because you wanted to tell me directly? Did we do someth–”
“Let me finish!” Ciel’s cheeks turned a little red when he realized he had raised his voice a little too much. “My apologies, I did not mean to scream at you.”
“No, I kept interrupting you.” Sieglinde looked down at her teacup for a moment. “I’m sorry, please continue.”
“Thank you.” Ciel took a deep breath. “As I said, I realized you have been feeling down since we left Germany. I understand why, of course, what they did to you was terrible–” When he realized the grip around her fork tightened, Ciel quickly changed the topic. “The thing is, I was wondering if I could do something to help you. To cheer you up.” He added a bit timidly.
Sieglinde wasn’t sure of what to say. She had seen many sides of Ciel – his usually cold demeanour, his heartless side, his considerate side, his embarrassed faces, and something not many could say, she had seen the young Earl relive his past traumatizing experiences. She had the knowledge of his involvement with demons as well, another secret she kept.
Knowing all that, Sieglinde could tell Ciel was being honest. Despite his unwillingness to be perceived and soft and weak – or at least what he considered to appear weak, Ciel was trying. And that alone made her lips curve into a warm smile. The emotional wounds from the painful truth she had discovered didn’t go away, maybe they never would, but that was a start.
Of course she appreciated Wolfram’s undying support, but Ciel had gained a special place in her heart as well. From the moment he appeared in her life, everything had been new and exciting for Sieglinde, who had never seen more than what she was given in her castle. He had uncovered all the lies she had been fed, he had shown her the outside world.
Sieglinde was free because of Ciel.
“I think I need time for this awful feeling to go away.” Sieglinde started. “I doubt what I experienced will ever leave me, but I can learn to live with that. I’m sorry I made you worry.”
“Do not apologize for that.” Ciel shook his head, fighting the sudden urge to get a little closer to her. “I’m really sorry for what happened to you.” He finally said. “You did not deserve to be used like that.”
“I appreciate your words.” Sieglinde felt her eyes a little watery but quickly dried her tears with her sleeve. “About what you said, the cheering me up thing.”
“Yes?” Ciel paid close attention.
“Sebastian mentioned you have a house in London, right?”
“I do.”
“I would like to see the city, there is so much I have yet to discover.” Sieglinde proposed, an eagerness in her voice Ciel was glad to hear again. “If you do not mind, of course. I’m fine in the manor as well.”
“We always have something to do in London anyway.” Ciel’s awkwardness was suddenly gone, his nervous tone replaced by a calm, kind one. “I will tell Sebastian to pack our things, we can go tomorrow.”
“Really?” Sieglinde’s eyes sparkled.
“I do not see why not.” Ciel shrugged, an odd yet not unwelcome warmth growing in his chest. “Now, let’s eat, shall we?”
“Right.” Appetite suddenly had returned to Sieglinde. “Oh, and Ciel?” She wanted until his eyes met hers. “Thank you again. For everything.”
For the first time in a while, the smallest smile appeared on Ciel’s face. “You’re more than welcome.”