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For the last few months, Till barely knew what a break was.
Don’t get him wrong—getting his ‘big break’ by being cast in Alien Stage is probably the best thing that’s happened to him in his whole career, but dear lord was it exhausting. Not only was he working on Alien Stage, but he was working on other small commercials on the side too!
If he wasn’t filming on the set of Alien Stage, he’d be filming commercials. If he wasn’t filming commercials, he was in the sound booth rerecording some audio for Alien Stage. If he wasn’t in the sound booth, he was at networking events with different directors.
It got to a point where, for the last week or so, the days all meshed together in one big horrendous mess, where all Till would do was clock in looking like a zombie, regurgitate his lines as lively as he could (depressingly, though he figured it was fine since they were filming Round 6), occasionally respond to external stimuli, and then drone his way back to his hotel room.
Sleep, rinse, repeat.
It was only when Till had met up with his manager three days ago that he was so generously offered a break.
Apparently there was conflict with several bookings Till had, and his manager wanted to meet up with him over coffee to discuss what he wanted to do about them.
Till had walked into the cafe as a husk of his former self, holding an energy drink in his right hand, with a look of disorientation in his eyes.
His manager greeted him with a full sentence and a smile; Till managed to feebly raise his left hand in response.
She watched his grasp miss the chair twice before he finally managed to pull it out and sit. He slumped so quickly into that chair, his manager thought he would melt into it.
She asked him how his work was; he made an incoherent sound that he hoped could magically replicate the same sound as the word ‘fine.’
She asked him if he wanted to order a cup of coffee; he turned down the offer since the can in his right hand was his second energy drink of the day.
She asked him what time he slept at, and he responded with 3 am.
He had a commercial shoot at 7 am.
She asked him if he wanted any food from the menu; he shook his head no.
She asked him if he had eaten anything earlier in the day, and he shook his head once more.
It was 2 pm.
After ordering him a meal free of charge out of pity, Till’s manager was able to find room in his schedule to clear out, giving him three days of rest: the upcoming Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.
He was able to hang on by a thread until Friday.
By the time it was Thursday at around 4 pm, they had finished filming the Round 6 kiss scene on the Alien Stage set.
After a long day of getting his tongue bitten, his shoes stepped on, his forehead bumped, and water getting in his eyes and nose and mouth and ears as he was making out with his coworker, Till was ready to sprint to his car and drive off back to the hotel.
Unfortunately for Till, as he got out of the bathroom on set, freshened up with a small towel hung on his neck and damp hair, he caught a glimpse of Ivan, who seemed to be a bit red in the face with laboured breathing, slumped in his actor chair with the pink polka dot towel wrapped around him.
And because he cared only a little bit about his hoobae, Till pushed through his tiredness to see what was up with him, instead of following through with the initial plan of sprinting to his car.
Till gently pressed the back of his hand against Ivan’s forehead and neck, and god was he burning up.
So, like a good coworker, sunbae, and friend, Till shoved Ivan into his car and threw a blanket onto him that he kept in the back seat, despite Ivan insisting that he was fine to take a cab.
This wasn’t a problem anyways since the whole Alien Stage cast stayed at the same hotel for their time filming.
Once they arrived at the entrance of the hotel after a 15-or-so-minute drive, Ivan told Till he was fine to walk to his shared room with Luka by himself, insisting that he didn’t want to be a burden on Till.
Till saw the way Ivan's chest started to rise and fall unevenly with his breathing, his flushed face, and glossed eyes, and because he cared only a little bit, he took Ivan's hand and led him back to his room anyways.
He was able to usher Ivan into bed, place a wet rag on his forehead, and ultimately left a bottle of pills, a cup of tea, and a granola bar on his bedside table. The silence and, well, lack of staring felt slightly unnerving to Till. He was used to Ivan’s lingering, unfaltering stare. Like a bug.
As Till was preparing to rush out, he caught a glance of Luka sitting at the island countertop—who sort of flinched from Till popping out of the bedroom. Till paused awkwardly, gave him a crooked smile and a stiff wave, then rushed out of there.
But alas, after various trials and tribulations, hurdles, and stalling, he arrived at his own shared hotel room with Hyuna, which was on the floor level below Ivan’s, and without a second thought, collapsed into bed.
___
Bzzzzzt. Bzzzzzzt.
4 new messages from MIZI
MIZI: < Hi Sunbae !! > sent 5 minutes ago
MIZI: < Are you free tonight ?? > sent 5 minutes ago
MIZI: < We’re gonna order take out and have a few drinks at our hotel room :D > sent 5 minutes ago
MIZI: < No pressure to come of course! I know how busy you’ve been <3 > sent now
Till grappled onto his phone and groggily squinted at the blue light and text notifications that illuminated his face and the wall behind him. It was quiet and dark now—8 pm—and Till forgot to turn on the side table lamp before he dozed off to nap for 3 hours.
He yawned, wiped the spit from the corner of his mouth, readjusted his glasses, and then dragged himself to sit up and lean against the bed frame.
At the invitation, he mentally groaned. There was nothing more he wanted than to be left alone for the next three days, but FOMO combined with an empty stomach made a compelling argument against denying the invite. Plus, it was Mizi who was inviting him—which made it all the more harder to say no.
So what did Till do? He sent a short message to Mizi saying he’d show up sometime soon, then he pulled himself out of bed and stumbled towards the bathroom with his phone in hand.
On his way to the bathroom, he dialed the number of a particular stubborn man who he knew never said no to plans, only because he cared just a little bit about his well-being.
The person on the other side picked up, static buzzing before they spoke.
“Sunbae?”
“Ivan, don’t show up to Mizi and Sua’s room.”
“Why nottt??” Ivan asked softly, still sounding a bit stuffy through the phone.
“You’re sick, weak, and you might make it worse if you drink.” Till turned on the bathroom light, practically flashbanging himself.
“You’re tired, overworked, and you might make it worse if you drink too.”
Till grumbled at his response, fixing his hair in the mirror.
“I’m going because I haven't eaten dinner yet. What’s your excuse?”
“I’m bored.” Ivan said while sniffling.
Till took a deep breath in— whatever. If the idiot didn’t wanna help himself, then it’s up to him. Till had no control over it.
“Alright, fine. See you there. Don’t die.” Till said before hanging up the call.
He put his phone down, splashed cold water onto his face to wake up, threw on a beanie, hoodie and jeans, then made his way to Mizi and Sua’s hotel room.
___
It didn’t take him too long to make his way to their room, even with intentionally taking his time so he could mentally prepare himself for smiling and conversing.
Mizi and Sua’s hotel room was on the same level as Ivan and Luka’s: floor three. However, the girls’ rooms were much closer to the elevator. A glance over his right shoulder upon stepping off the elevator, and it was there. Room 302.
Just as Till was about to reach for the door to knock, someone from the inside swung the door open in a violent swoosh , which hit him with the aroma of takeout and alcohol immediately and caused him to nearly trip forward.
“Ah—woahh—” The girl who swung open the door held onto the handle, eyeing their newest arrival.
Till, who was a bit hunched over at this point, managed to glance up at the girl through the glare of the lights inside the room to catch who she was.
“... Hyuna??”
“Oh!! Hey Sunbae!!” Hyuna gleamed, wrapping an arm around his neck and shoulders, which caused him to stand back up straight again. She was clearly more chipper than her usual self, she reeked of alcohol and smoke, and she held a bottle of peach soju in her hand.
“Guys!! The last one’s heree~!” Hyuna announced while basically dragging Till in. The soothing music in the background got a little louder, and the lights got a little dimmer as they continued farther into the room.
In the middle of the living room was where everyone sat, gathered around the ottoman table which was cluttered with clam shell food containers, plastic utensils, bottles of soju, and shot glasses.
Mizi, who was in the middle of downing a shot, placed her shot glass down and gave Till a little tipsy wave— which definitely pinched his heart slightly. Sua had her arms slung around Mizi, and her head rested on her shoulder as if she were a pillow, eyes closed while humming happily and occasionally giggling.
Next to them was Luka, who was literally just knocked out, face down on the ottoman, unmoving. Till would’ve thought he was dead if it weren’t for his occasional hiccups, where his shoulders would twitch for a split second.
To Luka’s right was Ivan, who surprisingly looked like he was the most sober in the room. He was quiet, eating, sat up straight, occasionally sniffled due to his runny nose, and took his shots calmly.
Ivan looked better than when Till had last seen him a few hours back; he gave him that. Despite being somewhat buzzed, Ivan was less wobbly. Till must’ve glared at him for way too long, because Ivan was able to catch his stare before Till could pull away.
Hyuna gave Till a stern pat on the back, much to Till’s agony, and slid her arm off of him before wandering off to who knows where.
So there they were. Till and Ivan, staring at each other, both without words. Till swore Ivan batted his eyelashes at him before melting into a warm smile.
“Sunbae.” Ivan called sweetly, and Till thought he got punched in his chest or something. Ivan patted the empty spot on the floor next to him to his right. “I saved you some food.”
Till nodded and awkwardly made his way next to Ivan.
In front of him was a box container of food, which he opened right away because he was a bit ravenous. To his delight, it was sushi with a small slice of chocolate cake.
“I had to snatch some for you before the others ate it all.” Ivan said, pouring himself a shot of peach soju. Till already had two sushis stuffed in his mouth.
“Mmm. Thanks Ivan.”
___
While eating, Till was mostly laser-focused on getting the food in his system, but he could hear the chaos ensuing around him. The giggling, hitting each other with pillows, and the various unique ways they could find on how to take their shots.
Hyuna tried drinking out of two shot glasses at the same time without using her hands. Safe to say that some got on the carpet.
The second Luka lifted his head back up, Ivan challenged him to down as many shots as they can before getting dizzy. Luka was knocked out by his second shot. Ivan was able to down four before noticing Luka wasn’t conscious anymore.
Mizi and Sua were in their own little world on the edge of the couch away from the ottoman, holding hands and occasionally giggling. Till couldn’t make out what they were saying, but they looked like they were flirting.
By the time he was done eating, Till wasn’t all too interested in getting drunk. He took around three shots of soju that Ivan poured for him, which didn’t have any effect on him other than getting him a bit buzzed, but was enough to satisfy him.
It was 10 pm, a bit noisy, and hot, so Till decided to find his way to the balcony to unwind. He found the door to the balcony through the bedroom.
There was nothing Till liked more than a night that seemed to stand still—something he didn’t have the luxury of experiencing for the past months. He let himself feel the frigid gusts of wind brush against his burning face and hair while dangling a lit cigarette he stole from one of Hyuna’s packs from his mouth. He also let himself zone out on the distant streetlights.
Commotion was everywhere. Behind him he can hear messy talking and the movement of bottles and glasses. In front of him he could make out the distant cars and their respective lanes. Yet it all felt still in some way. Maybe it was because Till was finally able to breathe and take time to stop and observe.
A quiet knock tapped against the glass sliding door of the balcony before someone opened it.
“I was looking for you, Sunbae.”
Till recognized that stuffy voice. He didn’t even have to turn around to respond.
“How come?” Till replied, flicking the cigarette in his mouth with his tongue.
“I wanna stay with you.” Ivan said sheepishly, making his way to Till’s side.
Till couldn’t tell whether it was the shots, smoke, or both, but he suddenly felt a feeling of fire blooming in his chest, which only got stronger when he glanced over his shoulder at Ivan.
It stung every time they made eye contact. Till didn’t hold it for long.
Till hummed and put his cigarette out on the railing.
“How are you feeling?” Till asked.
“Oh. I have a horrible headache—” Ivan responded. Till offered a cigarette, and Ivan took it. “—and I think my temperature went back up.”
“You idiot.” Till said faintly, taking a new cigarette for himself, “That’s why I told you not to come. Drinking only makes it worse.”
“Like smoking’s supposed to make it any better.” Ivan remarked with a small grin.
Till rolled his eyes, then took out his lighter, gesturing for Ivan to position himself. Ivan placed his cigarette into his mouth, expecting Till to light his first.
Instead, Till flicked the lighter in front of himself first. He had a small little plan to make Ivan’s heart flutter. Maybe as a spontaneous act of revenge. He didn’t know what he was doing fully himself.
“It probably doesn’t. It was your choice to accept it, though.”
Till lit the tip of his cigarette successfully, then turned to Ivan, gesturing for he come closer to him. Ivan did it with a charming little nervousness, awkward smile and all, which pissed Till off even more.
“Bend your knees a little.” Till commanded, and Ivan followed, trying to line his sight with Till's, which was exactly what he wanted.
Till gently grabbed Ivan by his cheek to pull him closer so that their cigarettes would touch. When they finally met, he trailed his hand from his cheek to his jaw, guiding him to tilt it down. Till could feel Ivan slightly tremble and melt under his touch.
“Mmm… and there. Good.” Till pulled back and took his cigarette out with his index and middle finger to blow out some smoke.
Ivan stood slightly dumbfounded with the now lit cigarette hanging from his mouth, starstruck with a look of awe and at the same time flustered. Till watched as colour bloomed onto his cheeks.
Ivan took his cigarette between his fingers and let the smoke out as he spoke.
“Till.”
The name fell out of Ivan's mouth like sickeningly sweet and warm honey. It pierced through Till’s heart like an arrow. He hadn’t heard Ivan call him by his first name ever, and hearing him say it in his voice with such a sappy expression panged at his heart.
Ivan swiftly and violently took Till’s hand with much enthusiasm, shattering the gentle moment.
“Can we kiss? Like a real kiss—not like our on-screen kiss.” Ivan beamed with stars in his eyes, staring right into Till’s soul.
Till blinked once, then twice, before his crimson rose from his neck to his face. Ivan knew what he wanted, and he didn’t beat around the bush.
His bluntness sent Till spiraling.
“Huh?!” Till exclaimed, stuttering and flustered, while keeping his hand on Ivan’s.
“Can we kiss? Like a—”
“I heard you the first time!” Till cut Ivan off, slightly embarrassed.
Fine. If Ivan was gonna be blunt, he’d give him what he wants, but only because he cared about his wants just a little bit. Fuck him, his bluntness, and stupid charm.
So Till took hold of the back of his neck and pulled him down so their lips would meet. Ivan melted and complied by adjusting his face comfortably. The kiss warmed Till’s throat.
Till pulled back, put out his cigarette on the railing, then stormed off with a pink face and steam coming out his ears.
…
Till fell sick the next morning.
He wasn't happy with Ivan.