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Three months.
It’d been three months since Scott had started dating someone other than Lance Alvers, but he just tried to forget that.
Things were always easier when he just forgot. He forgot the name of the boy he was dating. He forgot the way Lance fit against his body, never too warm unlike.. unlike him.
It was raining at the brotherhood home that day, everything felt so foggy and his brain hadn’t quite caught up with his body yet. Scott honestly didn’t remember even getting out of bed.
He could feel warmth on his face despite the cold outside. It took a few moments before he realized he was laying down on somebody’s lap. It took him a few more moments until he fully realized who this was.
“You with me?” The boy spoke, voice quiet as if Scott would shatter at the slightest noise.
“...yeah, of course.” Scott said after a second of silence passed. He sounded hesitant and he knew that his boyfriend could tell he was lying, but Scott pretended he didn’t notice, that he didn’t notice the way he was looked at with pity these days.
Scott despised people thinking of him as weak, but he allowed it now. Maybe he was weak.
“Alright, good.”
Maybe they were both just lying to each other.
A few seconds passed, but maybe it was a few hours. Scott wasn't able to tell anymore.
“You know I love you, right?” He asked.
Silence.
“I know.” the boy responds.
Good, Scott thinks. It's good he knows. Because Scott really does love his boyfriend. His warmth, the way he could close his eyes and pretend that maybe for a moment it wasn't his boyfriend, but they'd let him. They'd let him pretend and lie to himself as long as it kept Scott happy, or at least sane.
Scott was never happy, that was probably the wrong word to use. He was miserable.
But there were times he'd be content at the very least.
“Are you tired?” The voice asked again. Scott found himself disconnected from everything, and it took him a moment to figure out what he had said.
“A little bit.” Short responses. Nothing to show emotion or anything close to the fact he was trying not to cry every second of the day.
The next thing Scott heard was a sigh and the next thing he felt was the person running a hand through his hair, it felt nice. Felt warm.
“Would you like to go rest?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
Another pause.
“Nightmares have been getting worse.”
It was a reluctant admission. As if he were ashamed of it and in a way he was. Scott was 17 now, he shouldn't be afraid to sleep like a child.
But his boyfriend understood.
He always did.
“Do you want me to stay with you then?” He'd ask. Just like he'd ask so many times before.
Just like how he used to ask too. The thought was enough to make Scott want to throw up again, or cry. Maybe both.
“No, it’s alright.”
A sharp intake of breath, the other was getting annoyed. Scott knew he had to defuse the tension soon because he would rather not get into an argument at the moment.
“...do you want to watch a movie instead?” Scott offered. It probably wouldn’t help, but his boyfriend sacrificed so much to keep him alive , Scott could spare a few hours watching movies instead of rotting away.
He can practically sense the other teen smiling, and things felt calm again. Scott breathed in and out, suppressing a sigh of relief to know there wouldn’t be another yelling match today. He wouldn’t be able to handle it.
“Sure, what movie?” His voice has gone back to being gentle, and Scott sits up so he can burrow his face against the warm shoulder.
“Hm.. whatever movie you want.”
“Eternal sunshine?”
Scott wants to say no, the movie just makes the pit of despair so much worse. He hates how movies can do that to you, but his boyfriend wants to and he doesn’t say no.
“Of course,” Scott says instead. He lets out a small groan as he forces himself to sit up properly, he rubs at his eyes and feels his body ache from being in one position for too long. He can hear the other getting up, ready to put the DVD on and watch the movie on their much too old TV.
“Do you want any food?”
“No, thank you.” He hadn’t eaten properly in days but no one watched him closely enough to notice that. Scott scratched at some of the scabs on his arm, attempting to clear away the fog from his mind.
It didn’t work, much to his frustration.
But then he feels the weight of the couch shift again, and his boyfriend is sitting next to him.
Scott tries to calm himself more as the movie begins to play, and he rests against the other's shoulder. At least it provides him some comfort.
It feels like forever until all the trailers and previews are over and the movie starts. As the opening scene starts, Scott looks up at his boyfriend.
“Thanks, Pyro.”
John just stares back at him and Scott looks away again, unable to meet the sadness in his boyfriend's eyes.
“I love you, okay?”
Scott doesn't respond.