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it started with a simple brush up on his arm. innocently, it happened in the kitchen while you grabbed a bowl from the cabinet beside bucky. so brief you hadn’t even noticed it, but bucky did. he was frozen in place, feet planted to the floor, eyes practically bulging. but you didn’t react, merely continuing your conversation with steve who sat across the counter eating a bowl of oatmeal.
“you okay, honey?” your voice rang in his ears a few moments later.
shaking off his dumbstruck state, he manages to answer. “yeah.” a sip of his coffee solidifies his response.
what was that?
he can’t shake the thought.
why did that happen? i can take bullets but not the feel of her fingers?
he was too embarrassed to bother asking you.
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sitting around the large dining table, a pack of cards lay sprawled across the top, poker chips in the middle. wanda and natasha had made various drinks, bucky sporting a beer beside you. absentmindedly, he started playing with one of his chips, right hand rolling it around and clicking it against the table. you turned towards the noise. softly, you grabbed your boyfriend's hand, playing with his fingers as he dropped the chip.
his eyes shift down to where your fingers skid across his palm, lightly caressing the skin.
“you’re up, barnes,” clint interrupts, laughing with sam about something.
he throws a chip into the pile, taking a swig from the bottle of brew, left hand around the neck.
picking up on his tense shoulders and the shift in his eyes, you lean towards him. “am i making you uncomfortable?” you nod towards your hands, laid out on the table intertwined. “i can stop if you want to, i’m sorry.”
“no! no, no,” he rushes out, almost too loudly. bucky clears his throat, cheeks heating up. “i… i like it.”
a small grin beams on your face, happy at the sudden news. “okay.” you lean a little more, just enough to kiss his bicep.
“i raise you two dollars.” you announce, turning back towards the table and throwing some chips towards the growing pile in the center.
a few people groan at your words. you let go of bucky’s hand to shuffle through your cards, smiling to yourself and placing them face down, confident in your cards. he looks longingly down at his hand, now absent of your warmth. momentarily, you notice the look on his face, but your attention is pulled when steve starts talking to you.
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you’re lounging on the couch when bucky strolls in with steve, boots softly thudding on the floor. looking up from your book, you greet them with a smile.
“hey, guys. what’s up?”
steve returns your smile, “just got through debriefing for the next mission.”
you hum in acknowledgment. “i hope it isn’t anything too crazy.” you look at bucky when you say it. he smiles a little, nodding at you.
“okay, i gotta help sam with some new combination he wants to try out.” steve shrugs, turning to walk away from you two. “something about launching off the shield.” he laughs. bucky looks at him quizzically but you laugh along.
“sounds like sam.” you say your goodbyes to steve, watching as bucky awkwardly stands beside the couch. “wanna watch a movie in my room?” you offer, wanting to get away.
he appreciates how hard you try to make him comfortable, knowing he’s not too keen on public affection. he wants to show you off, but he’s not quite there yet.
“i’d like that.”
“okay!” you chirp, abandoning your book on the coffee table and moving towards bucky. you hold his upper arm, left hand reaching down to lace your fingers with his. “is this okay?”
he sucks in a breath, dumfounded. “more than okay,” he manages to utter, admiring the smile you give him while nudging the two of you towards the hallway.
“how long is the mission?”
“hm? oh,” he squeezes your hand unintentionally. you squeeze right back, and his heart beats wildly at the gesture. “bout a week and a half. nothing too crazy.”
“i’ll miss you,” you pout, pulling him into your room. “boots off.”
grabbing the remote, you crawl across the bed to your spot, patting next to you. bucky obliges, removing his shoes and sitting beside you, shoulder to shoulder. you scoot a little closer, thigh brushing against his as you flick through movie options.
bucky swallows thickly, breath lodged in his throat. you reach over to the nightstand to grab something, and your thigh leaves its place beside his. he frowns when it doesn’t return – you’ve readjusted.
“what about- what’s wrong?” you look at him worriedly. he’s not looking at you, still staring down at his leg where you touched him.
pursing his lips, he glances at you. “uhm…” he trails off, not sure what to say. you scoot closer at you had just done moments ago, and when your thigh sits up against bucky’s, you watch as his shoulders deflate in relief, a certain sparkle in his eyes.
“bucky?” your voice is almost a whisper.
“yeah?”
“do you like when i touch you?”
he looks as though he’s a child just being caught sneaking candy out. you continue.
“do you want me to keep touching you?”
after a beat, he nods. “i want you to touch me all the time.”
“oh.” your hand reaches out for his, lacing your fingers and resting them in his lap. “i had no idea.”
he looks almost apologetic. “i really like when you touch me.” he confesses, biting the inside of his cheek. “i can’t- i don’t know…”
you shush him, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “i just thought you weren’t very affectionate. i didn’t want to push.”
his shoulders slump a little. “i’ve never… experienced affection like this before.”
“oh.”
silently, you pivot your body, one leg reaching across his lap until you're straddling him. his eyes grow wide. pulling both his hands towards you, you guide them to your waist. it’s comfortable, and you don’t push for anything else.
“i’ll just love on you a little, see how you feel about it. ‘kay?”
eyes still wide, he nods.
“i’m gonna kiss you now.”
another nod has you quietly giggling. shifting forward slightly, you feel his fingertips squeeze your waist a little. he’s trying to ground himself.
cupping his face, you drag your thumb gently across his jaw and cheek, ruffling through the scruff of his beard. you place a light kiss on his chin, then his nose, then his forehead, soft and protective. when you pull back to look at him, his eyes are dilated; he’s practically high on you, reveling in the intimacy. your thumb grazes his bottom lip, watching it glide.
when your lips connect, bucky inhales sharply but he doesn’t hesitate to kiss you back. your hand moves from his jaw to the back of his head, playing with the loose strands of hair. he tugs you closer, flesh hand settling on your lower back. when you pull apart, you’re both out of breath and you slump onto his chest, nuzzling in the crook of his neck.
bucky breaks the silence after a little while.
“i feel like… now that i know what it’s like i’ll never be able to live without it.”
humming, you squeeze his middle, hugging the super soldier. “does that mean you want me to be affectionate all the time?”
“is that okay?”
you lean up, pecking his lips. he smiles, a little shy but it’s overpowered by his yearning for you. you smile right back.
“more than okay.”
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