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The first thing Pacifica noticed when she woke up was a light burning in her throat, which got more pronounced when she rolled up on her elbow with a groan. A moment more and she realized she felt oddly cold, for it being the middle of summer. As she stood, she grabbed a blanket from the foot of her bed and wrapped it around herself, making her way to the bathroom. She barely made it halfway to the door before a wave of nausea passed over her. All on their own her legs started running, and soon she was bent over the toilet bowl, retching, probably looking less attractive than she could ever remember. There was no denying it. She was sick.
But of course she was. Of course today of all days, the day of the Miss Gravity Falls beauty pageant, was the day her body would decide to turn traitor.
Pacifica wiped her mouth with a few squares of toilet paper, careful not to get any vomit on her hands. Hopefully, now that she’d gotten it all out of her system, she could make herself presentable enough to compete. She reached up to grip the top of the sink before slowly pulling herself into a standing position. She was dizzy and addled, and when she looked in the mirror she saw that she looked just as awful as she felt. Her eyes were glossed over, and there were deep purple bags under them that made her look at least five years older than she actually was. To make matters worse, she hadn’t had time to pull all of her hair back before puking, and there were little chunks of vomit in her blonde strands that were already starting to dry..
All that was fine though. A shower would get rid of the puke, and she could hide her paleness with makeup. Even at her worst she could still outshine every other girl in town.
Unfortunately, standing long enough to take a shower was more difficult than expected. Only a couple minutes passed before she had to turn the water off and sit down to keep from passing out. She sat there for a little while, shivering and aching and thanking her lucky stars that her parents were celebrating their anniversary in Las Vegas. She knew they’d have a lot to say about her appearance if they were around. Whenever she’d been sick as a little kid, they’d told her to stay out of sight. With them gone, she could take a quiet moment to think.
If she wanted to make the pageant, she was gonna need some help. But who could she ask? Ever since Weirdmageddon, her family could only afford to pay two servants, both of whom had accompanied her parents on their trip. And if any of her friends saw her like this, she’d never live it down. It’d have to be someone so profoundly uncool that no one would believe them even if they tried to gossip. Of course, Pacifica didn’t typically associate with uncool people, so she didn’t have many options there. Except…wait.
The Pines twins.
They were back in Gravity Falls for the summer. Those dweebs were dumb (and, okay, nice ) enough to agree to anything. They’d be perfect!
As quickly as she could without making herself even dizzier than she already was, Pacifica threw on a bathrobe and went to get her phone. She checked the time and saw that it was 6:30 am, which meant she still had two and a half hours to prepare for the pageant. Less than ideal, but she could make it work.
She tried Mabel’s phone first, and then Dipper’s when the first call went to voicemail. Surprisingly, he picked up.
“Pacifica?” he asked, sounding like he’d just woken up.
“Uh, yeah it is. Who else?” she replied, trying her best not to let her sickness show in her voice. “You and your sister are back in town, right?”
“Yeah, we are. I just, y’know, didn’t think you’d be calling me. Especially not this early,” he answered. “By the way, you don’t sound so good. Do you have a cold?”
Pacifica sighed. Clearly, she hadn’t been hiding it as well as she thought. “That’s…actually what I’m calling about. I think I might have the flu, but I have this beauty pageant to make. So, I could really use some help getting ready.”
“Oh,” said Dipper, sounding confused. “I mean, I can try, but why me? I know your parents suck, but don’t you have, like, staff for that?”
“My parents are off celebrating their anniversary. They took our servants with them,” Pacifica explained. “I’m home alone this week.”
Dipper paused. “Okay, but don’t you have any friends you could call, or literally anyone but me? I don’t know if you noticed, but I’m not exactly a fashion expert.
Pacifica scoffed, though doing so hurt her throat. “Well duh,” she started. “I was thinking of your sister, but she’s not answering her phone.” Sure, Mabel’s taste was tacky, but she at least knew how to tie a ribbon and apply eyeshadow. Not like Dipper, who had probably never given a single thought to his appearance in his life.
“Yeah, that’s probably because she’s competing in the pageant too. She’s getting ready at Grenda’s right now.”
“Wait, she’s competing?!” Pacifica half-shouted at the expense of her throat. “I mean, sure, whatever. You’re good at following instructions, aren’t you?”
“Uh, sure, I guess,” Dipper answered.
“Alright. Then I need you to get over to my house ASAP. You know the new address, right?”
“Yeah, I think so. But are you sure-”
“Dipper, if you help me just this one time, I’ll give you fifty, no, a hundred dollars.”
“I don’t want your money, I j-”
“Dipper!!” Pacifica yelled, on the last thread of her patience.
“Okay, okay, I’ll be right there.”
And with that, he hung up, leaving Pacifica to breathe (or wheeze) out her frustration.
…
Pacifica was sitting on the floor, brushing her hair when she heard the doorbell. Getting herself down two flights of stairs was a long battle, and Dipper kept alternating between knocking and ringing the bell, which worsened her already pounding headache. By the time she reached the door, Dipper had already started walking back to his car.
“Wait!” she called out. “I’m here.”
“Oh, there you are,” he said, eyes widening as he took in her disheveled appearance. “Woah, you really are sick.”
“Shut up and get inside,” she deadpanned, and Dipper did as she said. She led him upstairs, pausing to lean on the banister every so often. When she nearly doubled over for the third time, Dipper spoke up.
“Pacifica, are you sure you want to do this pageant thing?” he asked. “I mean, I don’t know what it’s all about, but I’m pretty sure you at least have to be able to stay upright.”
Pacifica rolled her eyes. “I’ll be fine once I’ve had some mineral water,” she insisted. “Now shut up and follow me. We don’t have much time.”
“Okay. If you say so,” he relented, sounding very unconvinced.
Once they were in the bathroom, Pacifica wasted no time delivering Dipper’s first instructions.
“First of all, I need you to help me wash my hair,” she began.
“Wash your hair?” He inspected her blonde strands for a moment before noticing the dried bits of vomit at the ends. “Wait, did you throw up?”
Pacifica scoffed. “No. It’s a new fashion trend where you braid chunks of human barf into your hair. Of course I threw up, dummy.”
Dipper didn’t even look insulted. “That’s it. You’re not doing that pageant.”
“Ugh! I said I’m f-”
“Okay, but you’re clearly not. You get that you’re clearly not, right?” he interrupted. “Besides, it’s just one pageant. Would missing it really be so terrible?”
Pacifica’s pale cheeks flushed red with frustration. What right did he have telling her what to do? “Oh, sure, it’s no big deal. I’ve only been Miss Gravity Falls for the last seven years in a row. I’m sure no one will judge me at all if I don’t show up.”
Dipper just narrowed his eyebrows at her. “Yeah, well imagine what they’ll say if you puke all over the stage. You’re staying here.”
Pacifica had to admit he had a point. But…what would her parents say when they came home and counted only seven trophies on the shelf? “Dipper, you don’t understand, I have to-”
“Is this about your parents?” he interrupted, ignoring her shocked expression. “Pacifica, I thought we talked about this years ago. These are the same people who used a bell to control you and almost got you killed by a vengeful ghost. Have they ever even come to one of your pageants?”
“Well…no. They’re always on their anniversary trip this time of year.” She noticed, suddenly, that she had been rubbing at her arm without realizing. She jerked her other arm down as soon as she realized.
Dipper snorted. “Yep. Figures. So why should you have to perform for them, when they’re not even gonna bother to come watch you?”
She sighed. He had her there. “I guess…” she began, and when Dipper raised an eyebrow, she sighed again. “I guess it’s a little bit for me too. I like proving that I’m the prettiest girl in town.”
Dipper considered that for a moment. “Well, do you think you’re the prettiest girl in town?”
“Yeah,” she said tentatively, not sure if she understood his point. “Who else would it be?”
Dipper smiled. “So then why do you need a judge to tell you that if you already know it? Besides, you’ve already got seven trophies that say so. I’d say that’s proof enough.”
Pacifica didn’t quite know what to say. She did, however, know that standing up was starting to get to her. She pressed an arm against the wall and hung her head.
Dipper reached for her before stopping himself. “Woah, easy,” he said. “I think you should go lie down.”
For once, Pacifica didn’t argue. “Okay,” she said.
…
Hours later, Pacifica and Dipper were sitting on the couch together, watching old episodes of “Why you Ackin’ so Cray-Cray”. Pacifica was wrapped in a thick blanket, snacking on some soda crackers Dipper had picked up from the convenience store. She’d never had soda crackers before, since her parents wouldn’t allow her to get crumbs on her clothes, but Dipper assured her that they could clean up later.
“Who decided that soda crackers are ‘sick people food?’” she asked.
Dipper looked up. “I dunno,” he said. “It’s the same logic as toast. Bland, dry, lots of carbs.”
“Well yeah, but why soda crackers? Wouldn’t any crackers work?”
“I guess?” he said, looking at her funny. “Why are you suddenly so interested in this?”
Pacifica shrugged. “I dunno,” she said. “Just curious.”
“By the way, how do they taste?” he asked. “The soda crackers, I mean.”
“Boring,” she answered. “They’re just bread and salt. Why would anyone eat these as a snack?”
Dipper chuckled. “Beats me. I like them crushed up into soup, but Mabel will eat them anywhere anytime.”
“And that surprises you?” Pacifica said with a smirk. “Pretty sure Mabel would pour straight sugar into her mouth if she couldn’t find any chips.”
“You laugh,” said Dipper. “But she’s literally done that dozens of times. I’m no neat
freak, but oh my gosh, the mess. ” He looked genuinely horror-stricken, and Pacifica couldn’t help but giggle.
“Oh, speaking of Mabel,” he said, pulling out his phone. “She just texted. Said they announced the pageant winner.”
Pacifica slumped down a little lower. “Ugh. Who is it? Is it Tiffany? I always knew she had it out for me.”
“No, actually. It was…” he squinted at his phone. “Toby Determined? Huh. Who knew he could pull off a ballgown?”
Pacifica stared at him for a minute before bursting out laughing. Dipper laughed too, but stopped when Pacifica’s laughter devolved into racking coughs, at which point he got up to go grab some water. Pacifica drank it carefully but couldn’t stop a few droplets from spilling down her pajama top. Dipper didn’t make any comment though.
Once her coughing calmed, Pacifica got up the nerve to speak. “I’m…really glad I stayed home,” she said. “Thanks, loser.”
Dipper narrowed his eyes at her, not sure how to react. “You’re welcome. I guess.”
And with that, they settled in to watch their show.