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Eris dusted the snow from his shoulders and hair as he took shelter under the awning of the small cabin hidden along the Autumn and Winter court border. He rarely ventured this far North to avoid the cooler climate, even though technically the land was half his now that he was High Lord.
The worn door only needed a small shove to send it creaking open, but there was no greater warmth waiting to welcome him inside. He felt like the temperature may have even dropped a couple of degrees. Snow skittered away from his boots as he crossed the threshold. He didn’t need to scan the small space to find what he came looking for.
Staring out one of the small windows there was no mistaking the form of the Night Court’s Spymaster. His rigid frame would have blocked out the entire view if he didn't have his wings pulled so tightly to his body. His scarred hands rested on the chipped windowsill and Eris wouldn’t have even known if he was breathing if it wasn’t for the fog of his breath on the icy glass. Though Azriel didn’t move an inch his shadows swirled around him in a flurry. They wove around his arms, slid along his shoulders and curled around his ear. He wondered what secrets they whispered to him. Eris could just make out the mountains of Winter over the Illyrian’s shoulder. Of course Azriel would be peering out towards the North, as if even facing the Autumn Court was a stain on his existence.
“How long have you known?” Azriel asked quietly. He could have even missed the words if there was any other sound for miles. But there was no mistaking the gravely tones of the shadow singer and Eris knew Azriel rarely had the patience to ask a question twice.
“Somewhere over 500 years.” He replied with complete honesty. Eris watched as Azriel flinched. Eris had never seen him lose an ounce of composure; not when he found himself at the wrong end of a blade, not under the scornful eye of a foreign High Lord, not even at the anger of his own High Lord, one of the most powerful fae in Prythian. But now, at his words, he flinched. Eris wanted nothing more than to winnow away. To open a rip in the world and slip between the folds of space and time and disappear forever. But he didn’t. He swallowed the lump in his throat the same way he would swallow whatever Azriel had to say to him, because he deserved whatever was coming.
“So that day with Mor..” Azriel’s voice was punctuated by the sound of his head falling to the glass. His shoulders slumped forward and his wings hung looser around him. He looked beyond broken. Shattered. Eris would have taken Azriel’s anger over this. He wished he would have met Azriel’s wrath, maybe even ran a blade through him instead. He would have taken anything over this.
“I didn’t know what else to do.” Eris dropped his eyes to the dusty floor. He couldn’t bare to see the wounds his words could leave. “I couldn’t walk away and let her die. I couldn’t touch her or call my men for help without laying claim to her. In that moment it was the only thing I could think to do.”
Azriel shoved away from the window and strode across to the small table near the door, where Eris had failed to notice a small silver bottle and two matching glasses. Azriel snatched up the bottle, pulled out the cork and tossed it over his shoulder without a second thought.
“This will take care of it.” He quickly filled the glasses and slid one in Eris’s direction without so much as a glance.
“That’s all you want to know?” Eris stepped forward and gingerly picked up the glass. He realised that it wasn’t the bottle that was silver but the liquid inside it.
“You let me believe a lie for 500 years.” Azriel snarled. “You let me believe that a mate bond had called me to her. What else is there to know?" He picked up his own glass and swirled the liquid around like he was about to taste a fine wine.
“I had no choice!” Eris confessed. “I had to protect you.” It made no difference now, he could finally share everything.
“Protect me?” He scoffed. As if Azriel needing protection was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.
“If Beron found out," Eris took a step forward forcing Azriel to look at him for the first time since he’d arrived. “He wouldn’t have stopped until one of us was dead. He would have sent men to try to kill you.”
Azriel straightened as if he was about to argue the point, but Eris held up a hand and shook his head before he had the chance.
“I said try.” Eris conceded and Azriel simply nodded in response.
“He would have bet on Rhysand stepping in on your behalf, starting some sort of intercourt conflict he could blame on the Night Court all while ensuring your demise” Azriel’s eyes narrowed, more at the mention of his brother's involvement than at his own fate.
“When that failed he would have taken me prisoner.” Eris' teeth clenched at the thought. “Tortured me in Cauldron knows what ways in an attempt to lure you to Autumn. And when that inevitably failed he would have had me killed.” Eris felt somewhat lighter now that he had given Azriel his reasons. He’d said his piece and now he could accept his fate.
“He’d have his own son and heir killed?” Azriel’s eyes darted between Eris’, looking for any signs of a lie.
Eris couldn’t help that his own eyes darted down to Azriel’s scarred hands and then back. “What’s a son to a father?” He glanced down at his drink. “What’s a son to a High Lord?”
He took a half step closer and knocked the top of his glass against the one tight in Azriel’s grip.
“Cheers.” He raised the liquid that looked like molten starlight to his lips when suddenly Azriel’s free hand formed a vice around his wrist. For only a split second the High Lord’s power inside Eris swelled, it recognised a challenge in Azriel’s own.
“You wouldn’t have died at the hands of Beron.” Azriel’s grip loosened a little. “If you had trusted me, maybe things would have been different.”
“Please.” Eris scoffed as Azriel allowed him to lower his arm. “I saw the way you looked at me. When Beron’s power ripped through me and I lost control of the bond. I saw that look of disappointment on your face, the way your sword fell and your wings drooped when you realised it was me.” Eris ripped his arm from the last of Azriel’s grasp and lifted Azriel’s burn-scarred hand instead. “After all, how are you supposed to love something that tried to destroy you?”
Azriel shoved Eris away with his raised forearm and Eris stumbled back.
“I wasn’t disappointed it was you!” Azriel was yelling now. And yelling was good. Eris could do yelling. “When it snapped I could see you weren’t surprised and that meant you knew. You knew and you said nothing!”
“I couldn’t..” Eris began but Azriel cut him off.
“I winnowed out of there because I thought maybe you had known for awhile. That you concealed it because you wanted to reject it and I could be fine with that. But 500 years?” Azriel chuckled darkly. “You must have had a great fucking time laughing behind my back. Knowing I’d never find my mate because I already had one.” Azriel exhaled. He pulled out a chair and slumped into it. Letting his hands fall unceremoniously to the table. “These last two weeks I’ve had to relive every interaction in my mind, every piece of information, the rumours of your numerous conquests, all while knowing what you knew.”
“And they were just that.” Eris muttered mostly to himself.
“What?” Azriel looked up in confusion.
“The rumours.” Eris folded his arms across his chest, glass resting on one forearm, suddenly unsure what to do with his hands. “That’s exactly what they were.”
“You don’t mean… in the hundreds of years you never..” Azriel began to slowly stand from his seat.
“You can feel that golden thread now, wrapped around that intangible place in your chest.” It was at his own chest that Eris gestured to though. “Now imagine taking someone else to bed.” Eris willed his cheeks not to dust with pink as he explained.
He watched as Azriel’s eyes focused on the middle distance between them, lost in thought for only a moment before his face began to contort in disgust.
“Exactly.” Eris chuckled softly. “It’s like all your favourite meals turn to ash in your mouth, and sure, you could swallow ash, but why would you want to?”
Azriel’s head tilted slightly as he considered Eris’ words. He slowly took a step forward, as if Eris might disappear if he moved too quickly. He gently reached up and pulled the glass from Eris’ grip.
“It’s like that always?” Azriel barely whispered.
“For me.” Eris nodded slightly. “Always.”
“You just wanted to protect me?” Azriel slid the glass back onto the table.
“That’s all I ever wanted.” Eris swallowed dryly under his hazel gaze.
Azriel watched his own hand as he lifted it to Eris’ face, he hesitated for a moment giving Eris a chance to protest or shove him away, before his fingertips brushed against Eris’ cheek.
Eris inhaled sharply, it felt like he hadn’t taken a breath in hours. Azriel’s eyes met his once again.
“Eris?” There were a thousand questions in the one word passing through Azriel’s lips. Eris answered every single one of them. “Yes.”