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The ship was quiet. Everyone had drifted of to bed hours ago, but she just stood listening to the listless way her ice clinked against her glass. All she had wanted was a laugh, to be reminded that she was not alone, she had her team her friends. But something had changed Liam had looked at her with such, hope. How could she tell him she wasn’t sleeping or that she had no idea what she was doing. That the death of her dad had left her numb and confused. No, he needed to hear that they, that she, had this under control. She poured herself a small glass of her dad's favorite whisky, she never drank it, didn't like the taste, but the smell, that was him. Honesty holding a glass of whiskey she would never drink while getting nothing but silence from her dad, it was like old times. The sound of the door sliding open caused her to jump. How long had she just been standing in the galley? “Jaal!” she looked over at him
“I am sorry Ryder, I did not mean to scare you” He tilted his head watching her, he was always watching, with those thoughtful eyes that looked like swirling galaxies with his to sharp assessments of her and her actions, all said in voice the seemed to melt down her spine.
Jaal confused her, she couldn’t explain how she was so drawn to him, how he seemed to pull things out of her she had never said out loud before. She shook herself of her thoughts as he stepped closer, the electric field of his body sending shivers over hers. “No, it's fine, I thought everyone was asleep,that’s all” she looked up at him, lost in those damn eyes, why did they have to be so intense.
“Ryder” he looked back at her, was he smiling?
“Yes Jaal?” she whispered back
“You are in my way” He pointed to the cabinet she was standing in front of, the one that held all the mugs
“Right, sorry” she jumped stepping out of his path. “Well, um, night” she shook her head as she went to leave.
“Do you want to talk about why you aren’t sleeping?” Jaal only spared her a cursory glance as he filled his mug with some of the latest things they had picked up for him on Aya
“What, no, I sleep” She was blushing and it annoyed her, why should she care if he knew she couldn’t sleep.
He just laughed “if you want me to believe that you will have to tell Lexi to lecture you in a much more quiet voice”
The heat on her face worsened. “Are you also going to tell me why you’re up?” she asked, cringing, realizing she was backing herself into a corner, he would tell her, then she would have to share how she felt, not something she was overly good at doing.
“Dracks diner was not sitting well with me, though this should fix that” he held up his mug.
“Oh, well I’m glad you have a fix” that was a legit reason now he was going to expect her to share and it wasn’t an upset stomach. She stood looking at him trying to find the words. He just stood there, calmly watching. She looked at the watered down whisky in her hand, sighing. “I don’t know what i’m doing, during the day I can focus on the million things that have to happen, I can push all the doubt away but at night… it just crashes down around me, and I miss my dad which I never thought I would say but I’m sure he wouldn't feel like this and I don’t want to let him down and all I see is everyone watching me, Liam with all that hope and Cora like she knows I can’t measure up to him and…” it all spilled out in a rushed whisper as she stared at her glass. Tears welled up and started to fall down her cheeks. She hadn’t looked up at him and was a bit surprised when she felt his hand gently take hold of her shoulder “I’m sorry” she looked up at him, ready for the disappointment in how weak she really was. She was surprised to find only warmth, compassion, maybe a bit of sadness as well, but none of the disappointment or disgust she expected.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I think those are all very expected emotions, considering everything” there was a soft smile on his face as he said it. “You have amazed me, with your courage and strength even your compassion.” She wiped her face
“thank you, Jaal, that means so much, coming from you” she felt her face flush again and mentally kicked herself for being so awkward around him.
“Try and rest, and know that you can always come talk to me, Angara express our emotions but I have come to see that humans don’t. But I do not think sharing this makes you weak” he moved his hand off her and he noticed that maybe he was a bit more blue, was he blushing as well
“Thank you Jaal, I will take you up on that, and I hope you feel better” She pointed to his forgotten mug “good night” She smiled at him, actually feeling genuinely better
“Yes, thank you, good night Ryder” she could still feel his eyes on her “Ryder, just a moment” She turned to him “back home, when one of us struggling like you are, it is common for someone to hold them, to provide comfort and support,” he looked hesitant as he said so
“You cuddle” she smiled “humans do to, though once you are an adult it’s mostly with a lover, though sometimes a close friend or family member” she thought of snuggling up with Jaal, he was always so warm, she wondered before how his skin would feel, or if her body could even relax with the way he affected her He was definitely a darker color now.
“Ah, yes, well if you think it would help I could” He fidgeted a bit as he spoke. Ryder had never thought he might return her feelings. The two of them stood there, the offer hanging between them
Studies have shown that physical contact can help in the release of certain chemicals that could help you relax
“Shut up Sam” Ryder groaned as Jaal tilted his head in question “sorry” she whispered “and I would like that, if you're ok with it”
“I wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t”
Ryder just kinda shook her head, smiling into how strange this all was, far more out of her comfort zone then any battle or planet they had come across. “Ok then” she opened the door to her room and Jaal took the cue to follow her in
”This is quite nice,” he looked around “the windows allow you quit the view
“I spend most of my alone time sitting here looking out over it.” She stood in front of her bed “I guess make yourself comfortable” She crawled in between the blankets herself, curling up on her side. She felt the bed dip as he lie down next to her
“Softer than I’m use too” he commented
She rolled over “is it uncomfortable? I don’t want you to be unable to sleep as well”
“No” he smiled as and wrapped an arm around her waist “it is just different” The weight of his arm felt right, the heat coming from his body, even the way the electromagnetic field washed over her, it was all relaxing and she felt herself starting to drift off.
“Thank you Jaal, this is” she wasn’t sure how to finish He answer for her
“I understand Ryder, now please, sleep”
And she did, better than she had since arriving in Helios.