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Published:
2025-04-30
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2025-05-03
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6/6
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Home Safe

Summary:

Maynard and the 118 have stumbled over the whereabouts of a missing Moira Blake and a miracle that seems hard to believe. How will Athena, the kids and their found family handle a gift from God himself.

Notes:

I came across 911 during a time in my life where I was suffering mentally and physically. I was looking for tv shows that I could disappear into as a distraction. I'd seen 911 advertised and Angela Bassett was in it so I thought it must be good. I checked it out - 6 seasons - the main cast pretty much intact and thought I'd give it a go.

I loved it. And it became a show to click on and re-watch when I needed to rest my mind a little.

I dont mind admitting I've crashed out a little since the episode two weeks ago. My little safe haven is no longer my safe haven. I once joked that after being an EO fan for 26 years it was so lovely to ship a couple that we knew were already endgame. The fact they arent is devastating.

I know most of my feelings about this whole thing are more likely to be because of me and my own issues than some decision by some tv executive about some fictitious characters but I'm devastated.

I hope the show continues to thrive but after seeing out the long goodbye to Bobby I dont think I can watch the show as I have done (with baited breath, staying up until the early hours, watching streams before it appears on Disney+) because I watched the show for a reason and sadly it's no longer that show any more.

This may well be what the show needs to still be on air in 2040 but it's not for me any longer. I also honestly believe that if the showrunners want 911 to become a Greys then Bobby cannot be the one and only main character death in the near future (because if so, what is the actual point) and I just dont want to follow a journey where any more of the 118 or Athena are lost.Thanks to Tim & crew for 8 seasons and 13 episodes of fun, whimsy, fantastical, ridiculous, moving, terrifying drama and spectacle. I'll continue to write here in this safe space of fanfic where our favourites can continue their stories they way we wanted to.

This is my fix-it. Suspend your disbelief, it's about as medically accurate as the show. Reality does not reside here.

Chapter Text

Her hand hovered over the contact, admittedly it was not like her to be so unsure of herself but the last few hours had ripped the ground out from underneath them and she had no idea how to handle what she had to do next. She wasn’t even sure she knew what the best way to handle it was.

She looked at Captain Wilson through the screen, the firefighter’s eyes glassy and undoubtedly still in shock despite the heavy duty hazmat outfit covering most of her face.

“I can do it, perhaps I should be the one to do it?” Wilson said but Maynard shook her head.

“You’ve got enough going on there to secure the scene, we need to know that it’s safe to remove everything and everyone and my guys need to be able to secure all the evidence before anyone else starts knocking down the door.

Wilson nodded, “Romero and Ransome are going through what we think was the main office now. But they might need some tech help.”

“I’ve got a guy from the US Attorney General’s office that I trust who is on his way.”

“Captain…?!”

Maynard held up a staying hand, “I trust him, Athena would back me on that. No one is coming in to that building that does not have my permission. It’s all our people, Captain Wilson. The commissioner and your chief are doing what they can their end to make sure the site stays in the hands of LAPD and the LAFD.

“And what if the Army comes knocking? Or the FBI or any other acronym?”

“I’ll be arresting them for conspiracy and interfering with a crime scene.”

Wilson’s eyes crinkled in what Maynard assumed to be approval.

“Copy that, Captain. Let me know when…”

“I will. And check in every 20.”

Wilson moved away from the camera and Maynard continued to watch the screens in front of her as the 118 and 133 moved through the building. Phone still in hand, the call button unpressed.

She knew she was procrastinating but she couldn’t work out what her opening lines were. Should she call the kids? Wilson had suggested calling her wife Karen to be there for moral support, which was probably a good idea. But the whole thing was just so unbelievable. And given that Elaine knew more than most what Athena had been through these past months, hell throughout her adult life, that was saying something.

She remembered when she first met her at the scene of Emmett’s murder. She’d been impressed at the way the officer had held herself given the awful tragic circumstances. And she’d watched from afar as Athena had used her fiancés death to propel herself forward into her police career. Using the grief and pain to motivate her to live the life that Emmett never got to.

Although their careers had diverged for a few years, Elaine was relieved to find Athena still at the station when she returned as Captain, knowing what an asset she was although she was shocked to find her only a Sergeant, knowing her and her reputation she should have been much higher in the ranks. She’d been surprised when she learned that Athena had got married and had a child. It was a later in life pregnancy and she’d been pleased that Athena had stepped away from her laser focus on her career to find a bit of peace in her personal life.

Although that peace had its ups and downs in the past decade and Elaine had tried to be a supportive Captain as she watched Athena struggle with the end of her marriage, and the complications that had brought as well as May’s attempt on her life. Throw in the attack at the storage unit, her husband being shot, her son being kidnapped, the cruise ship disaster, the arson attack and bobby’s heart attack and Elaine remembers looking at her subordinate in bewildered awe at how she was able to keep going. And still be badass enough to land a jet plane on the freeway before cracking open a paedophile ring all within the same evening. But Athena had ridden each trauma, and much like she did when Emmett died, used it to keep moving forward.

And then Bobby had died.

And everything changed.

Sure Athena was still, by a country mile, her best officer. She was professional and diligent, and she got the job done. Elaine was certain most other officers in the station would not have noticed any difference between the wife of Bobby Nash and the widow she had become. But Elaine did.

There was a light that had gone out in Athena. A lack of a sense of purpose and joy. There were flickers when she spoke about her kids and their accomplishments. But otherwise, it felt to Elaine like Athena was acting purely on muscle memory. When Elaine had asked her if she thought it might be a bit too soon to come back to work only days after Bobby’s funeral, she had simply replied, “What else am I supposed to do?”

Elaine couldn’t answer her. What was she supposed to do when the love of her life had died, leaving her bereft and heartbroken. There were many different ways of handling grief and Elaine couldn’t honestly say that how Athena was handling it was wrong. It was just devastating to watch and know that there was very little to do to help.

She watched as Athena, days after burying her husband, had tracked down the child believed dead and returned her to her ecstatic mother. Providing a miracle to a stranger that she was unable to achieve herself with Bobby. Elaine saw the satisfaction in Athena during the reunion that she had done her job. But something was missing.

Normally closing a case like that, would bring joy or a sense of realisation of how important you had been in people’s lives. There would be celebration of a miracle. A reminder of how beautiful and precious life could be. But while the squad had congratulated each other on a job well done, Elaine and Rick had watched grief stricken as Athena left quietly, returning to the shell of a house she and Bobby were building, unable to celebrate her accomplishment with her husband. She went home, alone, and Elaine had no doubt she had stayed alone until her next shift.

And every night since, as Elaine watched her leave through the station doors, she watched her friend disappear a little more each time.

For they were friends now. Not just colleagues and comrades in uniform. Friends. And Elaine had been scared for what the future held. While she hoped that time would heal the grief and wounds Bobby’s death had caused, there was a nagging part of her that felt that Athena was just biding her time. She didn’t believe her friend was suicidal but more just going through the motions, maintaining her responsibilities to her kids, to her job and to her friends. But nothing more than that. Marking time perhaps until she healed, or marking time until she could be reunited with her husband.

Her hand hovered over the screen of her phone, the weight of responsibility. The situation was so uncertain and Elaine knew she would be piling another load of trauma on her overburdened friend and wondered whether there was enough in Athena to withstand yet another storm.

With a deep breath she pressed and lifted the phone to her ear.

“Athena? I know you’re off but there’s been an incident, and I could do with you here on scene. We’ve found Moira Blake.”

Chapter Text

Athena wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she arrived on the scene but it wasn’t a harassed looking Captain Maynard in a stand up row with US Army Colonel Hartman in the parking lot of what looked to be an abandoned warehouse that was covered with squad cars and engines from the 118 and 133. She also did not expect to see multiple LAPD vehicles blocking army vehicles from entering the lot.

“You do not have jurisdiction here Colonel,” Elaine explained and Athena could tell that the normally stoic Captain was having difficulty containing her emotions.

“Captain, if we are dealing with a significant threat to life then this becomes a Federal matter.”

“And I’m telling you, you need to speak to your General. The Mayor and the Governor have already cleared this as an LAPD and LAFD operation for the foreseeable future.”

“On what grounds?!”

“On the grounds that the US Army may have been compromised and implicated in several crimes including, tampering with a crime scene, perjury, endangering of the public and sanctioning dangerous human experiments on unwitting innocent members of the public.”

“This is ridiculous, your Hollywood tv shows have gone to your head Captain.”

“You need to tell your unit to stand down Colonel. Or I will give the order to start arresting people.”

The Colonel looked like he was about to have a coronary and Athena couldn’t help but be impressed by her old comrade. Watching her stand toe to toe with the US Army, and seem to be winning the argument was not something you got to see every day. The Colonel turned in frustration and immediately straightened when he saw Athena.

“Sergeant Grant,” he greeted tersely.

“Nash,” Athena replied brusquely, “I took my husband’s name professionally after the US Army failed to save his life.”
Athena was pleased to see the Colonel look slightly awkward but was shocked to see Elaine had turned white as if the blood had rushed out of her.

“Elaine..” Athena began but was cut off by another officer trying to get the Captain’s attention from a nearby surveillance van.

“Captain Maynard, I have Roz Dewer for you along with Captain Wilson.

Athena frowned, “Roz from the lab?”

Elaine nodded at the officer, “I’ll be right there. Athena, there’s things going on here but I’m going to need you to give me a few minutes and then I’ll brief you properly. Until then,” she indicated behind her, “I’m going to need you to remain over there and you are not to enter the command unit until I give you permission.”

“Elaine – “

“Do you understand, Sergeant?” Elaine’s tone brooked no argument.

“I understand, Captain,” Athena nodded. Elaine never took that tone with her. She seemed spooked. Whatever was happening was serious enough for her to threaten to arrest US Army personnel and whatever Athena’s investigative instincts, there were times when she knew how to take orders.

Athena watched the Colonel retreat to his unit and after a few moments the army vehicles backed up a few hundred yards, breaking the stand off with the LAPD. But Athena wondered how long it would take before the Army, the FBI and whatever other acronym would turn up to overwhelm the scene.

Athena didn’t know what to make of it all. The tents over the entrance to the warehouse were enough to give her a shiver. The last time she had seen them had been that fateful night. The night she had stared down the long tunnel waiting for her husband to only be faced with Buck, pale and haunted, knowing that Athena’s whole world was about to be destroyed.

Moira Blake had disappeared off the face of the earth into federal security, when Athena, Elaine and even Chief Simpson had tried to find out more information they were told that no information would be shared on account of national security. They got blocked at every turn and Athena had suspected that despite the woman’s crimes the US government wanted to mine her knowledge and obvious skill. It was a devastating truth that they’d had to accept, the knowledge that they would never get justice for Bobby’s death and his killer was probably living rent free in a government sponsored apartment, free to continue her Dr Frankenstein ways.

For her to reappear, here in LA, mere miles from the lab was nothing short of astonishing. And given the tents, the PPE she could see people wearing and Elaine’s obvious concern, she suspected that whatever was in that warehouse was just as awful as what had been in that lab.

Athena’s stomach dropped as she realised that the 118 were having to relive their worst nightmare. She hoped this time their gear was much more secure, she wasn’t sure they or she could stand another loss so soon after losing Bobby. She wondered whether she should call Maddy and Karen. If the 118 were facing one of Moira’s experiments again…if the shoe had been on the other foot, if that was Bobby in there, she would want to know.

She took out her phone but caught a glimpse of another vehicle arriving and pulled up to a stop next to her. Karen and Maddie stepped out and Athena let out a breath. Elaine really was a good Captain, she’d already made the right calls. Athena waved at them only to pause as the back door to the car opened and Harry and May appeared.

Why?

Why had Elaine called Harry and May? She turned at a sound behind her and watched as Elaine walked purposely towards her, noting Elaine nod gravely at the new arrivals before turning her gaze on Athena.

Why was Elaine looking at her like that? It was Maddie and Karen’s spouses inside that building. But it was feeling to Athena like Elaine had called them and the kids for moral support for her.

She couldn’t think that having Moira Blake alive meant that she was going to do anything stupid. So she had gone rogue to find Emmett’s killer and she had gone to rogue to confront Amir at gunpoint thinking he’d all but killed Bobby.

Yeah.

Perhaps Elaine did have a right to be concerned. Athena wanted to put a bullet between Moira Blakes eyes more than anything. She’d settle for her in handcuffs, facing justice in a court of law but she’d prefer the bullet.

“Mom? What’s going on?” May asked, her eyes darting from Athena to Elaine to the warehouse in front of them. Maddie and Karen looked equally confused.

“I’m sorry for the cloak and daggers,” she said to Karen, “But we’re dealing with a lot of moving parts and I’m trying like hell to maintain jurisdiction here. I couldn’t afford to say anything over the phone.”

“Is the 118 ok?” Maddie asked, tears swimming. It would be fresh in Maddie’s mind too, how close she came to losing the father of her children.

It would be no better for Karen. As it had been Karen with Athena that fateful night, with a front row seat to her devastation. As the 118 went to hospital and decontamination, it was Karen that had met Athena out of her own decontamination shower. It was Karen who had broken the heartbreaking news to her children that their stepfather had died. Athena had been in no state herself. She’d been mute. In shock. Desperately trying to build the walls that would hold her up to put one foot in front of the other. She’d never forget what Karen did for her and the kids that night.

Athena waited with baited breath as Elaine paused, “The 118 are all fine,” but she didn’t sound certain.

“What is it Elaine? What are you not telling us? What’s inside that building?” Athena asked, a foreboding sense overwhelming her body. She was right back at the lab, in that moment when she realised her husband was lost to her forever. Trauma really was a bitch.

“I…,” Elaine started and then paused, collecting herself and Athena marvelled at how unravelled she seemed compared with staring down the US Army only moments earlier.

“The 118 got called to a fire at this warehouse, they requested back up from the 133 and LAPD twenty minutes after arrival. The 118 had knocked down the fire which had been caused by the heat getting to some faulty wiring. But while the main floors of the building were empty, the 118 had found an entrance to a basement. Not knowing if anyone was inside they broke into the basement to find a suite of rooms, including a lab.”

Elaine paused, and reached a hand to Athena’s shoulder, “Moira Blake was in an office, which is when they called for back up. Two other members of staff surrendered immediately but Moira was holding out. When LAPD arrived she was holding a syringe to Ravi’s neck. There was a stand off. Rick took her down. Kill shot.”

Athena felt herself sag in relief, Elaine grabbed on to her but she righted herself and nodded at her boss, “Good. I owe that man a drink.” She tried to smile but noticed Elaine was not sharing in the victory like she thought.

“There’s more?”

Elaine nodded, “Obviously we were concerned about contamination give what had happened before and no one knew just what she had been researching in that lab. The other staff members assured us that the outer offices were fine, as was the lab and that they hadn’t been experimenting with airborne viruses but we couldn’t take their word for it. We had to shut down the site and get everyone already on site properly masked up just in case.”

“And then you called Roz?”

“Yeah. She had the most experience and she’s been down on scene for the past few hours. We’ve had the firefighters and police scouring the site for evidence while Roz and her team confirmed whether we’d had any kind of breach. Rick and Lou are coordinating the collection of the research materials.

“Ok, so we think everyone is ok and they’re just securing the scene, but am I missing something. Why did you call us down here?” Karen asked, the question obviously what everyone else was thinking.

“There was a need for medical assistance, after the stand off with Moira Blake officers found a hospital room with an unidentified male, heavily sedated.”

“She was conducting human experiments? That’s what you threatened to arrest the Colonel for. The US Army sanctioned experiments on humans?” Athena was shocked.

“We don’t know who approved what at present. But it does appear that an adult male was being sedated in a makeshift ward, a few feet from Moira’s lab. Lou and Rick have found research notes that suggested this individual was being tested but preliminary medical assessments have found nothing that suggests anything more than blood being taken and the notes so far back that up.”

“OK, but that still doesn’t answer Karen’s question. Why are we here?”

“It was a young officer who found the room, he’s new. They immediately called for a medic and Chimney and Eddie were first on scene,” tears swam in Elaine’s eyes and Athena felt sick. She was sure the next words out of Elaine’s mouth were going to be seismic but she had no clue why. Or why Elaine was looking at her with so much compassion.

“I don’t know how or why Athena but there’s absolutely no doubt, all the 118 have confirmed it," Elaine paused, a lone tear tracked down her cheek.

"The man in that room is Bobby. Bobby is alive.”

Chapter Text

The world wasn’t real to her. She’d heard about disassociation, how the mind can work to detach itself from reality in moments of high stress. She was obviously losing her mind. Or Elaine was. It was just too fantastical to comprehend.

They’d buried him.

They’d had a funeral.

They’d chosen his spot.

They’d held a wake.

They’d had a fucking parade of his coffin through the streets of LA.

He was dead.

And now Elaine was trying to tell her he was alive. She must have lost her mind. Obviously Moira Blake was experimenting with hallucinogens and everyone was high. But the looks on her babies’ faces and their grip on her hands told a different story.

Her legs gave out and she fell against the car, Harry trying to keep her upright and she tried to get a grip on the whirling emotions inside of her.

She’d been in such a dark place over the past four months since Bobby…hope was no longer an emotion she was familiar with. But it threatened. There in that place where she kept her love for Bobby, that one place of sanctuary that could never be extinguished, that one part of her, the best part of her that would always belong to him. It was right there that she felt it. That first kernel of hope.

Using all the strength she had left, with help from her son, she straightened herself, barely noticing Maddie and Karen’s silent tears as they too tried to grasp what they had just been told.

“I need to see him,” Athena said, her tone brokering no argument and Elaine to her credit did not look surprised. Her response almost rehearsed as if she knew what Athena was going to demand.

“I cannot let you in there Athena, not until the scene is confirmed as secure and not until we can be certain that Bobby no longer has any trace of the virus.”

Elaine’s words were like a dagger. She needed to get to him.

“We’ve got cameras set up throughout the basement in the control centre. You’ll be able to see him. Chimney is with him and you’ll be able to speak to him. He’s been monitoring Bobby’s vitals, and all seems in order. There’s just so much we don’t know so the decision has been made to keep him sedated until we can transport him.The hospital will have to clear him of any infection.”

Athena nodded mutely and followed Elaine into the command centre. It was a bustle of activity until she stepped over the threshold and a revered hush went over the room.

“Mullins, pull up camera 5 onto the main screen please and radio Firefighter Han.”

“Yes m’am.”

Athena could only see a sea of screens, nothing yet making any sense to her, until the main screen came to life. At first Athena couldn’t make anything out and realised it was because of tears streaming down her face. She wiped furiously as a sterile room came into focus. Chimney standing beside a hospital bed, with crisp white sheets.

And there, in the bed, was her husband.

He looked different, his hair long, his beard scraggly, she’d never seen him so unkempt but there was no question. That was her husband.

“Fuck,” Harry said beside her and for once she didn’t have it in her to reprimand him because that was the word going through her head too.

“I don’t understand,” May said, her breath hitching with tears, “How could this happen?”

“That’s what we are trying to find out,” Elaine said kindly.

“Captain, I have Firefighter Han for you, it’s on speaker” the officer at the control desk said.

“Thank you, officer. Firefighter Han I have Captain Nash’s family here as well as your wife and Mrs Wilson.”

Athena watched as Chimney covered his face with his hands, obviously needing a moment. It had been strained with Chimney since Bobby. Athena did not blame him for Bobby’s death but it was a cold hard fact that her husband had given his life for his teammate. Athena couldn’t quite forget that and neither could Chimney. It had somewhat thawed when Athena had been the one to help deliver Robbie Han a couple of months ago when he’d unexpectedly arrived 5 weeks early. Robbie Carter Han had helped to break the ice, but it could never be the same.

Her heart, which had hardened so, softened slightly at the distress he must be feeling. Distress mixed with all their dreams coming true. It was a heady and confusing mix.

Finally he turned toward the camera, his eyes suspiciously wet.

“How’s our boy Howie?” Elaine asked, breaking the tension.

“He’s….I cant believe any of this is real but his vitals are all good. We cant find any evidence of the virus so far. I’m limited in what I can see here but Rick’s been going through all the notes that Moira had written and they all indicate that there isn’t any sign of the virus.”

“He’s really there, Chimney? He’s alive?” Athena asked, her voice a tremor.

“Yeah, oh God, Athena…he’s here and he’s alive and I’m going to kill him when we get him out of here.”

“Not if I beat you to it first,” Athena said with a laugh bordering on hysteria which was matched by Chimney and soon all that could be heard was the sound of tears and the steady beat of Bobby’s heart monitor. Regular. Strong.

Alive.

---9-1-1----

It was hours later when Athena found herself still the other side of a barrier from her husband. She’d spent hours in the command centre, her eyes rarely leaving the screen. She’d barely noticed Maddie leaving to go look after the kids, her own as well as the Wilsons. Karen remained steadfast by her side, her babies in shock but refusing to leave, curled up at the back of the command centre.

When Elaine finally announced they were ready to move him, she’d said that he was going to be taken by chopper to the hospital and that Athena was to meet him there. Athena argued that she should go in the chopper with him but they were still being extra cautious about any remnants of the virus, the hospital were to assess and make the final judgement call. Tommy had volunteered to fly him, accepting any risk of contamination.

“I’ll protect him with my life Athena, I promise,” Tommy had said, clasping her hand. While his relationship with Buck looked to be on permanent hiatus, Athena had a soft spot for the man who had watched as she had met her future husband for the first time, who had helped to save their lives on the cruise ship and who had also helped to save Chimney. He’d also born witness to what they all thought was Bobby and Athena’s last moments together. It was fitting it was Tommy that carried Bobby away from the prison he had been kept in for so long.

He'd arrived at the hospital without incident. LAPD standing guard. There was still so many unanswered questions that Elaine had ordered an armed guard for all of the Grant-Nashes until further notice.

Athena thought that she should be more unsettled by that than she was but the only thing she could think of was when they were going to let her in to her husband’s room. When she could touch him for herself. Feel his chest moving up and down. Feel the beat of his heart. Maybe then, it would all become real to her.

May and Harry were sparko behind her on the uncomfortable hospital chairs which was a miracle in itself. Both were obviously emotionally overwrought but she’d been so proud of how they had dealt with everything. First Bobby’s death which had devastated them and Athena didn’t think either of them would ever be the same, but Bobby would have been proud of how they had dealt with their grief. She corrected herself. Bobby would be proud of how they had dealt with their grief. How they had honoured the man they considered a second father. Not a step father. A second dad.

They’d been rock solid for her throughout and today they had made her prouder than ever. Her babies. All grown up.
Karen had disappeared to get coffee and Athena was alone for the first time since Elaine had told her that her husband was back from the dead. She could feel her hands shaking and tried to stretch them into submission. She needed to get into that room. And soon, before the hoards arrived.

Elaine had messaged to say that the 118 were being relieved and were going through the decontamination protocols but she expected them to arrive at the hospital in the next hour. And while she knew and appreciated that they would all want to see Bobby, she needed some time with her husband in private. There was still such an air of unreality and she wasn’t sure how she would react when she went in there and the thought of prying eyes in such a vulnerable moment made her nauseous.

She watched as doctors in full hazmat gear confirmed and her heart leapt as she watched them finally remove their helmet to turn and give her a thumbs up.

No sign of the virus.

The staff cleared the room of the tent they had made to secure against any threat and the doctor made her way to Athena.

“Mrs Nash, no sign of the virus. Blood tests all normal and scans mostly clear,” the doctor was brusque and efficient and Athena had never been more grateful.

“You said mostly?” Athena queried and the doctor nodded.

“From the MRI scans and the notes from the scene it appears that your husband may have suffered from a small brain bleed. We’re not sure how much damage if any there might be until he wakes up. But there is a suggestion in the notes that there may be some impact on his muscle density in his left arm, which could suggest an issue. But until we bring him round we won't know the extent.”

Athena swallowed thickly, “The brain bleed, was that from the virus?”

“Almost certainly, from everything we can see and from the notes, other than that your husband appears to be in good health.”

“When will he be awake?”

“The team on site started reducing his sedation some time ago but given the length of time he has been sedated I think it will be a few hours yet, and I don’t expect him to be fully conscious until some time tomorrow.”

Athena nodded, “Can I see him?”

The doctor smiled kindly, “Of course, I’d like to keep it to one at a time but I can see your kids are here, if all of you want to go in together that’s fine. But when he wakes, we’re going to need to think about how we handle it. I’ve got someone from the psyche team on standby.”

Athena was surprised, “Psyche team?”

“Your husband’s last conscious thought was that he was about to die. He’s going to wake up to a new world four months later where everyone has gone through the trauma of losing him and the trauma of finding him again. It’s going to undoubtedly be an adjustment.”

Athena nodded, she hadn’t thought what it was going to be like for Bobby. So much had happened, so much had changed. She’d changed. She was barely recognisable to herself most days. His resurrection was not going to magically change that, she idly wondered if the pyche team would need to be on hand for everyone else as well as Bobby. Dr Frank was going to be busy.

The doctor indicated for her to go in and she walked slowly into the room. Her impatient need to get to him that had been sitting in her stomach all day had been swallowed up by an anxiety that she found hard to explain.

As she stepped through the door, her eyes trained on the figure of her husband in the bed. His scraggly hair and beard adding to the unreality of it all. The nurse who had been making him comfortable gave her a kind smile and quietly closed the door behind her as she left.

She reached out too touch his arm, surprised by how warm it was and wondered why she was so surprised. There was part of her that expected him to be cold to her touch. As if he was still dead.

Her hand trailed up his arm, over his shoulder and into his hair. She brushed the hair back so she could see his face better, he’d always hated when his hair got too long and fell into his eyes. As she did so she could feel the ball of grief that she had buried deep down insider her start to make its appearance. She gasped as a sob she tried to suppress refused to be silenced. Her other hand grasped his on the bed as her body was wracked with unshed grief and pain, finally acknowledging the despair she had been carrying for all these months. Her husband, unknowingly there to catch her as he had some many times before, in a way he had been unable to do four months ago.

Unseen by her, her children watched along with a newly arrived Hen. The rest of the 118 had turned away to give Athena some privacy. But those closest to her watched.

“She hasn’t cried like that once,” May whispered.

“That’s because Bobby wasn’t there to catch her,” Harry said, “She only cried like that when Bobby..” he trailed off, his own emotions getting the better of him.

Hen wrapped her arms around the paid of them, tears streaming down her face. Grief, love, relief – all mixed as one. And as she watched her best friend finally release the pain that had consumed her, for the first time since that awful night in the lab, she really thought everything was going to be okay.

---9-1-1---

Hours later, Athena had finally managed to convince the kids to go home and get a shower, they’d returned 90 minutes later with a change of clothes for her and a push towards the hospital showers to get freshened up.

It was a wrench to leave Bobby, despite the 118 and her kids watching guard. But it did make her feel better and a bit more human. Buck and Eddie had done a breakfast run and Athena basked in the presence of her husband's team. She never thought she'd get to feel this way with them again. Comradely.

Although she still worked with them on many occasions, and although Hen was still her best friend, without Bobby there was a gulf between her and the found family in the fire house that Athena hadn't known how to breach. If she was being honest, even if she did know how she wasn't sure she wanted to. It was all just too much of a reminder of everything that she had lost.

She'd missed them.

 

After finishing breakfast Athena was listening idly to the 118 bullying poor Ravi, who had been a fully fledged firefighter for years but was still treated like a probie, when she looked up to see Hen gesturing to her to come into the room.

“I think he’s coming too,” Hen said with a small smile before leaving the room to give Athena some privacy.

She sat on the side of the bed and held his hand and watched as those beautiful brown eyes flickered open before drooping closed. She smiled. It reminded her of lazy mornings when they had nowhere to be and Bobby would refuse to open his eyes until he had too or she had teased him enough to get his attention.

After a few minutes he finally opened his eyes a bit more fully and they furrowed in confusion until landing on her. He gave her a dopey smile in recognition.

“Hey baby,” he whispered, his voice hoarse from months of no use.

“Hey,” she choked out, his familiar voice like a balm to her tortured soul, wrapping around her heart and healing the wounds his supposed death had wrought.

He closed his eyes again, but the smile remained, “Lay with me baby,”

Athena laughed, although it came out more of a sob and she moved to lay next to him on the bed, his arms coming round to hold her to him.

Although she knew that the road ahead would be difficult, she felt like she could finally breathe again.

She was home.

Chapter 4

Summary:

Bobby and Athena deal with the fallout of Bobby's resurrection

Notes:

It's going to get worse before it gets better.

Chapter Text

Bobby awoke to a familiar sight. At least it had become a familiar sight these past few weeks since he awoke in the hospital. His wife, sitting on the edge of the bed beside him, coffee in hand awaiting him. It would fill his heart if it didn’t also fill him with concern. He never knew how long she had been there, but the often tepid coffee suggested that, each morning, she would have been sitting there for some time.
You’d also think these moments would be an opportunity for them to talk. But they didn’t. Not about his coming back from the dead. The end of his firefighting career. What she had gone through in the four months thinking him gone. The last things they said to each other through the glass in the lab, before he had turned away from her to his supposed death.

There had been a lot of ‘I love yous’, and when they were ever in the same room she’d be there, holding on to him in some way as if scared to let go. He’d had to convince her to go back to work. That’s when he knew they had a problem. She was beside him but there was a gulf between them that he didn’t know how to cross.

When he had first awakened in the hospital room, properly, she had been the first thing he had seen and he remembered being concerned at the bags under her eyes. And then it had hit him and he had panicked.

“No, no Athena! You’ll be infected!” he had shouted as the memories of their last moments had solidified. He was petrified. He couldn’t be responsible for her death. He couldn’t. He wouldn’t survive that.

The doctors had helped Athena to explain, that the virus was gone, that he was ok and was going to live. But he couldn’t shake the look in Athena’s eyes. He recognised that look. It was a look of a woman whose world had ended.

They had broken the news to him gently.

How he hadn’t been quite dead when they took him away, the virus mimicking death. The Army had taken him away to test to ensure that the virus had gone. They had taken Moira Blake in to custody to assist. Now that the virus existed they needed to be sure that they had enough antiviral.

And that’s when Moira had spotted it. The body on the mortuary table, was not a dead body. They had an opportunity to really study the effects of the virus and the antiviral. The lab had been placed on lockdown but the army, officially, had refused to consent to holding Bobby for testing. The hows and whys were still being investigated but it appears Moira, along with a couple of officers she had managed to convince, decided to make their own decisions. For science. For progress. For what this could mean for the future of medicine. How many lives could they save? They’d rationalised it, investigations had found by telling themselves and each other what would be lost, everyone already thought Bobby Nash dead. And the work could save millions of lives.

Moira and her team had announced Bobby’s ‘death’, all non-essential personnel were removed, a small number of officers and scientists remained and were transported to a remote location on the outskirts of LA, funded by one of Moira’s private backers. Permission was given for limited testing on Bobby’s ‘body’ in exchange for the Army owning Moira’s work.

But unknown to Colonel Hartman, the rushed antiviral had worked and the virus was completely removed from Bobby’s body. The only impact was a brain bleed that had impacted the left side of his body. Moira had been apparently intrigued as to why the virus had taken so much longer to take hold in the fire captain compared to his colleague, how he had managed to live for so long when being on the verge of death.
She’d found the answers in Bobby’s blood work. His golden arm. The possibilities were endless, but for the research they needed to keep him alive and preferably unconscious.

Their conspiracy had nearly blown when the family had demanded the body. Moira and her co-conspirators had obfuscated, and the US Army went into panic mode when they realised that the body could not be located. A replacement was found, and the body was released. Closed casket, lead lined with instructions not to be opened.

The investigation was still on-going, but Athena had not been allowed anywhere near it. Bobby had been relieved but surprised when she hadn’t put up a fight. He’d in fact assumed that she was doing it on the quiet, as she had with Emmett’s murder, but it quickly became apparent that she wasn’t. Given that if she wasn’t on shift she was never more than 5 feet away from Bobby and he wasn’t sure even she could figure out a military conspiracy on a few minutes a day. She was Superwoman but even his amazing wife had her limits.

Bobby had remained in hospital for a week as they’d assessed and re-assessed him. Athena had been by his side as the doctors had announced that the impact of the brain bleed on the mobility in his left arm meant that it was unlikely, albeit not impossible, that he would pass his medical to go back to the fire department.

He’d caught the relief in Athena’s eyes, despite her words of commiseration. And it had irritated him, although he knew it was irrational, hadn’t he wished she would retire after the storage unit?

It was a confusing mix of emotions, he was of course ecstatic to be alive, he had been telling the truth when he told Athena he didn’t want to leave her. He didn’t. But he felt unmoored, adrift. His team had four months to process his death and move forward. Hen was now the Captain and he was so proud of her but he wasn’t sure where he fit anymore. Being a firefighter had been his identity for so long, his legacy. Who was he without the 118?

He felt Athena’s hand in his hair, at least he had her. And the kids. His own miracle family.

“Morning,” he said, finally opening his eyes, to see his wife start slightly, moving her eyes from wherever she’d been staring off to, almost as if she’d forgotten he was there despite the fingers in his hair.

“Morning,” she said back, recovering herself with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.

He squinted at the clock, it was still early, there was over an hour before she had to leave for her shift and she was fully dressed as if she was about to walk through the door.

“You getting an early start?” he asked as he propped himself up to see her face more clearly.

She looked surprised, “No, I just woke up a littler earlier than normal.”

“You should have woke me up,” he said with a smirk as she handed him his coffee only for him to put it down on the side table so he could reach for her.

“Are you still going to the firehouse today?” she asked, distracting him from his intentions.

“Yeah, Hen wants to talk to me about something so I’m heading in for lunch.”

She smiled and went to rise but he pulled her back down for a kiss.

“We do not have time enough for that,” she said tapping him gently on the nose.

“We always have time for that,” Bobby said suggestively as he pulled her too him again. He felt a moment of euphoria as she melted against him into his kiss. He kissed her how he knew she loved, soft, deep and dirty. Her hands reached into his hair and he sank down on the bed pulling her with him, his hand stealing underneath her sweater, seeking the warmth of her skin and tracing her curves. Just as his hand was about to close around her breast she ripped away from him.

What the..

“Rain check ok, I need to speak to Elaine before my shift about the new rookie.”

“Athen –“ but she had gone and Bobby fell back against the headboard, frustrated and confused by his wife’s actions.

He reached for the coffee cup.

It was stone cold.

--9-1-1---

“You want me to be your chef?” Bobby asked quizzically as he sat on the couch beside her in his old office.

Hen laughed, “No, what I’d like is for you to agree to work as a mentor and do Pasta Thursday.”

Bobby sat back, unsure, “Hen, do you really think having me hanging round the firehouse is a good idea. This is your house now, you don’t need me hovering. What if my view on something is different to yours.”

“Bobby, please. I’m not asking you here to make decisions on calls or to conduct performance reviews, but I am downing in paperwork, and I’m trying to get to grips with the role and I could use a little help. One day a week is all I’m asking for.”

Bobby was obviously uncertain, but Hen was clever. Asking him for help, she knew he wouldn't be able to refuse.

“Okay, let me think about it. Chief Simpson has asked me to do something similar at the Academy.”

“I know.”

Now he was suspicious, “Are you and the Chief setting me up?”

Hen smirked, “Maybe.”

Bobby had the good grace to laugh before sobering, “Is this a pity ask?”

Hen rolled her eyes at him, “This is not a pity ask. You’re an excellent fire Captain who should have had another ten years in him. We want to squeeze everything out of you before you properly retire.”

“Three actually.”

“Three?”

“I was a firefighter before 1997. I’d hit mandatory retirement at 60,” he said wistfully.

Hen stopped to look at him, really look at him, “Hey, how are you doing with all this? It’s not been all that long since…”

“Since my resurrection?”

“Bobby…”

“Too soon?”

“A little,” Hen admitted.

“I’m sorry, I guess I’m feeling a little frustrated. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful to be alive and be with my wife and my kids and my family but…” he trailed off.

“But everything you know has changed?”

He nodded, “I’ve got a useless arm, which means I can’t be a firefighter no more, and I don’t know who I am without being a firefighter. I’m so pathetic my friend and my ex-boss are making up roles for me and my wife…” Bobby broke off, emotion getting the better of him.

“Hey, look at me,” Hen implored, “First you will always be a firefighter. Second, this is not a made up job, it’s not. Chief Simpson told me he was already thinking about a mentoring programme for firefighters and you’ve given him the opportunity to put it in action. Thirdly, you are not pathetic Bobby Nash and fourth…” Hen trailed off trying to remember what Bobby had said, “What’s going on with Athena?”

“Nothing,” Bobby said waving it away.

“Bobby, talk to me. Your wife is my best friend. But so are you.”

Bobby sighed, uncomfortable but Hen could see he was clearly desperate to share his worries about his wife.

“I know what happened caused her, all of you, so much pain, and me coming back from the dead when you’d all started to move on is just added trauma upon trauma.”

“We hadn’t moved on Bobby, not even close,” Hen said firmly.

“But four months is a long time to think someone dead,” he persisted.

“It is,” Hen replied, uncertainly.

Bobby sighed deeply, “But it wasn’t four months for me. I closed my eyes thinking I had breathed my last and I wake up to a traumatised wife, who on one hand cant bear to not be in touching distance but on the other is so far away I’m not sure I can breach the distance.”

“Bobby, your death, was real to her, to all of us. You coming back is a miracle, it’s going to take some time to recalibrate all of that.”

“I know, but it’s just…I wake up every morning to her by my side. A coffee for me in hand. And every morning the coffee is stone cold as if she has no comprehension of how long she’s sitting there. I think she’s sitting there for hours before I wake up.”

“Bobby, it’s been a few weeks, she’s probably making herself believe you’re really real.”

“I get that, I do. But she won’t talk to me about it. She won’t talk about what it was like for her, she won’t talk about how it’s affecting her now and we’ve not…” he broke off, struggling to find the words.

“What?” Hen prompted.

“I’m going to sound like a jerk,” Bobby said, ashamed.

“Bobby,” she pressed.

“We’ve not been intimate since, well, since before I died.”

Well that surprised her. It was no secret, as much as Hen sometimes wished she didn’t know so much about her boss’, well former boss’, love life, that Athena and Bobby had a healthy and incredibly passionate marriage.

“Wow,” Hen said a little stuck for words.

Bobby shrugged at her, “Yeah.”

“But every time I see you both, she’s practically in your lap.”

“She is, if we’re in the same room a part of her is always grabbing on, if I’m asleep she’s watching me,”

“Okay a little creepy,” Hen interjected.

“She’ll talk to me about her day, about the kids, about you but anything more…” he broke off trying to find the words.

“Intimate,” Hen suggested and Bobby laughed, but it sounded to Hen like it didn’t have much humour in it.

“Yeah, anything more intimate and she runs a mile.”

“Intimate, who is getting intimate?” Chimney’s voice asked as he walked into Hen’s office.

“Do you not know how to knock?” Hen asked, a little annoyed.

“The door was open,” Chim said defensively. “So who is getting intimate?” he asked again.

“Well, not Bobby apparently,” Hen blurted out with an immediate apologetic look to Bobby.

“Are we really having a conference call about my sex life now,” he asked in exasperation.

“Ooooh, she’s pulled up the drawbridge has she, Cap?”

Bobby glared at him and Chimney held his hands up in apology, “Sorry, that must be a little…frustrating?”

“You have no idea,” Bobby muttered.

Bobby shifted uncomfortably, “Do you think it’s the arm?”

“What’s what with the arm?” Hen’s stomach dropped as Athena’s voice came from behind her through the office door and Hen was momentarily stuck for words.

Didn’t anyone know how to knock?!

Hen knew both she and Bobby looked guilty, and Chimney just looked slightly panicked. Athena’s eyes narrowed.

“Why do I get the feeling I’m not going to like whatever it is you’ve just been talking about?”

“It’s nothing,” Bobby said, hopeless liar that he was.

“What’s wrong with your arm?” Athena pressed, her tone hardening.

“I don’t know Athena, why don’t you tell me?!” Bobby blurted out in frustration.

The phrase, ‘the silence was deafening’ had never been more accurate. Hen got up off the couch and indicated to Chimney that they should make a quick exit. They didn’t go far. Just enough that Athena and Bobby’s voices could still be heard.

“You want to tell me what this is all about?”

“Not really,” Bobby answered and Hen winced at his sarcastic tone.

“Bobby?” Athena sounded tired and unamused.

“I didn’t think you wanted to talk, you never talk to me so why should I talk to you?”

“We talk all the time,” Athena answered but Hen could hear it in her voice and she briefly wondered if she should clear the area.

“No we don’t. You tell me about your day, or the kids or your favourite tv show going down the pan but you don’t *talk* to me.”

There was a beat. And Hen could almost picture Athena steeling herself.

“Well, what do you want to talk about?”

“I want to talk to you about my supposed death, I want you to talk to me about how you feel, I want you to talk to me about how difficult you’re finding all this, I want you to talk to me about why you cant bear to be intimate with me.”

“I am intimate with you all the time,” Athena shot back.

“No you’re not! You hold my hand, you cuddle up on the couch, you sit by my bedside for hours staring at me, but you wont let me touch you!”

“You’re barely out of the hospital Bobby,” Athena defended.

“It’s been weeks and I’m fine. Apart from the arm,” there was silence and then Bobby’s next question, asked so softly, nearly broke Hen’s heart all over again.

“Is that the problem? That I’m not whole anymore?”

Dear Lord have mercy, Hen thought.

“That’s what you were talking about? With Hen and Chimney?!”

“That’s not the point!” Bobby’s voice raised and even Chimney was wincing now.

“Oh I think it is the point if you are in here gossiping about our private life,” Athena shouted back.

“Oh please, you tell Hen everything about our sex life. Don’t pretend to be a martyr now.”

Ouch.

“And you still haven’t answered my question. Is it? Is it because I’m not the man you buried? That because I’m broken, with this useless fucking arm, that you can’t bear to have me touch you?! Do I repulse you that much?!”

“That’s how little you think of me? That what, I’m such a shallow person that something like that would affect our relationship?”

“I don’t know Athena, I don’t. Because you. Won’t. talk. To. Me.”

“I can’t believe you would think that of me,” Athena’s tone was now breaking Hen’s heart.

“So what is the problem? Why won’t you let me touch you? Why Athena? Just talk to me!”

“Because I’m mad at you!”

There was silence as Athena’s words landed.

“You’re mad I’ve come back?”

“I’m mad you left me in the first place,” Athena sounded exhausted and her heart went out to her friend. They’d had this conversation so many times.

“I didn’t choose to leave you Athena, I told you that,” Bobby said so quietly Hen had to struggle to make out what he said.

“But you didn’t trust me, or your team for that matter, with your decision. You think so little of me that, what? That I would have argued with you about what to do with the one dose. Chimney? A man with a toddler and a wife at home and a baby on the way. You don’t think I would have understood what had to be done.”

“I didn’t want to put that on you,” Bobby said.

“I’m supposed to be your partner! We agreed Bobby, we agreed, that we’d face life head on. Together. After the fire and Amir and your heart attack, we agreed. What if I had done the same? On that jet plane, what if I had refused to talk to you about what needed to be done? I wouldn’t have had a runway and you would have buried me, only this time there would have been no bringing me back.”

“There was nothing anyone could have done to change what happened in that lab!”

“The fact you are standing right here in front of me sort of undermines your argument doesn’t it? Because there was time. There was time for an antidote to be created, and instead of trusting me, of trusting your team, I had to bury you next to your dead family.

You want to know why I can’t bear for you to touch me? Because I can’t make love to you when I’m so full of rage. And because I’m terrified that you’d do it all again, because I will always be your second choice.”

Chapter 5

Summary:

Ok, I lied. There will be one more chapter after this. It was going to be one long one but I like where I've ended it here and there's still so much to say. Including a scene with Harry and May which is pretty essential.

I hope this makes up for the pain of the last one. It's still a ride. But hopefully a happy one.

Chapter Text

“You going to pretend you didn’t hear all that?” Bobby asked Chim as he came back in to the office to find his friend with his head in his hands.

“I wish I could,” Chimney answered truthfully.

Bobby looked up at his friend, his eyes wet with tears, “Did she leave?”

Chimney nodded, “Yeah, Hen’s gone after her.”

“Do you think she hates me?” Bobby asked, his voice breaking.

“I do not,” Chimney said firmly. “I do however think she has every right to be a little mad at you. I’m a little mad at you too.”

He looked at him quizzically, “What I do to you?”

“You died, for one. And you gave your life for mine, without any discussion.”

“You think it would have helped to discuss it? There was only ever one syringe Chim. I can do math.”

“But we would have faced it together, as a team. And instead you go and martyr yourself, leaving me – the guy who already has a survivor complex, to look your wife and your kids in the eye, knowing what my life cost them.”

“You honestly believe that your survivor complex would have been any better if you’d sanctioned the decision?”

“I wouldn’t have sanctioned it! But I would have had a vote and I would have been able to have a discussion and I would have been able to thank you for saving my life and my wife and kids from the burden of grief.”

“I was the Captain, Chim. Sometimes we have to be the ones to make the tough calls and we cant afford to do it by committee. You know that. It’s the burden of command.”

“And that’s bullshit, we’ve always faced things as a team. We’ve only ever gone wrong when we haven’t.”

“I did what I thought was right Chimney, I swear to you I wasn’t trying to…I didn’t want to die.”

Chimney nodded, he believed him.

“And I’m sorry, I’m sorry if you felt my actions were a lack of trust in you. In the team. It wasn’t. I swear.”

Chimney sighed, holding his hands up in a peace gesture. This was something they'd never agree on, the decision Bobby made that night. But maybe they could learn from it.

“Just next time we are all in peril, let’s talk about it first yeah?”

“Well thanks to this arm, I don’t think I’ll be involved but yeah, I promise. Discussion first, martyr second.”

“Hey Chim,” Buck called out as he came barrelling in to the office, trailed by Eddie “Oh hey Bobby! Are you coming with us for dinner?”

“I think I need to get home,” Bobby said and Buck gave Chimney a look at his tone.

“I’d give it a couple hours,” Chimney said, “We were going to get Thai food, before I go home to my wife and kids and these two do…whatever these two do these days. Which frankly I don’t want to know.”

Bobby laughed at Buck’s offence, “Just how is the new frat house going?”

“Frat house? Cap, I’m offended,” Eddie said, “I am a mature, sensible father who, while his son is still in Texas is awaiting a place at his new school, is taking advantage of not having a curfew with his new roomie.”

“Yeah, how is that going to work when Chris comes back?” Chimney asked with a laugh.

“How’s what?” Buck looked puzzled.

“Well not much of a bachelor pad for ladies or gentlemen that you may meet when you’ve got a teenager at home.”

“Well, there’s their place,” Eddie said.

“And motels,” Buck commented.

“Just as long as it is not an engine,” Bobby laughed, “I don’t think your new Captain will be a tolerant as I was.”

“Tolerant?! You fired me!” Buck exclaimed.

“Yeah, but I rescinded only a few hours later,” Bobby replied.

“Only because of Athena, because even then you were totally whipped.”

Bobby laughed and Chim thought it was one of the first to reach his eyes since he’d come back.

“That might be true,” Bobby admitted.

“Man, just think. I have all this and it’s thanks to Athena. I should thank her more often.”

Bobby smiled, a little more subdued this time but no less sincere.

“Yeah, I think that’s a lesson for all of us.”

Bobby got up, “A couple of hours?” he asked Chimney.

“At least,” he replied.

“Okay. Let’s get Ravi and go.”

They all bundled out and Chimney was overcome for a moment watching his team and his former Captain, ambling out the station house in front of him.

“I wasn’t *completely* whipped back then was I?” Bobby asked and everyone laughed.

“Man, you had heart eyes for her every time she came for lunch!”

“I did not! She was married! And if you were so sure, how come you lost the bet to Hen?!”

“We were sure about you being whipped, we thought she was a bit out of your league.”

“Ouch!” Eddie laughed.

Chimney followed them, feeling ever so much more lighter than he had since that night at the lab. Life would never be the same after everything they experienced, but that didn’t mean it couldn’t be good.

 

---9-1-1---

 

Hen had caught up with her friend just as she had wrenched open the door of her cruiser.

“You cannot seriously be thinking about going back to work,” Hen called out.

“I have a shift to finish,” Athena replied, settling into the driver’s seat, her hand on the door to slam it close.

“Nope, not today,” Hen argued and held the door with one hand as she held her cell phone with the other to her ear.

“Elaine? Hen Wilson here. You think we can get Athena’s shift covered for the rest of today?”

Athena was speechless, which Hen thought worked in her favour. A stunned Athena always gave her a few seconds.

“Yeah. You were right. Today and the weekend? Deal. Thank you, Captain.”

“Excuse you, just who do you think you are to be –“

“Someone that loves you who recognises you’re having a bit of day and could do with a break.”

“And what did you mean, “you were right”? Because that’s the second time I’ve heard you talking shit behind my back!”

“I was not talking shit behind your back. Bobby was telling me how he was feeling and Elaine spoke to me, as two people who are your friends, and she shared her concerns about you coming back to work so soon and that she was worried at some point you were going to crash out.”

“This is not me crashing out!”

“No? Just how many hours do you spend staring at your husband while he sleeps because you’re scared if you take your eyes off him he’s going to disappear? How about the fact that you went back to work because being in the same room as him when he’s awake is too much for your nervous system to cope with but not being in the same room means you’re in a constant state of panic?”

Athena sat back in her seat and let her head fall on the chair. She looked exhausted.

“Come on, let’s go back to the station, you get changed and then we’ll go to your house and open a bottle of wine and talk.”

“I don’t want to talk,” Athena whined. The fight gone out of her.

“Yeah, well - tough Because you need to.”

An hour later they were in Athena’s yard, a bottle of wine between them. They hadn’t talked yet. But Hen knew it was only a matter of time.

“Did you finish your shift?” Athena asked suddenly.

“I was done before I met with Bobby, but the amount of shit I now have to deal with means I am regularly doing overtime. I don’t know how he handled it.”

“Years of practice I think, you’ll find your groove.”

Hen nodded, “It is why I have asked him to come in and help out.”

Athena’s head turned so quickly Hen thought it might fall off, “He’s not fit to be..”

Hen held up a hand, “Mentoring, personal development type stuff, once a week. On pasta Thursdays.”

“He going to be your chef?” Athena scoffed.

“You know that was exactly his question too. Only once a week.”

“It sounds like a good idea,” Athena admitted.

“Chief Simpson wants him to do the same at the Academy, using the 118 as a teaching station.”

“He hadn’t said,” Athena stared into her glass.

“It’s pretty new, I think he only spoke to the Chief before he met me at lunch.”

Athena nodded.

“Although given the level of communication between you two lately, would it really be a surprise if he hadn’t told you?”

“We speak about work,” Athena said defensively.

“Your work. Have you spoke to him about no longer being on active duty?”

Athena shook her head.

“It’s eating him up. I think the chief’s plan, the pasta Thursdays at the 118, will help with that but he’s grieving Athena.”

“I know. I just…I can’t lie to him and say how sorry I am.”

“Why not?”

“Because I’m so happy he’s not on active duty. I know, I know, the stuff we see on a daily basis, no one is safe from a tragedy waiting to happen but I cannot deny that I am happy about those odds being drastically reduced.”

“I think he’d understand that Athena, I think he just wants to talk to you about it.”

“I have him back, and I still feel like I’m grieving Hen. And I don’t know how to deal with that.”

“I don’t think that’s grief. I think it’s trauma. Him supposedly dying changed everything for you, for the kids, for us. The whiplash of having him back , no matter how much of a miracle it is and no matter how unbelievably happy we all are about it, is not without cost. And just like grief, trauma needs to be processed. It needs to be spoken about. It needs to be dealt with because I promise you, if you don’t, it will come back and bite you on the ass.”

Athena gave her a side eye, “And I have a very fine ass.”

“That you do,” Hen replied cheerily.

“I love him so much,” Athena whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

“Well, there you go girl. That sounds like a place to start to me.”

---9-1-1---

Bobby had never felt so apprehensive, walking into his own damn house.

Hen had arrived at the restaurant in time for desert, obviously a few wines in and had unceremoniously sent him packing, with strict instructions to go straight home. She hadn’t said much more than that and he wasn’t sure if that was a good sign or not.

Although given that Buck was trying to convince everyone to go to a Karaoke bar, her arrival had been perfectly timed.

“You know he bought a Karaoke machine for the house,” Eddie had whispered to Bobby, “I’m thinking about sabotaging it. There’s only so many times a guy can listen to him singing Journey.”

It had been good to be with the boys that evening, it almost felt normal. A new normal, but a good one. He’d been so proud of how they had stuck together as a team during everything. It was something he could be proud of. A legacy. Despite there being no more Nash’s to carry on the family tradition, he’d left his mark and perhaps he could continue doing so – just in a different way.

The house was quiet as he entered and he wondered if Athena had already gone upstairs to bed, so he headed into the kitchen only to find her there, coffee in hand, night robe wound tight around her.

“Hey,” he said gently, a little unsure.

“Hey,” she replied and he wasn’t sure from her tone whether she was still mad, indifferent or ok.

“You want a coffee? I promise it’s hot,” she smirked at him and he breathed a little easier.

“I’m ok thanks, I had some at the restaurant,” he said as he moved closer to her by the counter.

She nodded as she took a sip, eyeing him carefully, “The boys okay?”

“They were about to go to a Karaoke bar when Hen walked in,” he said lightly.

“Buck?” she questioned knowingly.

“Buck,” he confirmed, “Although Ravi was also pretty keen, I think we may have a Buck Junior on our hands.”

“That is not possible, they broke the mould when they made that boy.”

“True enough,” Bobby said wondering what he could say to break their little small talk.

He shouldn’t have wondered. His brave, brave wife beat him to it.

“You know, Buck was amazing after, well after everything.”

Bobby nodded, a little proud, “I’d hoped he would be.”

“Hen obviously was amazing too. But Buck really became the shoulder for the boys. Gave Chim a few home truths when he needed it, an arm round Ravi when he needed it. He even turned up here a few times, helped get the water on, painted a few walls.”

She paused, “It was the little things that became meaningful, you know?”

“And then when Eddie came back, he brought him along too. And in Eddie, I could see a kindred spirit. We didn’t talk much but when we did, it was…it was helpful to know I wasn’t alone. That the crazy things I was doing weren’t all that crazy.”

“Crazy?” Bobby queried.

“I saw you. I spoke to you. Even argued with you a few times. Thought I was losing my damn mind. I understood that whole weird Shannon doppelgänger a bit more I can tell you.”

“Did it help? Speaking to me?”

“Sometimes, and sometimes it was just a painful reminder of all that I had lost.”

Bobby tentatively reached out to stoke her hand, “I’m sorry Athena, I’m so sorry.”

“I know. I know the risks we have in our jobs. I know we talked about them. And I know you loved me. And I also knew grief. I’ve lost a loved one before. But this. Losing you. It broke me in ways I never knew existed.”

“Grief changes you,” Bobby said gently.

“It does. I truly believe it does. I think it changes you on a molecular level, it rearranges your DNA. You might put one foot in front of the other, go back to work, enjoy an evening with friends but there’s a weight that never existed before. I knew that, from Emmett. But after you, it was like the darkness consumed me and the only light I had was May and Harry, Hen and Karen and my job. But even then…” she trailed off.

“It consumed you.”

“Yeah, like death himself wrapped his cloak around me and I was powerless to break free.”

“Did anything help?”

“The kids. Anger. You know rage is a great motivator,” she laughed humourlessly.

“The nights helped,” she admitted and Bobby looked at her confused.

“Normally nights are the worst,” he remarked.

“Not for me. I welcomed them. I didn’t have nightmares see. When I went to sleep, on the rare occasion I slept, I dreamed of you. Me and you, together, in this house, living the future you had planned for us. There were times I just couldn’t wait to get in to bed, fall asleep and find myself in your arms.”

She paused, and Bobby could see the tear track down her face.

“Baby,” he said desperately, hating to see her pain but knowing he needed to.

“It was waking that was the nightmare, Bobby. Waking to a world without you, that was what was unbearable.”

He nodded, “And what about now, now that I am here?”

“I was telling the truth earlier, when I said I was angry with you. I am. And we’re going to need to work through that, but that’s not what is holding me back. We’ve always had pretty good sex when we’re mad at each other.”

She laughed and Bobby couldn’t help but join her. They rarely went to bed angry but when they did, it certainly never lasted that long as they processed whatever emotion they had in each other’s arms.”

“Do you remember the last time we made love?” Athena asked him and Bobby thought back. It hadn’t been the day of the lab incident, it had been the day before. She was coming off shift as he was going on.

“The day before the lab. We were ships passing in the night,” he said.

“You know I don’t like that analogy since the cruise debacle,” she said a bit testily.

“Two trains passing in the night?”

“Better,” she smiled.

“It was…quick but pretty enjoyable,” he said smugly and she whacked his arm before sobering once more.

“That was on repeat in my dreams. Every night. The last time you loved me. Along with the last time you kissed me. The last time you held me. The last time we snuggled together on the couch. The last dinner with the kids, with the Wilsons. All on repeat.”

“The last time,” Bobby nodded slowly realising what was holding her back.

“I sit and watch you sleep because I am terrified it isn’t real. That I’m still dreaming. I sit there for hours watching your chest go up and down trying to convince myself that this is real that I am not going to lose you. And I have shied away from making love to you because what if it is like that last time? What if this all is just that same dream? I’ll know, I’ll know for sure if we make love Bobby, and I am terrified.”

“I’m here Athena, I promise you that I’m real, that you’re real. That we’re real together.”

He tugged her into his arms and she came willingly, tears soaking into his shoulder and he sighed, almost in relief. This was a conversation long overdue.

After some time they moved to the couch, snuggled up close together, sharing soft kisses and caresses but nothing more. He knew there was still more they needed to discuss. Her parting words to him earlier running a loop.

“Can I ask you something?” Bobby asked.

“Of course,” she answered.

“I didn’t realise until earlier, I guess I never asked, but you buried me – or what you thought was me - in Minnesota?

She nodded and then brought her head up, concerned, “Was that wrong?”

He shook his head with a smile, “Absolutely not, I can see why you would. Being next to my kids, yeah, that’s how it should be I suppose. I had never really thought about it.”

“We’d gone through so many options, the kids were ready to use violence if I didn’t choose. But I felt that you would want to be with your first family rather than here in LA.”

He tensed, and she caught it.

“What?”

“You didn’t hear me did you?”

“When?”

“In the lab, when I told you that I didn’t want to go, that if I could choose I would be here with you. Always.”

“I did, I – “

“No. Athena. Listen to me,” he got up to kneel on the floor in front of her. “I want to be with you. Always. There will always be a part of me that feels that I do not deserve this, that doesn’t deserve you but my god I am learning, almost to the point of acceptance, to enjoy it,” he held her face in his hands, gently encouraging her to make eye contact.

“You are my family. There’s no first or second. There is only us. Our family. That includes Marcy and Robert Jr and Brooke and May and Harry. And you.”

“You don’t want to be buried in Minnesota? Did I make the wrong choice?”

Bobby sighed, that was what she got from what he said? They really needed to work on their communication.

“You didn’t make a wrong decision, Athena. I swear. But perhaps….perhaps I should be cremated. Some of me sprinkled in Minnesota, the rest wherever you are.”

She looked stunned.

“I will say this as many times as you need to hear it. I choose you. You are not a second choice. You are not my consolation prize. You are everything. You are my soulmate. I am connected to you in this life and the next and I will never, ever leave you. Even if my body is gone, my soul will stay connected to yours for eternity. Do you understand me?”

She stared at him and he held his breath for a moment until she nodded. Gently at first and then more vigorously.

“Yes, baby. Yes. I understand.”

They reached for each other, sobs wracking their bodies as the power of Bobby’s words hit home and they wrapped around each other tightly.
He wasn’t sure how long they had remained like that. Certainly until they were in danger of being dehydrated from all the tears they lost. But eventually he rose to get them a drink of water and a warm towel to wipe their faces. And as he wiped the last remnant of tears away from his wife’s face, she gave him a beautiful smile.

It never failed to amaze him how stunning his wife was, even though he could tell she was exhausted, she was radiant.

“You know Buck told me earlier that he and Chimney thought you were out of my league, that’s why Hen won the bet when we first got together.”

“Well that just shows how dumb that boy can be sometimes,” she said with a smile, “You are perfect.”

“He reckons you had me whipped even before we got together,” he continued.

“Well, yeah, that’s true,” she laughed harder.

“Hey!”

“I was the only cop you let in to your little secret firehouse club meetings.”

“True.”

“I was the only cop you hugged hello and goodbye.”

“Also true.”

“I was the only cop, you couldn’t keep your eyes off of.”

He frowned at her, “That’s not,” he stopped at the look on her face, “Yeah ok. True.”

He lifted her hand to kiss it, “He reckons I used to give you ‘heart eyes’.”

“You did.”

She ran her fingers through his hair, “But in the spirit of being honest, I was just as much a fool for you as you were for me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, my handsome Clark Kent, there were times I would struggle to tear my eyes from you. My, big, strong, fireman.”

He felt his face drop and she caught it.

“What?”

“I’m not exactly the big strong fireman any more,”

She looked at him fiercely, “Yes you are Bobby Nash, you could be down a limb or too and you would still be my big, strong fireman. It’s your turn to listen to me. My reluctance to make love has had nothing to do with me not wanting you. I will never, not want you. You hear me. No one has ever made me feel the way that you do.”

She gripped his face, “Being an active firefighter is a part of you, but it’s not the only part of you. You are so much more. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes, baby. My perfect man,” she smirked, “Most of the time.”

He smiled, but he was still uncertain.

“Come with me,” she said and led him through the hall and up the stairs to their bedroom before making him sit on the bed.

“Hen reminded me today how important it is that we talk to each other. Open up properly. And I want us to keep doing that Bobby, I do.”

“I do too,” he whispered.

“But there is also an importance in communicating without words. Something we’ve always been pretty good at,” she continued as she slowly but surely released the tie of her robe. As it parted he realised that far from wearing the long nightgowns or sleep pants she had been wearing recently, it was a deep red nightgown. His favourite. The one that was so short it barely covered her. The one that had scarred her daughter for life.

“God help me,” he muttered, half joking.

“I think God has done more than enough for you lately, mister, no one is going to save you from me tonight.”

She smirked as she stalked towards him, literally stalked, like he was her prey. He cupped her backside as she sat astride him, already growing hard underneath her. He cupped her face to bring her lips down to his, their tongues dancing an ancient dance, his hands moving to trace her curves.

He felt her gasp as he slipped the straps off her shoulder, his mouth tearing away from hers to travel down her neck to her shoulders. He pushed the nightgown down further, releasing her breasts so he could feast on them, her hips undulating over his to the extent he worried he was going to come in pants like a damn probie.

He needn’t have worried. She sat back to help him remove his shirt, pants and briefs. And if her words earlier hadn’t convinced him, the way she was looking at him now did. Like he was a feast at an all you can eat buffet. She traced his muscles on his chest with finger in awe.

“My beautiful man,” she whispered as her mouth closed over his and she shifted her hips for him to slip inside her. Their tears mingling as he kissed her. Both of them wrapped around the other, hands gripping tight as if they could disappear inside each other. Hips moving in perfect synchronicity in the way they both loved.

It wasn't like the last time.

She wasn't dreaming.

They were home. They were safe.

Chapter 6

Summary:

Ok its done. I've never written so fast. But it just poured out of me.

My version of a fix-it. It's probably ever so saccharine but thats where my mood was.

Thanks for reading and commenting. It has helped propel me to write. I really hope you enjoy it and for those of you who have mourned what has happened over the past couple weeks, I hope it brings a little joy.

Chapter Text

He’d not been surprised to find her still watching him as he awoke the next morning. As she had done every morning since he had, what, resurrected? They really needed to find a phrase that didn’t sound so much like he was comparing himself to Jesus or God. He never liked it when someone tried to make out they were the almighty.

“I see you’re still watching me sleep, Mrs Nash.”

She smirked at him as he opened his eyes, “I just can’t take my eyes off you.”

He pulled her close to him, pleased to find she was still as naked as he was, snuggled under the blankets with him.

“No cold coffee?”

She laughed and pinched his side, “I thought you being my big strong fireman, you’d get up to make me breakfast.”

“Just how far are you taking this whole house husband thing?”

“As far as I can before you take that job from Chief Simpson,” she peered at him.

“You know about that?”

“I do.”

“I would have told you, but we had other things to discuss yesterday,” Bobby said sincerely.

“I know. I think it’s a good idea though. Don’t you?”

“I’m warming up to it,” he said honestly.

“You feel warm to me?” Athena said breathlessly as she reached to caress his lips with hers and they lost themselves in each other again.

An hour later and they were rock, paper, scissoring about who would climb out of bed to start breakfast, Neither of them really wanted to get out of their little haven, where they had re-discovered each other repeatedly through the night and into the morning.

Just as Bobby suggested best out of five, there was a knock on their door and Harry’s voice floated through.

“Hey, you guys up, can we come in?”

Bobby looked at Athena in panic. Neither of them were expecting the kids today and both were in no state to welcome visitors.
Athena giggled, “You’re going to need to give us a minute, baby.” She smiled harder at the silence that followed. And when after seamlessly dressing in more kid friendly sleep ware, convulsed into giggles at the sight of Bobby, panic stricken as he tried to make the bed look less like they’d rolled all over it, in several positions, all night long.

Once dressed and certain the bedroom was fit for innocent eyes, Athena snuggled on the bed with him and they called the kids in. Both wearing slightly disgusted expressions on their faces and Bobby felt the tips of his ears go red.

“I do not want to know, and let’s just ignore the fact the two of you are still in bed at 10.30am when you both get up at 6am without fail,” May declared.

“You brought breakfast?” Bobby’s eyes lit up at the coffee and Danishes in their hands.

“We did,” May said, “Don’t let it be said we ever come here empty handed.”

He smiled as Athena narrowed her eyes at her children, “What are you two up to?”

“We can’t come see our parents on a Saturday morning,” Harry asked, slight offence to his tone.

Bobby smiled, “You are always welcome, gift bearers or not.”

“We did also want to talk to you about something,” May said.

“I knew it,” her mother interjected.

Bobby tried not to look too concerned, both kids seemed too cheerful for it to be anything serious but he couldn’t help but notice a slight nervousness from Harry and May.

“It’s nothing you do not already know about,” May said rolling her eyes at her mother.

“Ah,” Athena said knowingly and Bobby felt confused.

“Is anyone going to let me in on what everyone else already knows?”

Harry and May moved to both sit on the side of the bed nearest Bobby and handed him an envelope.

“These came through today. And before you open it, we want you to know that we spoke about this first with Dad, and then with Mom. And repeated the discussion after your….”

“Return?” Bobby offered.

“Exactly, your return.”

“Dad in particular was incredibly supportive. He wanted you to know that.”

Bobby was even more confused but opened up the paperwork as instructed. Inside were what looked like legal papers. Both the same apart from one small detail. One read, May Grant-Nash and the other Harry Grant-Nash.

His hands shook, and his eyes filled with tears.

“I don’t know what to say,” he whispered, unable to stop his voice trembling.

He looked up at Harry and May who looked equally as emotional.

“After…after the lab incident, one thing that Harry and I struggled with was that we didn’t have something of you to hold on to. Something to mark how important you’ve been to us. How you played your part in raising us.”

“We talked about various ways of honouring you, including tattoos but it didn’t feel like enough,” Harry said.

“And I was not a fan of the tattoo idea,” Athena said beside him and Bobby laughed at her mama bear tone.

“And after Mom changed her professional name to Nash, it sort of fell in to place, how best to honour you,” Harry finished.

“But I’m back now, you guys don’t…” May interrupted him.

“And it confirmed to us that we made the right call. It’s who we are. We’re a family. And now that family has the right label.”

“Are you okay with it?” May asked quietly and his heart broke that she felt the need to ask, “We probably should have spoken about it before the papers came through if it makes you uncomfortable.”

He grabbed her hand and looked both of them in the eye one by one, “This is the best gift either of you could ever have given me. Get over here.”

And with that both Harry and May leaned over to hug him, all four of the Grant-Nashes in tears and he whispered how much he loved them, which they reciprocated.

As they all calmed, Harry piped up that he had a second surprise.

“You know I have been struggling to find my place. Struggling to find something that really motivates me?”

Bobby nodded, they’d spoken about it a lot before the lab incident.

“And while it crystallised after we thought we had lost you, I promise you that I’ve thought about this, I’ve had lots of conversations with Mom, with Dad and David and with May. And it was never about some misplaced grief. This is right for me.”

Harry handed him another piece of paper. Acceptance to the Fire Department and an invitation to begin at the academy next month.
“I’m going to be a paramedic. I guess you’d call me the fifth generation firefighter of the Nash family.”

The tears that had stopped had started again as Bobby moved to grab Harry in a bear hug.

“I am so proud of you,” he said tearfully, reaching to bring May towards him too, “Both of you.”

“We’re proud of you too, Papa Bear.”

 

---911---

“Are you trying to steal my job, Mrs Nash?” Bobby asked her as they moved round each other in the fire house kitchen.

“You don’t want to spend the day with me?” she asked sassily.

It had been two long weeks while Athena had been on a case and Bobby had barely seen her except to throw food down her and tuck her in to bed exhausted to the point of collapse on the few times she’d made it home. Elaine had insisted she take a week off and much to her own surprise she had readily accepted, already planning to spend much needed time with her husband only to realise it was Pasta Thursday.

“Always, but you know the team loves your cooking and their disappointment is going to be unbearable when they get stuck with me again next week.”

“Well, what if we made it a more regular thing?” Athena said calmly, amused by her husband’s shocked expression.

“What are you saying?”

“I haven’t made any decision, but after the last two weeks, I don’t know, I was thinking I might need to make a few changes. Maybe follow in your footsteps?”

“My footsteps?”

“Semi-retirement, maybe doing some stuff at the academy?”

He peered at her, “Are you feeling ok?”

She laughed and put her arms round him, “I’m fine, I just, I don’t know, feel like it’s time. You know?”

“We’ll talk?” he asked seriously.

“We’ll talk,” she confirmed.

He nodded at her before grinning wolfishly, and she found herself atop the kitchen counter as he moved between her legs and kissed her, slow and deep. She hummed in contention and no little desire, despite knowing that, given where they were, she have to make sure he held the thought until they were back in the comfort of their house. Or his truck.

“Oh my God, put her down you dirty old man,” came the voice of her best friend. Both equally amused and disgusted.

“They never stop,” came the voice her son but she didn’t pull away and neither did Bobby for a few more minutes.

“Do you have to?” said May, who when she heard her mother was cooking insisted on joining them along with Karen and Maddie.

“Urgh, I really, really do not need to see that,” Buck’s voice chimed in.

They ignored all of them. When they finally moved apart to share smaller softer kisses he smiled against her mouth, “Best thing about retirement?”

“What?”

“Technically, I don’t work here.”

“Neither do I.”

“So neither of us can get fired if we sneak down to one of the engines after lunch?”

“I love the way you think, baby.”

“I heard that!” Hen shouted.

“You were meant to,” Bobby shouted back, both of them laughing at Buck's cry of 'hypocrite' as they finally moved apart to start grabbing the pots to set on the table.

“Grubs up,” Bobby called and the 118 piled in to sit at the table, Chimney declaring he was salivating at the thought of Athena’s brisket.

She caught Bobby’s proud gaze linger over Harry as he joked along with Ravi and Eddie. Part of the team already. She’d watched him earlier as he had traced his finger over his name plate downstairs. His turnout with Grant-Nash on the back. His son. The same look he’d had as they’d celebrated May passing her bar exams the month before. His daughter.

They sat down opposite each other. Both next to Hen at the top of the table. She smirked at her husband.

“That’s my foot Athena,” Hen growled and the table erupted into a mixture of hilarity and disgust.

Their family. Found and made.

And perfect.

And all were home.

Home safe.