Chapter Text
Fluorescent light cuts across the darkened walkway outside Hitoya’s apartment as Jakurai unlocks the door, placing the spare key he was lent down on the kitchen counter by the entrance after taking off his shoes.
Another dead end.
At first he could hardly bring himself to face Hitoya upon returning empty handed. But as days and weeks went by with little to show for it, the emotions in both of their faces began to dull, while the creases beneath their eyes only darkened.
“Hitoya?” he says as he makes it toward the main room of the apartment, lifting the two cans of convenience store coffee he bought on the way back, about to hand one over to him. He stops in place at the sound of a soft snore, his eyes trailing down toward it.
Hitoya’s wedged between the low table in the middle of the room and the bed pressed against the wall behind it, his legs drawn up to his chest while his head rests atop his knees, lolling to the side every now and then. One hand is draped over the table, next to an empty can of beer which has since fallen to its side.
For a long moment, Jakurai just stands there and watches the slow rise and fall of Hitoya’s shoulders, unblinking. Like he’s witnessing a moment of peace that he shouldn’t interrupt, that he doesn’t deserve to–
A drop of condensation from the cans in his hand drips downward and hits his foot, bringing him back to his senses. After quietly placing them in the fridge, he steps into the main room to bend down at Hitoya’s side, and reaches for the underside of his knees to scoop him up.
At the sensation of physical contact, though, Hitoya bristles and turns away from Jakurai, letting out a low, incoherent grumble with his eyes still screwed shut. Jakurai can’t help but chuckle softly, though beneath it a pang cuts through him. Something to laugh off in the morning. Right?
“You’ll have a crick in your neck when you wake up,” he notes gently, to which Hitoya’s eyebrows twitch a little. He doesn’t quite stir, but seems to relent, relaxing his shoulders and turning back enough for Jakurai to heave him upward and lay him down properly. He leans over Hitoya to grab a pillow to place under his head, but when he moves to turn back toward the entrance, a grip at his sleeve keeps him in place.
“Hitoya?” Jakurai tilts his head, looking down at the hand pinching at his cuff. “I’m just going to turn off the light.”
“Leave it,” Hitoya mumbles. “Just stay.”
Jakurai’s legs lock in place. His mind goes blank, and all he can do is exactly as he was told. He stays, and gently removes the hand from his sleeve as he sits down on the mattress at Hitoya’s side, lacing their fingers together instead. Jakurai’s hand, still chilled from the night air, begins to warm up against Hitoya’s. He strokes the back of his palm with his thumb, and feels the pulse of his veins.
A neighbor’s tap is running. Out in the street, cars whir by. Tree leaves rustle in the night wind.
“I miss him.”
Hitoya’s voice is barely above a murmur, soft and quivering in a way his pride would never forgive in the waking world. But in the mundane silence of the night, when it’s just the two of them under humming lights, he can let the cracks in his guard show, if only for a moment.
Jakurai uses his free hand to brush stray hairs from Hitoya’s forehead, watching fondly as he leans into his palm ever so slightly.
“I know,” he replies gently. “You’re working so hard for his sake. I’m sure he’s watching over you, prouder than you could even imagine.”
Hitoya doesn’t respond, but the tension between his eyes and the clench of his jaw begin to ease, giving way to an expression Jakurai hasn’t seen in years. He waits for a moment, then slowly lowers himself to lie down next to Hitoya and presses his cheek into his shoulder.
How long can we keep going like this? He wishes such a cruel thought wouldn’t cross his mind. Another day will come tomorrow, and what will I have to show for it?
He blinks once, then twice, his eyelids heavy and his legs finally unable to ignore the ache running through them. The sheets are soft, and Hitoya radiates warmth. Jakurai lets himself close his eyes and shut away his thoughts to chase after it, and the two settle into silence again, pulses in their locked hands beating, beating, beating.