Chapter Text
“Oh?! Chanyu-ya!”
Heol.
The so-called “Chanyu-ya” stood stiff, bug eyed. He blinked. Once. Twice. He can feel sweat suddenly emerge on his back. Damn he should’ve worn thinner clothes today.
“Move will you?” Ah.. he’s blocking the entrance to the lecture hall.
“S-sorry..” he mutters, stepping aside to let people through.
“Here here!” The black haired young man calls him, waving his arms enthusiastically. Chanyu walked slowly towards him, trying to pull the corner of his lips. Hoping it at least resembles a decent smile and totally not a creepy one.
The walk to the 6th row seat felt like eternity. His steps feel so heavy.
“How are you? Damn you grew so tall! Are you even taller than me now?”
“Haha.. yeah I grew. When did you get back Hyung?” Chanyu slowly put his bag on the desk, sitting down stiff beside the black haired young man.
He tried so hard not to make it obvious that he feels kinda sick right now. Be normal. Be normal. You're an adult. Be normal.
“Last month actually! I want to tell you but the Uni administration took all of my time. It's a pain that I had to certify documents with three languages too. So I forgot.”
Haha. Yeah. Forgot my ass.
Forgot is him not changing his assignment title from “fuckass project” to whatever the proper name should be.
Forgot is him waking up with 2% battery on his phone because he fell asleep without charging it.
Forgot is him leaving out his coffee cup on his work desk and came back to it with suspicious thing floating on his coffee.
Forgot is.. everything except not in contact with each other for a whole four going on five years. Not even a birthday greeting, not even an insta story view.
“Ah.. Welcome back Saebyeok Hyung”
“Glad to be back,” Saebyeok Hyung grinned back at him, his hand found itself on Chanyu’s head, ruffling his teal hair affectionately.
“You grew out your hair.. this length suits you” Chanyu tried so hard not to vomit here and then.
“Settle down. I know this is just a mandatory class but I expect professionality on both ends. Who wants to have automatic zero feel free to get out. Who wants decent grades shut up. Let’s start today’s lecture,” The professor cleared his throat. Thank God the lecture is starting or someone might have to wipe down his lunch off of the floor. At least he can take his mind off of things for now.
.....Who is he kidding? The whole lecture he tried so hard not to take a peek at his seatmate. Believing if he’s not in his viewpoint he must’ve not exist.
His mind goes everywhere except the lecture. If someone said that humans are not capable of remembering memories like movie reels, they lied.
Saebyeok was Chanyu’s sunbae in highschool, they met when Chanyu was a freshman and Saebyeok was a sophomore. Memories flooding his thoughts.
_____
Chanyu totally did not go up to the rooftop to skip the entrance ceremony. He was there to check out the building. Yes yes yes. School rooftop will be his go to meditation place in the next three years after all. What he didn’t expect was someone to have the same thought process as him. He was not alone on the rooftop that day.
Peeking through the heavy door, he could hear the melodious tone of someone singing.
I put it on my hand, crushed it hard along with all my feelings that once I had in my heart. I'm fine, I'll be fine
What song was that? Is that a Japanese song? Damn whoever singing got pipes.
He pushed the door, curiosity eating him up. The door creaks heavily and the singing stops. Oops .
“Who's there?”
“Uhh.. my bad. Not meaning to eavesdrop.. I swear?” Chanyu said sheepishly, getting out of the door in order not to look creepy.
“Ah.. are you new?” said the boy on the rooftop.
“Yeah.. sorry for interrupting.. I just want to explore”
“No biggie. Come here”
“Yes???” Did he hear that right?
“It’s okay. Hurry up. Come up here. If you let the door open the teacher will find out”
“Ah okay” Chanyu hurriedly closed the door and walked slowly towards the boy who was leaning on the railing, standing beside him, trying to act nonchalant.
Now that he is closer he can see the boy has jet black hair. With a funny but cute bowl cut.
“So you’re a freshman?” the boy asked, pretty almond eyes peering at Chanyu curiously. His eyes… Are they blue? green? Chanyu can’t tell but damn those eyes are so mesmerizing.
“Yeah. Also I’m not skipping my ceremony” said Chanyu unprompted. Like the guilty young man he is.
“Okay.. I believe you. Also you found a nice spot on your first day. Kekekek” his laugh strangely resembles a squirtle.
“Sorry I didn’t know someone would be here”
“Don’t sweat it. It’s not like I own the building”
Silence enveloped both. Chanyu, being an oblivious moron, kept staring at the boy. Studying his features. Damn his eyelashes long af.
“Do I have something on my face?”
“Eh? Ah no! I just thought that your voice is so good! Are you a singer?” smooth, Chanyu. Totally smooth.
“No way hahah. Wannabe singer? Yes. Singer? In the future if things goes well, maybe” his eyes crinkled cutely when he laughs.
“Oh.. you totally have the talent though. I believe you’ll be a singer one day”
“What a nice thing to say to a stranger you just met. Thank you I guess. I’m Han Saebyeok by the way. Sophomore,” Saebyeok thrust his hand towards Chanyu. Offering his hand to shake.
“Min Chanyu. Today is my first day,” he accepts Saebyeok hand, firmly shakes it.
That handshake seals their fate. Since then, they kept running into each other (it’s totally not Chanyu trying to get close to Saebyeok okay) and eventually becoming closer akin to friends rather than senior and junior relationships. Somehow they build a routine together. Morning texts asking each other if they slept well last night, lunch on the rooftop everyday, drinking iced vanilla latte every Wednesday and eating at tteokbokki vendor near school every Friday afterschool.
Saebyeok often asks Chanyu to listen to him sing and ask for his opinion. Chanyu has nothing but praises for his Saebyeok Hyung’s talent. Saebyeok was so frustrated by Chanyu’s lack of critique and decided to teach Chanyu to sing instead. Chanyu better do something useful rather than just watch him sing, okay? Good thing Chanyu is a fast learner and has a good base vocal to boot.
A year passed by and they got closer and closer to each other. They no longer hesitate to joke and do skinships with each other. Chanyu often found his head on Saebyeok’s lap, lulled to sleep by Saebyeok’s melodious singing. Saebyeok’s hand often found itself nestled in Chanyu’s teal hair, ruffling and combing affectionately. And oh boy, does that affect Chanyu greatly. In fact, it turns Chanyu’s whole world upside down. Making him question his sanity (and his sexuality).
Yeah.
Han Saebyeok was totally Min Chanyu’s gay awakening.
Surprisingly, Chanyu didn't mind the revelation. He was surprised by his own acceptance to his sexuality though. He thought he was going to be in denial and in turn keep his distance from Saebyeok Hyung. Now that he thinks about it, the reason must be because after all the years of uncomfortable teenage hormones and angst, he actually felt content and actually enjoyed someone, Saebyeok’s company. Life somehow became easier to go through and he had something that actually looked forward to everyday.
They both somehow became each other’s routine.
But nothing lasts forever, and Chanyu learned it the hard way possible. In the wee age of sixteen, he experienced his first heartbreak.
One day Saebyeok Hyung was silent all lunchbreak, not his usual chirpy self. Chanyu tried so hard to lift up the mood, dreading to ask what the problem was. That day Saebyeok asks him to sit down with him on the Han riverbank to see the sunset afterschool.
“My application for the student exchange program actually went through. My departure is next week,” Saebyeok said, eyes downwards. The orange sunset making his pale skin looks golden. He looks ethereal. Chanyu gaped, millions of thoughts racing inside his head, but somehow none made sense. His brain short-circuiting processing the shocking news, and Saebyeok's beauty at the same time.
What could feel like eternity passed (it's only two minutes)
“Don’t you feel happy for me?” the black haired boy asks quietly with a smile. A smile that’s not reaching his eyes.
Chanyu stared at his Saebyeok Hyung. He could feel tears welling up his green eyes and cotton stuffing up his throat. “U-uhh… B-but I thought you decided.. not to?” he managed to croaked out.
Saebyeok stared back at Chanyu. His eyes mellowed. “I thought so too.. But I have to do it after all.. I have to try,” he replied. "I.. have something to prove to myself..."
“Oh…okay” Chanyu 100% don’t know what to say. What did you expect from a dumb teenager dealing with such news? Emotional intelligence? Witty comeback?
“I know it’s selfish for me to ask this..” Saebyeok suddenly held Chanyu’s cold hand in his, cupping his lanky palm. His ocean eyes met Chanyu’s wet forest one. “But can you send me off to the airport?”
Chanyu’s body is betraying him. He let a tear drop.. or two.. or three. He open his mouth to reply but no sound came out.
He felt like something is clogging up every orifices of his body. Is this how drowning felt like?
“You don’t have to answer. Just.. Come okay? I’ll be super grateful if you did. You are my best friend after all,” the ever understanding and mature Saebyeok, ends the conversation there to save Chanyu’s face, and possibly his feelings.
...
The dreaded day came. And two hearts were shattered that day.
Chanyu, the cowardly young man he is, could not muster up the courage to actually leave his room, let alone step foot in the airport. He can tell that he will vomit, faint, or both at the same time. His eyes are red and puffy, spending sleepless nights crying. So with a heavy heart he ignored every missed call and messages he got that day except one.
Byeokkie-hyung
I understand that I put you in a tough spot. You don't have to feel guilty. I’m so sorry, and I always feel thankful that you’re my friend.
I know this will be hard, but please don’t be a stranger?
MinJjangyu
I’m so sorry hyung
Unsurprisingly, the less than pleasant goodbyes was a major reason for them losing contact with each other. At first, Saebyeok still tried to reach out to Chanyu, sending him photos from Japan and updating him here and there about his life. Chanyu answered as normally as possible. But Chanyu being Chanyu, he figures if he answers less frequently he will get over his first love.
Daily messages become weekly, and then monthly, and then every other month, until there’s none at all.
_____
Goddamnit.
He scoffed to himself. His legs restless. Chanyu thought he was so over Saebyeok, after all those years, but here he is, being smitten all the same, like when he was a wee young man, starstruck by a certain black haired sunbae singing on the rooftop. His ocean blueish green eyes still shone the same. His smile still crinkle his eyes the same. And oh boy, he really is in deep shit.
The thing is, he has a close friend? Situationship? Almost a boyfriend? Right now. And it’s totally not the time to be wishy washy about it. It’s either go or no. And Saebyeok’s appearance did NOT do anything helpful for Chanyu’s poor heart and even poorer decision making skill.
Katalk. Katalk.
Ji Eusan
Yo. FIFA tonight? I need to finish my Season Pass before it’s reset
Your place. I'm bringing booze. Order chicken.
Speak of the handsome devil named Ji Yuan.