Archive of Our Own

Sakura was stressed. He tried to stick as close as possible to the corals, to make himself appear smaller, until everyone would forget he was there, to no avail. It has been a few months since he found himself in this pod, but he wasn't completely integrated in it. When he left his previous pod, he didn't have much hope – it was hard for a stray merfolk to find a new community who'd accept them, especially when it was out of the blue, but he heard stories about a group called Furin which was a part of the Makochi pod. Those stories made him believe he could force his way into the pod, and those stories turned out to be false, although he was allowed to stay. Makochi was a rare exception when it came to a pod, accepting everyone who asked to join, for some reason.

Still – he was bothered by the warmth of this community. He never experienced anything like this, and the prolonged sessions of interaction left him overwhelmed at times. Everything seemed dazzling, and it was exhausting for someone like Sakura, who used to be ignored or scorned. Sometimes, he wished he could escape from the kindness that he was showered with and hide in his abode, but there was no place he could truly be on his own, so he gave up on the idea.

A cold hand brushed briefly against his arm. “Oi,” it was Kaji who spoke to him. An older member of the pod who was supposed to look after Sakura if he remembered correctly. He was introduced to Kaji on his third day at Furin and back then, he didn't exactly listen to Hiragi, as he was too mesmerised by Kaji's shiny tail. Jealousy rose up in his throat when he sneaked a look at his own tail, dull scales in two different colors that he always hated. 

“You look like your eyes are about to pop out.” Kaji was as blunt as it got, but Sakura only rolled his eyes. He knew better than to start a fight with him, because Hiragi had a secret sense for it and he'd find them in seconds. 

“Shuddup.” He answered oh-so eloquently, trying not to grit his teeth, because he was nearing his limit. 

“Idiot.” Kaji said, and suddenly, his cold hand was grabbing Sakura's wrist. Too much, Sakura wanted to scream at him, but Kaji continued speaking. “Come with me.” 

Apparently, Sakura had zero say in it, so he was forced to swim with Kaji. Being distracted by the odd feeling of someone holding his wrist, he didn't pay close attention to their surroundings, which was a good thing, because no way he wouldn't be alarmed at how the landscape changed so quickly. When he was finally looking around, he didn't recognize the reefs around them.

“Where are we going?” His heart dropped when they passed yet another unfamiliar rock formation. There was no doubt they were pretty far from their community. 

“You'll see soon.” From the way they swam, Sakura couldn't see Kaji's face, but his voice sounded calm enough that Sakura chose to bear with him. Kaji has been nothing but honest with him, rude – maybe, but still honest and…as much as Sakura hated admitting it, pretty reliable. 

They swam until they arrived at an entrance to a cave, which made Sakura hesitant, yet he still followed Kaji inside. There were a few paths, but Kaji navigated so easily, as though he knew the cave like the back of his hand, so that helped Sakura trust him. A turn to the left, the middle entrance, then two turns to the right, Sakura had to wonder where he was leading them. Not for long, though, since he could see the surface above them and Kaji signaled to him that they needed to ascend. 

The first thing he felt was the weird pressure in his ears, probably from ascending too quickly, then he blinked his eyes slowly to get used to the light in the cave. The source of the light was a crack on the side of the wall, a tiny window to the blue sky outside. The cave itself was large, with two large rocks above the waters, both smooth just above surface, but narrowing into sharper edges at their tallest parts, and Kaji hurried to take a seat on one of them. 

“What's this?” Sakura swam above the water curiously, before eventually settling on the rock next to Kaji. “What are we doing here?”

Kaji didn't answer using words. Instead, he started humming and the sound bounced off the walls of the cave, echoing back milder and milder. His tone became deeper and richer as he warmed up and his vocal strings loosened. Even though Sakura heard this sort of humming before, never has it been as clear as Kaji's voice currently. 

Is this because we're above the surface? He wondered. This is…pretty…

He was so absorbed in Kaji's humming that he forgot he was upset before. The soft hum was somehow warm, and he became disappointed when Kaji stopped without a warning. 

“Try this.”

“What?”

“Try following me.” Kaji huffed when he had to elaborate. 

“I don't…know how to do that.” Sakura quickly dismissed it. He was slightly embarrassed by how raw his voice sounded above the surface, scared to speak further.

“Idiot.” Kaji leaned in, his hand reaching out before flicking Sakura's forehead. “Just do as I say.” He looked at Sakura impatiently, so begrudgingly, Sakura tried. 

He parted his lips ever so slightly, letting a short ahhh sound out of it. It sounded wrong, and he knew it, but Kaji followed with a lower mhmm , so he tried to match his tone. It was much easier when all he had to do was to follow Kaji's rhythm, and then, Kaji started singing. 

Sakura stopped abruptly to stare at Kaji with wide eyes. His voice has such a rich depth to it that Sakura had to wonder how many hours had he spent singing to himself. It was so pleasant to his ears, the smooth way he transitioned from one word to the other, and Sakura felt a wave of shudder pass through his body when Kaji’s voice dropped lower and lower at the end. 

“Neat place, isn't it?” Kaji said. 

“Uh huh.” Sakura wasn't really listening. He was transfixed on the Kaji's voice, still hearing that same richness despite Kaji only talking at the moment. 

“I usually come here when I need a…change of pace, I guess.” His tail swished and hit the waters, splashing little droplets of water at them. “It's kinda like my secret place? Anyway, what I wanted to say is…you can also come here. If you wanna, y'know.”

“Oh…” That was…surprisingly kind of him. He didn't peg Kaji as the type who'd care so much about others, if he was honest, but he definitely misjudged him. Can't blame me though, Sakura thought. When Hiragi told Kaji to look after Sakura, he clearly wasn't the most enthusiastic about it. “T-thank you…” He blurted out, feeling his face heating up since he wasn't used to expressing his gratitude.

“Is whatever.” Kaji shrugged while trying to appear nonchalant, but his cheeks were also becoming red, though probably not as red as Sakura's. “Just don't tell others about this place, okay? I don't wanna have it crowded.”

“Of course! I wouldn't – “ Sakura nodded. Internally, a thought formed about how he didn't have anyone to yap about this to in the first place, but then it was shut down when he realized it was no longer right. He had them – friends, apparently, who stuck to him like fish having a feast on a coral reef. “I’ll keep my mouth shut, I swear.”

“Great, now let's go back before they start searching for us.”

This time, Sakura paid close attention to the way they covered while swimming back to the cave entrance. This cave system seemed complex, so Sakura tried to find rocks that would serve as waypoints. 

When they finally reached familiar terrain, Kaji parted without saying goodbye, heading to a different direction. Sakura, who figured he should go back to his abode, spotted blonde hair in the distance. Augh, he groaned to himself, preparing mentally for the conversation that would follow suit. He did disappear after Umemiya was trying to talk to him, so he wasn't surprised to see Hiragi now. 

“Sakura.” Hiragi was crossing his arms, with an eyebrow raised. “Where have you been?”

“Somewhere.” He grunted in response.

“Look, I'm not going to be your babysitter, but I wanna know you're safe.”

“I was…” He couldn't tell him where he was exactly, even if it was Hiragi. Kaji said to keep that spot a secret from everyone. “I was just with Kaji, he was…showing me around.” He hoped that using Kaji as an excuse would make Hiragi less worried, yet he could tell his face was becoming red. 

“Heh, with Kaji? And he was showing you around? I see.” Hiragi looked rather amused at his answer – his expression, and Sakura cursed himself for being such a bad liar.  “Well, that's fine. Next time, make sure to tell someone where you go. You know how intense it can get when it comes to territory.”

Sakura could never forget the incident with Shishitoren. He was partially to be blamed for it, and lately, he's been more aware of the weight it carried. To invade someone else's territory never registered as something so severe in his head before, but when he suddenly had a place to call home, he could understand wanting to protect it. Going around and starting fights for no reason wasn't good practice, that was a lesson he learned. Though, he still tended to act before he thought, but he was trying to work on it.

“Anyway, just know that they've been looking for you all afternoon.” Hiragi pointed at the two mermen behind him. 

“Uh…” Sakura said before he was swept into a tight hug by Nirei. Suou – the bastard – simply chuckled when Sakura tried to squirm his way out of Nirei's hug. Hiragi also let out a small cough to cover his increasing amusement, before leaving the trio to their own devices.

“Sakura-san, we were so worried!” His yellow tail was wagging strongly with excitement, it hit Sakura's tail on accident a few times. 

“Ouch…” Sakura complained, but Nirei was busy talking to hear him.

“You weren't at any of your regular spots, I was scared you got lost – !”

“Hey, that was…that was only one time!” Sakura pouted. 

“One time, hm?” Suou tilted his head and his smile widened. Hell nah! Sakura stuck his tongue at him when he was about to remind Sakura how bad it was. He didn't need anyone pestering him that he was swimming in the opposite direction for his entire first month at Makochi, which made him take a longer route to his abode. After that, there was also this instance where Suou messed up with him and told him that whenever he got lost, he should always swim a couple of meters then turn right, and to make sure to repeat that four times. It took Sakura one try to realize he was fucking with him! He even had the nerve to tell Sakura to try the left turn method the next time, but there was no next time, because Sakura wasn't that stupid!

“Whatever!” Sakura pushed Nirei to the side, only lightly, since he really didn't want to hurt him in a way. “Y'don't have to worry that much.” That intense warmth he never experienced before was starting to bubble in his chest, an occurrence that was more common ever since he’d arrived at Furin.

“How can we not? You're very important to us.” Nirei said without a single ounce of shame. How could he say such corny things? Sakura was steaming red just from hearing that. “Oh, just for the record – where were you now? So I can look for you next time – “

“I…!” He couldn't tell them, he…he promised Kaji he wouldn't! But Nirei was looking at him with his big, pleading eyes, and Sakura was so weak against those. “I was…!” He gritted, almost biting his tongue in the process. “Just-doing-something-personal.” He spitted out fast. “Nowhere important! At all!” He emphasized. 

“But Sakura-san…”

“I guess you were held up by one of our older members?” Suou gave him a way out, and he gladly took it.

“Y-yeah! Exactly that!” While he felt bad saying that, he wasn't lying per se. “Can we…go back? I know we need to clean around or somethin’.”

Nirei found the excuse plausible, so he agreed. They all swam to their assigned area, seeing the rest of their schoolmates in the middle of cleaning. However, not much cleaning was getting done, it looked more like a game of tag, only with a very angry Sugishita that was chasing a few of their schoolmates. 

“Huh, I wonder what happened here while we were gone.” Suou said, and if Sakura had to guess? He definitely knew what happened. As the leader of this group, he had no choice but to intervene. He very clumsily inserted himself into the situation, but he didn't fare any better than his poor schoolmates. Sugishita changed his target from them to Sakura and well, Sakura was never one to say no to a fight. Later on, he'd find out that a couple of his idiot schoolmates were bragging about getting a head pat from Umemiya, and it tickled Sugishita the wrong way. Sakura thought it was both stupid and funny, to be honest.

Since that day, he's been to the cave a few more times with Kaji, and despite being fairly confident about being able to navigate his way on his own, he never dared to go alone. Honestly, he had no business lurking around without Kaji, not when there was nothing special about the cave without Kaji's singing. That might have to do with the fact he wasn't pushed to his limits ever since, as he was mostly coasting easily thanks to getting used to his tasks. And having a sudden boost of confidence always led him to have stupid ideas. 

He found himself sitting on one of the rocks and humming to himself. He became better at this – after listening to Kaji enough times, it wasn't very difficult to mimic his humming. His throat was warmed up after a few moments, and then he tried mimicking Kaji's singing. 

When Kaji sang, he had no particular words in mind. Sometimes he did make up coherent sentences, which he claimed to hear from humans, but most of the time it was a complete jumble of sounds with no meaning to them. It was baffling at first, when Sakura started paying attention to the lyrics, but then his confusion turned into amazement when he realized how flawlessly Kaji expressed his feelings with no actual words. 

It seemed easy enough, so he tried. The first attempt was stopped after barely one sentence, because he was too embarrassed. 

“There's no one here to judge you!” He told himself, as a terrible pep talk. “You can do it!” 

The second attempt fared better. Once he got over the initial embarrassment, he was able to sing more and more, his tone growing stronger. 

Something, however, felt off. He was obviously missing the depth that Kaji's voice had, making his voice sounds more fragile and prone to break towards the higher parts, but that is the only thing amiss. Unlike Kaji's singing, which felt as though it was reaching inside his ribcage and caressing his heart, his own singing was…soulless. His notes felt more like noises than sounds, with a hint of pathetic shaking to them, and all Sakura could glean from his own singing was that he sounded afraid.

“Music is amazing, it can be a direct reflection of your soul, that's why it can be so freeing.” Kaji told him during their second or third visit. When Sakura didn't completely comprehend his words, he tried to explain it in a different way. “Y'know…sometimes it's hard to talk? Then you can express how you're feeling by singing. Like…you know how you can understand whales, even though they don’t use words?”

Then…those ugly noises he was making, do they mean…? His heart sank, sending a wave of guilt and pain in his chest. 

He shouldn't have come here.

It was a mistake.

He was riding on high. Just because he was doing a bit better lately. He was being stupid, because he really thought he finally belonged somewhere, and it was painful to admit it - but he was so, so, so wrong, and just like he's been told before, he's just a mistake. He's always been one – a mistake, someone that shouldn't be here, and suddenly he was crashing down and it was so hard to breathe. Being above the surface didn't help, either, and his mouth was open and gasping for air as the thoughts inside his head ran him tired. He felt himself slipping from the wet rock, and his body hit the waters with a splash. At least underwater he was able to take a big breath, but the oxygen he took in felt heavy in his lungs. It was pulling him down, and everything was terrible, and he hated it. 

He doesn't want to be here.

It's a problem he's always troubled by, because he has no place to call home, but anywhere would be better than this cave, that suddenly made all the bad memories come flooding. He whipped his tail and hastened his swimpace towards the exit. 

Away from here, he thought bitterly. I don’t want to be here, I want to be somewhere else. 

He was swimming too fast, almost colliding with a shoaling on his way. They grumbled at him, but he swatted the fishes away with his tail, before continuing to swim just as fast. Since he turned so quickly in his escape, he hit a rock with his upper body, and it was just – so – painful. 

He was probably bleeding, but he didn't stop to check. His overwear cloth covered his upper body, so he could ignore it. He also heard voices around him, calling for him, as he finally reached Makochi's territory, but he didn't want to listen. Just to find his abode as quick as possible – and crawl inside it, hide from the world. 

He hurriedly cuddled into the clump of seaweed at the side of his abode, which was located inside a tiny underwater alcove. Inside it, it was completely quiet and he didn't hear anyone else. He didn't need to worry about anyone bothering him as well, since the opening to this alcove was tight, the reason he chose this specific place. It might not deter the insistent of his friends, but it was good enough for most of them. 

He didn't know how long he spent in this position, letting his mind doze on and off, jumping between restless moments of clarity to a daze of awful nightmares. Sometimes, he even heard a distant singing in his head, making him cringe and grit his teeth as he was reminded of his singing. From his memory, it sounded like a wounded animal, like that one dolphin he met on his way, that was on his deathbed. He felt a bit like him, at the moment.

The first ones to try to reach out were, unsurprisingly, Nirei and Suou. They stood by the entrance to his abode, with Nirei poking his head inside, but not quite entering. He wouldn't be able to, he was a bit chubby and it would be too much of a tight fit. They became aware of it the first time he tried to enter Sakura's new home. Suou also refrained from trying, stating it was bad manners for him to enter while Nirei was unable to. Sakura knew he was cheating a bit – it was unfair of him to hide in a space Nirei couldn't reach, and back then, he promised he wouldn't do that. But…he was too scared right now. He was afraid of what they would say if they could see him. No doubt, they'd be able to hear the miserable sounds he was making, they’d be able to see right into him – into his soul.

“Sakura-san, can we…talk?” They were far too patient, waiting until he bothered to answer with a grunt. That grunt was just as bad – it was low and intimidating. “Are you…” Nirei stopped, that was bound to become a rhetorical question. “Could you tell us what happened? We want to help you.”

“Please, Sakura-kun,” Suou said. “We can't help you if you're not telling us anything.”

“I don't…!” His voice sounded fake and forced out. He absolutely loathed the sound of it. “Please…don’t.” He couldn’t tell what sort of expression Nirei wore, but he could hear the whispering between him and Suou. 

Hopefully, they’d…leave… but he knew better than that. 

“Sakura-kun, we’re going for now, but if you need anything, don’t hesitate to tell us!” Suou said. There was a muffled noise of protest from Nirei, but this got quieter as they, presumably, swam away. At least he can be sensible when he wants to…

Sakura was allowed to wallow in his bed. Or so he thought, at least, but not too long after, he got another visitor in the form of Kotoha. She easily made her way into the alcove and took a look at the sorry state he was in.

“Heard you weren’t feeling too good.” She sat by his side, speaking gently, like she knew that any more stimulation would grate on his nerves. “You probably haven’t eaten anything for a while, so I brought you food.”

Despite how bad he felt, his stomach was stronger than him, and he straightened up to grab the food from her. He didn't realize how hungry he was, until he felt the taste on his tongue. That's right… he looked at what was left of his meal, just the clam shell that was used as a plate. 

Sakura should be thanking her, but each time he opened his mouth, nothing came out. He knew he looked like a fool, opening and closing his mouth, but no voice to express himself. 

“It's okay, Sakura.” Kotoha patted his shoulder. “Whatever it was, it must've been really scary, right?” 

Sometimes, she talked like she could read his mind. It was a horrifying thought at first, but he soon found it comforting that she knew what bothered him without forcing him to stumble through the conversation with his lacking communication skills. He was in awe of how she always knew what to say, even though she wasn't much older than him, to his surprise. 

Upon seeing him nodding, Kotoha straightened in place. “But you can't run away forever.” Her voice was firm, yet still full of fondness. “If it's scary,” she leaned in. “There are people that would drop anything to help you – you know that?”

“Y-yeah…” His voice was hoarse after hours of not using it. “I…think I know…” 

He didn't mean he knew there were people who cared for him, though the idea was definitely making his heart beat faster, but rather – he was talking about knowing what to do next. Kotoha seemed to understand anyway, in her almost magical ways.

“That's good.” She grabbed his wrist and squeezed it for good measure, something that Sakura never thought would be as soothing as it turned out to be. “So no more hiding, okay? I'll be making something extra special for tonight's meal.”

“...alright.”

The hue of Sakura's scales was duller than ever, turning them into an ashy shade, a testament to his nervous state, but he gathered his courage and left his alcove. Swimming around brought him to the communal area of the pod, where there were a handful of large sedimentary rocks on the seabed. They were filled with pits due to the constant wear, and some of them had collapsed as of lately. Before, a few heaps of big rocks created three passages, but one of them collapsed not too long. Truly a shame, since the younger ones liked to play hide and seek, but there was not much they could do about rocks several times their sizes.

Sakura scanned the area quickly, each time he thought he saw the light hair of Kaji, his ears twitched. Just some algae, he chastised himself for getting so nervous. He figured he'd see Kaji hanging around with his friends, which is slightly farther and northern to the communal area, and just as he guessed – he was right. There was no easy way to approach him, not when the words were stuck in his throat, and not when he couldn't seem to get his attention. He fiddled with his hands, rubbing the webbed parts between his fingers in anxiety, before one of Kaji's friends took notice of him.

“Oh? Isn't that Sakura?” He said with a big smile. “What's – “ Kaji gave him a death glare, so he didn't finish that sentence. 

“Stay here.” He told them. Sakura watched as he kicked his tail, as a way to propel himself towards Sakura, and he felt the same old jealousy rising in his ribs. Kaji's scales were a healthy hue of gray-blue, almost reflective in how shiny it appeared. “Sakura.” He settled right in front of Sakura, uncomfortably close, yet somehow too far. “What's up with you? Hey – don't clam up like this, talk to me.”

Sakura gave a worried glance to Kaji's friends, whose voices he could hear despite the distance, and their gazes felt like they were scorching him. Kaji whipped his head to see what he was so intently looking at, and once he understood, he wrapped his hand around Sakura's forearm. “Would you rather go somewhere else to talk?”

Sakura nodded slowly. There was only one place they could go to, his heart pace quickened at the sole thought of visiting again, but he recalled Kotoha's words. He managed to follow Kaji to the halfway point before it became unbearable – when the electrifying pain caught ahold of his chest. 

“Sakura?” Kaji reached out to touch his face, very hesitantly as he barely raised his arm, and Sakura let instincts take over. Right now, more than anything, he wanted some sort of reassurement, so he took Kaji's hand and held it tightly. 

“...’m fine.” His voice was quiet, but those were words. 

“Okay.” Kaji let their fingers intertwine and the spots where the webbed parts of their fingers touched felt ticklish. Sakura never held anyone's hand like this – he didn't know it would be this ticklish, and he could tell the corners of his mouth were curved up. Kaji must've taken it as a good sign, because he smiled as well. “Just a little more, alright?” Even though he didn't sound any different, he tried to encourage Sakura in his own way. 

They went through the familiar turns, but before Kaji could swim to the surface, Sakura shook his head and squeezed his hand to signal he wanted to stay underwater. It took Sakura a few minutes to find his voice again, and only then he could reluctantly speak in hushed whispers.

“It scared me…” 

“What – “ Kaji started loudly, but stopped in the middle of the sentence, correcting himself by lowering his tone. “What scared you?” 

“I was there – “ he pointed up. “...alone, and I tried – “ suddenly, something in him broke down and he was blabbering. “I tried to sing, but it was bad – terrible – it sounded wrong. You said that those…that singing is…that it's like…like expressing yourself, but I can’t – !” He hated how he couldn't stop talking, and how none of it made sense, as he stuttered and jumbled his words. 

“Hey, hey, relax for a moment.” Kaji grabbed his shoulders and shook him. “Just…shut up for a second – ah, I didn't mean that – I mean…y'know what I mean, ugh.” He smacked himself in the forehead with a loud fuck! and the silliness of his actions helped Sakura calm down. “It's…kinda understable.”

Kaji shifted in his spot, his expression showing a mix of conflict and uncertainty. “...it was like this for me too, the first time…”

“O-oh?” Sakura's ears twitched in interest. 

“I was also kinda scared.” Kaji was mumbling. “Exposing your soul – it's always scary. But y’know what? It's okay to be scary, that's part of our survival instincts. So long you don't…let it take over.”

“But how can I stop it – “ that was the first time Sakura has ever been so forward in his life. The words flew out of his mouth so naturally to his bewilderment, causing to wonder when he became bold. 

“Let's go up first.”

Once again, Sakura let Kaji lead him up. When they sat on the rocks, Kaji signaled him to move closer, and as the distance between them became nonexistent, Sakura could only focus on the warmth radiating from Kaji's skin.

“Hiragi-san told me…” There, Sakura wasn't surprised that Kaji would use Hiragi's words. “That being scared is actually pretty good. Shows you that you still didn't lose the connection to your emotions.” Sakura would argue that in his case, he was feeling too many emotions at the same time, he could definitely tell they were still there even when he tried to ignore them. However, he knew it was different for Kaji, not explicitly since no one talked about it out loud, but from the way he carried himself. “But maybe baby steps would be a better approach for you…” He was talking to himself, frowning briefly. “Hold on.” Sakura half-protested when Kaji left his side. He swam to the side of the cave, searching for something in one of the cave's corners. 

Sakura noticed that this side of the cave had ridges and grooves alongside it, presumably caused by the water's pressure along the years, and on previous visits he found hidden items tucked inside those grooves. He was curious about the different items, but didn't dare touch them without permission.

“This one.” Kaji nodded to himself. He returned to the rock, this time, disappointingly farther from Sakura, and handed him a weird stick with holes in it.

“What's this?” Sakura examined the mysterious item. It was unbelievably smooth, even smoother than most of the seashells he collected in his life. The unnatural smoothness was odd at his fingertips, and he passed it from one hand to the other to lessen the weird sensation. 

“Try blowing into this.” Kaji pointed at the large hole at the tip of the stick. Sakura did as he was told, and the result was a loud and startling sound. 

“Wha – !”

“Now use your fingers to block the little holes.” Kaji was too impatient to wait for Sakura to relax. He crowded Sakura's personal space and showed him how to place his fingers while blowing into the stick, all while practically leaning over his shoulder. That aside, the stick could make different noises, depending on the holes he blocked, and Sakura made a delighted noise at this discovery.

“So cool!”

“I know, right? This is a musical instrument – I found it in a shipwreck. Uh, but don't tell anyone.” 

Sakura was flat out told to stay away from any shipwreck, for the obvious reasons of staying away from humans, so he raised an eyebrow when he realized Kaji broke one of their pod's most important rules.

“That was – out of curiosity!” Kaji defended himself. “Well, it was a long time ago, so that doesn't matter! I'm not visiting any shipwrecks now. ”

“Uh, sure…” Sakura made three sounds that sounded like whomp whomp eh on his musical instrument, and hey – he was already getting the hang of it! Kaji had to begrudgingly agree it was impressive, despite being a joke at his expense. 

“Just don't use it underwater, it'll ruin it. And you gotta keep it in this case if you wanna take it from place to place, and – “

Geez, so much work! 

“But if you promise to take care of it, it's yours.”

Sakura’s bit the side of his lower lip. A gift. A very precious gift, most importantly, all for him. He lowered his head before whispering a soft thank you. 

“It's around here!” Nirei pointed with excitement at the surface. “I stumbled upon it by complete accident, but it's such a neat place!”

With his enthusiasm, Nirei failed to see the doubt on Suou's face. Not only were they stretching the line in straying away too far from their pod, they were going to the surface? That would earn them a few good smacks on the head from Hiragi if he ever found out about it. The problem was…Nirei's excitement was contagious, reeling in Sakura even when he recognized it was a bad idea, all in retrospect though. Suou wasn't immune to it either, maybe he got it worse than Sakura, because he'd often nod his head with this weary expression, but he would never outright say no to Nirei.

Sakura suspected the amazing rock formation Nirei found was close to the shore, but at least it was somewhat covered and the rocks appear to block a direct view from the shore. Needless to say, Sakura still sneaked a few glances at the shore, mostly because he never got to see it from this distance.

Unlike Kaji's cave, the open sea exposed them to breezes that made Sakura's skin feel dry. The seaweed overwear he usually wore was itchy as well, and he was tempted to take it off but – it was impossible for him to do. They each took a spot on the slippery rocks, and Sakura was starting to appreciate the quietness in Kaji's cage when birds that flew over them made scratching noises. His instrument could reach high notes not dissimilar to those, but his were more pleasant for sure. 

“Sometimes you can even see ships.” Nirei said in this dreamy voice, but Suou followed up with admonishment right away.

“Nire-kun, that's dangerous.”

“Oh, don't worry! They've never approached this formation, they're usually out there – “  he pointed in a vague direction. “Fishing most of the time.”

Suou looked like he was half ready to argue against Nirei's habits, but he took a big breath and smiled instead. His smile was fairly resigned however, as he was well aware of Nirei's thirst for knowledge and how difficult it would be to make him stop putting himself in danger. He was better off accompanying Nirei, and while Sakura would never claim he was overly familiar with Suou’s behavior, he could wager everything he owned on Suou doing just that. 

“Well, the sunlight is lovely.” Suou managed to say with a straight face. Sakura, on the other hand, completely disagreed with him – the sunlight was too strong for his liking, and the exposed patches of his skin were protesting about the heat. 

“And the wind is so nice!” Nirei added. Again – Sakura called bullshit, but what does he know? He leaned backwards, in hopes he'd be more comfortable, but the bag tied to his outerwear made a clink noise when it hit the rock.

Both Suou and Nirei looked at him quizzically. They already asked about the bag he’s been carrying everywhere around, but he kept it a secret. Inside it was his instrument – the gift from Kaji – and he refused to leave it in his abode. He promised he'd take good care of it, so his solution was to…take it everywhere he went. It was useful when he happened to have free time and could practice on his and, lately, he felt proud of his playing. Little by little, he was improving, and the sounds he was creating were expressing his feelings, but they were also not a direct product of his body. It sounded a bit dumb when he reasoned it in his head, but using it was less painful than using his voice.

He was currently debating on whether he should take it out. His chest was overflowing with emotions when his gaze alternated between Nirei and Suou, thinking about how lucky he was to have such friends. 

“Hey…you wanna see something cool?” That ought to pique their interest, but they waited patiently for Sakura to continue. “But don't laugh if it's…bad or something.” He felt shy, but he already offered, and with their eyes fixed on him, he couldn't turn back on his word. WIth clumsy movements, he took the instrument out of the bag. 

“Oh…?! Is that a flute?” Nirei's eyes lit up as he recognized it. “I've seen some of those before!”

“Really?” Sakura now had a name for his favorite item – a flute. It sounded funny on his tongue, but he rather liked it. 

“Can you play it, Sakura-kun?” Suou tilted his head. 

“Play it? Uh, a little bit?” He wouldn't call himself an expert, since his practices relied on what sounded the best to him. 

“That's amazing.” Suou answered in a heartbeat. “I didn't know our Sakura-kun is so talented!”

“I-I didn't say that…!” 

“I want to hear, Sakura-san! Please!” Nirei's eyes were as large as a seal's. Sakura was pretty sure this adorable expression could soften the toughest guys in Furin in seconds. 

“Of course!” He puffed his chest, head spinning from all the compliments. “Here, just let me…” He tested the waters with a few notes, just to make sure he remembered everything correctly. 

What should he play for them? He paused briefly, thinking hard. Up until now, all the melodies he played were soft as a whisper and deep as a low tide. It wasn't on purpose – he just found himself gravitating to mellow melodies, but this sort of music didn't fit the situation. He searched his memories for any of the melodies Kaji often sang, as he tended to have a faster tempo, and recalled one whose start he particularly liked. He didn't remember the rest, but he could make it up as he went. 

He started with a succession of quick sounds, to set up the quick tempo, and raised the pitch of the sound as he went. The same notes that created his usual slow melodies were different altogether – forming a gleeful and light song. He was amazed by the versatility of the sounds his flute was making, and with the newfound confidence, he played with more gusto. The melody went up and up, slowing down to a halt before resuming with even faster pace, each note reminding him of a moment he shared with his friends. He couldn't tell until the song was over, but he was smiling widely.

“W…” Nirei's mouth formed a big O. “Wow! Sakura-san, that was…that was so beautiful!”

Suou joined in on the praise. “Truly! You're really underselling yourself with this level of proficiency!”

“Oh, that's…” Sakura wasn't used to compliments, so he didn't know how to react when they praised him so highly. “You're exaggerating…”

“Not at all!” They both said simultaneously. 

“If you could hear yourself – you'd know!” Nirei reassured him. “Can you tell me how it works?”

Ah, but of course, it was always the endless barrage of questions when it came to Nirei. Still, he showed him how he could make all different kinds of sounds from the flute. 

“It looks like this flute is very well-maintained.” Suou commented offhandedly, while Nirei was examining the instrument. “I wonder where you get it?” Fortunately, Nirei was too absorbed in the instrument to hear his comments. 

“Again, again, Sakura-san! I want to see you play a song again!” He demanded, and Sakura had no choice but to comply (seal eyes and all).

At the end of the day, when he cuddled into the little nook in his alcove, he felt giddy. He was able to express some of his feelings – without speaking at all. He fucking loved his flute.

Nirei's rock formation, as he named it, was far more useful for his practice than he'd imagined. He did miss the unique way the cave’s walls echoed his melodies, but it gave him the freedom of practicing almost completely on his own. All he had to do was to make sure neither Nirei nor Suou was there, which was fairly easy when Suou actively kept Nirei from going up too often, and considering he spent much of his time in their company, it wasn't hard to keep an eye on them. Kaji, on the other hand, was a bit less predictable, and Sakura already found him at the cave at the oddest times. 

He wouldn't mind, but lately, he's been itching for privacy. Playing that melody for his best friends made him more adventurous, and he wanted to create a new song to play for Kaji. He could see Kaji's impressed face in his head, complimenting his skill, and since Kaji was practicing singing longer than him, his praise was worth a lot in Sakura's eyes. 

But…what kind of music should I play for him? For Nirei and Suou, the piece formed itself naturally. While he took inspiration from Kaji's song, the rest he came up with on the spot. 

He spent much of his free time at the rock formation and racked his brain. When he started playing, his notes were too jumbled, so he had to start over and over again. 

“Not like this!” He was frustrated with himself. So much for being talented, what a joke. He hated the sudden pauses that sneaked into his song every so often, and the notes didn't feel like they belonged to him. “How did I even do that…?” He frowned. Back then, when he thought about the time he spent with his friends, the notes molded themselves into a continuous melody. 

So…he just needs to think about Kaji? That should be simple, but…

Sakura chewed his lips. What came to mind first was Kaji's tail. He raised the flute to his mouth and closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling slowly through his mouth. The pressure wasn't right in the first few moments, because using his mouth as the main source of oxygen, instead of his gills, would forever feel strange, But he rather liked the direction, the sounds were floating and shimmering in his head, like Kaji's scales would when he spotted them from far. 

Then…then…! What's next then…?

He opened his eyes and his heart was filled with disappointment, once again he had a brief pause in his playing. What followed that damn break was something too mellow and slow for his own taste, and it was wrong. That was his own feelings sneaking into this song, and he stopped once again. 

That wouldn't do. The melody he made for Nirei and Suou contained something closer to gratitude, so he tried to borrow some of the chords he used there. They spiraled in his mind, making a full return to the previous sad chords. “Goddammit…!” It was aggravating, but he refused to give in. The next time was promising, so he lowered his guard as he was filled with hopes, but that was a mistake. Somehow, the song sounded like the faint sounds of the tide washing away from him. 

“It sucks.” He pouted to himself, but that soon changed, when another voice he didn't expect replied to him. His heart dropped at the unexpected action, but he relaxed when he saw it was Hiragi. Though, panic ensued when he realized it was Hiragi. 

“What sucks?” He was crossing his arms and Sakura just knew he was in for a scolding. 

“Uh…” He bided his time while thinking about an excuse. A monumental task, considering how much of a bad liar he was. “Just…stuff?” Maybe the right approach wasn't an excuse but rather…a cute expression? Nirei could get away from any lecture if he batted his eyelashes a certain way at Suou.

“Why are you blinking like this?” Hiragi wondered out loud and, fuck, Sakura felt stupid. “Anyway, I want to know…what are you doing here, Sakura?” 

Sakura refused to look at him directly and chose to hide his flute behind his back. 

“Sakura…you've got ten seconds to answer me.”

That wasn't an empty threat – when those ten seconds were up, almost in perfect timing, Umemiya's head popped out of the water with his giant, doofus smile following after. 

“Ah, Sakura is here too? I didn't know he'd be coming with us!”

“Does it look like he came with us?” Hiragi clearly didn't expect an answer, but Umemiya delivered.

“Maybe?”

“No! Seriously – no! He's not supposed to be here.”

“Oh.” Umemiya said. “Then…what are you doing here, Sakura?”

“I…uh, just thought it looked like a cool spot, is all.” 

Hiragi gave him a skeptical look. “Yeah, alright. Who told you about this place?”

“N-no one!”

“You know it's way too close to the shore, you shouldn't be hanging here.” 

“Now, now, Hiragi.” Umemiya smiled widely. “Sakura must have a good reason to be here, right?”

He was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Acknowledging Hiragi's question would mean he'd rattle on Nirei, but speaking with Umemiya would make him spill out the beans about his instrument. If there was something Sakura wasn't, it was a snitcher, so he settled on discarding his pride and admitting he was practicing on the flute. 

“I'm…” He slowly moved his hand from behind his back to show them the item. “...playing on this. Can't really do it underwater.”

This action had the effect of distracting them as well, so Sakura took it as a win. They both seemed to recognize the instrument, and Sakura even heard Hiragi muttering Kaji's name under his breath, but that was better than tattling on Nirei. Obviously, he was pestered by Umemiya to play something, so he quickly played a short tune, which was enough to satisfy him.

“Sounds like you're having troubles with something.” Hiragi commented. Truth be told, Sakura felt the doubt intertwining with his tempo, but he didn't think it was this apparent. “Wanna share?” 

“It's like…” He struggled for words. “I was trying to…express something? But it sounds off.”

“What are you trying to express?” Umemiya asked. 

Sakura took a moment to collect his thoughts, yet he didn't have a clear-cut answer. “I don’t know.” If it was just gratitude – that was easy to convey with a peppy melody, but there was something missing between the lines, something that tore apart the continuity and made gaps in it. “I'm not sure.” 

“Is it something that doesn't have any form when you think about it?” Umemiya's question was weird, but it also made sense. Sakura had an intangible mess in his head that shifted and moved, but it shone in the same silvery blue of Kaji's tail. That only served to further confuse him, since he never felt anything like this before. For the longest time in his life, he had very simple labels he could use for his emotions. It was black and white for him, the positive and the negative, but it has never come in a shade of blue. “Seems like you need more time to think about it.”

“I guess.” Sakura shrugged. “Maybe…”

“You don't have to rush head first into everything.” Hiragi piped in at last. “Taking your time is good, helps you digest information.” That was…reasonable. “Also, not here. Absolutely not here.”

Augh! And just when Sakura thought he’d managed to evade the scolding! “Yeah, yeah.” He was being obnoxious, but it happened because they gave him something to think about. He was more interested in digesting that piece of advice. “I won't do that again,” and he'd make sure to inform Nirei that the rock formation was off-limits. “So…bye bye.” He jumped back into the water and made his escape.

The different shades and hues became something Sakura was too aware of as of lately. Maybe the reason he paid so much attention to them was the upcoming holiday. With only a few days to it, most of the merfolk in their pod had their tails squeaky clean. Everyone but Sakura, that is.

“Sakura-san, do you need…help?” Nirei asked when he saw Sakura struggling to reach every scale. 

“No.” Sakura gritted his teeth. This was one of the activities he absolutely loathed, because it couldn't be done on his own. It wasn't a matter of trust in this case, just his dislike for people touching his tail. It was like touching an open wound – it hurt. “I can do it.”

But like anything that required patience, Sakura got frustrated by how long it took. It might have to do with years of dirt building up on his scales, not to mention – there were a few odd ones that stuck the wrong way, so there was no easy way to clean them. 

“But…Sakura-san!” Nirei swam around him, still keeping his distance. Sakura knew his worry was genuine, because up close he could see all the nasty gunk stuck between Sakura's scales. Nevertheless, his heart thumped quickly at the notion of Nirei even reaching out and taking the sponge out of his hand.

“Don't – !” He threw the sponge to the side and it floated between him and Nirei. “It's not like I really need to do that!” 

You want to do that – Sakura could almost hear the words coming out of Nirei's mouth, and screw that. He wasn't wrong, Sakura wanted to have a pretty tail like any other merfolk, but he was born with an ugly tail, so the only thing he could do was to maintain the cleanliness of it, but even that he wasn't able to do. No one ever taught him how to take care of his own body before, he was mostly self-taught, and even that was the bare minimum he needed to survive. 

“What if I call Suou-san? Or perhaps Kiryuu-san?” 

“No.” Sakura said curtly, just so the bitterness wouldn’t surface in his voice. He had no doubt either of them would do a splendid job cleaning and polishing his scales – Nirei too, for sure – but he was too stimulated for any direct touch. 

“Um, how about Kaji-san?” 

Like that would make a difference? If anything, Sakura's heart protested by beating faster, and according to his instincts, that usually meant he was feeling in danger or was ashamed. He shook his head, and to seal the deal, he explicitly told Nirei he didn't need to clean his tail anymore. Nirei’s gaze alternated between him and something farther in the distance, but he gave up at the end and told Sakura he understood.

He's gonna tell ‘em. It didn't take a genius to know he'd be running to get someone else, whoever he stumbled upon first, and to think Sakura didn't snitch on him back then – ! Regardless of his good intentions, Sakura needed privacy more than anything, so he took the chance to swim to his favorite spot.

Nirei's tail is yellow. The kind of yellow that was bright and cheerful, and he could already associate a chord for it. Sakura whipped his tail back and forward and raised his speed, passing by corals whose color was a deep red. Just like Suou's, and Suou's scale was such a beautiful and rich red, that Sakura immediately heard the dramatic progression in the notes when they played in his head. 

So pretty…

They were all so pretty…Kiryuu's tail was a translucent pink that reminded of pearls, while Tsugeura's orange was as vivid as a clownfish, downright to the white marks across it. His frustrations were pounding alongside his heart when he kept thinking – Umemiya's blue, as light as the sky, forever feeling out of reach, and Hiragi's dark brown, that reminded him of the soil, always there even when he didn't realize it. 

And Sakura? Next to them, with his mismatched scales, he felt out of place. His tails always looked a boring gray from a distance, and it was even worse up close. Sakura desperately reached for the surface and pulled himself into the rock. While on it, he ripped away his outwear, out of anger, knowing he'd regret it later. When he didn't wear the piece of woven and knotted seaweeds, it was right in view – his upper body.

“Ah…” He looked down in misery. Not only was his tail in such a sorry state, his upper body was a horror sight. Some of the scales grew out of his upper body, sticking out of his flesh, and the area around those never healed right, thus making his midsection reddened and scarred. It was downright disgusting in Sakura's opinion, especially since the scales were protruding from the sides of his body, all the way to his waist, and he knew he had some on his back. There was also the fact some of them were ripped away at some point of his life, and the excessive bleeding he'd experienced back then caused the white scales to turn red-pink. 

“Hng…” He stifled a sob, unwilling to cry since he heard something coming closer. Instead, he hugged himself as a way to cover his disfigured body. Minutes later, he saw Kaji's head peeking out of the water.

“What are you doing?” Kaji stared at him intently. “You know there are like twenty people out there looking for you?”

Sakura's shoulders tensed up as he thought about a way to explain himself and his knuckles turned white, since he was gripping his sides strongly.

“Are you like this because of the whole tail cleaning shit?” Kaji clicked his tongue when Sakura nodded weakly. “So stupid.” He closed the distance between him and Sakura. “Just close your eyes.” 

His intentions were clear, yet Sakura followed his instructions. For the first few seconds, there was only darkness, then a ticklish feeling overtook his senses. He wanted to open his mouth and protest, but, as if on cue, Kaji hushed him with a hum. 

He should've been scared – he didn’t like when others touched his body, but the combination of Kaji's hum and his gentle hands was oddly pleasant. He began to feel drowsiness, his hands falling to his sides, which allowed Kaji to clean his midsection. 

“We should probably look for something for those.” Kaji said between hums, but it didn't register in Sakura's head. He was focused on the lightness of Kaji's fingertips when they brushed against his ribcage, by complete accident. Kaji's hands were gliding across the hideous scales and Sakura had to wonder – when did I open my eyes? 

I'm really looking…

Kaji's head was near his chest, touching but not touching, as he was leaning down to check Sakura's tail. Whenever his eyes moved from side to side, his ears would twitch as well, which was insanely adorable. 

“I'm almost done.” Kaji cut his train of thoughts and, good riddance, it was for the best. There was no way something good would come out from thinking how cute someone else's ears are… 

“T-t…” He started saying, but stopped altogether. He was astounded by his tail – it was actually shining, for the first time in his life – it was properly cleaned and polished. All the way to the nasty scales too, though there was no way to get rid of that pink hue that stuck to his once white scales. “Thank you…” He mumbled. 

“No need to.” Kaji shrugged. “I think you should talk to your friends – apologize, y'know? They were really worried about you.”

“Yeah, you’re…right.” Sakura lamented at the way he acted. He bailed on Nirei without saying one word, and the image of the confused Nirei looking for him was easily painted in his mind, tugging at his heart. He could say this in retrospect, after Kaji cleaned his tail, that it wasn't as bad as he thought it'd be, so his behavior felt almost petty. “I'll go apologize, ah – “

The seaweed outwear was laying by his side, half torn, and it was obvious he couldn't wear it anymore. 

“It's okay, no one is gonna judge you for that.” His face was an open book for Kaji. His blunt words, however, were comforting. “And if someone looks at you the wrong way…” He shook his fist in the air. “I'll beat them up.”

“Pfft…” Sakura's upper body shook as he containted his laughter. Kaji acted like Sakura couldn't kick anyone's ass, but it didn't feel patronizing. More like – sweet, because no one gave him the reassurance they got his back like Kaji did. It was this feeling that bubbled deep inside him, followed by a crescendo as the bubbles rose up to his chest and enveloped his heart. “Sure, sure.”

“I was being honest here, you punk.” Kaji flicked his forehead, but his smirk betrayed him. “Now, c'mon, they've been searching you for so long, they must've started pulling their hair out.”

“Don't make me imagine odd things!” For some reason, the first thing he thought about was Suou supporting a bald head and that was – way too hilarious! How could he face him after that?! 

“I didn't even say who…” Kaji's smile widened. He was absolutely thinking about bald Suou! Must've been because Suou rubbed him the wrong way that one time, and Kaji never forgot that. I should never get on his bad side, Sakura noted, because – despite how many problems his hair gave him, he quite liked having it!

They swam back to Makochi's territory, but went on seperate ways once they arrived at the entrance to the territory. Sakura found his friends quickly, or rather – they found him, and they were moments shy of pouncing on him. 

“Sakura-san!” Nirei was the one who made suspicious movements that resembled a hug, but Sakura had his hands wrapped around his waist, so they danced around each other awkwardly. “Sakura-san, I'm so sorry…!”

“No, no, this is, uh, my fault…” Sakura's voice was quiet. 

“Hardly.” Suou interjected. “Nirei told me what happened and I believe it was no one's fault. Though, it appears you already took care of the problem on your own?” His gaze trailed on Sakura's tail, now shiny and clean just like his. 

“Oh, Sakura-san…! It looks incredible!” Nirei's focus on his tail was embarrassing. 

“S-shudup…” He mumbled. “That's not so…so incredible…”

“Why, of course it is!” Nirei circled him, taking a good look, and nodded to himself. “You did such a good job!”

I didn't, Sakura's heart beat faster when he thought about Kaji cleaning it for him, partially out of embarrassment and partially out of unclear excitement. Suou, also seemingly aware that it wasn't Sakura's handiwork, chuckled softly in the corner. Fortunately, Nirei had his back to Suou, so he couldn't see his expression. 

“Ah, but Sakura-san, what about the seaweed cape?” Sakura could finally let go of his sides and face both Nirei and Suou. Unlike his worst fear, neither of them commented about his misshapen upper body, and he was extremely grateful for that. They chose to focus on his regular outwear instead. “And this was the one you've been wearing even before you came to Furin – “

If Nirei was suggesting he had any attachment to that garment, he'd be sorely wrong. It was something he picked up from an abandoned pod a while after he left his…original pod. He wanted to tell them it wasn't as important, but just then, Suou raised up his voice to suggest making a new cape for Sakura. 

“Huh?” Sakura stared at him with eyes widened. 

“I mean, wouldn't it be great to create a new cape? Something new to match your pretty tail.” If Sakura could choke underwater, that would've been the right moment for it. They're…too nice… “Hmm, I believe the right source for that would be Kiryuu-kun, he'd know where to find the perfect seaweed for the task.”

“But…weaving them would be complicated…” Sakura tried to get rid of this fantasy before it settled in his chest and refused to leave. 

“It's okay!” Nirei piped in. “We can ask Tsubaki-san for instructions!” 

“Oh…that's true.” Sakura didn't even consider it, but this – this was the true meaning of community. His heart warmed because – gosh, it sounded so clichéd, but if he had a problem, there was always someone who could solve it for him. 

“Let's hurry! I think I know where Kiryuu-san is!” Nirei's enthusiasm was contagious. The three of them swam shortly, until they spotted Kiryuu leaning over the seabed. Sakura wondered why he was inspecting the seabed, and he got his answer when he saw Kiryuu was picking seashells. 

“Hmm?” Kiryuu turned his head to look at them. “Yahoo~” He greeted them with a wave. “You found Sakura-chan? Oh, and you also got your tail all dolled up, how nice~”

“T-thanks…” Sakura stammered, but his curiosity took over, mostly because Kiryuu was carrying a basket filled to the brim with all kinds of seashells. “What's…what's this for?” He asked. 

“The seashells?” Kiryuu looked down at his basket. “I figured it was the best timing to pick some. Do you know about the tradition we have here in Makochi?” Sakura shook his head. “It's a custom to give out a piece of jewelry made out of seashells to your beloved one. Your parents, your sibling, and naturally – your lover.”

“L-l-lover?” Sakura had to hide his face behind his hands. “I didn't know – !” Once he calmed down enough to lower his hands, he whipped his head towards Nirei. It was odd for Nirei to keep quiet about such tradition, but when he looked at him, it finally clicked for Sakura. Nirei was wearing a seashell necklace, and Suou's conceited smile was giving Sakura everything he needed to know. 

These two…! He shot a dirty look at Suou, but couldn't do the same for Nirei, because he looked to the side. 

“Kiryuu-san…we actually thought about getting Sakura-san a new cape, so…uh…” 

Changing the subject, huh? Sakura will remember it for later. 

Kiryuu raised his eyebrow, but otherwise didn't comment about Sakura's glares. He told them about great locations for seaweeds, while also mentioning that he'd be on the lookout for decorations. According to his words, Sakura's old outwear was boring and he definitely needed something more colorful. 

Before leaving, he gently patted Sakura's back, but Sakura couldn't feel the touch, meaning – he was touching the scales on his back. It didn't hurt, though, and he didn't say anything about them, so Sakura felt relieved.

A day before the celebrations, Sakura was swimming around the communal area, showing off his clean tail and new outwear for everyone to see. He'd never felt that proud of himself ever before, and he couldn't get rid of the giddiness that came along with it. He was prim and proper, ready to participate in the upcoming competitions, perhaps even dance if he was up to it, and he was most definitely ready for the food. Oh, the food! He heard Umemiya and Kotoha prepared a special menu and he was just waiting to taste everything.

The single thing that was stuck in his head was…the seashell necklace…

After being told about it, Sakura suddenly noticed people around him wearing various pieces of jewelry, although necklaces seemed to be the ones he saw the most. He was caught sneaking looks at Takanashi's necklace (simple design – just one small seashell), and then he was promptly caught and received a lecture about Takanashi's adorable girlfriend (he didn't want to know!). Then there was Anzai, who had two necklaces, and how did Sakura miss that? Sure, one of them was elegant, with several beads on the thread, but the other one was loaded with seashells. That thing had to be extremely heavy to wear! 

But Sakura didn't have one. Normally, this wouldn't pose a problem, as Sakura never cared for pesky things like jewelry, but he felt the same ugly jealousy nagging at him and telling him he wanted a necklace as well. 

Like all things he was troubled with, he turned to Kaji for a bit of good venting. “Say,” he was bothering Kaji while the other was counting the equipment for the party they would be throwing tomorrow, and even though Kaji replied with a snarl, he didn't shove Sakura away. “Do you have a, uh, seashell necklace?” 

“Who told you about those?” Kaji asked. “Ugh, whatever. Not a necklace, but a bracelet.” He raised his wrist to show Sakura the bracelet.

Sakura's heart dropped. His vision couldn't focus on the bracelet, making it appear blurry and twice the size of what it probably was in actuality. Why is it like this? Sakura clutched at his chest in an attempt to make the pain in it go away, but it was stronger right at the spot where his hand touched his chest. “Oh, really?” His voice was pathetically weak. 

Does that mean Kaji has a lover? Who is it? His brain brought up anyone Sakura knew was close to Kaji and, fuck, there were so many options. 

“Why are you thinking so hard, you doofus?” Kaji smacked the side of his head. 

“Ouch!” At least it got rid of some of the thoughts he was having.

“This is from my parents, y'know?” Kaji had the need to clarify. Sakura wanted the clarification. This entire situation was bizarre. 

“Ah, your parents?” All the turmoil he was experiencing vanished. “That's pretty cool.”

Sakura didn't have any ulterior motive behind it, he wasn't even thinking about his terrible parents, he simply thought that Kaji's parents were great. And then, Kaji's next question turned his entire world upside down. 

“Do you want it?” 

“Excuse me…?!” He must've been hearing things, right? That was his own head playing tricks on him, surely…surely, it wasn't Kaji offering his seashell bracelet.

“I don't mind letting you have it.” He said it again, with such a candid expression, that Sakura could no longer deny his intentions.

“But…it's a gift! A gift from your parents!” Perhaps it was the greedy part in Sakura, but he knew he wouldn't be able to part with any gift he received. 

“So what?” Kaji looked to the side as he scratched the back of his head. “If it's you, it’s okay.” With that, he removed the bracelet and shoved it into Sakura's chest. “Just take it.”

Sakura didn't have the time to digest the situation and Kaji already took off. He examined the bracelet, so slowly because he was scared to ruin it, and for a short moment he figured it would be okay to wear it, before he'd return it to Kaji.

That short moment turned into a while longer. The bracelet looked good on his wrist and, well, Kaji insisted on leaving it with him, so how could he refuse? It was his now.

Is it okay to be this greedy? 

Can I really have this?

This is so stupid. 

To think that such a small item would make him lose sleep. He was cuddling into him in his small alcove, but his feelings were running rampant so he was unable to fall asleep. It made his chest feel tight and his heart beat faster, and despite his best attempts to find a position to sleep in, all he did was swim in circles. 

Looking like a fool. 

This was all Kaji’s fault – why did he give Sakura such a thoughtful gift? Besides, this wasn’t something you’d hand out willy-nilly! According to Kiryuu, it was something you’d give your…beloved ones…! Did that mean Kaji thought about him as a family member? 

“That sounds wrong.” Sakura frowned. It was Kaji who insisted he was an only child and refused to refer to anyone as his sibling, and Sakura thought it was reasonable. He also didn’t want to be Kaji’s younger brother. Just imagining it made him shudder in horror. 

And again, instead of falling asleep, he was busy dissecting the thoughts in his head. He was never really in tune with his feelings, so understanding them was difficult, and he only knew of one way to deal with them. Despite the late hour, he swam to his favorite spot. 

Laying on the rocks, he had the flute in his head and he began playing the melody dedicated to Kaji, but this time he made sure to think about the bracelet. If he dared pretending he was someone that important to Kaji, then how would it feel? The tightness in his chest squeezed hard, slowly unraveling its true form as Sakura’s hands swiftly moved on the flute. 

Kiryuu mentioned lovers in his explanation, and while he wasn’t certain if Kaji felt that way about it, the knot in his chest untangled when he used this word. It contained a layer of relief and fondness underneath it, immense respect and care, and an overwhelming something. Something he could describe as a slow chord, and it was just on the tip of his tongue. It sounded…romantic?

“Ah…” Sakura’s mouth let go of the mouthpiece for a brief moment. He could hear that! That chord – that was what he was missing for his melody! The right transition between the mellow parts and the fast paced moments! 

Before he could forget it, he started from the top.

It’s perfect. No more hesitant pauses and no more awkward notes that didn’t fit the melody. It was flowing right, with smooth transitions and each note told a story he could finally comprehend. The beginning was a mash of strong chords, each trying to take over the melody, a reminder of his journey to Furin, but then it became a gentle swoosh of the wave. Because everything was confusing when I arrived here, all the warmth and the kindness, he thought. The next section should’ve been his first meeting with Kaji, but he stopped because he felt a presence in the cave with him.

“Hey,” Kaji made a disgruntled noise. His expression was hilarious, a mix of jealousy and pain. “What are you playing?”

Sakura chose to answer with a tune instead of words. He played a group of cheerful notes, short and brief, sd if beckoning Kaji to come closer. Kaji took his time, considering it before he settled next to Sakura. Once he did, Sakura could resume his melody, slow and sweet, describing the moments they both shared together. At the end, it turned into a harmony that exposed the feelings Sakura was harboring, repeating the same chord he came up with just minutes before. 

“Sakura.” Kaji’s expression was soft. “Sakura.” He repeated the name once again. 

Sakura lowered the flute and looked directly into Kaji’s eyes. They were the same color of his tail, the very same shade he so admired, focusing only on him at the moment. But he didn’t feel the need to escape or defend himself when he was facing, just pure calmness that made him close his eyes. 

He could feel Kaji leaning down, because his shoulder brushed against Sakura’s. It was followed by Kaji’s hands caressing his cheeks, before he leaned down and pressed his lips against Sakura’s lips. It was a strange sensation, cold and moist, but he was completely content with the closeness, and Sakura didn’t mind having a few more kisses like this one…

After breaking off the kiss, Kaji was pouting. “You can’t play that to anyone else.”

“Of course not.” Sakura felt like giggling. “That’s only for you to hear.”

“Hmph.” He circled his hands around Sakura’s waist and pulled him closer, putting his head on Sakura’s shoulder like he was a little kid. “So long you know.”

Sakura wasn’t wrong when he thought Kaji was insanely adorable, huh? So cute, and…also his.