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Kanade nervously sidles past the entrance to the University of Tokyo. She knows she looks like she could belong here, and Mafuyu has definitely chided her once or twice that the more Kanade acted like she didn’t, the more obvious it was. Kanade can’t help it sometimes – she always feels a little out of place at more traditional school settings.
At least Mafuyu’s mother was overjoyed when Mafuyu got accepted here. Kanade was very happy too, but it was bittersweet knowing that it would soon be harder to see Mafuyu, and that she couldn't dedicate much time to making songs with Kanade anymore. None of Niigo could nowadays.
There are some days where it feels like all of Niigo have left her behind. Mizuki and Ena were going to the same arts university and chasing their own goals, Mafuyu has been at university for almost two years already, and as for herself…she's still living at her childhood home, composing music.
But when she sees Mafuyu waiting patiently on a bench, smiling at her – all her worries melt away.
Even though it gets lonely sometimes, Mafuyu will always be there for her.
“Good afternoon, Kanade,” Mafuyu says softly.
They've been dating for two years and Kanade still can feel her face heat up at the greeting. She can't help it, seeing Mafuyu smile at her like that, look at Kanade like she means the world to her – it’s simply too much. It’s always too much.
Kanade settles down beside Mafuyu before speaking. “How have you been doing?”
“I’ve been busy, but it’s been good.” Mafuyu tilts her head at Kanade. “More importantly, how have you been? Have you been eating and sleeping well?”
Kanade looks away from Mafuyu’s concerned gaze. “I might have missed a meal here or there. But I’ve been eating regularly.”
“Do I need to visit you more often? Or ask Honami to check in on you?” Mafuyu says, a teasing lilt in her voice.
“No!” Kanade raises her hands in protest. “I mean, I would like you to visit more often but…I don’t want to trouble or distract you from your studies…”
Mafuyu chuckles, leaning into Kanade and lacing her fingers with Kanade’s. “I wouldn’t mind. I miss seeing you. We have the SEKAI, but it’s not the same as living with you and doing things together.”
Kanade heart clenches. There was something natural about Mafuyu living with her, and once she had left to return to her family, and now college – there’s an emptiness that Kanade has noticed in her house ever since. Her dad had at least woken up, but he was still hospitalized because his muscles were atrophied from lack of use for so long. “I feel the same. But I really don’t want you to trouble yourself.”
“It’s no trouble, if it’s you,” Mafuyu says. As if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
Kanade drops her head on top of Mafuyu’s. “I would like that.”
“Besides, you would do the same for me. You’ve already done that in fact.”
“I can’t argue against that,” Kanade says helplessly. She really couldn’t. Promising to compose music for Mafuyu until she was saved? That moment in the SEKAI felt both like it was yesterday and ages ago. But Kanade has never regretted it, not once, not even when Mafuyu wasn’t “saved” by her music in the end. Looking back, it was a bit silly to think that someone could be saved if Kanade could just find the right notes, the right meaning, and the right feelings in her songs. It was wishful thinking that she could trade what she did to her father with saving someone else. But she knows better now, and knows that what happened to her father wasn’t her fault – even if some days it still felt like it.
“What are you thinking about?”
“The old days.”
Mafuyu shifts from beneath Kanade. “You aren’t blaming yourself again, are you?”
“No, I wasn’t.”
“Good. You shouldn’t.”
“When should I next expect you?” Kanade changes the subject.
Mafuyu hums. “Saturday, two weeks from now. I’ll have some time then.”
Kanade smiles. “That works for me.”
“Mmm.” Mafuyu sighs.
“Is there anything wrong?”
“I wanted to show you the garden nearby, but I’m a little tired,” Mafuyu admits.
“You should rest then.” Kanade pats her leg.
“But I want to spend more time with you,” Mafuyu protests, even as she moves to rest her head on Kanade’s lap.
Kanade cradles Mafuyu’s head with an arm. “I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
She feels Mafuyu exhale at that, but Mafuyu closes her eyes and murmurs, “That’s a promise.”
Kanade runs her fingers through Mafuyu’s hair until she feels Mafuyu’s breaths even out. Looking down at Mafuyu, it’s like Kanade is holding a star, or maybe the night in her arms. It’s a bit ironic since Asahina had the character for morning, but Kanade has always thought that Mafuyu was like the evening sky. Mafuyu was mostly around Niigo after 25:00, and for so long, Mafuyu was someone that other people put on a pedestal because of her talents. Just like a lone star shining in the sky, she was suffocated by the surrounding darkness. How lonely were the stars? They’re hidden during the day, and at night – even though they shone so brightly, they were so far away, from both her and each other.
And even though Mafuyu is here with her now, fully present – for a long time Mafuyu was here but also not quite here. What was it like to experience life like that? To have your emotions muted to the point where you didn’t know what you were feeling anymore?
Kanade cradles Mafuyu closer to her. The Mafuyu today who can laugh freely, who can smile joyfully – Kanade wouldn’t trade that for the world.
Blue.
When Mafuyu wakes up, it's to Kanade’s ocean blue eyes watching over her. Kanade herself is like the ocean, a place of peace and calm for Mafuyu. And whenever Kanade was passionate about something, she was like the roiling waves, nothing could stop her. Mafuyu likes both of these sides of Kanade.
“Good afternoon.” Kanade lifts a strand of Mafuyu’s hair. “I’m here, as promised.”
A wave of comfort washes over Mafuyu, and one corner of Mafuyu’s eyes prick. “Kanade…” The name hangs in the air. Mafuyu wants to freeze this moment forever. She wants it so badly. She wants Kanade to be here, to feel her here, to have her keep looking at Mafuyu like that. At a loss for anything better to say, Mafuyu reaches up and caresses Kanade’s cheek instead.
Kanade readily leans into the touch, and her hair tickles the back of Mafuyu’s hand. She gently covers Mafuyu’s hand with her own. “You’re crying.”
“Even though it’s been a while, it still catches me by surprise sometimes,” Mafuyu whispers.
“What does?”
Mafuyu lowers her hand and feels a heat creep over her cheeks. “Feeling things, and my feelings for you.”
“A-ah, okay.” Kanade shyly plays with her pendant, the matching pair hanging around Mafuyu's neck. “I love you too.”
Mafuyu closes her eyes, feeling a warmth flare up in her chest. She still vividly remembers the days when it wasn’t a given she could feel the full breadth of simply…living. For better or for worse. Most days Mafuyu feels her emotions flickering and shifting in reaction to her surroundings, and simply letting them wash over her. Some days, she wakes up in cold sweat, feeling horribly trapped and needing to breathe. But even those worse days add to how every second that passes with Kanade by her side is a gift. The air is a little sweeter, the colors are a little more vibrant, and even food tastes better with Kanade around. It doesn’t quite make sense how someone’s mere presence could make food taste better, but Mafuyu has learned to simply accept her emotions and enjoy it for what they are.
Mafuyu looks back up at Kanade, the white strands framing her face against the blue sky. Mafuyu gently catches one, feeling the strands against her fingertips. Kanade’s hair is a lot different from when they were still in high school – ever since Mizuki had suggested Kanade cut her hair after she had complained one too many times about it always getting in her way when going out.
“Your hair looks nice today,” Mafuyu comments.
Kanade smiles. “Thank you. Mizuki and Ena have been coaching me on how to present myself nicely lately. They say it’s better for when I meet with any clients.”
“Have commissions been going well?”
“Yes, I’ve needed to turn a few down because I have so many…”
“Make sure you take the time to take care of yourself properly.” Too many times Mafuyu had eaten at one of the university’s dining halls and stared at her plate, thinking about whether or not Kanade had remembered to eat that day. Admittedly, Kanade has gotten a lot better at taking care of herself, especially knowing that Mafuyu would be worried sick otherwise, but she still had the tendency to forget whenever she was engrossed in something.
Kanade’s hand finds Mafuyu’s and squeezes. “I know. I’ll try my best.”
“That’s all I can ask for.” Mafuyu sighs affectionately. “When I’m on summer break, we should visit the ocean.”
“The ocean sounds like fun.”
“I want to try scuba diving,” Mafuyu says. It rolls off her tongue so easily nowadays, to express want. She thinks it would be nice though. She used to like being underwater to drown out the world and all the troublesome expectations. Now it's something a little less for escapism and more because Mafuyu has always been drawn to water, from her empty fish tank, to the aquarium date her and Kanade had a year ago, to the ocean itself. Not to mention, her SEKAI had an entire lake. There's nothing more telling than the physical manifestation of your feelings, Mafuyu supposes.
“I don't know if I'm a strong enough swimmer for that…” Kanade remarks.
“I'll teach you. We have good swimming facilities here.”
“Are you sure?”
“It's healthy for you to get exercise, plus it would be another reason for you to visit more often,” Mafuyu says cheekily. She'll have to shift things around and work a little harder some days, but the idea of getting to be so close to all the fish and explore the corals with Kanade is too lovely to pass up.
“Let's do it then,” Kanade says.
There’s another burst of affection that runs through Mafuyu. “I love you.” The words slip out, unbidden. Kanade always thought of her and always did her best to make Mafuyu happy. And in return, there’s nothing Mafuyu wouldn’t do for Kanade.
“I love you too.” Kanade’s fondness softens the edges of each word. Mafuyu could listen to Kanade tell her that every day, every hour, every minute – and not get tired of hearing it.
“Will you be forever with me?” Mafuyu knows Kanade loves her, and has been given very little reason to doubt it. But relationships don’t always last forever, except Mafuyu has a gut feeling that they will. There’s a quiet contentness between them, something deep and unshakeable. And there’s not much more that Mafuyu wants in this life than Kanade by her side, experiencing everything it has to offer with her.
Kanade smiles, eyes the color of ocean waves. “Always.”