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Long shadows stretched across the fields by Daryl’s campsite as early evening fell. Madison scooted to the edge of the log resting next to the makeshift fire pit, trying to get warm as she halfheartedly stirred the sorry excuse for a stew cooking over the fire. Her mind wandered as she stared blankly ahead of her, replaying the events of the day. She’d decided she couldn’t avoid taking her turn on watch any longer and ventured to the main camp for the first time since Carol’s tirade about her sister. As predicted, Carol cornered her while she was sitting on the roof of the RV and couldn’t escape to make her hollow apologies again. Madison had listened politely and accepted Carol’s flimsy attempt to make amends, although truth be told, Madison couldn’t get Carol’s words out of her mind and still resented her for them even though she tried not to. After her painfully long shift on watch ended Madison rushed back to camp as quickly as she could and retreated into her tent, busying herself by mending a couple of Daryl’s shirts he’d left out to dry on the crumbling fireplace by his tent. When she finished stitching together Daryl’s clothes she folded them neatly and carried them back to his camp, hoping he’d be back from wherever he was off to this time; she’d had a trying day being forced to relive her argument with Carol and she needed to be around someone she trusted and no one back at the main camp fit that description. Her shoulders slumped with disappointment when she discovered his campsite was empty; ever since she fell apart in his arms he’d been gone more often than he was there and something in the pit of her stomach told her she was the reason he was gone so much. Pushing her anxieties aside, she quickly put the laundry inside his tent then went about making whatever she could for dinner.
Movement in front of her pulled Madison from her thoughts and she forced her eyes to focus as a warm smile spread across her face when she saw Daryl ambling towards her. “Perfect timing,” she called out, turning her attention back to the pot in front of her, “Sit down, food’s almost done.”
“Ain’t hungry,” Daryl grunted as he walked past her, barely even glancing in her direction. For the past several hours he had been standing guard by the barn. The point of posting a guard originally was to protect the group from Randall in case he tried to escape, but instead Daryl had spent the majority of that time fighting off Shane who kept trying to get inside. At first Shane tried to play it off that he just had some questions for the kid, but when Daryl refused to let him in, knowing full well that the second Shane set foot in the barn Randall was a dead man, the two men got into yet another shouting match which Hershel had to break up.
“You need to eat something; you’ve been gone all day.”
“Said I ain’t hungry! Dammit, don't ya ever listen?” Daryl barked as he propped his crossbow up against the side of his tent and ducked inside, kicking himself for yelling at Madison for no reason; she hadn’t done anything wrong, she was just looking out for him, but after the afternoon he had Daryl just needed some time to cool off and from the looks of it he wasn’t going to get it unless he pushed back a little.
Madison stared at his tent after he disappeared inside and huffed, throwing her hands up in the air even though he couldn’t see her. “All right, all right. Geez; no need to bite my head off.” She fell silent for a moment and turned back to the fire, “So I had to take watch for a couple of hours this afternoon. Saw Carol; she cornered me and gave me the most insincere, over rehearsed apology I’ve heard in my entire life. It was kind of insulting actually.” Madison paused and glanced over her shoulder, waiting for some kind of a response from Daryl. When none came she rolled her eyes, lowered her voice, and tried to copy his accent the best she could, “Yer kiddin’? What’d she say t’ya?” Laughing quietly to herself, thoroughly entertained by her impression, she continued again in her normal voice, “I’m glad you asked, Daryl. Let me tell you; sh-”
“What’re these?” Daryl yelled, bursting out of his tent and holding the shirts Madison had mended.
“Is that a trick question? Because they look like clothes to me.”
“No shit, smartass. What’re they doin’ in my tent?” he asked, shaking them in her face.
Madison glared at him and knocked his hand away. “They’re yours and that’s your tent,” she said, her voice cold as she leaned back and folded her arms, her eyes never leaving his, “I sort of figured they belonged in there.”
“I didn’t say ya could go in there! I don’t poke ‘round yer shit when yer gone!”
“Hey! I wasn’t snooping around for kicks and giggles,” she shouted back, jumping to her feet and turning to face him, “I was dropping off the shirts I fixed for you; you’re welcome by the way!”
“I didn’t ask ya t’do that!” Daryl snapped closing the distance between them and staring down at Madison through narrowed eyes, fighting desperately to ignore the pounding in his chest from standing so close to her, “I’m a grown-ass man an’ don’t need lookin’ after; I was fine on m’own ‘til ya came ‘round! Sure as hell don’t need ya hoverin’ over my shoulder every damn minute of every damn day neither!” Having someone take care of him was a new experience for Daryl and he didn’t know how to respond; he’d been fending for himself his entire life and the concept of another person going out of their way to watch out for him was foreign and unnerving. Madison was unlike any woman he’d ever known; she was on his mind constantly and as of late she was the motivation for everything he did. It frustrated him how strongly he felt about her, it scared him, and he responded by lashing out when all he wanted really wanted was to have her in his arms again and to finally feel her lips on his.
Pain tinted the indignation behind Madison’s eyes at the way Daryl dismissed their relationship, whatever it was. She had hoped that things between them would change when he let her cry on his shoulder after her altercation with Carol, but that only seemed to have pushed him further away and she knew now, more than ever, he would never feel for her what she felt for him. “That’s not fair! I don't do that! I was only trying to-I just needed something to keep me busy!” she countered, too upset to vocalize the all thoughts racing through her mind, “I thought we were in this together! I thought-” Without a word, Daryl turned on his heel and threw the shirts in his hand into his tent and grabbed his bow then stormed away from camp before he made matters worse or hurt Madison more than he already had. “Where’re you going? It’s getting dark; you can’t leave!” Madison called after him, concerned and shocked by his abrupt departure, “Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you! Daryl!”
Fuming and muttering to herself, Madison sat back down and stared into the fire, allowing the anger boiling inside to fill her and drown out the sadness trying to creep in. Eventually the sorrow won out and she leaned forward, resting her head in her hands as memories of Ally and her argument with Carol swirled in her mind and mixed with her latest fight with Daryl; she was just being stupid, clinging onto this ridiculous crush, she had to grow up and let it go. Her growling stomach forced her to focus on the here and now and she unenthusiastically ate a bowl of her sort of a stew as she watched the last traces of sunlight fade away and paint the sky shades of red and purple before giving way to star-spotted darkness. When she couldn’t justify staying where she was any longer she pushed herself to her feet with a groan and wandered back towards her tent, the last thing she wanted was to be anywhere near Daryl’s camp when he got back or she’d never hear the end of it.
Halfway between her tent and Daryl’s Madison came to a stop; she knew she wouldn’t be able to fall asleep anytime soon and the idea of fitfully tossing back and forth and staring at the ceiling of her tent as she tried couldn’t sound less appealing so she scanned the surrounding fields to make sure no one or nothing was nearby and laid down in the grass and looked at the stars. She quickly realized that her original goal of having the peaceful night sky ease her mind wasn’t meant to be as her thoughts began running wild. She laughed quietly to herself and shook her head; at least she had something nice to look at while she drove herself crazy and tried to shut her brain down for the night. Inevitably her thoughts turned to Daryl, painfully tugging at her heart. If he hated having her around so much, maybe it was time to move back with the rest of the group, but if she did that then she’d have to put up with Carol and she wasn’t ready for that. She chewed her lip as her mind wandered; she was in a no win situation. Daryl clearly didn’t want her around anymore, but she knew he’d feel like she betrayed him if she left. She squeezed her eyes shut and ran her hands over her face; she knew it was pathetic, but she didn’t want to leave, aside from their fights, she liked being close to Daryl. Maybe if she forced herself to keep her distance for a few days they’d both cool off and thIngs would go back to the way they used to be, but Madison had to admit that didn’t seem likely at the moment.
Madison opened her eyes again to find a figure looming above her head, blocking out the stars. Fear shot through her and she jumped, reaching for her knife and preparing to fight, before realizing the figure didn’t belong to a walker; it was Daryl. Immense relief mixed with irritation and she groaned at him, “What?”
“What the hell’re ya doin’ clear out ‘ere?” he asked, his face contorted in a mixture of confusion and exasperation.
“You mean aside from you giving me a heart attack? Star gazing.”
“Why?”
“Because I can,” she snapped, cringing at how her answer made her sound like a moody teenager, “And before you say anything else, I just want to point out that I was here first and then you showed up. Who’s hovering now?”
Daryl moaned as he sat down next to Madison, “Crawl outta my ass, woman. Didn’t say nothin’ did I?”
“No, I guess not,” Madison grumbled, watching Daryl out of the corner of her eye as he settled in.
A low, triumphant chuckle escaped Daryl’s lips as he shrugged off his vest and balled it up before lying down and tucking it under his head. He clasped his hands across his stomach and stared up at the sky quietly, ignoring Madison’s quizzical gaze. “Son of a bitch, ya gotta be kiddin’ me!” he exclaimed, sitting up suddenly with a disgusted look on his face.
Madison bit her lip to keep from laughing. “Problem?”
“Think I jus’ laid down in horse shit.”
Daryl’s explanation was too much for her and she gave up trying to hold back her laughter, “What? Seriously?” Sitting up herself she pushed her hair out of her face and tapped Daryl’s shoulder, “Turn around and I’ll check.” He grumbled, but complied and Madison shook her head, enjoying his predicament far more than she should, finding some sort of cosmic justice in the situation. “It’s too dark; do you have a flashlight or something?” With a grunt, Daryl fished his lighter out of his pocket and handed it to her. The small flame didn’t give off as much light as Madison had hoped and she still couldn’t tell what was on Daryl’s back. Whatever it was it didn’t smell terrible so she put her finger in it and gave it another quick sniff. “It’s just mud, you’re fine,” she announced as she wiped her finger off on the grass. She could feel his eyes on her and she glanced up and gave him back his lighter, “What?”
Daryl’s face was scrunched up in a look of equal parts horror and disgust, “Did ya jus’ put yer finger in horse shit an’ smell it?”
“No, I told you it’s just mud.”
“Ya didn’t know that fer sure.”
Madison shrugged and laughed quietly, “Wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve been covered since this all started.” Daryl let out a deep, throaty chuckle and rolled his eyes at her with a lopsided grin. He nervously flipped his lighter open and closed as he looked around, unsure of what to do with himself; he didn’t want to lie back down in the mud, but he certainly didn’t want to leave either. “Hey, tough guy,” Madison said, scooting over and patting the grass next to her, “Come on, it’s dry over here.” With a nod he slid next to her, grateful that she was giving him permission to stay with her even after his outburst earlier that evening. “Give me your shirt and I’ll wash it for you tomorrow,” she added.
“What the hell, Maddie? No!”
“What’s wrong with you? I-I didn’t mean right this second!” she sputtered. Daryl mumbled an apology and Madison shook her head at him again, “Relax. Anyway, it’s not like I haven’t seen you without a shirt before.” She froze when she realized what just came out of her mouth; this conversation was not going in the direction she wanted and she was sure it would end badly, mostly likely with more yelling and Daryl storming away again.
Daryl shifted uncomfortably, “Ya have?”
“Yeah, the night you were shot. Remember? Why else do you think Maggie thought we...um…” Madison bit her lip to make herself stop talking.
The topic of conversation made Daryl incredibly uncomfortable and all he could think of were the scars covering his back; he knew Madison must have seen them and he dreaded having to explain where they came from if and when she asked. He stared intently at his hands, too embarrassed to look elsewhere, and cleared his throat, “Oh, right. Guess ya have.”
Madison eased herself onto her back and trained her eyes on the sky, fully aware that, even though it was unintentional, she was the one that had made things so awkward between them. Nerves took over and she kept talking trying to make the situation better, “I don’t know why you freaked out in the first place. You certainly have no reason to be embarrassed.”
Every muscle in Daryl’s body tensed and he glared at Madison; she didn’t know anything about how he got his scars, why was she pitying him? His expression softened when he saw the bright red flush of her cheeks and it dawned on him that she wasn’t talking about his scars at all, she meant that as a compliment, one she didn't mean to give, but a compliment none the less. A pleased smirk spread across his face and he raised an eyebrow at her, “Is that right?”
“Well yeah. I mean I know, well knew, a lot of guys-not a lot, a lot-who would give pretty much anything, that is most men would give just about anything to look as g-even half as good as…” Madison rambled as tried to save face, but the more she talked the more flustered she became and the worse the burning in her cheeks got. “Oh wow, I’m saying a lot of things. Please say something so I’ll stop talking.”
“That was days ago.”
“And?” Madison asked, hesitantly glancing at Daryl.
“Still thinkin’ ‘bout it, huh Buster?” Daryl teased, powerless to pass up the opportunity to make Madison squirm.
She covered her face with her arms and groaned, trying to tune out his laughter as she felt him lie down next to her, “Shut up! Or kill me, that would work too.”
Daryl’s laughter subsided and Madison finally uncovered her face and they both turned their attention skyward, Daryl mercifully deciding he was done torturing the woman lying beside him. Several minutes passed in comfortable silence before movement out of the corner of his eye caught Daryl’s attention. He glanced at Madison and saw her furiously wiping her cheeks and heard her quietly sniffing. “Ya’lright?”
“Yeah,” Madison answered, forcing a smile, “Yeah, I’m just being stupid.” She turned her head and was surprised to see Daryl already watching her with a concerned look on his face. She gestured to the night sky and explained what was going through her mind, “This was our thing, me and Ally, ever since she was little. She was in fifth grade, I think, and she saw this Bill Nye episode about the solar system...do you even remember that show? You’re a little older so probably not.”
Daryl stared at her, slack jawed, amazed that she didn’t automatically assume his upbringing would be the reason he wouldn’t remember the show; he couldn’t put into words how much it meant to him that Madison didn’t think of him as some dumb redneck first and a human being second. The corner of his mouth turned up in a small half-smile and he nudged her, “Hey now, ain’t that much older than ya.”
“Maybe not,” she chuckled, “but Ally was five years younger than me so you get the idea. Anyway her teacher showed them that show in science class and that night she dragged me out of bed to show me the different stars she learned about. Needless to say I wasn’t very happy with her, but we ended up talking all night. I was so tired at the school the next day I wanted to strangle her, but after that whenever either of us needed to talk we’d go lie in the backyard and look at the stars…”
Madison’s sentence faded into silence and Daryl waited for her to continue until he realized she was crying again. “Hey, ain’t stupid t’miss ‘er,” he mumbled as he extended his hand, pausing briefly before finding his nerve, and awkwardly brushed a tear from her face. He quickly laid back down and looked anywhere but at Madison, “Hell, I miss Merle an’ ‘e was a jackass.”
“Why don’t you ever talk about him?” Madison asked as she rolled onto her left side so she could see Daryl more easily, “You know you can, if you want.”
Daryl shrugged and rolled towards Madison, propping himself up on his elbow, “Ain’t got nothin’ good t’say ‘bout the prick...but ‘e was my brother, ya know?”
“Yeah, I know.”
“‘E was never ‘round, but when ‘e was ‘e always had my back, even when ‘e was shitfaced an’ didn’t know ‘is ass from ‘is elbow.” Daryl pulled his eyes from Madison’s and nibbled on his thumb as he tried to figure out what it was about Madison that made him want to open up. He cleared the lump forming in his throat and turned the conversation back to her, “But Ally’s different; I can tell from the way ya talk ‘bout ‘er, she was a good kid. Tell me ‘bout ‘er.” Madison raised an eyebrow and gave him a questioning look, unsure if he was serious. “If ya want,” he added in a husky whisper.
A sad smile spread across Madison’s lips as she thought back to when Ally was alive, trying to remember the little things about her that seemed to be fading from her memory. She rested her head on her left arm and absentmindedly played with the grass in front of her with her right hand. “I don’t even know...she shouldn’t have died, that’s for sure. She was strong, stronger than me; she never would’ve let a man…” she chewed her lip for a moment before exhaling deeply and continuing, “She could read people, it was irritating actually because she’d be right about them nine times out of ten; I could’ve saved myself a lot of pain if I’d just listened to her three years ago. Um...she had my dad’s sense of humor and she’d just randomly come up with the stupidest, corny jokes off the top of her head...I hate that I don't remember any of them; I guess I just thought they'd never stop. She used to do all the typical, annoying little sister stuff like tag along with me and my friends or embarrass me in front of the boy I was trying to impress, but she knew me better than even my best friends. Right before everything changed, she got her first job as an ASL interpreter; she decided that’s what she wanted to do when her freshman year she had a deaf roommate. She loved that girl and hated how often people tried to take take advantage of her because she was deaf. Ally always put other people before herself...” Madison’s eyes fell to the ground and she finished in a strained whisper, “See why I said that walker should’ve gotten me and not her?”
“Stop it, Maddie. Don’t ever wanna hear crap like that come outta yer mouth again, ya hear me? Yer every bit as good as she was.” Daryl studied Madison’s face as she digested his words and finally met his gaze with tears in her eyes. He swallowed anxiously as he dug deep looking for the courage to tell Madison what she meant to him, but fear of rejection and fear that she’d come to her senses and walk away got the better of him and he couldn’t bring himself to say anything. He broke eye contact and sighed, his eyes landing on her hand lying still in the grass between them. He tentatively placed his fingers over hers and whispered, “I’m glad I got t’ya in time.”
Madison gaped at Daryl’s hand resting on hers and all but stopped breathing, afraid to move and make him pull away. “Me too, Daryl,” she finally said in a breathy whisper when she regained control of her voice.
Daryl finally risked glancing back to Madison’s face and the look in his eyes made her heart race; she knew the thrill that shot through her when he touched her hand and she told herself she was imagining it, but it seemed like he could feel it too. Madison got lost in his mesmerizing blue eyes, made paler than normal by the moonlight, until he shifted his weight forward slightly, licking his lips. She inhaled sharply and gave him an encouraging smile as she mirrored his movements, coyly leaning towards him when his fingers wrapped tightly around her own.
The confidence Madison’s smile gave him quickly disappeared as panic set in; having Madison in his life was the best thing that had ever happened to him and he was terrified of ruining what they had, even though he wanted more. He abruptly let go of her hand and sat up, deciding it was better to keep things the way they were for now rather than risk losing her completely. “We’re askin’ fer trouble sittin’ out in the open. Bes’ get ya inside,” he blurted as he jumped to his feet.
Madison slowly sat up, utterly confused, and accepted Daryl’s outstretched hand, letting him help her up, her eyes downcast as she chided herself for getting her hopes up. Daryl held on to her hand a little longer than necessary once she was standing and she looked up at him through her lashes hoping to be able to read his expression. The longing in his expression as his eyes locked with hers gave her butterflies and it was all she could do to mutter, “Thanks for the help.” He only responded with a sharp nod as he dropped her hand. Without another word Madison turned toward her tent and took a few steps, giving Daryl a sidelong glance as he fell into step beside her. “I’ll be fine. You really don’t have to-”
“I know I don’t.”
A strained silence fell between the two as they walked to Madison’s tent, neither one sure what was on the other’s mind. When they reached her tent, Madison looked at Daryl and gave him a small smile and said with a nervous laugh, “Don’t get lost getting back to your tent, okay?”
One side of his mouth curled into a lopsided grin and he nodded, carefully avoiding Madison’s eyes, “Whatever ya say.” He spun around and headed back in the direction of his camp before he came to a stop and glanced at Madison quickly before his eyes fell to the ground again and rubbing the back of his neck to release some of his nervous energy, “Thanks fer fixin’ my shirts.”
His eyes anxiously darted to her face again before he turned around one last time and rushed back to his tent before she could say anything else. Madison stood outside her tent and watched Daryl make his way back to camp for a moment, her heart still pounding, before she crawled into her tent, more confused by him than ever.