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Pip’s mind was always running. It would always notice the gap in the neighbors’ curtains or the misplaced chair in a cafe. It would ask, what? why? Always seeking, finding, running to, running from.
Then
finally
– after solving a case, throwing herself into another, then
becoming
one– something changed.
Ravi noticed. His concern or curiosity didn’t pop out like Pip’s, but he noticed, and made a point to show Pip.
When the running turned into jogging in her head, and she could just breathe without feeling as though she had to know why the supermarket’s freezer light in aisle 3 stopped working, Ravi noticed.
He brushed his fingers over her knuckles that wrapped over the basket’s handles, opening his hands and taking the basket from Pip, nodding to the tubs of ice cream that sat in the dark.
“You’re good to pick out the flavor?” He asked, skimming the options and then eyeing Pip again. “It’s only fair, as I’ve all but demanded to have choice in the rest of our movie night snacks.”
Pip hummed, then opened the freezer. “It’s still cold,” she smiled, and Ravi noticed, “Not a hitch to be seen for tonight’s dinner.”
“You’re not…?” Ravi held out the basket and Pip dropped two pints of Ben & Jerry’s in.
“I’m not what?” Pip asked, innocently, like she had no idea what he could possibly be implying.
Ravi smiled, then gently intertwined their fingers with his free hand and shook his head, “Nevermind. Where to next, Sarge?”
And so the jogging turned into walking, and suddenly Pip’s mind was here, next to Ravi, his hand in hers, a bowl of popcorn in her lap, and Juno finished halfway through (because it was funny and didn’t have a murder mystery).
Just as Juno breaks down in the movie after finding out that her unborn baby’s adoptive parents are splitting, Ravi chimes in, “I can’t even imagine being in her position, honestly. Like, this is a funny film and all, but it kind of hurts to see her having to make so many difficult life decisions. Some that could make or break her life, you know?”
Then Ravi’s looking at her, imploring, memorizing, and Pip can’t look away. She blinks, hoping the tears wetting her eyelashes aren’t real, but they
are,
and her mind is walking so she can accept reality for what it is. “I love you so much,” is all she gets out before the sob lodged at the back of her throat escapes, matching the girl’s on the screen in front of them.
Ravi doesn’t freak out, but she can see him fighting the urge to humor her, distract her from her pain, and she loves him even more for it. His hand squeezes hers once, a question.
“Just hold me, please,” she tells Ravi, because she knows he won’t feel right doing so without her consent, and because she needs it right now.
A kiss lands on her forehead, featherlight, before his warmth hugs her like a blanket. She nudges her cheek into the side of his neck. She breathes, and her mind isn’t moving anymore; it’s still, next to Ravi.
His hand cups over her ear, pulling her closer, then gently skimming her scalp in circles.
Pip doesn’t keep track of time. Eventually, gut-wrenching sobs turn into the occasional hiccup and then deep breaths in from her nose and out through her mouth.
When Pip’s breathing is steady again, Ravi slightly rocks them side to side, ever so gentle and barely moving. “I love you too,” he whispers right into her forehead, as if he knows the source of her conflict. As if he wants to fix it with a heavy dose of love.
It works.
At some point, they finally untangle, though they interlock fingers and step in sync as they make their way into her bed.
The chill of the sheets is enough to make her seek warmth again, to fit right into Ravi’s arms. Her eyes feel heavy. Ravi starts to run his fingers through her hair again, and she knows her parents will question her tomorrow morning: why is she asleep with a boy in her bed, even though they’re fully clothed and they’ve known him for months?
She can’t find herself to care. She whispers, just barely, “I’m going to fall asleep, Ravi,” and she can feel his lips curl into a fond smile against her forehead.
“I’ll be here. The whole time,” Ravi responds, and her eyes fall shut.