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Shadow Milk Cookie was widely known amongst all of the Vanilla Kingdom for his trickery, deceit and chaos. You shouldn’t dare approach him, Cookies whispered, he’s up to no good. He took great pride in the way others thought about him, and keeping up his untouchable and fearsome image was part of his routine.
Yet, whenever he spent time with his other half, all of that would become irrelevant, and he would shift into a whole different Cookie. To Pure Vanilla Cookie, the Master of Deceit wasn’t scary at all. He possessed merely two aspects: clinginess and sleepiness. Ever since he had been brought here, he was apathetic, ruthless and mean to every Cookie crossing his way. Hundreds of hours of being shown kindness, compassion and love later, he allowed himself to be gentle with at least one other Cookie again, the thought of causing them harm barely crossing his mind anymore.
The process had been long and full of setbacks, yet Pure Vanilla would do it a hundred times over if it meant sharing this moment with him right now…
Shadow Milk was laying on his side, his head resting on the Healer’s thighs, which were neatly covered with the soft cloth of his silky white dress. Pure Vanilla sat half-upright, half leaning over Shadow Milk, gently brushing the same strand of hair out of his face over and over, only for it to bounce back each time. His other hand was buried in the sheets of the bed, Shadow Milk’s bed, to be exact.
The Jester had his eyes closed, and was softly humming to every motion of the other’s fingers on his forehead. One of his hands was dangling down the bedside next to Pure Vanilla’s legs, swinging subtly to the tune of his hums, that were in turn perfectly synched with the soft touches on his hair.
The two would spend many of their days like this, doing nothing but laying in bed together. Shadow Milk was constantly tired, and required lots of rest. Or at least that’s what he claimed. Pure Vanilla could never tell if the other was lying, naturally, since he was the Cookie who controlled all Deceit in this world.
Whether it was a lie or not didn’t matter to the Cookie of Truth. All that mattered to him was making his lover feel accepted and cared for. He made sure that each and every single one of his touches portrayed this notion in its own, rhythmic way.
Pure Vanilla moved his hand down to the other’s pointy ears, carefully caressing the area just behind them to draw quiet purrs out of Shadow Milk’s mouth. The latter seemed to relax even more than he already was, practically melting onto the bed.
“I love you…”, he muttered, his voice barely audible. Pure Vanilla smiled, before returning a somewhat louder “I love you more than anything.”, that was still quiet and soft-spoken enough as to not stir the other’s half-sleep.
His fingers moved down even further, leaving no area in its way untouched, gently caressing his lover’s rosy cheeks, their squishiness drawing a sigh out of Pure Vanilla.
Shadow Milk let out another content purr as the underside of his chin was being caressed, and he shifted his legs slightly, the slender fingers tracing along his neck making him all giddy.
Pure Vanilla’s touches were almost hypnotizing. The other would always be lulled to sleep by them, confusedly waking up whenever his body decided it was time, only to notice the other was gone and he had been gently wrapped in the sheets of the bed so he wouldn’t freeze.
He wished the other would never go. Wished that every morning, or whatever time it was, he would wake up with the other still around. Perhaps in an all-consuming hug. Perhaps in the same position as now, with his head resting on his lap. Now that he thought about it, that wouldn’t be such a good idea; Pure Vanilla would wake up with horrible back pain after falling asleep in a seated position!
But, as long as his hand remained on Shadow Milk’s head, the love it spread was far more important to him than anything else. Those soft, slender fingers caressing his neck, his chin, his ears… He wished it would continue on forever…!
…
Pure Vanilla smiled, gazing down at the other. His tiny body was more relaxed than ever, chest rising and falling faintly. No doubt he had fallen asleep. It was time to carefully remove him from his lap and wrap him into the silken blankets. That’s when he noticed one of the eyes in Shadow Milk’s hair eerily staring at him, as if it had a consciousness of its own.
He blinked twice, believing that he was starting to see things. Normally, when Shadow Milk went to sleep, his eyes would close naturally, apparently in need of rest too. This was unusual. He reached his hand out towards it, and just when he did, Shadow Milk’s body moved. The other flinched, pulling his arm back.
The Jester turned around in a heavy motion, his head still on Pure Vanilla’s lap, this time, facing him. He stared up groggily, his eyebrows narrowed. “You wanted to get up just now, didn’t you?”, he asked, his voice coming out muffled as his head was halfway buried in the fabric covering the Healer’s stomach. The movement on his lips almost tickled him, startling him further.
Looks like he was too hasty in his assumption of the smaller Cookie being asleep. His smile returned, and he gently moved his hand to brush a strand of hair out of his lover’s face. Of course he immediately leaned into it, closing his tired eyes briefly.
“I’m sorry for waking you up.”, Pure Vanilla admitted, “I wanted to go-“
A sudden pain pierced his finger, drawing a whine out of his lips before leaving him quiet. Shadow Milk’s sharp teeth had dug themselves into his dough, while he angrily stared up, grumbling like a needy kitten.
“Don’t leave. You always leave.”, he complained after letting go of the other’s finger.
“You want me to stay? Why?”, Pure Vanilla asked, tilting his head in confusion. He knew the other was clingy, but… needing him to stay even in his sleep? That wasn’t something he expected.
“I just do. Don’t ask questions. Just stay.”, Shadow Milk ordered, wrapping his arms protectively around his love’s waist.
The Healer sighed. It seemed like he had no say in this matter. He never knew why he felt so adamant on leaving Shadow Milk whenever he slept. For some reason, he just couldn’t bear it. To see him so vulnerable.
It felt almost like he wasn’t allowed to.
Back in the spire, Shadow Milk had done everything in his might to make himself seem powerful, to scare and intimidate Pure Vanilla. This dynamic never left him. Even after bringing him to the kingdom, the many hours they shared, all the kisses and declarations of love they exchanged, he couldn’t get it out of his head.
Especially since the other was so fragile… His body was tiny, of course he could shapeshift and would usually make himself seem taller, but the form created for him by Dark Enchantress Cookie was small, thin and… weak. Seeing him like this felt wrong. Shadow Milk had hammered this conviction deeply into his head.
Pure Vanilla didn’t want the other to find out about this. He would probably be furious if he did, thinking he would see him as inferior, when that’s not what it was about. Or he would feel guilty for hurting him so badly that it left a lasting impact.
Guilt. He wasn’t sure whether Shadow Milk was actually capable of feeling any. He had always been rather carefree, ever since he entered the kingdom. Whenever he upset Pure Vanilla during one of their early fights, he would set a basket in front of the latter’s door the next morning, containing his favorite sweets, flowers, and a plush. At first they were all copies of himself, then he started sewing every single friend of the Cookie of Truth into a plush. Now, his bed was decorated with dozens of little plushies, and he would make sure to say goodnight to every single one each night.
Apart from that, he barely seemed to show remorse for what he had done back at the spire. Perhaps he was dealing with it in his own, silent way. Perhaps he just didn’t care. Pure Vanilla on the other hand wasn’t able to overcome it so easily. Sure, he would always assure the other that he forgave him, but the lingering feeling remained.
“Nilly?”, Shadow Milk teared Pure Vanilla out of his thoughts, “Stay with me.”
Using his arms, that he had previously wrapped around the other’s waist, he pulled him down and into a laying position. Then he snuggled up to him, nuzzling his face into his love’s chest.
“I love you…”, he muttered once more, closing his eyes and keeping them shut.
Pure Vanilla let all of it happen. He wanted to overcome his fears that had become so ridiculous, considering Shadow Milk was no longer the manipulative, possessive and sadistic Cookie he once was.
Yet, the memories still remained. One time, shortly after Pure Vanilla had brought him to stay in his kingdom, he had released a Cream Wolf into the meadows, which ended up killing two of Pure Vanilla’s favorite Cream Sheep. The latter had broken down sobbing, cradling the tiny bodies of the lambs, while Shadow Milk hovered over him, laughing maniacally. He had never apologized for that, nor had he shown how guilty he was.
The incident still bugged him. How could it not? If Shadow Milk was incapable of feeling empathy or guilt, then how could he get any better? He was missing the qualities Pure Vanilla found most endearing in other Cookies.
“Hey… Shadow Milk…”, Pure Vanilla began, nudging the other’s chin with his finger to get him to open his eyes, “Have you ever.. felt bad about what you did to me?”
The Beast pried his eyes half-open and looked at him confused. He was already on the brink of falling asleep, why must the other bring something like this up right now? He sighed.
“Dear… of course I did.”, he brought out, his eyes falling shut again. “I’m sorry…”, he reached out to place a small kiss onto the other’s lips, missed however and placed it on his chin instead.
Pure Vanilla couldn’t help but chuckle. To think that he still held grudges against this tiny, adorable Cookie, who was too weak to even place a proper kiss.
Weak? Come to think of it, Pure Vanilla had never seen the other sleep back in his days at the spire. He always thought Beasts didn’t require any rest, as their bodies were crafted to perfection. However now, Shadow Milk slept up to 20 hours a day. And when he wasn’t sleeping, he was at least exhausted.
Just what had he been doing that made him so exhausted? It didn’t make sense.
“Shadow? Why do you sleep so much?”, he asked, carefully nudging the other once more. The dough on his faintly flushed cheeks was so soft, he could melt right upon touching it.
It took a lot of nudging to get Shadow Milk to respond, but eventually he mumbled: “It helps me cope… with my feelings.”
“What feelings?”
“The memories… of my sins…”, he responded. The answer was so vague, Pure Vanilla believed it was finally time to let it go and have the other drift off to sleep. Which he naturally did almost immediately, his embrace on the other’s waist loosening and his breathing against his chest becoming shallow.
Sins? Did he actually feel bad about the crimes he committed? He had never apologized before. Except for the times he mumbled a soft “Sorry…” whenever he was close to passing out. Perhaps Pure Vanilla was right after all, and Shadow Milk was dealing with it in his own, unorthodox way. The Master of Deceit was prone to lying to himself and everyone else about his feelings, after all.
And perhaps his slumber was just another lie. To cover up his own emotions. His feelings. His guilt. Then, his insistency on being by Pure Vanilla’s side whenever he fell asleep, might be his way of admitting his true feelings. Of reaching out to the other to apologize. Of dealing with everything he had done.
That’s what Pure Vanilla wanted to believe. He couldn’t deny that there was a clear lack of communication between the two. But his knowledge about the other, that he had gathered upon spending hours and hours by his side, made him just a little more sure in his assumption that he was dealing with his past actions. That he hadn’t forgotten them. That he perhaps did possess a little bit of remorse and compassion in that tiny body of his.
Pure Vanilla finally wrapped his arms around Shadow Milk. It was almost as if they were molded just so the smaller Cookie would fit into their embrace. There had been no event that ever felt more natural than being entangled with him. That was his truth. That was what he was going to believe in from now on.
And if that meant getting over his own issues, by spending the night with Shadow Milk, fulfilling his wish of being by his side even in his sleep, then so be it.
Of course, he was still filled with anxiety. The wounds Shadow Milk had caused weren’t going to heal so quickly.
He gazed down at the Cookie resting their head on the pillow next to him. That’s when he noticed something he had never seen him do before.
Quiet tears were rolling down his cheeks. He wasn’t flinching or screaming as if he had a nightmare. His form was completely still. Yet he was crying.
Pure Vanilla was deeply shook, and quickly reached out to tighten his embrace. Shadow Milk was just as hurt as him. He knew that now.
The two had been avoiding talking about their true feelings to each other for so long. One by physically distancing himself, the other by fleeing to the land of the dreams.
They had to seriously work this out if they wanted to stay together forever like they had promised one summer night in the Primrose garden, falling into each other’s arms with the happiest, sincerest smiles on their faces.
He was sure to make it work.
He had to.
“I love you too, Shadow Milk.”, Pure Vanilla whispered in the faintest of voices, pressing the most gentle kiss he had ever given on his lover’s lips while wiping his bittersweet tears away.